Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Your Nominations for WH Press Secretary
Free Republic | April 21, 2006 | Cinnamon Girl

Posted on 04/21/2006 11:58:28 AM PDT by Cinnamon Girl

Based on suggestions from the breaking post about Scott McClellan’s resignation, here are some auditions of the nominees so far:

Dennis Miller “President Bush and China’s President Hu Jintao met today over a passive aggressive plate of low fat Chinese chicken salad and Asian style Rice-a-roni. Hats off to the chefs down in White House kitchen for working so hard to make our foreign friends feel at home. I heard the last time Vincente Fox was here the Minutemen infiltrated the shmorg line and built a wall along the salsa/guacamole border with 700 beef enchiladas. And by the way, darn those gay parents… golly. I’m all for gay marriage, but why do they have to show up at a deeply religious ceremony like the annual White House lawn Easter Egg roll? That’s sacrosanct, folks, it’s holy… I love President Bush, bless him, but when the rainbow lei crowd crashed the party he looked like Dostoyevsky’s Raskolikov at a Cindy Sheehan book signing. Okay, who has a hard hitting question for me? Put your hand down, Big Stretch. What are you on, your fifth book fawning over the Bush Presidency? Come on, Sammon. I haven’t seen that kind of unconditional love since Orsen Welles met the gorgonzola wheel at Chasen’s all you can eat wine and cheese cornicopia… “

Triumph the Insult Dog “Oh, yes, yes, yes. I am in de all important White House Press Room. What a tremendous honor for me, very seriously. Look at all the media giants in front of me, all at the peaks of your dazzling careers, what a very big honor for me, a toy rottweiler… But you know, I’m not the only dog here today… Oh, shut up, shut de hell up, Helen, sit down, I’m not talking to you. It's not always about you, Helen. I’m talking to your little poodle Matt Cooper. What sort of doggy biscuits do you give him to follow you around like that, Helen? He doesn’t have a mind of his own. You don’t, do you, Matt? It’s okay, go ahead and ask Helen for the answer, I’ll wait… Yes, dat’s right, Matt, you have your own mind, whatever Helen says. Yes, it is an excellent mind…. For me to poop on…”

Ann Coulter “Let me go straight to your questions… yes, Martha…. I’m sorry could you repeat that?… That’s what I thought you said, but it’s such a stupid question I found it hard to believe you’d actually said it. Next question, and please, people, let’s make our questions coherent and at least loosely based in reality…”

Ari Fleischer “Thank you for the warm welcome. I’m very pleased to be back serving President Bush as press secretary, and I’m happy to take your questions…"
Helen: "Airee, is Mister Bush going to apologize for giving press credentials to a Falun Gong activist and embarrassing President Hu? And my second question is, when will Mister Bush invite Hamas to the White House for a state dinner?"
Ari: "No, and never. Next question—"
Helen: "But Airee, Hamas was democratically elected by the Palestinian people, and Mister Bush claims to support democracy in the middle east. What does it say to the oppressed Palestinians that their elected leaders won’t be recognized by the U.S.?"
Ari: "Hamas is a gang of terrorists with blood on their hands and President Bush doesn’t want them on the White House furniture. Your question, Peter…”

Tony Snow ”I’d like to change the tone here in Washington, at least I hope, in some way, I can make a difference in improving the level of discourse—“
Anonymous press: “You suck!”
Tony:“Who said that? Anyway, it is my sincere wish that—“
Helen: “I have a question, Tony—“
Tony: “I’m not ready to take question yet—“
Helen: “Doesn’t your appointment to press secretary prove to the entire world that Fox news is bought and paid for by the Republicans? How can you claim to be fair and balanced when—“
Tony: “Let me finish my opening remarks and then—“
Matt: “Answer Helen’s question. How can you claim to be fair and balanced when you’re bought and paid for by Bush and stuff? What about that?”
Tony: “You people aren’t going to listen to anything I say, are you?”


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: anncoulter; arifleischer; dennismiller; presssecretary; tonysnow; triumph; whitehouse
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-63 next last
Ideally, it would be best if Ari came back.
1 posted on 04/21/2006 11:58:30 AM PDT by Cinnamon Girl
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Nah - I need to be press secretary. I've got everything I need to keep them under control. Blue jeans, t-shirts, heavy boots, and a chainsaw.


2 posted on 04/21/2006 12:02:40 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob ("Those who "abjure" violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Ari!


3 posted on 04/21/2006 12:04:16 PM PDT by Toby06 (Make illegal immigration illegal!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I nominate General Russell Honore.


4 posted on 04/21/2006 12:06:20 PM PDT by American Quilter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Toby06

I nominate Mr T.


5 posted on 04/21/2006 12:06:57 PM PDT by noobiangod
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I'd vote for Triumph, but Ari would be my second choice.


