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Extolling The Female Tongue
GOPUSA ^ | December 18, 2006 | Selwyn Duke

Posted on 12/18/2006 11:41:16 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

A long time ago I read a short online piece about how women could get their men to put the toilet seat down. Inherent in it was the idea that this was an example of men's lack of consideration and that the task at hand was one of disciplining these bad boys. I don't know, my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.

Of course, this is just a silly, pebble-in-the-shoe issue, but I see it as a metaphor for a modern phenomenon: The casting of women's characteristic behaviors as the norm and men's as dysfunctional deviations.

This is strikingly obvious with the topic of communication. Man has long known that women were the more loquacious sex, and you've probably heard of studies to this effect. A recent book states that women have about 20,000 "communication events" (I love these terms the psycho-babblers conjure up) a day, versus about 7,000 for men. But this is nothing new; who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?

What is new is the assumption that this imputes superiority to women. "Communication" has become one of the buzzwords of modern psychology. And, whenever relationships are at issue -- be it in a book, article, talk or interview -- almost invariably an "expert" will inform us of two things. One is that women communicate more than men. The other is that an onus belongs on men as this "handicap" of theirs is an impediment to good relations. Why, men need to learn to communicate more and share their feelings, we're told.

Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?

Don't get me wrong, rhetorical license aside, I understand the importance of communication. What bothers me, though, is the knee-jerk assumption here that more is better, a conclusion that most of the same researchers take great pains to forestall when the issue is, oh, let's say, the greater size of the male brain. But this is a principle of sex differences research: When men have more, more is less. When women have less, less is more.

And that's it, more or less.

What seems to escape most is that this modern exaltation of the lip lies in stark contrast to what wisdom has taught since time immemorial. And the truth she imparts is obvious, which is why sayings encapsulating it abound: "Still waters run deep," "Empty kettles make the most noise," "Shallow brooks are noisy" and "There are two kinds of people who don't say much, those who are quiet and those who talk a lot."

It's why movies have always portrayed the strong, silent type who exhibits quiet fortitude as the most heroic of men. It's why good writers value verbosity no more than good surgeons do bloodletting. Delicate operations warrant use of a fine scalpel, something small and sharp that punctures precisely -- and cuts when necessary -- not an implement bigger and blunter. And this is true whether you wish to get at the heart of a man or the heart of a matter: a precise surgical approach is usually preferable. Big, blunt things are better suited to bludgeoning.

To be quite blunt myself, yes, I subscribe to the traditional idea that women are chatterboxes and it's not their best trait. Don't get me wrong, we men have our faults as well. For instance, I absolutely cannot stand my brothers' habit of channel-surfing, which I guess could be characterized as Chatting Finger Syndrome. But here's the difference. Whether it's this masculine foible or another, no one does intellectual contortions to cast it as a positive attribute. At best it's seen as cute quirkiness, at worst as a defect of manliness.

Now, just imagine how it might be if incessant channel-surfing were a characteristic female behavior. It would only be a matter of time before some sickologists conducted a study and portrayed it as yet another example of feminine superiority. It would go something like this:

Channel-surfing is akin to speed-reading, not a function of a fault but indicative of a unique ability. Because women have more neural connections between the two hemispheres of the brain, they can process information faster, allowing them to absorb the substance and assess the value of a given program in mere seconds. Thus, while a man may perceive just a brief snapshot of seemingly unintelligible imagery and sound, his wife has already assimilated the program's relevant information or ascertained it to be devoid of such. "She is anxious to read the next page while he is still on the first paragraph of the last," said Dr. Delilah Emasculata of the Sex Differences Research and Proof That Women Are Better in Every Way So Just Shut-up and Take It Institute.

The truth is that both men and women should understand their sex's characteristic frailties and, just as with any negative proclivity, seek to tame them. Hey, I always ask directions and I'm great at matching colors.

As for communication, I have some of the best advice you gals will ever hear. If you have something important to say, don't embed it in an interminable stream-of-consciousness monologue between words 1129 and 1145 and expect the man in your life to absorb it. It's not that he doesn't care. He has his sanity to think about, you know.

My mother used to teach us that "Speech is silver, silence is golden." I wouldn't expect anyone to learn much while channel-surfing in fully automatic mode. Tongue-surfing isn't much better.

Loquacity doesn't denote sagacity.

Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it.

