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Kerry may be just a gigolo, but at least hes got good hair
Boston Herald ^ | 11/29/06 | Howie Carr

Posted on 11/29/2006 10:43:14 AM PST by raccoonradio

You’re John Kerry, the least liked politician in America, and if it’s been a bad year for Republicans, it’s been even worse for gigolos.

Just ask Kevin Federline.

He feels your pain, ditto Mel Gibson and Kramer and Michael Vick. One mistake - one little botched joke - and all of a sudden they kick you down the stairs like you’re Ned Lamont.

According to this poll that you’re not paying any attention to whatsoever, Barack Obama is the second most popular politician in America, after Rudy Giuliani, who has terrible hair by the way.

Barack Obama! You’re John Kerry, number 20 out of 20, and you can’t believe it. You go to Amazon and you check out Barack’s new book and it’s No. 2. But hey, it just came out. How about that book of his from 2004, the same year you had your last book published. Obama’s 2004 book was titled “Dreams from My Father” and it’s No. 49.

You’re John Kerry and you punch in the title of your 2004 campaign opus, “A Call to Service,” and there it is, “only two copies left in stock,” and it ranks atNo. 396,338.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the Massachusetts politician with the best head of hair of all, and if you dare say Mitt Romney, (No. 13 on the list) you’ll be out on the sidewalk where the fire hydrant used to be, mirror.

You’re John Kerry, and in 1991 you voted against a war you should have voted for, and in 2003 you voted for a war you should have voted against, and isn’t that really worse than voting for the $87 billion before you voted against the $87 billion?

You’re John Kerry and you’ve been reading the columns and they’re trying to push you out the door, just as you knew they would, saying you have to decide - NOW! - whether you want to run for senator or president in 2008.

Like, you’re ever going to give up the title “Senator.” Every gigolo needs a title, whether it’s “count” or “duke” or “senator.” That’s what makes the wrinkly old rich widows swoon. You’ll spend every penny of your second wife’s first husband’s trust fund to hang onto that seat.

You’re John Kerry, and has everybody in the world got a new book out except you?

At least John Edwards, No. 8 on the list, is catching flak for signing copies of his new doorstopper at the big book-seller chains where the starting hourly wage is lower than it is at Wal-Mart.

And how is Edwards’ book, “Homes,” doing? You look it up on Amazon - ah, that’s better. No. 279. You feel better until you punch up your book, “The New War,” to see how that’s holding up, and it’s at 313,519 on Amazon.

You’re John Kerry, and Newt Gingrich is more popular than you. And Harry Reid. And Nancy Pelosi. And Joe Biden.

You go on Chris Wallace’s show, like Michael Richards did with Jesse Jackson, and you bare your soul about the botched joke, and nobody even notices, and Wallace doesn’t even say you’re “an enormously attractive guy,” the way he did with Romney.

You go to Danvers after the explosion, and now they’re all bent out of shape, too. Don’t they understand - you wanted a liveshot on the early news? They don’t call you “Live Shot” for nothing.

You’re John Kerry, and you want to prove you’re just a regular guy. Maybe it’s time to go huntin’ again. Stalk the elusive 12-point buck. Or maybe head up to Wal-Mart and endure the foul breath of the plebeians. Surely the butler knows where a Wal-Mart is. Can I get me a toaster oven here?

You’re John Kerry, persona non grata everywhere, and you feel like Winston Churchill in the 1930s. The Lion in Winter. Yeah, there’s the title for your next book - “The Gigolo in Winter.”


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: carr; gigolo; howie; howiecarr; jeanfrancois; justagigolo; kerry; liveshot; senatorgigolo

1 posted on 11/29/2006 10:43:17 AM PST by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio

2 posted on 11/29/2006 10:43:42 AM PST by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio

His hair sucks just like the rest of him.


3 posted on 11/29/2006 10:44:38 AM PST by dforest (Don't get fooled, the bigger struggle is still out there, and growing)
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To: raccoonradio

ah please, I am SOOOOO jealousof him - he has the lovely Tereza and the 'special raisins'!

I dream of Tereza...!!!:-)


4 posted on 11/29/2006 10:45:29 AM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: raccoonradio

I've heard it looks like a rug up close.


5 posted on 11/29/2006 10:45:35 AM PST by RegulatorCountry
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To: indylindy

It was a botched poll. He was first, before he was last.


6 posted on 11/29/2006 10:46:04 AM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: indylindy
And what's up with the pink lipstick he always seems to be wearing?


7 posted on 11/29/2006 10:47:11 AM PST by meowmeow (In Loving Memory of Our Dear Viking Kitty (1987-2006))
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To: massgopguy

Well lets hope he is last and stays last!


8 posted on 11/29/2006 10:47:37 AM PST by dforest (Don't get fooled, the bigger struggle is still out there, and growing)
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To: RegulatorCountry

Well, one merely needs to set in on fire to clarify the matter.


9 posted on 11/29/2006 10:49:47 AM PST by GSlob
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To: meowmeow

Actually, that hair looks like a glued on rug. Maybe Tuh raze uh put that lipstick on him.


10 posted on 11/29/2006 10:50:13 AM PST by dforest (Don't get fooled, the bigger struggle is still out there, and growing)
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To: raccoonradio
I like Howie. "Hey!...Howie Carr!"

FMCDH(BITS)

11 posted on 11/29/2006 10:51:03 AM PST by nothingnew (I fear for my Republic due to marxist influence in our government. Open eyes/see)
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To: raccoonradio

"if you dare say Mitt Romney, (No. 13 on the list) you’ll be out on the sidewalk *where the fire hydrant used to be*, mirror."

