Bill Bennett Show: SANDY BERGER LIES PARODY SONG CONTEST (get ready to sing songs on this thread)

In response to the outrageous and undercovered national security scandal involving Sandy Berger, Bill Bennett is holding a song contest to shine the light on this. Having created a few political parodies, I thought I would give it a try. I'll bring the 34 songs I did this week into this thread either one at a time or in small groups. I hope you will find something you like.

1. Write lyrics to an already existing song, or song you write yourself, that tells the story of the Sandy Berger archives scandal. E.g., "Sandy Berger Lies" for "Bette Davis Eyes." Any song will do, or a new song you write. The winner receives $1,000.

2. The lyrics (or song if it is original) will be the property of "Bill Bennett's Morning in America" and can be used in perpetuity for the one-time contest payout of $1,000.

MIDI - MASTER OF THE HOUSE

Something is wrong…so very wrong
Somebody tell me what’s going on
It’s getting old…worn out and old
Rotting in prison’s where he belongs
Major felonies from a major sleaze
He got away with stealing some history

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
One day Clinton said, “You must take a chance
Get the memos and then stuff them in your pants”
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Violates the law…that’s the way it goes
Once again by Noel Hillman we got hosed
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Access was obtained…Clinton got him in
He sat down and subterfuge would soon begin
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Following the lead of his mentor Bill
Those guys are undoubtedly conspiring still
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
But like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
He wants us to think it’s an accident
Things he did for the impeached ex-president
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
Like all Clintonstas, like all Clintonistas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
And just like his boss, he ignored the threats
We don’t even know of all their damage yet
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
Like all Clintonstas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
Friends said that his desk always was a mess
So they blamed the whole thing on his sloppiness
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
Like all Clintonstas, he is never gonna pay a price

He’s a master louse, lying easily
He was once in charge of our security
If the truth comes out, we are gonna find
Terror was the last thing that was on their mind
Sandy Burglar, lowlife scumbag…yes, I know that isn’t nice
Like the Clintonista gang…like the Clintonista gang…like the Clintonista gang
He will never pay a price

COMING NEXT: La Donna è Mobile (yes, from the Italian opera)

La Donna è Mobile

Get MIDI music here: http://www.amato.org/amato0102/rigoletto02.html

Documents in his pants…Sandy took quite a chance
Several were there to see…felonies

Stealing some history…for Clinton’s legacy
He’s Sandy Burglar man…he would do all he can

Soon the commission meets…he would be feeling heat
Friends laughed at sloppiness…he lived in such a mess

What had he been stealing…about Clinton’s dealings
‘Though he had the chance…Osama would not be killed
Not today, not today…no, he would not be killed
Not todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…he would not be killed today

Documents in his socks…his excuse is a crock
It was an accident…no harm meant

Would Sandy pay the price…orange jump suits can look nice
Perp walks are fun to see…on pay per view TV

Everything would be fine…he’d do no jail time
He was a Clinton hack…he’d get his clearance back

What had he been stealing…about Clinton’s dealings
‘Though he had the chance…Osama would not be killed
Not today, not today…no, he would not be killed
Not todaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…he would not be killed today

COMING NEXT: Mambo No. 5

MAMBO #5
MIDI music here --- http://d21c.com/dodgerdawg/M-R.html

Sandy, there’s the door…go inside and get the folders and start to explore
There are things in there that we can never let out
Every day and every night I’ve been thinking about them
This stuff really worries me…it might screw up my whole legacy
Osama’s lost, I had blown it, that will be revealed
Right wingers will go nuts as my façade is peeled
It is becoming such a hopeless situation...sometimes I don't know what I will do
I hope that you can turn things around...that’s why I am counting on you, so

A little stack of memos is what I need…I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
It’s really taking just a little chance…it won’t be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks…you’ll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
I’d do this job myself, oh, if but I could…but I know it would be misunderstood

In you I have a lot of confidence..but if you get caught, I’ll pay for your defense
Around you guards are bound to lurk…the men’s room excuse…I think that should work
Outside’s a trailer that will be a perfect drop zone…I am pretty certain you’ll be all alone