--------

Contact Selwyn Duke

--------------------

Note -- The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions, views, and/or philosophy of GOPUSA.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Front Page News; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: liberalism; men; sexdifferences; talking; women
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The feminization of western culture can be quite pervasive. For example, the Germans apparently are making it their business to get men to pee sitting down.
1 posted on 12/18/2006 11:41:21 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: 3D-JOY; abner; Abundy; AGreatPer; alisasny; ALlRightAllTheTime; AlwaysFree; AnnaSASsyFR; ...
PING!

<ducking>

2 posted on 12/18/2006 11:42:23 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Dont overestimate the decency of the human race. H. L. Mencken)
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To: Constitution Day; TheBigB; martin_fierro; Tijeras_Slim; Owl_Eagle; Petronski; The SISU kid; ...
Extolling The Female Tongue

I love them!

3 posted on 12/18/2006 11:45:06 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance (Iron my shirts, woman!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much? "

Geez, no kidding. You can't get them to shut up. I start trying to get off the phone 5 minutes before I usually can, talking with some of my female friends or relatives.

They repeat things endlessly. Same thing 4 or 5 times.


4 posted on 12/18/2006 11:45:16 AM PST by garyhope (It's World War IV, right here, right now courtesy of Islam.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Did anyone ever think that maybe women communicate too darn much?

I know George thinks so.


5 posted on 12/18/2006 11:47:01 AM PST by Bloody Sam Roberts (This is my tagline. There are many like it but this one is mine.)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

I tend to like female tongues.


6 posted on 12/18/2006 11:47:45 AM PST by RockinRight (Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. He's a Socialist. And unqualified.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"Oh, and the toilet seat? I just don't want to talk about it."

Too bad. The author brought it up. Now if he'd just put it down when he was done, we wouldn't fall in the toilet in the middle of the night. ;)


7 posted on 12/18/2006 11:48:19 AM PST by sageb1 (This is the Final Crusade. There are only 2 sides. Pick one.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Lifting the seat is an act of consideration in itself. We COULD use the toilet just as well with it down.


8 posted on 12/18/2006 11:48:29 AM PST by DManA
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To: RockinRight

Yeah, because they have to SHUT UP to do the things you're thinking about with them.


9 posted on 12/18/2006 11:49:23 AM PST by ichabod1 (After the attacks of 9/11, profiling Muslims is more like profiling the Klan.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
As Rita Rudner says:

"My husband tried to get in touch with his feminine side but it was always on the phone with its girlfriends."


10 posted on 12/18/2006 11:49:31 AM PST by Maceman (This is America. Why must we press "1" for English?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
...the Germans apparently are making it their business to get men to pee sitting down.

Sitzpinklers? I suppose they are neater, and leave the seat warmed up for her...

11 posted on 12/18/2006 11:49:34 AM PST by JimRed ("Hey, hey, Teddy K., how many girls did you drown today?" (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help m)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

if a woman can't even LOOK to see if the seat is up, and take appripriate action, how is it the man's fault?

like HE's responsible for HER carelessness!

(Flame alert!) hee hee


12 posted on 12/18/2006 11:50:14 AM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

In my many years, I have not observed women talking more than men.

But I have observed that laywers talk more than everyone else.


13 posted on 12/18/2006 11:50:35 AM PST by i_dont_chat (I have the right to offend. You can take offense or not.)
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To: DManA

I figure that, especially in public areas, it's BETTER for the seat to stay up as it tends to have a better chance of not being soaked with urine when the female comes along with her delicate derriere.

I understand womens's can's are even filthier than men's are.


14 posted on 12/18/2006 11:50:55 AM PST by ichabod1 (After the attacks of 9/11, profiling Muslims is more like profiling the Klan.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Most female tongues are owned by democrats and/or liberals..


15 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:00 AM PST by hosepipe (CAUTION: This propaganda is laced with hyperbole)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The key to the toilet seat issue....get a dog that likes to drink from the toilet. You'll not only put down the seat, but the lid too. ;-)


16 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:03 AM PST by Ouderkirk (America won't win another war until the 1960's flower children are pushing up petunias.)
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To: cjshapi

Not quite what came to mind when I read the title...


17 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:10 AM PST by Junior (Losing faith in humanity one person at a time.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"Can't figure it out, but I've been thinking about gender an awful lot lately."

