Skip to comments.Extolling The Female Tongue
Posted on 12/18/2006 11:41:16 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
A long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to put the toilet seat down. Inherent in it was the idea that this was an example of men's lack of consideration and that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys. I don't know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.
Of course, this is just a silly, pebble-in-the-shoe issue, but I see it as a metaphor for a modern phenomenon: The casting of women's characteristic behaviors as the norm and men's as dysfunctional deviations.
This is strikingly obvious with the topic of communication. Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you've probably heard of studies to this effect. A recent book states that women have about 20,000 "communication events" (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?
What is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women. "Communication" has become one of the buzzwords of modern psychology. And, whenever relationships are at issue -- be it in a book, article, talk or interview -- almost invariably an "expert" will inform us of two things. One is that women communicate more than men. The other is that an onus belongs on men as this "handicap" of theirs is an impediment to good relations. Why, men need to learn to communicate more and share their feelings, we're told.
Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?
Don't get me wrong, rhetorical license aside, I understand the importance of communication. What bothers me, though, is the knee-jerk assumption here that more is better, a conclusion that most of the same researchers take great pains to forestall when the issue is, oh, let's say, the greater size of the male brain. But this is a principle of sex differences research: When men have more, more is less. When women have less, less is more.
And that's it, more or less.
What seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial. And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating it abound: "Still waters run deep," "Empty kettles make the most noise," "Shallow brooks are noisy" and "There are two kinds of people who don't say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot."
It's why movies have always portrayed the strong, silent type who exhibits quiet fortitude as the most heroic of men. It's why good writers value verbosity no more than good surgeons do bloodletting. Delicate operations warrant use of a fine scalpel, something small and sharp that punctures precisely -- and cuts when necessary -- not an implement bigger and blunter. And this is true whether you wish to get at the heart of a man or the heart of a matter: a precise surgical approach is usually preferable. Big, blunt things are better suited to bludgeoning.
To be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are chatterboxes and it's not their best trait. Don't get me wrong, we men have our faults as well. For instance, I absolutely cannot stand my brothers' habit of channel-surfing, which I guess could be characterized as Chatting Finger Syndrome. But here's the difference. Whether it's this masculine foible or another, no one does intellectual contortions to cast it as a positive attribute. At best it's seen as cute quirkiness, at worst as a defect of manliness.
Now, just imagine how it might be if incessant channel-surfing were a characteristic female behavior. It would only be a matter of time before some sickologists conducted a study and portrayed it as yet another example of feminine superiority. It would go something like this:
Channel-surfing is akin to speed-reading, not a function of a fault but indicative of a unique ability. Because women have more neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, they can process information faster, allowing them to absorb the substance and assess the value of a given program in mere seconds. Thus, while a man may perceive just a brief snapshot of seemingly unintelligible imagery and sound, his wife has already assimilated the program's relevant information or ascertained it to be devoid of such. "She is anxious to read the next page while he is still on the first paragraph of the last," said Dr. Delilah Emasculata of the Sex Differences Research and Proof That Women Are Better in Every Way So Just Shut-up and Take It Institute.
The truth is that both men and women should understand their sex's characteristic frailties and, just as with any negative proclivity, seek to tame them. Hey, I always ask directions and I'm great at matching colors.
As for communication, I have some of the best advice you gals will ever hear. If you have something important to say, don't embed it in an interminable stream-of-consciousness monologue between words 1129 and 1145 and expect the man in your life to absorb it. It's not that he doesn't care. He has his sanity to think about, you know.
My mother used to teach us that "Speech is silver, silence is golden." I wouldn't expect anyone to learn much while channel-surfing in fully automatic mode. Tongue-surfing isn't much better.
Loquacity doesn't denote sagacity.
Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it.
Contact Selwyn Duke
Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.
I love them!
"Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much? "
Geez, no kidding. You can't get them to shut up. I start trying to get off the phone 5 minutes before I usually can, talking with some of my female friends or relatives.
They repeat things endlessly. Same thing 4 or 5 times.
I know George thinks so.
I tend to like female tongues.
"Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it."
Too bad. The author brought it up. Now if he'd just put it down when he was done, we wouldn't fall in the toilet in the middle of the night. ;)
Lifting the seat is an act of consideration in itself. We COULD use the toilet just as well with it down.
Yeah, because they have to SHUT UP to do the things you're thinking about with them.
"My husband tried to get in touch with his feminine side but it was always on the phone with its girlfriends."