Some secret memos is what I need…I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
It’s really taking just a little chance…it won’t be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks…you’ll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
I’d do this job myself, oh, if but I could…but I know it would be misunderstood

San......................................dy
San......................................dy
San......................................dy

A little stack of memos is what I need…I know that you can do it, oh, yes indeed
It’s really taking just a little chance…it won’t be hard to stuff them down your pants
And just like Dr. Zeus, we know he rocks…you’ll have fun hiding docs down in your socks
I’d do this job myself, oh, if but I could…but I know it would be misunderstood

Sandy, there is the door…it’s time that you go in and explore
If you do this, I won’t ask for more…and I’ll stay the one girls adore

COMING NEXT: Bette Davis Eyes

*****Was there something besides these on Powerline? I saw them a few days ago there and wasn't very impressed.*****

Schlagers!

Bill Bennett and Seth Leibsohn have named me a judge in the "Sandy Berger Lies" songwriting contest that Bill announced this morning (discussed below in "His back pages" and "Fourth of July, Asbury Park"). I must therefore avoid the appearance of impropriety and maintain strict neutrality in noting a few of the contest entries that Seth has forwarded. Here is one to be sung to the tune of the "Ballard of Jed Clampett" (the theme song of "The Beverly Hillbillies"):

Come 'n listen to my story 'bout a man named Sandy
A censured liberal lobbyist, Clinton's man for Security
Preppin' for 9/11 testimony, he was readin' some notes
And down into the ground went those bumblin' quotes

Cover-up, that is, black deeds, Washington creed

Well, the first thing you know, old Sandy's a felon
Bill and Hillary said, Sandy, don't you be tellin'
Said, our legacy is the thing you gotta protect
So he loaded up his pants, incompetence never to detect

Cover-up, that is, legacy of fools, political stars

Well, now it's time to say goodbye to Sandy and accessory
They would like to thank you for kindly droppin' scrutiny
You're all invited back again to the DC locality
To have a heapin' helpin' of their criminality
Clinton, that is, set a spell, take your shoes off

Next Dem Prez Sandy'll be back, ya hear?

I didn't think it was possible to put Barry Manilow's schlagger epic "Mandy" to good use, but this entry has turned me around with lyrics to the tune of "Mandy":
They say you are a thief
Your crime beyond belief
Stealing papers from the Man
Hiding them where you can
In your socks; underneath a truck.
Then you ran out of luck.
Oh, Sandy
You came and you took without asking
Busted for the crime
Facing some jail time
You should be sent away
Cryin' all the way
For some reason,
You commttted treason.
Oh, Sandy.
Keep your creative juices flowing, note the contest rules here and don't miss the January 12 deadline.

Posted by Scott at 09:31 PM | |

BETTE DAVIS EYES

Get music here: http://www.aspecialplace.net/midi/index.htm

He’s at the reading room…he waddles in
Sandy’s up to no good…he sits down and he will begin
Bill sent him on a mission…about legacy
He will commit a crime…he was told to hide history

What he’s doing no one’s knowing
Explanations he’ll be owing
What guards see is…inexplicable…his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized…he’s got, self-inflating thighs

He finds the files he wants…and fills his pants
Former NSA guy…why would Sandy take such a chance
It was his decision…to go through with the crime
Since he’s a friend of Bill, Sandy Burglar’s doing no time

What he’s doing no one’s knowing
Explanations he’ll be owing
What guards see is…inexplicable…his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized…he’s got, self-inflating thighs

What he’s doing no one’s knowing
Explanations he’ll be owing
What guards see is…inexplicable…his girth seems to be growing
He is Michael Moore supersized…he’s got, self-inflating thighs

What he’s doing no one’s knowing
Girth is growing…he is Michael Moore supersized

What he’s doing no one’s knowing
Girth is growing…he is Michael Moore supersized

COMING NEXT: Mandy

I hope this is a little better than the Mandy that was on Powerline. Obviously, with 34 songs, the themes are going to be quite repetitious.