LOOLLLLL! Awesome, Howie.


12 posted on 11/29/2006 10:51:27 AM PST by To Hell With Poverty
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To: camle
You know, politics, if you make the most of it, you work hard, you use some common sense, and you make an effort to be patriotic, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck as the ski-bum boy toy of a gin-soaked ketchup dowager.


13 posted on 11/29/2006 10:52:34 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Jean-Fraud Kerry.)
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To: raccoonradio
Sounds like it's time to reprise my song parody of Just a Gigilo.

Just a Viet Vet

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

14 posted on 11/29/2006 10:54:12 AM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: massgopguy
DUmmie FUnnies 11-29-06 ("Jonathan Alter just said on Olbermann that Kerry is 'through'")
15 posted on 11/29/2006 10:54:27 AM PST by Charles Henrickson (Jean-Fraud Kerry.)
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To: raccoonradio

Just a Gigolo?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=slwKhpaVqr0


16 posted on 11/29/2006 10:55:15 AM PST by RockinRight (There's nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos.)
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To: raccoonradio; Hydroshock
Kerry may be just a gigolo, but at least he’s got good hair

Senator Goodhair?

17 posted on 11/29/2006 10:56:53 AM PST by ARealMothersSonForever (We shall never forget the atrocities of September 11, 2001.)
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To: ARealMothersSonForever

Senator Mamaluca.


18 posted on 11/29/2006 10:59:36 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks (BTUs are my Beat.)
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To: raccoonradio

John, you should have never crawled out into the daylight, because now there are millions of us who are acutely aware of what you've done to our servicemembers. You will be forever known as the male counterpart to "Hanoi" Jane.

Biggest jump-the-shark ever!

19 posted on 11/29/2006 11:05:42 AM PST by MarineBrat (My wife and I took an AIDS vaccination that the Church offers.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
LOL.

That's a great variation of the set-up line that Kerry provided for the new genre of "stuck in" jokes (evidence of evolution in humour through mutation of the set-up line). There's a good collection of "stuck-in" jokes written by FReepers here:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1730960/posts?page=51,42

Please add your joke to the collection -- it won't be a complete collection without it.
20 posted on 11/29/2006 11:14:49 AM PST by USFRIENDINVICTORIA
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To: Charles Henrickson

aw now that's just plain cruel! Tereza is such a hot babe!


21 posted on 11/29/2006 11:15:43 AM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: raccoonradio

LOLOLOL! Hilarious! Kerry has 'thick' hair, not 'good' hair, but he never takes care of it so it always looks like a bird crapped in his hair.


22 posted on 11/29/2006 11:21:16 AM PST by NRA2BFree (Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't!)
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To: raccoonradio
I thought it was pelled Curry???
23 posted on 11/29/2006 11:22:19 AM PST by org.whodat (Never let the facts get in the way of a good assumption.)
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To: raccoonradio

24 posted on 11/29/2006 11:26:44 AM PST by pabianice
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To: RegulatorCountry

Face it. He has great hair. If not for his hair, he would be completely unknown. You have to give credit where credit is due.


25 posted on 11/29/2006 11:28:08 AM PST by Nonstatist
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To: raccoonradio

26 posted on 11/29/2006 11:30:34 AM PST by pabianice
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To: Charles Henrickson

What's wrong with being gin soaked?


27 posted on 11/29/2006 11:31:19 AM PST by carola
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To: pabianice

aw c'mon! Tereza is cute!!!

(dod I tellya I wear glasses?)


28 posted on 11/29/2006 11:39:31 AM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: raccoonradio

Just a gigolo everywhere I go
People know the part I'm playing
Paid for every dance selling each romance
Every night some heart betraying
There will come a day youth will pass away
Then what will they say about me
When the end comes I know they'll say just a gigolo
As life goes on without me

'Cause I aint got nobody
Nobody nobody cares for me
I'm so sad and lonely
Sad and lonely sad and lonely
Won't some sweet mama
Come and take a chance with me
Cause I aint so bad

29 posted on 11/29/2006 11:56:38 AM PST by WrightWings
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To: WrightWings

Have yourself a Kerry Little Christmas
Cozy all the way
While the seat of power is so far away

He'll be just one more lib in the Senate
Thanks to W
He won't live on Pennsylvania Avenue

Ketchup heiress has lots of dough
Lots and lots of dough, to spend
It won't buy him the White House though
For the voters know, my friend

Mondale, Gore, and also Mike Dukakis
Know just how you feel
When you're seen, you just haven't any appeal
So have yourself a Kerry little Christmas now


30 posted on 11/29/2006 12:02:06 PM PST by raccoonradio
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To: RockinRight

Very juvenile video. Bunch of freaks with no talent getting their clothes torn off. Who comes up with this stuff? A bunch of freaked out morons?


31 posted on 11/29/2006 12:27:12 PM PST by Cobra64 (Why is the War on Terror being managed by the DEFENSE Department?)
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To: raccoonradio

32 posted on 11/29/2006 12:28:55 PM PST by Silly (Still being... Silly)
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To: raccoonradio

"I'm John Kerry, and I'm ... reporting .... for duty!"


33 posted on 11/29/2006 5:52:02 PM PST by Disturbin (Get back to work -- millions of people on welfare are counting on you!)
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To: carola

Thats a plus for me


34 posted on 12/01/2006 11:01:22 PM PST by o-n-money
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