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Time Sync #19: Torturing Telemarketers
Network World ^ | 01/10/2007 | Mark Gibbs

Posted on 01/17/2007 7:31:55 AM PST by RileyD, nwJ

Mark Gibbs is one the best commentators on Network World via "Gearhead" and "Backspin", plus he answers my emails from time to time.

From his Blogg on NW is a link to one of the funniest audio recordings I have ever heard.

I thought I had some great replies to telemarketeers, but this wins outright. Listen and enjoy.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: humor; mdm; telemarketing
BTW - If you have a favorite (or favorites) reply to marketeers, please share in this forum. Here are a few of mine:
- Magazines/television services: I'm sorry, but I am blind.
- Loans: Great I can use some money. Just got out of the joint for armed robbery.
- Exercise equipment: Damn. I just lost a foot to diabetes.

Cheers!

RileyD, nwJ

1 posted on 01/17/2007 7:31:57 AM PST by RileyD, nwJ
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To: RileyD, nwj

My all purpose one is to just say that the owner is in jail for manslaughter.


2 posted on 01/17/2007 7:33:11 AM PST by EarthBound (Ex Deo, gratia. Ex astris, scientia)
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To: RileyD, nwj

My daughter asks how their day is going and if they need prayer for anything. That she is interested in them and would like to offer prayer. Nine times out of ten they yell at her and hang up. The other times these people ask for prayer, thank her for her concern and she never hears from them again. She heard a pastor say thats what he does when they call.


3 posted on 01/17/2007 7:37:08 AM PST by svcw (There is no plan B.)
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To: RileyD, nwj

Tell the caller you need THEIR phone number, date of birth, and Social Security number for identification purposes...


4 posted on 01/17/2007 7:37:14 AM PST by LRS
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To: RileyD, nwj

Worst thing you can do to a telemarketer is waste their time. Tell them wait a minute and then set the phone down until it starts to screech.


5 posted on 01/17/2007 7:37:30 AM PST by Dan Evans
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To: RileyD, nwj

Having just laughed to death, I'm having my dog post this reply.


6 posted on 01/17/2007 7:38:29 AM PST by Old_Mil (http://www.constitutionparty.com/)
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To: RileyD, nwj

Tell them they have a pretty voice. Ask them what they are wearing.


7 posted on 01/17/2007 7:42:19 AM PST by posterchild (Spent some money on women and beer, the rest was just wasted.)
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To: RileyD, nwj

LOLOL....thats great :) thanks


8 posted on 01/17/2007 7:42:38 AM PST by Vn_survivor_67-68
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To: posterchild

I did that once. I asked what color underwear they had on. They started to freak but, I continued that they called me and wanted to talk about something I did not want to. So now we are talking about something I want to.

*click*


9 posted on 01/17/2007 7:53:52 AM PST by WakeUpAndVote (Got towel?)
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To: RileyD, nwj

Love Bob and Tom!


10 posted on 01/17/2007 7:54:52 AM PST by The Worthless Miracle (I think Jamie Dupree is annoying.)
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To: EarthBound

You can't have manslaughter without laughter.

Yeah, I know, bad.


11 posted on 01/17/2007 7:55:44 AM PST by WakeUpAndVote (Got towel?)
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To: RileyD, nwj
My favorite is to ask the telemarketer (or poll taker, even better), how long this will take and then time them.

I love getting most of the way through a poll and saying, "Sorry, your five minutes are up" and hanging up.

12 posted on 01/17/2007 7:56:25 AM PST by par4 (If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything)
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To: LRS

....for identification purposes.....

for the lawsuit

"In my state we get money damages from the caller as well as the company calling."


13 posted on 01/17/2007 7:59:45 AM PST by bert (K.E. N.P. .... It's spit on a lefty day.)
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To: RileyD, nwj

Thanks for the comic relief. That is positively hilarious!


14 posted on 01/17/2007 8:00:27 AM PST by sarasota
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To: par4

several years ago I got probably 5 calls a night from different telemarketers..one day a girl called and wanted me (and my now ex-wife) to go look at some land in the N. Georgia mountains..I got excited, she got excited (thinking she FINALLY had one on the hook), I got more excited, she got more excited..then in order to qualify, I had to answer a few questions..I said ok..so it was the typical address, phone (I answered these as she already had the info)..then she asked about family income..I told her I was unemployed but my wife worked part-time, when can I come look at the land..SHE hung up on me and within 30 days ALL calls stopped (since telemarketers sell the info to each other, mine hit as "unemployed")..they haven't restarted since..