MANDY

Music file here (choose the karaoke version)http://tinpan.fortunecity.com/myway/231/interabcd.htm

I remember all my life…I have faced a lot of strife
When I just had won that Senate fight
I thought everything was going to be all right

Now here we go, another day…documents must go away
If they were revealed, it’s my legacy
I had needed help in hiding the history

(Oh) Sandy… you marched in and then you began stealing
That’s a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy…and once more we had right wingers reeling
They’re still flustered today…oh, Sandy

I had planned things carefully…and I set it up for Hillary
If it all came out, I’d live in fear
She would not accept, another “Sorry, dear”

One day I asked and you came through
You did what nobody else could do
There was that thing regarding bin Laden
Some people had screamed that something was rotten

Oh, Sandy… you marched in and then you began stealing
That’s a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy…and once more we had right wingers reeling
They’re still flustered today…oh, Sandy

I proved once again that I’m resilient
Memos in your pants…now, that’s really brilliant

Oh, Sandy…you marched in and then you began stealing
That’s a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy…and once more we had right wingers reeling
They’re still flustered today

Oh, Sandy… you marched in and then you began stealing
That’s a real gutsy play
Oh, Sandy…and once more we had right wingers reeling
They’re still flus-tered today

COMING NEXT: Out of Time

Here are the three entries I sent in to the contest:

THE SANDY MAN
Tune: "The Candy Man"

Who can take a paper
Stuff it in a shoe
Cover up the caper
With a perjury or two?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.

Who can take a secret
Tape it to his thigh
Walk it out and sneak it
Like an undercover spy?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.

The Sandy Man makes
Every move that takes
Classifying as suspicious
And the line of crap he dishes
You can even call fictitious.

Who can take a memo
Slip it up a sleeve
Hold it near his elbow
And say nothing when he leaves?
The Sandy Man . . .
The Sandy Man can . . .
The Sandy Man can
'Cause he takes it from the file
To make his boss look good.

The Sandy Man makes
Every move that takes
Classifying as suspicious
And the line of crap he dishes
You can even call fictitious.

(SITTIN' WHERE) THE DOCUMENTS LAY
Tune: "(Sittin' on) The Dock of the Bay"

Sittin' in an archive room
I see written who did what about whom
Watchin' for Clinton's role
Got to keep my boss's legacy whole

I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside

I'm liftin' just a portion
Just the ones that would give Clinton grief
If I do a few more contortions
It looks like some will even fit in my briefs

I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside

Looks like nothing seems too strange
Everything still appears the same
But I still got these ten papers here left to do
So I hope my suit stands the strain

Sittin' here looking around
And these documents must weigh fifty pounds
These two thousand files I found
Tend to make my socks fall down

I'm sittin' where the documents lay
Watchin' the guard walk away
I'll just fit 'em in my socks so they'll stay
Placed inside

"IN THE ARCHIVES" (Sandy works for me)
Tune: "In the Garden" (And he walks with me)
As sung by Bill Clinton

He comes to the Archives alone
Pulls a heist right under their noses
'Cause the stuff they have
Would make me look bad
The things that it discloses

Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know

He speaks and the sound of his voice
Is so sweet the guards stop their guarding
And the documents
In his socks and pants
He'll soon be out discarding

Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know

I'd go to the Archives with him
But that might cause people to murmur
That's the reason why
I can now deny
I ever knew this Berger

Sandy works for me
He does dirt for me
And he knows what files need to go
And the stuff he takes
Showing my mistakes
None other will ever know
.

