My friends, do yourself a HUGE favor
HEAVEN CAN WAIT
The Da Vinci Code.
by ANTHONY LANE
Issue of 2006-05-29
Our hero, needing somebody to trust, does the same dumb thing that every fleeing innocent has done since Robert Donat in The Thirty-nine Steps. He and Sophie visit a cheery old duffer in the countryside and spill every possible bean. In this case, the duffer is Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen), who lectures them on the Emperor Constantine and the Council of Nicaea, in 325 A.D. We get a flashback to the council in question, and I must say that, though I have recited the Nicene Creed throughout my adult life, I never realized that it was originally formulated in the middle of a Beastie Boys concert.
The task of the Bishop and his hit man is to thwart the unveiling of what Teabing modestly calls the greatest secret in modern history, so powerful that, if revealed, it would devastate the very foundations of Christianity. Later, realizing that this sounds a little meek and mild, he stretches it to the greatest coverup in human history. As a rule, you should beware of any movie in which characters utter lines of dialogue whose proper place is on the advertising poster. (Just imagine Sigourney Weaver, halfway through Alien, turning to John Hurt and explaining, In space, no one can hear you scream.)
Stumbling out from the final credits, tugging nervously at my goatee, I was none the wiser. The film is directed by Ron Howard and written by Akiva Goldsman, the master wordsmith who brought us Batman & Robin. I assumed that such an achievement would result in Goldsmans being legally banned from any of the verbal professions, but, no, here he is yet again. As far as I am qualified to judge, the film remains unswervingly loyal to the book, displaying an obedience that Silas could not hope to match.
The best and funniest review I've read so far!