18 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:18 AM PST by LurkedLongEnough
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I haven't spoken to my wife in over three months. We're not fighting or anything...I just don't like to interrupt.
19 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:21 AM PST by gorush (Exterminate the Moops!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

If I can learn to put the seat down before I sit, why can't the women folk?


20 posted on 12/18/2006 11:51:28 AM PST by Lunatic Fringe (Say "NO" to the Trans-Texas Corridor)
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To: camle
if a woman can't even LOOK to see if the seat is up, and take appripriate action, how is it the man's fault?

You could just leave it down. If some urine gets on the seat, that's what toilet paper is for.

21 posted on 12/18/2006 11:52:35 AM PST by MichiganConservative (Government IS the problem.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Let's settle the toilet seat controversy once and for all. It's a matter of function, and how the device was designed.

1.)When doing what requires sitting, the seat is down.

2.)When doing what requires standing, the seat is up.

3.)All other times, the seat AND LID are down, for sanitation and aesthetic purposes.

Great, now that we're done with that, let's tackle the tissue roll over/tissue roll under problem.

Solution: Which ever way it happens to end up in my hand when I put the roll on the roller.

22 posted on 12/18/2006 11:52:39 AM PST by Jeff Chandler (Barack Hussein Obama)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
my attitude is that if women can leave a toilet seat down, men can leave it up.

The real issue here is that women aren't leaving the seat up.

23 posted on 12/18/2006 11:52:43 AM PST by Disambiguator (This tagline is brought to you by the letter "S" with a slash in front of it.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks; Lazmataz
Extolling The Female Tongue

This title is custom built for Laz.

24 posted on 12/18/2006 11:52:57 AM PST by redgolum ("God is dead" -- Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" -- God.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Why assume that the extra talking is actually communicating information? I think its mostly social noise whose function is to reassure them that the communications channels are still open.


25 posted on 12/18/2006 11:53:12 AM PST by DManA
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

When we lived in the DC metro area, we could see where my wife worked from our balcony which was about 1.5 miles away. Her nightly story about how bad and stupid the traffic was on the way home used to take longer than the actual trip.


26 posted on 12/18/2006 11:53:17 AM PST by Dixie Yooper (Ephesians 6:11)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Never thought of it this way: the psychobabblers do harp on communication a lot. OTOH, the Bible says that the wise person keeps his trap shut more than he opens it.


27 posted on 12/18/2006 11:53:27 AM PST by JamesP81 (If you have to ask permission from Uncle Sam, then it's not a right)
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To: Disambiguator; All

if a woman can't look where she's settin' why is it the MAN'S fault?


28 posted on 12/18/2006 11:54:06 AM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Fierce Allegiance

That, my FRiend, is an unfortunate headline!

A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!!!!!


29 posted on 12/18/2006 11:54:23 AM PST by day10 (Whenever you come near the human race, there's layers and layers of nonsense.)
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To: Jeff Chandler
3.)All other times, the seat AND LID are down, for sanitation and aesthetic purposes.

How's the dog gonna get a drink?

30 posted on 12/18/2006 11:54:42 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance (Iron my shirts, woman!)
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To: Fierce Allegiance
I know there's a joke about a female tongue being tied in here somewhere but I'm too hungry to think.

As for the toilet seat being up or down: if you want it down then don't complain when I pee on it. You can't have it both ways. ('You' being wimmen in general here)
31 posted on 12/18/2006 11:55:06 AM PST by tongue-tied
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To: Fierce Allegiance

I had to click on this.

Oh, wait, we're talking about talking? Nah, not interested.


32 posted on 12/18/2006 11:55:38 AM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: day10

And to you and yours!


33 posted on 12/18/2006 11:55:53 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance (Iron my shirts, woman!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Data overload and my brain tunes out the incessant drivel.
34 posted on 12/18/2006 11:56:09 AM PST by roaddog727 (BullS##t does not get bridges built)
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To: ichabod1
I understand womens's can's are even filthier than men's are.

They are. When I was in high school, I worked after school in a grocery store and one of my jobs was cleaning the bathrooms. The men's was an example of spic and span polish compared to the women's.
35 posted on 12/18/2006 11:56:12 AM PST by JamesP81 (If you have to ask permission from Uncle Sam, then it's not a right)
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To: Ouderkirk

The real key to the toilet seat, is for men to simply ignore it.

If she annoys you, then tell her from now on she is responsible for the seat, so if she wants a dry one, she better put it back up when she is finished.