OUT OF TIME

Get music here: http://jhfoster.tripod.com/the60s.html

They won’t know what’s going on…it shouldn’t take you very long
Get over there and do it right away
The memos must stay hidden…from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime

So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no more doubt…there are things we can’t let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime

In the war with terrorists…each chance I had I would resist
With Monica I’m busy as could be
The memos must stay hidden…from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime

So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no more doubt…there are things we can’t let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime

When there’s 9-11 blame…I know just how to play the game
And I’ll make sure that Jamie’s there for me
The memos must stay hidden…from right wing eyes, forbidden
And so, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime

So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
I said Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
There is no doubt…there are things we can’t let out
So, Sandy, Sandy, Sandy commit the crime
Sandy, commit the crime….Sandy, commit the crime

COMING NEXT: Do-Re-Mi

DO-RE-MI

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Club/1437

Whenever you’re thinking of thievery…and of our security
What’s the first name that you should think about
I will give you a hint, it’s Sandy B…Sandy B…Sandy B
The guy who had the docs in his socks
Sandy B…Sandy B

Is it Sandy Burglar Man…yes, it’s Sandy Burglar Man

B – can you B-lieve this stuff
U – U must be kidding me
R – What R they gonna do
G – no jail time, well G
L – now what the L is this
A – I’ll be shaking A fist
R – R you getting the jist

BURGLAR got away with felonies, oh

B – can you B-lieve this stuff
U – U must be kidding me
R – What R they gonna do
G – no jail time, well G
L – now what the L is this
A – I’ll be shaking A fist
R – R you getting the jist

BURGLAR got away..oh

B – can you B-lieve this stuff
U – U must be kidding me
R – What R they gonna do
G – no jail time, well G
L – now what the L is this
A – I’ll be shaking A fist
R – R you getting the jist

Sandy Burglar got away!

COMING NEXT: Amore

THAT’S AMORE

Get music here: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/3331/logan/midi/

(musical intro)

Sandy took a big chance and he filled up his pants…that’s the story
Bill said get over there, it’s a crime, I don’t care…that’s the story

Sandy went to the reading room, he was full of gloom, understandably worried
If his caught, trouble would be big, sweating like a pig, he knew he had to hurry

Sandy’s taking the docs and he’s stuffing his socks…that’s the story
The Commission was meeting and they had to cover their tracks

Clinton told him, my friend, please remember it’s “No guts, no glory”
They were partners in felonies, that is the rest of the story

It’s a real crying shame Fitzgerald works on Plame…that’s no story
Here’s a breach that is bigger than anything seen in a while

Clinton told him, my friend, don’t you be choosing “No guts, no glory”
They were partners in felonies, that is the rest of the story
The story…the story

COMING NEXT: Obla-di Obla-da (one of my favorites)

OBLA-DI OBLA-DA

Get music here: http://www.swissdom.cc/midis/beatles/beatles.html
(choose karaoke version)

Sandy Burglar headed to the archives room…Clinton told him what he had to do
He warned Sandy there would be a consequence
If he discovered that he failed to come through

Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on…Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on …when will he be finally gone

Clinton got him in and Sandy’s hard at work
Trying to preserve the legacy
In the margins he had read the words he wrote
But the Commission would not see this history

Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on…Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on …when will he be finally gone

The thing Sandy had done was a felony
Bill’s laughing…he’s laughing…he’s laughing…he’s laughing
With the Clintonistas we always see
That they are above the law

Guards are watching Sandy and become concerned
Far too often he has sought relief
If they only knew what had been going on
In the men’s restroom he pulled memos from his briefs

Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on…Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on …when will he be finally gone

The thing Sandy had done was a felony
Bill’s laughing…he’s laughing…he’s laughing…he’s laughing
With the Clintonistas we always see
That they are above the law

Finally he gets caught and wants to cut a deal
What will happen to this Clinton hack
They agree that he will do no jail time
And in a few years he will get his clearance back

Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on…Clinton crime continues on
Obla-di Obla-da, crime goes on …when will he be finally gone

Clinton crimes goes on…when will the guy be gone

COMING NEXT: Beep Beep

BEEP BEEP

Get music here: http://www.midistudio.com/Studios/TedK/tedk50s.htm

While guarding at my archive post, much to my surprise
Bill Clinton got access for some sloppy guy…I can’t believe my eyes
He’s not quite as bad as, say Michael Moore…but there’s something that I don’t like
If he starts causing trouble, I will make him take a hike
A creep, a creep…this guy is such a creep

