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Posted on 10/15/2006 10:13:51 AM PDT by pickrell
The United Nations, in it's most effective action to date, has produced a document enjoining nations around the world, (except of course China, Russia, France, Venezuela and those who really, really want to), from buying North Korean oil. Discredited right wing detractors immediated remarked that North Korea doesn't produce any oil, or anything else except cheap unreliable weaponry, and that their steam-driven computer business boom in the American markets has fallen off recently anyway, due to a shortage of pre-drilled counting beads.
The U.N. document was agreed to only after certain changes were made, at the insistance of China, Russia and the French. At their insistence, the completed document was folded at the edges, given certain creases along it length, and was thereby shaped into the form of a crouching tiger, poised to pounce. "This paper is meant to convey the seriousness of the entire world in regards to forestalling the use of terrorists as proxies to deliver weapons of mass destruction," outgoing UN Secretary Kofi Annan announced."This will certainly testify to how unified and committed we all are."
The ceremony was disrupted temporarily, as the Iranian delegation wiped their eyes, and complained that they hadn't had as good a chuckle since the Democrats defunded the Boy scouts for their actions prohibiting homosexual scoutmasters from taking troops to Congress, to act as pages. "Please, no more!" they gasped. "You're making our sides hurt!"
"Every nation on Earth, (except Russia, China, France and, of course, San Fransisco), has deplored the actions of the North Koreans," spokesmen for the UN explained, "And with this rebuke we have put them on notice that further development and weaponization will entail a risk to them of the dreaded "Triple Dog Deplore", which mercifully has never yet been unleashed by the diplomatic world, except on that community in Kansas which criminally voted to legalize outdoor smoking."
A microphone, inadvertently left on in the hopes that it might pick up a Republican gaffe, recorded a nearby cellphone call in the Farsi dialect, placed to Teheran. "It was as you predicted, Ayatollah. It is a memorandum worthy of Vichy. The Koreans have nothing to sell the world and, after massive negotiations, and twisted arms, the world has decided not to buy it."
We watched as the Iranians broke into broad smiles around the caller, "We who have the oil they thirst for most have our answer, now. Redouble the work on the "final solution". They are impotent to respond. Domesticated document pussies. They are so wrapped up in their lust for more Free Stuff from their governments, that they make the recruiting of our Quaida brothers easy. Allah bless Foley, the American media, and probably the American voter... they have hastened the return of the 12th Imam. They have shown their staying power.
You fogot to add a grand thank you to the Condi and Burns team at State, from the greatful American people (for having again contained the Ameircan military juggernaut from threatening the peace of the world). /sarc