How Scientologists get married (Weird Vows)

Yahoo News and AFB ^ | 17 Nov 06 | None

[SkyPilot]

PARIS (AFP) - The Church of Scientology provides for several kinds of wedding ceremony for its followers, but according to the most traditional the husband "may promise to provide her (his wife) with "a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat."

US actor Tom Cruise and actress Katie Holmes will provide perhaps the most high-profile Scientologists' wedding to date this weekend.

And according to unconfirmed reports in the Italian media, American Scientology leader David Miscavige will fly in from Los Angeles to preside over the event.

According to the Scientologists' book "The Background, Ministry, Ceremonies and Sermons of the Scientology Religion", there are five versions of the Scientologist wedding ceremony: traditional, informal, single ring, double ring, and concise double ring, all of varying length and formality.

Scientology's "traditional ceremony" includes such advice to the groom as "Now -----, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.

"All caprice if you will, but still they need them."

The bride is told: "Hear well, sweet -----, for promise binds. Young men are free and may forget. Remind him that you may have necessities and follies, too."

[SkyPilot]

These people are certifiable. Also, they try to sound poetic and speak in faux Olde English, but it just sounds stupid.

The vows for a Scientology wedding are more than a tad strange. Quoting from the book “The Background Ministry, Ceremonies & Sermons of the Scientology Religion,” MSNBC reports that the minister asks a bride:

And do you take
His fortune
At its prime and ebb
And seek
With him best fortune
For us all?
Do you?”

The minister then tells the groom:

Now, (Tom Cruise),
girls need clothes
And food and
Tender happiness and frills
A pan, a comb, perhaps a cat
All caprice if you will
But still
They need them.
Do you then
Provide?
Do you?

[hosepipe]

People that believe in nothing will believe anything..
Scientology is a symptom..

[ODC-GIRL]

She looks positively trapped and terrified. Unbelieveable.

[steveo]

Inkem binkem notamus rex, protect us all from the man with the hex.

[EagleUSA]

If this is what money and fame do to your mind, then I want to stay broke and unknown.

[eleni121]

People that believe in nothing will believe anything..
Scientology is a symptom..

---

Cannot be better said than that!

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

What a freaky photograph of the blushing bride. I'm speechless.

[operation clinton cleanup]

Lafayette Ronald Hubbard may not have been a genius, but you have to admire his creativity!

After graduating from Woodward School for Boys in 1930, Hubbard enrolled at The George Washington University, where he took a course in civil engineering. His grades, however, were consistently poor and university records show that he attended for only two years, was on academic probation, failed in physics, and dropped out in 1931 without a degree. One of his classes was on "atomic and molecular phenomena"; on the basis of this, he later claimed to have been a "nuclear physicist",[9][10][11] though his records showed that he scored an F in this course.[12]

In later years, Hubbard claimed to have been awarded a Ph.D. by Sequoia University in California.[13] This non-accredited body was, however, later investigated by the Californian state authorities on the grounds of being a mail-order "degree mill" and Hubbard later publicly "resigned" his degree after it had become the subject of comment in the press.[

[TommyDale]

Do they pledge their worldly goods to Xenu?

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Looks like lyrics to a bad song by the "Cars."

[Past Your Eyes]

Old Yankee hitchin ceremony:

"Have her?"
"Ayuh."
"Have him?"
"I spose."
"Done. One dollar, please."

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

So are they married or not? I think the news just said that Scientology isn't recognised in Italy, so they need to have a civil ceremony for this to be legal. ???

[Larry Lucido]

perhaps a cat.

Um, shouldn't the woman be providing the MAN with a little kitty?

Oh, wait, we're talking about cruise and $cientologists. No kitty wanted.

[getmeouttaPalmBeachCounty_FL]

Doofuses. I think it's doofuses.

[Larry Lucido]

Do they pledge their worldly goods to Xenu?

I can't afford to be a $cientologist. Anyone know if there's a Xenulyte?

[Restore]

Help, anyone! Lemme out of here!

[Waco]

They're just the ticket to whip global warming/cooling. Oh, I forgot they just shovel it, they don't believe it either.

[Larry Lucido]

there are five versions of the Scientologist wedding ceremony: traditional, informal, single ring, double ring, and concise double ring

And specially for cruise, the double anal ring.

[Ladysmith]

Sounds like the beginning of a Meatloaf song...