Why marriage is good medicine for men

Parade Magazine ^ | June 18, 2006 | Gail Sheehy

[Past Your Eyes]

The biggest fiction behind James Bond is that the fantasy master spy and world-class heartbreaker lived past 40-something. It’s not just the death traps and vodka martinis, or even the three packs of cigarettes a day, that would have shortened his life. His naked ring finger would have too. Because real men need wives.

Consider the data: Married men—regardless of age, sex, race, income or education—consistently have been found to be healthier than men who are single, divorced or widowed. This so-called “marriage benefit” begins to kick in right after the wedding, then builds. Husbands ages 18 to 44 are strikingly healthier than bachelors of the same age. At every age, in fact, marriage not only protects men’s health but also prolongs their lives. So, what’s behind this marriage benefit?

[WFTR]

I'm a 42-year-old bachelor, and I agree completely with this article. I'm single because I spent my teens and 20's in churches that discouraged dating and marriage. When I finally realized how stupid these people were, I was going through a layoff and didn't get my career back on track for several years. Since that time, I've had very poor luck meeting women who were appropriate for me.

The idiots in the churches that I attended back then never would have admitted that marriage could be good for a man. They constantly prattled about how good it would be to remain single to do church stuff. Now, I look around and see myself in much worse health than guys who found the relationships that they need. Even when I appeared to be in very good health, I always felt that my situation wasn't healthy. Now, I can certainly feel in my body that things aren't working right. I realize that a bad marriage is worse than being single, but the notion that being single is as healthy as being in a good marriage is nonsense. I hope this information gets wide publicity and that others don't make the mistakes that I did.

Bill

[Paladin2]

Marriage is a contest between two people to see who can drive the other one crazy first.

[Tunehead54]

Dads, thanks for being a stand up person. There's at least one person out here who thinks you're great, and that society is better off because you're a member of it.

---

Damn right.

First thing I have to hit the snooze button and kick my wife out of bed - in case she doesn't wake up when she hits the floor.

Then I have to keep an ear out making sure she's getting the kids up, making them lunches, and getting them out the door to school.

Then I eventually drag my butt out of bed, grab the thermos of strangely always fresh hot coffee and a cup, fire up the laptop on the porch, light a smoke, check the DOW, and put my feet up.

Sometimes I let her get a nap in before I demand her favors.

Now on Father's day things are really great ... ;-)

[Judith Anne]

Very nice posts.

Happy Father's Day, FRiend.

[Caramelgal]

I’m in my forties and single. Hey Keanu, look me up sometime. :),

[DTogo]

Father's Day is only half that without your loving wife and mother of your offspring in your arms next to you! :)

[GATOR NAVY]

Wasn't Keanu Reeves on the cover of last week's Parade saying "I want to get married?"

Who's the lucky guy?

[RSteyn]

This isn't news. Men with a loving spouse are healthier than single men. The interesting part is that there is no effect the other way, no health advantage--married women aren't healthier than single women.

[VOA]

Then, in decending order:

(minor expansion)
Out here in flyover country, the truck comes first.
It's needed to drive to the jobsite to earn the money for all the
items in your admirably comprehensive list.
And of coure, to drive (soberly) to the store to get all that good stuff.

[VOA]

I'm single because I spent my teens and 20's in churches that discouraged
dating and marriage.

It's little consolation, but you aren't alone.
I went through a good church-affiliated college in the late 1970s.
The senior class (the year I entered) had a marriage rate of about 75%.
By the time I exited as a senior, that metric was down to about 25%.
It was like a great dividing line.

I guess even within the realm of the church-affiliated school, the
feminist buzz and the sexual revolution convinced plenty to not
make the marriage committment as classes of years past.

Eventually many of my buddies ended up getting wives from Japan and
the Phillipines via church/missionary connections.
(Oh, and that was one wife per guy! And zero divorces in the cases of the
five buddies who went this route.)

[lafroste]

I'm a 42-year-old bachelor, and I agree completely with this article.

42 is not too old. You mustn't give up. I was in a similar situation to you, and my health suffered badly, being a batchelor until 40. Now, pushing 50 I've got a wife and two kids, the youngest being a 15 month old girl. She is the light of my (entire) life.

If you have changed in such a way that you may not be attractive, change it back. You can. I did. If you are fat, lose weight. I did (90 lbs). If you are bald, embrace it and shave off the rest of your hair. If you can't attract an American woman (they do tend to be a bit neurotic) go for a foreign bride.

42 is not too old. You have nothing but time.

[Past Your Eyes]

And that church would be......???? I've never heard of a church like that.

[longtermmemmory]

sooooo much a chic article.

[ctdonath2]

You have nothing but time.

BS. At 38, I'm realizing that the time is, indeed, limited. If I want a family, and want to be something less than 60 when at least the first kid hits 20, time's a-wastin'. Married for 3 years, yes, it's time to get past the selfish I-wants and she-wants and get going on what the next generation needs.

We die. We have limited time. We have only one shot at this. While one should not move too fast into marriage - waiting past 25 seems about right - don't wait too long lest proper opprotunities pass you by permanently.

[McBuff]

That's wonderful and I feel the same. . .

[ctdonath2]

A wife gives a man something to live for.

Single, a man seeks something to die for.

(Sounds extreme, and yes harshly put. A man needs a cause - a great, life-defining cause. Without someone relying on him living, there is little else but 'causes' which lead to self-destruction.)

[bannie]

Nobody needs to thank me for being a husband and a dad. There isn't anything else in this world I'd rather be known as.

Your family hit the jackpot of life: Two smart, honest, loving people who find each other and agree.

[meyer]

"Married men—regardless of age, sex, race, income or education—consistently have been found to be healthier than men who are single, divorced or widowed."

The problem is that marriage is also the leading predecessor to divorce (and the widow situation for that matter). And I've not seen a lot of good to come out of divorce.

[Tunehead54]

Sorry - I meant to ping you ... even when I was working, my wife did all the heavy lifting - I was just backup in case someone "questioned authority" ... Moms do all the real work so Father's Day is just a day to goof off and nobody bothers you. ;-)

---

Dad's Day

---

For the Dads who do a whole lot more - I salute you. Happy Father's Day.