My supervisor said to me to straighten up my tie
And I must be respecting the work he’s done, this big NSA guy
He’s doing things quite suspiciously and I wonder what he’s up to
I’ll ask a fellow guard to help and watch what he will do
A creep, a creep…this guy is such a creep

He goes off to the restroom as he did awhile ago
I’m thinking that he has problems with his plumbing down below
And then I might have seen an illusion…because his trousers are looking more full
It seems that his thighs have been growing and that’s inexplicable
A creep, a creep…this guy is such a creep

Now I’m certain that something is wrong…his hands are down in his pants
If this guy is some kind of pervert, he’s taking quite a chance
And then I had noticed memos that were sticking out of his socks
If this clown has been stealing things, his head is full of rocks
A creep, a creep…this guy is such a creep

Then he knows I am on to him and he is heading out the door
A memo just fell from his pants, and he’s leaving it on the floor
He makes it outside the building and he yells back at me
Hey, Buddy, I have just stolen some of our history

COMING NEXT: William Tell Overture (the Lone Ranger)

I know, it's getting boring. Hey, there are only so many parts to the story.

WILLIAM TELL OVERTURE (The Lone Ranger)

MIDI site -- http://www.cheeburger2001.com/mishmash.html

Bill came by, Bill came by, Bill came by, by, by…Sandy asked, Sandy asked, Sandy asked him why
There’s a job, there’s a job, there’s a job to do…and I know that I can count on you
It’s about, it’s about, it’s about some files….Clinton said, Clinton said, with a great big smile
There are things, there are things people cannot see…it will blow the Clinton legacy

You must go, you must go, to the archives and sit down inside the reading room
Don’t you give, don’t you give, don’t you give to me that little wimpy look of gloom
I will warn, I will warn, I will warn you now that you could end up in a park
We will keep, we will keep, we will keep the whole press corps gang in the dark

So he took, so he took, so he took the chance…and he stuffed, and stuffed files down his pants
He would drop, he would drop them off…at the justice system he would scoff
Move along, move along, nothing here to see…there would be, there would be little penalty
He’s a Bill, he’s a Bill, a Bill Clinton hack…and he soon would get his clearance back

It was funny as it could be to Clintonistas (musical bridge)
There are phony, you must agree, the Clintonistas (musical bridge)

They have stolen a piece of our history…in defense of a scumbag’s legacy, legacy, legacy
We’re really had enough…we have had enough, we have had enough, we have had enough
But it may not be over, it may not be over…wait and see
The black pantsuit must be stopped…Hillary

COMING NEXT: Lola (L-O-L-A, Lola)

This was fun but quite a challenge to do.

LOLA

http://www.hklook.com/english.htm

I met Bill in his office one sunny day
He said, “Sandy, we must talk right away about memos
M-E-M-O, memos”

I know that Slick Willy’s a devious guy
He’s hatching a plan that he had hoped would fly
About memos…about secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

We drank champagne and had a good chat
He asked a favor of me, should I be doing that
With the memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Then he issued a warning to me
I’m in trouble if I don’t save his legacy
From those memos…from those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Well, I’ve never been a burgle man
Bill told me that was part of the plan
He said that I really didn’t have a choice
His face got red as he’s raising his voice

I would do what he wants me to do
Commit a felony just like he asked me to
With the memos… with those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos
Memos…all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

What had I done…under the gun...deep in the gut…I knew it’s nuts
What a foolish thing I agreed to do

Thanks to Plame I was catching a break
Fitzgerald did not give a doubletake…to the memos
M-E-M-O…memos

Timing was right for the chance
I went to the archives and I filled up my pants
With secret memos…M-E-M-O memos

Well, I’ve never been a burgle man
Bill told me that had to be a part of the plan
He said that I would really have no choice
His face got red as he was raising his voice

So, I would do what he wants me to do
I’d commit felonies just like he asked me to
With secret memos…with those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Memos…all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Memos…all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Memos…all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

Memos…all those secret memos
M-E-M-O, memos

COMING NEXT: It's So Nice to Be With You

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.