Dr. Scratchnsniff: I would like a small soda please.
Clerk: uh, we don't have small.
Dr. Scratchnsniff: Well What do you have?
Clerk: We have large, giant and mondo.
Dr. Scratchnsniff: Well, wouldn't a large be a small then?
Clerk: Uhhh, I'd have to ask my manager.
Elaine: Uh, could I have a medium Diet Coke?
Clerk: Do you want the Medium size or the middle size?
Elaine: What's the difference?
Clerk: Well, we have three sizes. Medium, Large, and Jumbo.
Elaine: [momentarily perplexed] What happened to the small?
Clerk: There is no small. Small is Medium.
Elaine: What's... medium?
Clerk: Medium is Large, and large is Jumbo.
Elaine: Oh-kay. Gimme the large.
Clerk: That's medium.
Elaine: Right. Yeah. [fearing the answer] Could I have a small popcorn?
Clerk: There is no small. [flash of perky inspiration] Child-size is small.
Elaine: What's `medium'?
Elaine: Do adults ever order the child-size?
Clerk: [chuckling] Not usually.
Elaine: [laughs appreciably] Okay, gimme the `adult'.
Clerk: Do you want butter?
Elaine: Is it *real* butter?
Clerk: [perkily] It's butter-*flavored*!
Elaine: [exasperated] What is it made of?
Clerk: [perkily] It's yellow!