Posted on 09/19/2006 2:37:06 PM PDT by Digital Disaster
September 15, 2006
Berkeley, California
As you know, Kareem/Scooter has issued a fatwa against me and has already made one attempt on my life. This has made living under the same roof very stressful, but I need his rent money. In spite of sweeping the house for explosives and booby traps constantly, Kareem and his two fellow jihadists have managed to carry out several more attacks against me. The other day, while salting my meatloaf, the top of the shaker came off and dumped the entire contents, leaving my meal ruined and me badly shaken. Later, when I started my car to go shopping, everything went crazy - the radio playing Arab disco music at full volume, windshield wipers flying, turn signals flashing. I almost had a heart attack which was no doubt just what the little towel-heads were hoping for. Probably the most savage attack involved a bucket of water placed over the bathroom door. Thank God I spotted the pools of water they had spilled setting up the ambush or this could have been the big one.
I decided to go on the offensive. As I prepared to smear dog poop on the pages of Kareem/Scooter's Koran, I found several pieces of paper tucked inside. One featured crudely-drawn diagrams outlining a plan to hijack several aircraft and fly them into my house! Also, there was a letter from a local flying school notifying Scooter he didn't qualify for a federal grant or student loan. The last piece of paper was similar to the first, only showed the airplanes with no wings, and each bearing the initials "SS." If I could figure out what airline this was, I could hopefully save my life and countless others, not to mention sending Kareem and his swarthy little friends to Guantanamo for eternity.
The next morning, my worse fears were realized when Kareem and his two buddies were each picked up by separate airport shuttles. I wanted to notify the authorities, but had no idea what flights the three would be on. I desperately went through Scooter's bedroom looking for further clues. The only suspicious things I could find were some wrappers for Mexican fireworks, and receipts for paintball guns purchased at Sports Authority. I called the airport and gave them a description of the three terrorists and the weapons they would be carrying. Then I grabbed my crystals and prayed to the gods that Kareem and his hairy little friends would be caught in time.
My prayers were suddenly shattered by the sound of squealing tires and numerous explosions outside! I jumped up and ran to the window just in time to see a Super Shuttle van careening wildly down the street, being racked by numerous explosions inside! Suddenly, the van veered across my lawn, and headed straight for the house! Oh crap! The last thing I saw before diving for the hallway was Kareem at the wheel, screaming at the top of his lungs as explosions erupted all around him! The crash was deafening as the van smashed through the living room wall and slid to a stop in the kitchen amid a shower of sparks and explosions.
I managed to make it to the door just in time to see another Super Shuttle van careening toward me, also racked by explosions, and coming from the other direction, yet another van, fully engulfed in flames, and heading straight for the Taco Bell! I dove for safety as van #2 swerved through the yard and crashed into my bedroom. Over the sound of exploding fireworks I could hear someone I identified as Kareem/Scooter's little terrorist buddy pleading for "doe-eyed virgins" in a freakish, high-pitched squeal. His voice was finally drowned out by the sound of exploding fireworks. I staggered to the yard and collapsed in shock.
In hindsight, I should have been able to figure out Kareem's plan. Originally the terrorists were going to take flight lessons, hijack airliners, and fly them into my house. Not very original. When they couldn't get financial aid for flight school, they had to go to plan B: hijack the vans that take you to the airport, set off a large cache of whatever explosives they could buy, and crash the vans into my house. They obviously hadn't anticipated the difficulty of driving a speeding van and simultaneously pointing a paintball gun on the passengers while lighting a sack of explosives. As a result, all three Islamo-imbeciles had prematurely set off their fireworks causing one to lose control and crash into the Taco Bell.
Listening to Scooter screaming for Jesus while the police savagely beat him and his little friend with flashlights, I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him. Maybe he deserves a second chance.
Is this a parody of a moonbat, or is this a moonbat's parody on those who consider islam a threat?
Absolutely hilarious parody of a moonbat!
Peace Moonbeam is always hilarious!
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