36 posted on 12/18/2006 11:56:41 AM PST by ansel12 (America, love it ,or at least give up your home citizenship before accepting ours too.)
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To: RockinRight
I tend to like female tongues.

"So do ah, big boy...so do ah"
37 posted on 12/18/2006 11:57:24 AM PST by ErnBatavia (recent nightmare: Googled up "Helen Thomas nude"....)
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To: redgolum; Lazmataz; pissant
This title is custom built for Laz.

Pissant too.
38 posted on 12/18/2006 11:58:19 AM PST by JamesP81 (If you have to ask permission from Uncle Sam, then it's not a right)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

And further more,......about that toilet seat thing,....

What would the women rather do about it, put it down or clean it off? Even as a guy, I'd rather put it down when appropriate. And there are plenty of disgusting urinals out there too.


39 posted on 12/18/2006 11:58:35 AM PST by garyhope (It's World War IV, right here, right now courtesy of Islam.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

When I first got married, my wife insisted that I put the seat down in our bathroom. My response has been to always put the lid and seat down. It takes the same amount of effort, it prevents stuff from accidentally falling in it, and it keeps the pets out of the bowl. My three sons and I always put the lids down. I wonder why the females in the house don't put the lids down when they are finished doint their business?


40 posted on 12/18/2006 11:58:51 AM PST by rightsmart
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Worse than the incessant need to talk, is the unfathomable desire to find the "hidden" meaning in everything I say.

There is no hidden meaning!
If you didn't understand me, I'll try a different language!


41 posted on 12/18/2006 11:59:30 AM PST by Redbob
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To: Ouderkirk

Hear, Hear! Haven't left the lid up in years.


42 posted on 12/18/2006 11:59:51 AM PST by CholeraJoe (Spork weasels ain't afraid of nuthin' but running out of sardines.)
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To: Junior

I saw the title and immediately thought of you...


43 posted on 12/18/2006 12:00:38 PM PST by cjshapi (Proudly posting without a tagline since 2001)
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To: DManA
"I think its mostly social noise whose function is to reassure them that the communications channels are still open."

I think you're right.

Carolyn

44 posted on 12/18/2006 12:00:57 PM PST by CDHart ("It's too late to work within the system and too early to shoot the b@#$%^&s."--Claire Wolfe)
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To: garyhope

I was in a rest room on a 'military facility' where the cockaroaches were bigger than my shoes. They weren't scared or nothing. just sat there staring... gathering to attack. they were even in the unrinals, sinks, etc.. Musta been fifty of the buggers.

I got the hell out of there before they decided to give chase, and to this day I refuse to return to that building.

But I didn't go far enough in to determine whether the seats were up or down.


45 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:27 PM PST by camle (keep your mind open and somebody will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

"...who didn't know a bevy of garrulous girls in school?"

As an exercise in alliteration, I would have said:

"...a gaggle of garrulous girls..."


46 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:42 PM PST by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: JamesP81

Whatever about women's bathrooms.

Pull out the ultraviolet light sometime. See how much urine is all over the toilet and the floor.

Sitting IS superior to standing. It's much, much cleaner for all the others involved. Besides, you get to rest. :D



As for "seat up", I wouldn't care EXCEPT I HATE the COVER being up. To me, the cover should always be down/on except when using the tidy.

I really don't want to lose my glasses or my toothbrush or anything down there, no matter how clean it is!


47 posted on 12/18/2006 12:01:54 PM PST by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue.)
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To: DManA

Men do the hard part, we pull against gravity in raising the seat. When women put it down they are assisted with gravity, their half of the job is easier.
Anyone who bitches about doing the easier part of the job when they actually want no part of this job will never convince me they actually want equal treatment or equality.
It's not logical, is it?


48 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:12 PM PST by oldenuff2no
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To: i_dont_chat
But I have observed that laywers talk more than everyone else.

I am a musician and I can tell you this. Musicians are inveterate gossips and tend to not ever shut up. They are the worse offenders in my universe. Some repeat the same anecdotes over and over again, to a point where it becomes very irritating. Sometimes, I need to walk away just to get some relief. With some, it's like an act you're not interested in watching.

49 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:24 PM PST by Banjoguy (The words "Democrat" and democratic are not interchangable.)
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To: gorush

You forgot the rimshot.


50 posted on 12/18/2006 12:02:38 PM PST by garyhope (It's World War IV, right here, right now courtesy of Islam.)
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