15 posted on 01/17/2007 8:00:54 AM PST by GeorgiaDawg32 (I'm a Patriot Guard Rider..www.patriotguard.org for info..)
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To: GeorgiaDawg32
I told her I was unemployed

Had a credit card offer call once. Lady asked the usual questions:
Date of Birth
Address
Work

I told her I was unemployed. [I thought at would end the call.] She responded, "Ok, your card will be in the mail in a few days."

About 3 days later, the card arrived with a $5,000 credit limit.
16 posted on 01/17/2007 8:14:03 AM PST by TomGuy
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To: RileyD, nwj

We're on the Do Not Call registry and it's woked pretty well. A few odd ones slip through.


17 posted on 01/17/2007 8:17:37 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: TomGuy; WKB; little jeremiah

We got on a list called *Opt Out* to get off all those credit card mailing lists. I found out about this on an MSNBC.com blog and if you sign up, it cuts the credit card applications you get in the mail drastically. Our junk mail has gone WAY down. Here's a link to the article:

http://redtape.msnbc.com/2006/03/what_if_a_despe.html


18 posted on 01/17/2007 8:32:35 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: RileyD, nwj

My friend was watching a football game when someone called trying to sell him vitamins. He talked and talked with them. They wanted his credit card number and he gave them about 6 of the numbers, then had another question. They asked the supervisor. Repeat above.......

They hung up on him after about 2 and a half hours.


19 posted on 01/17/2007 8:33:54 AM PST by Grammy
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To: metmom

I get too much enjoyment out of mailing
them back an empty envelope at their expense
to opt out. :>)


20 posted on 01/17/2007 8:36:07 AM PST by WKB (Rudy V Hillary= There is no lessor of two liberals.)
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To: RileyD, nwj
I ask if they have any chimpanzees for sale......there's usually silence and then either a giggle or 'click'
21 posted on 01/17/2007 8:36:54 AM PST by Jeffrey_D. (Seek first to understand, then to be understood)
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To: RileyD, nwj

I haven't had a telemarketing call since the DO NOT CALL list went into effect, except for some politcal calls during election time (they are apparently exempt from DO NOT CALL)

Last night, though, I got a call from a little girl selling cookies. I ordered a box of cookies and made her day.


22 posted on 01/17/2007 8:39:42 AM PST by Alouette (Learned Mother of Zion)
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To: RileyD, nwj

Fine, now I've laughed myself into an asthma attack! I have wrecked my makeup because I laughed so hard I'm crying. This is absolutely the funniest thing I've heard in years.


23 posted on 01/17/2007 8:46:37 AM PST by Fairview
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To: metmom

""Our junk mail has gone WAY down.""

Why would you want to do that?

We heat our entire home with it.

Not one penny for heat last Winter.


24 posted on 01/17/2007 8:52:00 AM PST by EEDUDE
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To: RileyD, nwj

I tell them (accurately) that I am a consultant and my time/my opinion is money. Then I ask what compensation they are offering me.

A gasp usually follows and then after a pause, a click.


25 posted on 01/17/2007 8:56:22 AM PST by rod1
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To: EEDUDE

Our new old house didn't come with a wood stove like our old old house had. :((


26 posted on 01/17/2007 9:06:02 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: WKB

That could work is you could get lots of people to do it.

Sadly, we've traded credit card applications with college brochures. My son forgot to check a box or something when he took his SAT or ACT test.....


27 posted on 01/17/2007 9:11:50 AM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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To: RileyD, nwj

I just give the phone to my 3 year old they hang up eventualy


28 posted on 01/17/2007 9:12:20 AM PST by Rightly Biased (Courage is not the lack of fear it is acting in spite of it<><)
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To: RileyD, nwj

DANG!!! Do you mean to tell me that I HAVEN'T won a digital satellite system???


29 posted on 01/17/2007 9:13:19 AM PST by Scarchin (+)
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To: Alouette
....a call from a little girl selling cookies. I ordered a box of cookies and made her day.

mmmmmmm, thin mints.......

30 posted on 01/17/2007 9:27:35 AM PST by myprecious
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To: WKB
I get too much enjoyment out of mailing them back an empty envelope at their expense...

You, too?  :-)
31 posted on 01/17/2007 10:18:52 AM PST by Pirate21 (The liberal media are as sheep clearing the path along which they will be led to the slaughter.)
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