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A Message From America (Fictional Philadelphia Al Qaeda Jihadi Reports to Osama Bin Laden)
Philadelphia Daily News ^ | September 14, 2006 | Michael Smerconish

Posted on 09/16/2006 2:19:57 AM PDT by goldstategop


Date: 9/11/06


From: Philadelphia Cell

Allah Akbar, God is Great!

Greetings from the City of Brotherly Love, honorable Sheik, on the fifth anniversary of our great success against the Infidels. Your words are again proving to be correct. The enemy is not worthy. They really are the Google-glorifying, Blackberry-addicted, lap-dance loving, Starbucks-sucking, Gap-obsessed sectarians you believe them to be.

They have the attention span of young goats and lack any resolve to fight you on your terms.

Praise be to God, on Sunday night, no less than the so-called American Broadcasting Co. televised something called a "docudrama" about our success. Your embarrassment of the elected officials in two administrations caused great controversy. Despite the attention, only 13 million Americans watched, while 20 million tuned in to a football game.

The following day, there was the obligatory commemoration where the towers once stood. As with each passing year, the crowd got smaller. Perhaps they didn't want to view their own inadequacies. As an American mayor said, "You guys in New York can't get a hole in the ground fixed, and it's five years later."

And there other signs that people here are anxious to forget.

Also on 9/11, in the state of New Jersey, home to many who perished that day, members of the president's political party played golf and drank liquor while giving one another money for their campaigns. And while the president was laying a wreath where our airplane headed for his house fell short of the mark, just 40 miles away another of these golf fundraisers took place.

I tell you, they are unfocused. And confused. A survey here in America recently reported that more than a third of the Infidels believe the destruction of their fabled towers was a result of a "controlled demolition" and not the work of our martyrs. And those who are focused are more concerned with taking down their president than even you are.

The president spoke to America from his Oval Office. He talked about what we did five years ago, and how his administration has responded. He said that he thought Saddam was capable of doing what you had done and that is why he went into Iraq. This admission caused his opponents to criticize him for using the day to justify the war. There continues to be no need for us to try to affect the American political system. The president's own domestic enemies are doing just fine in keeping him off balance.

There's even more: The morning after the president's speech, he had to share the headlines with someone called Anna Nicole Smith. This woman is the prototypical American female: She showcases her big false breasts and was willing to marry a man more than twice her age just for material gain. She then used the corrupt American legal system to hold on to her ill-gotten wealth.

And with these credentials, she commands the same attention as their elected leader. But she is sure to soon be sharing newsprint with something called Baby Suri that I've yet to figure out. This country is indeed a den of iniquity.

Please relieve yourself of any concern that Americans will soon awaken from their slumber. Football is an almost daily obsession, and now they are enamored of something called "Dancing with the Stars" with that ugly American Jerry Springer.

While this Springer may not be the same anesthetic administered by the work of John Mark Karr in the Ramsey case, it will no doubt keep their minds far removed from border and airline security for a while.

It has been eight years since your fatwa, your declaration that "We, with God's help, call on every Muslim who believes in God and wishes to be rewarded to comply with God's order to kill the Americans and plunder their money wherever and whenever they find it."

Those goals are being realized. And the Americans know it. Just yesterday, a polling firm called Rasmussen determined that only 41 percent of Americans think they are winning on the war against you. By Allah's grace, even those will be proven incorrect.

TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Government; US: Pennsylvania
KEYWORDS: 911; abc; alqaeda; annanicolesmith; babysuri; dancingwiththestars; football; golf; infidels; jihadi; michaelsmerconish; newyorkcity; osamabinladen; phdailynews; philadelphia; wtctowers
A Michael Smerconish send-up of how a fictional Philadelphia Al Qaeda Jihadi might report to Osama Bin Laden on America's condition since 9/11. It turns out Americans believe they are losing. Only a determined minority of Americans are willing to fight to the bitter end. Yes, the Americans soft and decadent, have become their own worst enemy.

(No more Olmert! No more Kadima! No more Oslo! )

1 posted on 09/16/2006 2:19:59 AM PDT by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop

What is this crap?..find 'em kill 'em!...

2 posted on 09/16/2006 2:29:15 AM PDT by AngelesCrestHighway
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To: goldstategop
I felt good when SecDef Rumsfeld was interviewed on Larry King and Larry plugged his next show about American Idol. Rumsfeld just LAUGHED! Larry kinda chuckled and asked if the Secretary of Defense was following American Idol! He is not- he's working.

What a wonderful place this Republic is. Even when our country is at war, the populace can go about with such trivial pursuits.
3 posted on 09/16/2006 3:08:06 AM PDT by endthematrix (None dare call it ISLAMOFACISM!)
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To: goldstategop

Fantastic find; thanks for posting this!

4 posted on 09/16/2006 6:46:26 AM PDT by alwaysconservative (Free Scooter! Jail Fitzgerald! Sue Wilson and Corn!)
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To: goldstategop; potlatch; ntnychik; Smartass; Boazo; Alamo-Girl; PhilDragoo; ...

depressing, but interesting.....

5 posted on 09/16/2006 6:57:16 AM PDT by bitt ("And an angel still rides in the whirlwind and directs this storm.")
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To: endthematrix
Even when our country is at war, the populace can go about with such trivial pursuits.

The media can glorify such trivial pursuits.

All the while, trivializing and politicizing the important stuff.

In my opinion, we don't have a "morale problem". We have a "media problem".

6 posted on 09/16/2006 7:38:48 PM PDT by okie01 (The Mainstream Media: IGNORANCE ON PARADE)
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To: bitt

Thanks for the ping!

7 posted on 09/16/2006 10:28:54 PM PDT by Alamo-Girl
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