Skip to comments.Kerry may be just a gigolo, but at least he’s got good hair
Posted on 11/29/2006 10:43:14 AM PST by raccoonradio
Youre John Kerry, the least liked politician in America, and if its been a bad year for Republicans, its been even worse for gigolos.
Just ask Kevin Federline.
He feels your pain, ditto Mel Gibson and Kramer and Michael Vick. One mistake - one little botched joke - and all of a sudden they kick you down the stairs like youre Ned Lamont.
According to this poll that youre not paying any attention to whatsoever, Barack Obama is the second most popular politician in America, after Rudy Giuliani, who has terrible hair by the way.
Barack Obama! Youre John Kerry, number 20 out of 20, and you cant believe it. You go to Amazon and you check out Baracks new book and its No. 2. But hey, it just came out. How about that book of his from 2004, the same year you had your last book published. Obamas 2004 book was titled Dreams from My Father and its No. 49.
Youre John Kerry and you punch in the title of your 2004 campaign opus, A Call to Service, and there it is, only two copies left in stock, and it ranks atNo. 396,338.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, whos the Massachusetts politician with the best head of hair of all, and if you dare say Mitt Romney, (No. 13 on the list) youll be out on the sidewalk where the fire hydrant used to be, mirror.
Youre John Kerry, and in 1991 you voted against a war you should have voted for, and in 2003 you voted for a war you should have voted against, and isnt that really worse than voting for the $87 billion before you voted against the $87 billion?
Youre John Kerry and youve been reading the columns and theyre trying to push you out the door, just as you knew they would, saying you have to decide - NOW! - whether you want to run for senator or president in 2008.
Like, youre ever going to give up the title Senator. Every gigolo needs a title, whether its count or duke or senator. Thats what makes the wrinkly old rich widows swoon. Youll spend every penny of your second wifes first husbands trust fund to hang onto that seat.
Youre John Kerry, and has everybody in the world got a new book out except you?
At least John Edwards, No. 8 on the list, is catching flak for signing copies of his new doorstopper at the big book-seller chains where the starting hourly wage is lower than it is at Wal-Mart.
And how is Edwards book, Homes, doing? You look it up on Amazon - ah, thats better. No. 279. You feel better until you punch up your book, The New War, to see how thats holding up, and its at 313,519 on Amazon.
Youre John Kerry, and Newt Gingrich is more popular than you. And Harry Reid. And Nancy Pelosi. And Joe Biden.
You go on Chris Wallaces show, like Michael Richards did with Jesse Jackson, and you bare your soul about the botched joke, and nobody even notices, and Wallace doesnt even say youre an enormously attractive guy, the way he did with Romney.
You go to Danvers after the explosion, and now theyre all bent out of shape, too. Dont they understand - you wanted a liveshot on the early news? They dont call you Live Shot for nothing.
Youre John Kerry, and you want to prove youre just a regular guy. Maybe its time to go huntin again. Stalk the elusive 12-point buck. Or maybe head up to Wal-Mart and endure the foul breath of the plebeians. Surely the butler knows where a Wal-Mart is. Can I get me a toaster oven here?
Youre John Kerry, persona non grata everywhere, and you feel like Winston Churchill in the 1930s. The Lion in Winter. Yeah, theres the title for your next book - The Gigolo in Winter.
His hair sucks just like the rest of him.
ah please, I am SOOOOO jealousof him - he has the lovely Tereza and the 'special raisins'!
I dream of Tereza...!!!:-)
I've heard it looks like a rug up close.
It was a botched poll. He was first, before he was last.
Well lets hope he is last and stays last!
Well, one merely needs to set in on fire to clarify the matter.
Actually, that hair looks like a glued on rug. Maybe Tuh raze uh put that lipstick on him.
"if you dare say Mitt Romney, (No. 13 on the list) youll be out on the sidewalk *where the fire hydrant used to be*, mirror."
LOOLLLLL! Awesome, Howie.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Just a Gigolo?
John, you should have never crawled out into the daylight, because now there are millions of us who are acutely aware of what you've done to our servicemembers. You will be forever known as the male counterpart to "Hanoi" Jane.
Biggest jump-the-shark ever!
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