Sitzpinklers? I suppose they are neater, and leave the seat warmed up for her...
if a woman can't even LOOK to see if the seat is up, and take appripriate action, how is it the man's fault?
like HE's responsible for HER carelessness!
(Flame alert!) hee hee
In my many years, I have not observed women talking more than men.
But I have observed that laywers talk more than everyone else.
I figure that, especially in public areas, it's BETTER for the seat to stay up as it tends to have a better chance of not being soaked with urine when the female comes along with her delicate derriere.
I understand womens's can's are even filthier than men's are.
Most female tongues are owned by democrats and/or liberals..
The key to the toilet seat issue....get a dog that likes to drink from the toilet. You'll not only put down the seat, but the lid too. ;-)
Not quite what came to mind when I read the title...
"Can't figure it out, but I've been thinking about gender an awful lot lately."
If I can learn to put the seat down before I sit, why can't the women folk?
You could just leave it down. If some urine gets on the seat, that's what toilet paper is for.
1.)When doing what requires sitting, the seat is down.
2.)When doing what requires standing, the seat is up.
3.)All other times, the seat AND LID are down, for sanitation and aesthetic purposes.
Great, now that we're done with that, let's tackle the tissue roll over/tissue roll under problem.
Solution: Which ever way it happens to end up in my hand when I put the roll on the roller.
The real issue here is that women aren't leaving the seat up.
This title is custom built for Laz.
Why assume that the extra talking is actually communicating information? I think its mostly social noise whose function is to reassure them that the communications channels are still open.
When we lived in the DC metro area, we could see where my wife worked from our balcony which was about 1.5 miles away. Her nightly story about how bad and stupid the traffic was on the way home used to take longer than the actual trip.
Never thought of it this way: the psychobabblers do harp on communication a lot. OTOH, the Bible says that the wise person keeps his trap shut more than he opens it.
if a woman can't look where she's settin' why is it the MAN'S fault?
That, my FRiend, is an unfortunate headline!
A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!!!
How's the dog gonna get a drink?
I had to click on this.
Oh, wait, we're talking about talking? Nah, not interested.
And to you and yours!
The real key to the toilet seat, is for men to simply ignore it.
If she annoys you, then tell her from now on she is responsible for the seat, so if she wants a dry one, she better put it back up when she is finished.
And further more,......about that toilet seat thing,....
What would the women rather do about it, put it down or clean it off? Even as a guy, I'd rather put it down when appropriate. And there are plenty of disgusting urinals out there too.
When I first got married, my wife insisted that I put the seat down in our bathroom. My response has been to always put the lid and seat down. It takes the same amount of effort, it prevents stuff from accidentally falling in it, and it keeps the pets out of the bowl. My three sons and I always put the lids down. I wonder why the females in the house don't put the lids down when they are finished doint their business?
Worse than the incessant need to talk, is the unfathomable desire to find the "hidden" meaning in everything I say.
There is no hidden meaning!
If you didn't understand me, I'll try a different language!
Hear, Hear! Haven't left the lid up in years.
I saw the title and immediately thought of you...
I think you're right.
I was in a rest room on a 'military facility' where the cockaroaches were bigger than my shoes. They weren't scared or nothing. just sat there staring... gathering to attack. they were even in the unrinals, sinks, etc.. Musta been fifty of the buggers.
I got the hell out of there before they decided to give chase, and to this day I refuse to return to that building.
But I didn't go far enough in to determine whether the seats were up or down.
"...who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?"
As an exercise in alliteration, I would have said:
"...a gaggle of garrulous girls..."
Whatever about women's bathrooms.
Pull out the ultraviolet light sometime. See how much urine is all over the toilet and the floor.
Sitting IS superior to standing. It's much, much cleaner for all the others involved. Besides, you get to rest. :D
As for "seat up", I wouldn't care EXCEPT I HATE the COVER being up. To me, the cover should always be down/on except when using the tidy.
I really don't want to lose my glasses or my toothbrush or anything down there, no matter how clean it is!
Men do the hard part, we pull against gravity in raising the seat. When women put it down they are assisted with gravity, their half of the job is easier.
Anyone who bitches about doing the easier part of the job when they actually want no part of this job will never convince me they actually want equal treatment or equality.
It's not logical, is it?
I am a musician and I can tell you this. Musicians are inveterate gossips and tend to not ever shut up. They are the worse offenders in my universe. Some repeat the same anecdotes over and over again, to a point where it becomes very irritating. Sometimes, I need to walk away just to get some relief. With some, it's like an act you're not interested in watching.
You forgot the rimshot.