Five Fat Girls Sought ("flurry of chubby fists")

The Smoking Gun ^ | August 9, 2006 | TSG

[mcg2000]

Five Fat Girls Sought

Cops report "flurry of chubby fists" in Toledo milk heist

AUGUST 9--Robbery is never funny. Except when it's described by Toledo police officers with a peculiar sense of humor. Early this morning, Scott Gibson, 44, was returning from the grocery store with a gallon of milk when, as he told cops, he was surrounded by "5 fat black girls" in the parking lot of a Kentucky Fried Chicken. As described by officers Patrick Sutherland and Kristi Eycke in the below Toledo Police Department incident report, one of the "hefty felons" asked Gibson to surrender his milk. Believing that he was being pranked, Gibson just laughed at the request. But, as cops reported, he realized it was no joke when the "rotund robbers" began "pelting him with a flurry of chubby fists." After the assailants tore the milk from his hands, they relieved Gibson of his Motorola cell phone. He was unable to provide a detailed description of the attackers, except to estimate that the women were in their twenties. Presumably the quintet slinked off into the night looking for some poor soul carrying a box of Devil Dogs. (2 pages)

[mcg2000]

[A Balrog of Morgoth]

LMAO. nice find.

[ClearCase_guy]

I'd say the robbery victim, and the officer who wrote up this report may have committed a Hate Crime against fat people of color.

[goldstategop]

Sounds like a KFC joke. Insert five fat chicks and a bucket of fried chicken here.

( No more Olmert! No more Kadima! No more Oslo!)

[kinoxi]

I have not seen the 'hefty felons' around here...

[Graymatter]

Schoolyard karma's gonna get you.

[Tactical]

Seems to me they would just blend into any crowd and never be seen again. Similar to a herd of Hippo's bathing in the backyard pool! /sarcasm

[rvoitier]

Winn Dixie Chicks??

[PeteB570]

We have a ton of possible suspects around here.

[HEY4QDEMS]

Subsequent leads turned out to be pretty thin.

[kinoxi]

:)

[Axhandle]

That description is pretty thin on details. Fat chance of finding the perps.

[Allegra]

Yeah, I think y'all need to come on over here. The responses alone are worth it.

[E Rocc]

When I was in college in the early 80s, the campus black organization actually objected to newspaper descriptions of "alleged" criminals mentioning race.

-Eric

[The G Man]

Got Milk?

[mkjessup]

Winn Dixie Chicks??

Now THAT is FUNNY! LMAO!

[wildwood]

believe me, you see lots of hefty felons and rotund robbers in toledo.

[billorites]

Perp's got back.

[cjshapi]

Extra large ping

[Toby06]

Milk-robba-got-much-back ping.

[albee]

bump for later read

[DB]

Oreo Attack?

[MrBambaLaMamba]

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

[mitch5501]

Ya gotta admit...

Strutting past a KFC carpark chock full of big chunky meat eating women whilst wantonly swinging a jug of milk is akin to strolling past an open lion cage covered in BBQ sauce.

[defconw]

ROFLMAO!

[Mr. Brightside]

Presumably the quintet slinked off into the night

How do fat girls "slink off" into the night?

[zarf]

and you just know each one of those fat black chicks preens in ront of a mirror, admiring their own bootay thinkin' they are SEXAY!< /chris rock>

[gridlock]

Clearly, on some level, he wanted to be assaulted.

[mcg2000]

Clearly?

[BadAndy]

Breaking stereotypes ping.

[gridlock]

Oh, don't you go getting all series on us, here...

[ajolympian2004]

Crystal

[mitch5501]

"Oh, don't you go getting all series on us, here..."

Yeah,this is hugh! The poor guy got his beeber stuned.

[small voice in the wilderness]

hmmmm, a perfect ironic situation: *Have you seen these girls*? Posted on milk cartons, of course.

[reagan_fanatic]

Thank GOD the cop wasn't carrying a 20 piece variety bucket or all they would have found of him would have been strips of clothes and a few grease spots.

[Xenalyte]

OMG . . . if the world ends today, I'm glad I saw this! I am cracking up!

[Xenalyte]

Wanted for questioning as a "person of interest":

[randita]

[nikos1121]

I guess you could call it The Bay of Pigs heist.

[sportutegrl]

"On Monday, I was attacked in the parking lot by 5 black chicks who stole my milk. On Tuesday, it happened again. On Wednesday, I waited in the parking lot for an hour with two gallons of milk, but they didn't show."

[mcg2000]

Just think of the vapor trail if they wore corduroy pants (while they ran into the night)?!

[prov1813man]

Now, if homeland security were in charge of this case everyone in toledo would be stopped and searched instead of just the corpulent of color.

[Allegra]

Wanted for questioning as a "person of interest":

LOL!!

[gridlock]

"On Wednesday, I waited in the parking lot for an hour with two gallons of milk, but they didn't show."

Try bringing a box of Oreo Cookies next time...

[Xenalyte]

Although Rhonetta's pretty mean, and might not need four accomplices to thug someone's milk.

[WV Mountain Mama]

Sounds like they will need to be on gallon jugs, a carton would be too small...

[Tokra]

[LivingNet]

Thailand??

[Yo-Yo]

What's with all the keywords?

[hummingbird]

I have not seen the 'hefty felons' around here...

Rut-Roh...is 'hefty felons' profiling?

Cops should BOLO for crumbs and empty snack packages in the general area....