6 posted on 04/21/2006 12:07:28 PM PDT by JillValentine (If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you can read this in English, thank a veteran.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Unfortunately Ann will not take the job - she, along with myself and many others here on FR, feels this Admin is too lily-liverd in many areas wrt conservatism. Couldn't see her making a case for Harriet Myers to the press corps e.g.... It would be great to see her tearing apart Gregory and Thomas though!

So I vote for Triumph!

7 posted on 04/21/2006 12:07:50 PM PDT by Rummyfan
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Tennessee_Bob
Nah - I need to be press secretary. I've got everything I need to keep them under control. Blue jeans, t-shirts, heavy boots, and a chainsaw.

I sure hope your first meeting with the press is televised!

8 posted on 04/21/2006 12:08:01 PM PDT by American Quilter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Tony Snow; radioproducer

You might enjoy the fictional Q&A with HT.


9 posted on 04/21/2006 12:08:31 PM PDT by Bahbah (Harry Reid is a Liar;Ted Kennedy is a BIG FAT Liar: edited by tiredoflaundry)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: American Quilter

Another very good one.


10 posted on 04/21/2006 12:10:12 PM PDT by Cinnamon Girl (OMGIIHIHOIIC ping list)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I hereby nominate GILBERT GOTTFRIED!.......


11 posted on 04/21/2006 12:10:18 PM PDT by Red Badger (In warfare there are no constant conditions. --- The Art of War by SunTzu)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl
Hey folks, long time lurker (ok, 2 years hehe) first time poster.

Hands down give it to Carlos Mencia. I'd love to see him answer a Helen Thomas question with a puzzled look and a great big "DEE DEE DEE!"
12 posted on 04/21/2006 12:14:05 PM PDT by TenthLegion
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TenthLegion
Hey folks, long time lurker (ok, 2 years hehe) first time poster.

Welcome to FR!

13 posted on 04/21/2006 12:16:31 PM PDT by American Quilter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: Rummyfan

Mark Levin


14 posted on 04/21/2006 12:19:01 PM PDT by onedoug
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Ari !!


15 posted on 04/21/2006 12:19:17 PM PDT by BagCamAddict (Prayers for the victims - human and animal - of Katrina and Rita)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Matt Stone & Trey Parker


16 posted on 04/21/2006 12:21:20 PM PDT by Niteranger68 ("Only 4 out of 3 Democrats actually vote.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: American Quilter
I sure hope your first meeting with the press is televised!

No need to hope - I'll insist on it!

17 posted on 04/21/2006 12:21:21 PM PDT by Tennessee_Bob ("Those who "abjure" violence can only do so because others are committing violence on their behalf.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Rush taking on pizza faced Helen would be nice.


18 posted on 04/21/2006 12:21:37 PM PDT by RetiredArmy (Politicians are in it for themselves, to get reelected, to benefit them, not we the people.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Michael Savage. Then after his first and only press conference or maybe during, Doctor Ruth.


19 posted on 04/21/2006 12:22:13 PM PDT by RightWhale (Off touch and out of base)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TenthLegion

Welcome aboard. Have fun!


20 posted on 04/21/2006 12:24:10 PM PDT by Toby06 (Make illegal immigration illegal!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: TenthLegion

21 posted on 04/21/2006 12:25:01 PM PDT by evets (S.o.a.P)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: RightWhale

22 posted on 04/21/2006 12:25:44 PM PDT by maineman
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: RetiredArmy
> Rush taking on pizza faced Helen would be nice.

Dittos, but don't forget, he'll need to take lots of time off for his run for the White House in '08!.
23 posted on 04/21/2006 12:26:13 PM PDT by ADemocratNoMore (Jeepers, Freepers, where'd 'ya get those sleepers?. Pj people, exposing old media's lies.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham or Bill O'Reilly. (The last one just because he assuredly could call them pinheads whenever they ask stupid questions and he would lecture them constantly about 'the people').


24 posted on 04/21/2006 12:26:36 PM PDT by bpjam (Now accepting liberal apologies.....)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I was thinking about Brit Hume. Any opinions?


25 posted on 04/21/2006 12:27:04 PM PDT by mafree
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl



Newt.


26 posted on 04/21/2006 12:29:23 PM PDT by onyx (It's easier to indict a ham sandwich or Tom DeLay than it is to indict a Democrat.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: maineman

NORM!


27 posted on 04/21/2006 12:31:47 PM PDT by American Quilter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: Rummyfan
So I vote for Triumph!

There wouldn't be much difference in their intent, but I'd love to hear Ann's laugh as she mocked their stupid questions.

28 posted on 04/21/2006 12:32:42 PM PDT by FormerLib ("...the past ten years in Kosovo will be replayed here in what some call Aztlan.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: American Quilter

I second the nomination of Gen. Russell Honore, over.


