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Liberal Emigrants

Posted on 06/09/2006 3:54:45 PM PDT by skimask

Canada is busy sending back Bush-dodgers. The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the exodus among liberal citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk"

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: goodridance; haha

1 posted on 06/09/2006 3:54:47 PM PDT by skimask
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To: skimask

Priceless.

Will the Canadians provide amnesty and pension benefits?


2 posted on 06/09/2006 4:00:26 PM PDT by Maynerd
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To: skimask

LOL!!!


3 posted on 06/09/2006 4:05:39 PM PDT by Archon of the East ("universal executive power of the law of nature")
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To: skimask
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

VERY good! I needed a Friday Afternoon pick-me-up!

4 posted on 06/09/2006 4:10:37 PM PDT by The Blitherer ("These are not dark days, these are great days." W. S. Churchill)
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To: Maynerd

Perhaps we can get together with Canada and offer free passage to France. One thing is certain, the Minutemen will be moving their border wall project north very soon. They'll just have to figure how to prevtent US citizens from re-entering the country.


5 posted on 06/09/2006 4:10:53 PM PDT by Oldpuppymax (Sad but true)
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To: skimask

seen it already

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1644232/posts

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1287844/posts


6 posted on 06/09/2006 4:11:43 PM PDT by ElkGroveDan (California bashers will be called out)
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To: The Blitherer
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Myron. . . Myron. . . Something. Can't remember his last name, so I guess they'd be suspicious of me. Very funny article!

7 posted on 06/09/2006 4:36:40 PM PDT by hsalaw
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To: skimask

Hey, with Harper running things up there, and the Canadian government actually working to prevent terror attacks, our Libs have nowhere to go but France! (Or perhaps Quebec!)


8 posted on 06/09/2006 5:10:41 PM PDT by Sterm26 (Death before Dhimmitude!)
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To: hsalaw

Myron Floren
a won, ana too


9 posted on 06/09/2006 6:01:32 PM PDT by oldbill
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To: skimask

There's a lot to be said for minefields...


10 posted on 06/09/2006 7:14:28 PM PDT by thoughtomator (A thread without a comment on immigration is not complete)
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