Sex and the Single (Preteen) Girl: Gossip Girl

Breakpoint with Charles Colson ^ | April 3, 2006 | Charles Colson

[lil_rebbitzen]

I remember playing with Barbie dolls when I was little. We were just getting out of the 80's, so the clothing was interesting. But it never got like it does now.

I never got the thing with the Bratz dolls. I agree with the person who said they're unpleasant to look at. *shudder*

What happened to the innocent dolls I played with as a little girl?

[agrarianlady]

but if you did YOUR job as a parent, your child would not have read them

I don't think so. I didn't talk about my reading material to my parents. I read books at school that my mother would have strongly disapproved of, and for good reason. Some of them were positively toxic, and most of them were of no educational value. I had teachers with loose morals who had harlequin trash laying around for the kids to borrow. At the time, in the 70's, a good private education was impossible to come by (as is still is in most areas) and homeschooling was fairly non-existent.

I used to be in the MLS program - I was studying to get a Master's in Library Science. Their dogma is strongly against letting parents even know what their children are reading or viewing on computers at the library.

[PleaseNoMore]

Wasn't that the most horrible story you have ever read? I read a few of them when I was younger too. I thought I was so grown then.

[Beagle8U]

"What happened to the innocent dolls I played with as a little girl?"

I don't know, I'm a man, never played with dolls, and raised no daughters.

But if I did have a daughter I don't think I would buy them dolls that look like deformed hookers.

Some of the dolls they sell today look so slutty that you would expect them to come with cloths with skid marks on the underwear.

[lawgirl]

Well Sweet Valley High was considered kind of racy- it's the stories about these rich blonde twins in California and it was kind of racy for it's day. ;)

[wagglebee]

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"Sex and the Single (Preteen) Girl: Gossip Girl"

An excellent commentary by Chuck Colson!

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[TAdams8591]

"Their parents believed . . . that the more access kids have to alcohol, the less likely they are to abuse it. . ."

Occasionally as a child I came upon a parent of a friend who made the above argument. It struck me as wrong and thus I never did agree with that line of reasoning.

I read incessantly as a child, and never encountered anything like the books above. They wouldn't have been appealing. My world was completely different from today's and the one created in those books. The author is stealing the innocence of her young readers, and obviously could care less.

How horrible it is for the young and their parents.

[weegee]

your mobile meth lab could lead to product liability lawsuits when your customer dies of a heart attack. But then drugs are a victimless crime. < /sarc >

Too bad if the quality control is iffy and strength varies by dealer.

Alcohol and tobacco are taxed (and alcohol taxes go back to the early days of this country). Even if all drugs were legalized (including crack, LSD, and crackpot hairloss tonic, impotency, and cancer "cures"), the DEA would just move under the ATF tax revenuers, and we know what kind of firepower they have.

[sine_nomine]

My son read it to himself in the first grade.

[Irishguy]

and that my friend is the 50 million dollar question...

[Mr. Silverback]

I would call this paper probably equivalent in quality and extent to an upper division undergraduate humanities thesis (although it took them nearly a year to assemble). Sadly, IMO it's what we should be expecting out of high schools.

Sounds like a winner! And I'm young enough that I might still be around to vote for one of them for President. :-)

[Mr. Silverback]

you are not suggesting we ban these books are you??? parents need to be the parent and keep their kids away from this stuff, government should not get involved.

A ban has not been suggested. However, you need to check the law. Erotic fiction aimed at preteen girls would certainly violate the law.

[Mr. Silverback]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond.

Glad to. If you can, get your kids to read everything Lewis wrote. He was a real gift.

[Mr. Silverback]

Both of my boys read "Little House."

Good for them! Little House in the Big Woods was my favorite.

[Mr. Silverback]

Dead on.

[Mr. Silverback]

I've always considered most teen literature to be a waste of time.

I think that's one of the reasons I became a life-long reader of non-fiction. Once I cleared the little kids book stage, I read some of the fiction aimed at my age group that was supposed to be really good, and I was underwhelmed. The only teen fiction I ever read that wasn't drivel was a book called Raspberry One which was about a couple of Avenger crewmen flying against the Japanese at the end of WWII.

Heck, even when I was a kindergartener, my favorite books were Richard Scarry. :-)

[Mr. Silverback]

Amen.

[tom h]

Good luck on your style but when your oldest gets to be around 11 or 12, you might want to consider letting up a little bit. By then, you will need to trust them to make the right decisions. For a counter perspective, read the book by John Rosemond called "Teenproofing your home." Rosemond is a Christian and a child psychologist but don't let the latter descriptor fool you as he believes in raising children the way grandma raised them in decades past. I have a very strong-willed eldest child and if I hammered on every one of her decisions I would create a very rebellious teenager. She's been raised correctly (like yours) and I now have to give her a little freedom. She will NOT get "Gossip Girls" but she is allowed music and other items that my wife and I do not prefer but is still not unGodly.

[GrandEagle]

Thank you my FRiend for your advice, and I do take advice in consideration.
I have explaned to my oldest that she is my first 10 year old and therefore I get to learn with her. I have explaned to her that my objective is to keep her safe physically, emotinally, and spiritually and that if I error I intend to error on the side of keeping her safe. She and I (so far) have a very good relationship where we discuss anything - and I do mean anything.
A trusting relationship is a package deal and goes far deeper than just doing what I say to the letter. I believe it is building a good biblical foundation, then helping her understand why certain decisions are made, so she can make good decisions herself.
In her short life there have been a few object lessons where she learned that the more I can trust her to stay inside the boundries that I set, the more she gets to do more things - and she is very trustworthy. Also, since she is my first 10 year old, I may miss a time when the boundry should be moved and she should be given more responsability. Back at home, the edges of the boundry are something that I am willing to discuss, and a couple of times she has made her case well and I moved the boundry. What is not negotiable is whether or not she has to abide by those boundries.
She seems to understand (again so far) that I want her do do any and everything she wants to do that will not harm her. She also understands (for now) that I see dangers that she may not see - and she depends on me to point those things out to her so she can see them.
The criteria for the music, movies, etc. is not that I like them. The criteria is that they be not harmful physically, emotionally, or spiritually. She regularly brings me CD's to listen to and points out songs that I may need to pay particular attention to. Sometimes they are ok, sometimes not. If there is a particular song that is unacceptable, I just cut her a CD without that song on it.
While I there is no doubt that I have the final say, I do not run our house in a "my way or the highway" fashon.
So far it has worked well. My oldest wants to do what is right and looks to us as parents to help her understand what is right. She generally makes very good decisions, and frequently discusses with me the options and variables she needs to consider when making decisions. I am not stupid enough to think that it won't change, and I ask daily in prayer for wisdom to understand how to handle those changes.
I thank you for you prespective and suggestions - I am always open to ways to be a better parent.
I found a book by John Rosemond named Teen-Proofing Fostering Responsible Decision Makin , would this be the book you reccomend?

Cordially,
GE

[tom h]

GE, thanks for your heartfelt eloquence. Yes, you have found the right book. And you will find that it reinforces much of what you wrote. It will also provide you with techniques for handling the inevitable teen problems. I am a realist and know that if a man has 3 or more children at least one will be very problematic during the teen years, even if raised in a devoutly Christian home. The book is readable, not academic, and except in perhaps one spot (the section on alchohol and drugs) you will like it very much and find it instructive.

My daughter is three years ahead of yours, very intelligent and strong willed. We too are close. One way we stay close is that I have encouraged her to tell me about the boys she has "crushes" on and I don't tell her she's too young. She can't confide in her younger brother (typical sibling rivalry) and she won't do it with a boy at our Christian school. I have never judged her very natural and age-appropriate attractions so she is totally open. We discuss what the right and wrong kinds of boys are (age-appropriate descriptions) and what she should not be doing until certain ages. I think, in many ways, that this is part of the strength of our communication and relationship.

I say this because I remember my own father and my sisters. He was a good man but outright refused their natural leanings as girls. Both rebelled. One went off the deep end (drugs and more) and openly defied him. The other was cooperative on the surface but had sexual relations as a mid-teen and even a secret abortion that to this day my 76-year old father doesn't know about. [She regrets her actions -- she is a believer but was infertile and I think she now knows that early abortions vastly increase the risk of infertility in older women -- she didn't marry until age 36.]

We all parent, in some ways, as a reaction to how we were parented. I am hoping, with God's help, to just do it right.

God bless --