29 posted on 04/21/2006 12:32:42 PM PDT by griswold3 (Ken Blackwell, Ohio Governor in 2006- No!! You cannot have my governor in 2008.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I Nominate Katherine Harris. She is soo good in pictures.


30 posted on 04/21/2006 12:35:01 PM PDT by Baseballguy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl; American Quilter; JillValentine; onyx; Bahbah; doug from upland; Mia T
Dennis Miller as Press Secretary:

****

Helen Thomas: "What is your opinion of Senator Clinton?"

********

"I think for me, the sickest and scariest kind of rage is the Hillary Clinton kind of rage. You know, the perpetual permafrost smile she wears that's hiding a well of fury deeper than Barry White's voice during a bout of pneumonia. You know what I mean, Helen?"

"And also Helen, what can you say about Hillary Clinton that hasn't already been muttered under somebody else's breath?"

"Next question."

31 posted on 04/21/2006 12:35:27 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Oh, for the days when "disrespect" was just a noun.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I hereby nominate Chuck Norris


32 posted on 04/21/2006 12:36:58 PM PDT by AmericanHunter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: evets

I told those guys not to rewire that room that week.


33 posted on 04/21/2006 12:37:59 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Oh, for the days when "disrespect" was just a noun.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

LOL

Thanks for the laugh.


34 posted on 04/21/2006 12:38:01 PM PDT by VaBthang4 ("He Who Watches Over Israel Will Neither Slumber Nor Sleep")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: beyond the sea

:)


35 posted on 04/21/2006 12:39:06 PM PDT by onyx (It's easier to indict a ham sandwich or Tom DeLay than it is to indict a Democrat.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: mafree

Doesn't he probably do more for the country in his current position?


36 posted on 04/21/2006 12:39:22 PM PDT by Cinnamon Girl (OMGIIHIHOIIC ping list)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 25 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl
I nominate Jack Bauer...this will be shown on pay-per-view and tickets will be $30 a pop. Bring your own popcorn.
37 posted on 04/21/2006 12:42:13 PM PDT by el_texicano (Liberals, Socialist, DemocRATS, all touchy, feely, mind numbed robots, useless idiots all)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Yes, I know he's a Canadian citizen and a convicted drug felon. Bonus.

38 posted on 04/21/2006 12:44:44 PM PDT by 1rudeboy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I nominate "Stone Cold" Steve Austin.


39 posted on 04/21/2006 12:48:45 PM PDT by Freedom_no_exceptions (No actual, intended, or imminent victim = no crime. No exceptions.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Freedom_no_exceptions
I nominate myself.

David Gregory: "You jerk!"

P. Henry: "This press conference will stand adjuourned while Mr. Gregory and I have a little private chat."

Gregory: "Aieeeeeee" (sound of rapidly moving feet).

P. Henry: "Next question?"

40 posted on 04/21/2006 1:00:59 PM PDT by p. henry
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

Ted Nugent.


41 posted on 04/21/2006 1:01:16 PM PDT by rightinthemiddle (Islamic Terrorists, the Mainstream Media and the Democrat Party Have the Same Goals in Iraq.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl; mafree; onyx
Doesn't he probably do more for the country in his current position?

If Ted Kennedy, Howard Dean, Harry Reid, Dick Turbin, and a few more governmental lovlies were sitting on the pot taking a dump, they'd be doing more for the country in that position.

;-)

42 posted on 04/21/2006 1:02:47 PM PDT by beyond the sea (Oh, for the days when "disrespect" was just a noun.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl
White House Press Secretary Ted Nugent prepares his answer to a question from a reporter "stuck on stupid".


43 posted on 04/21/2006 1:03:13 PM PDT by AF_Blue (Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl
The skinhead drummer in The Commitments.

I'd love to see him respond to a David Gregory question.

44 posted on 04/21/2006 1:03:21 PM PDT by dirtboy (Illegal is to immigration is as methyl is to alcohol - both make a good thing toxic.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Freedom_no_exceptions
I nominate New Jack


45 posted on 04/21/2006 1:04:47 PM PDT by PatoLoco
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 39 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

excellent work


46 posted on 04/21/2006 1:05:34 PM PDT by woofie
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: rightinthemiddle

Seconded.


47 posted on 04/21/2006 1:05:44 PM PDT by AF_Blue (Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 41 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl

I nominate Brittany Doyle

http://www.exposetheleft.com/2006/04/17/norah-snl/


48 posted on 04/21/2006 1:07:03 PM PDT by Republican Red ("How good is it? Al-Jazeera gave it 4 1/2 pipe bombs")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl
I'd prefer it not be someone from FNC because the liberals would have a field day. If it were Ann Coulter (no chance), press conferences would have higher ratings than Desperate Housewives."
49 posted on 04/21/2006 1:11:53 PM PDT by BW2221
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cinnamon Girl; holdonnow

Mark Levin!


50 posted on 04/21/2006 1:12:49 PM PDT by cyborg (I just love that man.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-63 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson