Skip to comments.Indy has nothing we'd want (Chicago Sportswriter Disses Indiana & Colts Big Time)
Posted on 01/28/2007 5:36:34 AM PST by Chi-townChief
It has become one of the great American sports traditions, the political bet. A major game gets people all worked up and happy at the same time, not worrying about snow removal, potholes or taxes. And that makes it safe for a governor or mayor to get in on it. So rival politicians bet something that screams out the identity of their hometowns. Two weeks ago the Bears beat the Seattle Seahawks, and Mayor Daley took Seattle Mayor Greg Nickles for beer, coffee and salmon. (Too bad that when the stuff arrived, the beer bottles had broken and drenched the coffee-flavored chocolates.) Last week the Bears beat the New Orleans Saints, and Mayor Daley won beignets.
But with the Bears about to play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl, we have a problem:
What could Indiana possibly have to bet that we would want?
I mean, Chicago can offer Indiana pizza, ribs, beef sandwiches and dental work. But do we really need ballcaps with farm company names on them?
Rumor has it Indianapolis Gov. Mitch Daniels wants to offer up Gary.
I don't often admit this, but I have some friends in Indiana. I called them to ask what they could bet.
''How about corn?''
We have corn.
Another Indiana friend said they love their pork-tenderloin sandwiches, and that did sound good.
''Pork tenderloin and a carton of cigarettes,'' he said.
Someone else suggested tickets to the Indy 500, but there are two problems with that: One, they just drive around in circles all day. Two, we have to go to Indiana to see it.
Indiana has a serious image problem in Chicago. To us, it seems like a big truck stop between cities.
A few years ago, my brother-in-law started dating a woman from Fort Wayne. Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.
Channeling Royko Indiana has Notre Dame, but that always seemed like a Chicago school filled with Chicago kids. They had a great movie, ''Hoosiers.'' But the story of Illinois' tiny Hebron was just as good. Their greatest sports hero is a guy who wore red sweaters, threw chairs across a basketball court and choked his own players. Eventually, they kicked him out.
''Eli Lilly is based in Indianapolis,'' a friend said.
Yes, but why would we need Prozac if the Bears win?
''They also make Cialis.''
Here's a thought: If the Bears win, then Indiana gives back Eric Gordon. He's the high school basketball phenom from Indianapolis who had committed to the Illini until new Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson got him to change his mind.
I do have a thing against Indiana. It is ingrained in all Chicagoans. And then confirmed through experience.
For Chicagoans, these feelings came to a head in 1982 with Mike Royko's columns in the Sun-Times. And part of the fun was watching Indiana people get so uppity about it.
''For most males in Indiana, a real good time consists of putting on bib overalls and a cap bearing the name of a farm equipment company and sauntering to a gas station to sit around and gossip about how Elmer couldn't get his pickup truck started that morning,'' he wrote.
And this: ''Its only large cities are Indianapolis and Gary, which give you the choice of dying of boredom or of multiple gunshot wounds.''
God, he would have loved this Bears-Colts week.
One time in Indianapolis, I went to grab some dinner just after 10 p.m., and everything was closed. I ended up having to go to a White Castle, where I stood in line for 20 minutes behind a hooker and a pimp. I wrote about that once, and several people from Indiana asked why I wanted to eat that late in the first place.
Once after a basketball game, I went to a nearby bar in downtown Indianapolis. The place was packed with everyone having fun, and they were playing retro music from the 1970s. It was a nice community thing, how everyone had bought into the whole theme and dressed in 1970s clothes and hair.
Turned out, that wasn't a theme.
Do they know what a Hoosier is? These people excitedly call themselves Hoosiers, without knowing what it means. There all sorts of theories. In the old days, Indiana people were so rough that they always would fight in bars. By the end of the night, someone would see a piece of something on the floor and ask, ''Whose ear?'' Eventually, that morphed into Hoosier.
But on indiana.edu, Jeffrey Graf of the reference department of the Indiana University Libraries says that Southerners used to use the term Hoosier ''to denote a rustic, a bumpkin, a countryman, a roughneck, a hick or an awkward, uncouth or unskilled fellow.''
He described the ''cousins'' of the word Hoosier to be ''cracker'' and ''redneck.''
So here's the deal: If the Colts win, Indiana promises to keep its stuff.
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Ummm...this is a humor column.....
If people in Indiana GENUINELY get upset about it it just proves Indiana is as clueless and backwoods as the jokes in the column indicate (I'm from neither Chicago or Indiana so I don't have a particular dog in this fight.)
Then they won't move down here.
Actually, he's probably hoping to get a lot of knuckle-dragging e-mails that he can post. I'm not participating.
I have two words: Reggie Bush.
And one other thing can be said about Indianapolis. It isn't run by Daley.
That being said, GO BEARS!
According to the paper, the guy's a sports columnist. I don't have a dog in the hunt, either, but I think the guy should stick to his day job. Humor's clearly not his forte.
Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.
If the Colts win, Chicago has to post a Republican poll watcher at every precinct at the next election.
Best tagline EVER!!!!
(Go Colts :))
I loved that!
I live 7 miles west of Indiana near US 30. My in-laws live 20 minutes away on the Indiana side. I've always remarked to my father-in-law about how when you cross the boarder you see a lot more pick-ups with gun racks and "Back-Off" Yosemite Sam mud flaps. No joke, really you do.
"Indy has nothing we'd want"
I haven't read the Sun-Times for such a long time, I almost forgot why. Then I see this article. Wonder what the Mayor of Indiana has to say about this?
The Colts are a much better team than the Bears. That said, final score: Bears 37, Colts 24.
Boy, how many Devin Hester TD returns ya' got in that 37?
Indy insult ping
You could see it in the conference championships - the Bears were in the snow, getting muddy and snowed on, playing Bears football. While the AFC game was picturesque - bright green field, bright white yard marker stripes, pretty blue uniforms on both teams.
And the Bears want it more, for their entire team, while all the Colts noise is about how important this is for Peyton Manning.
Now, I might be wrong about this; I thought I was wrong once before, but I was mistaken.
Indiana has the BEST watermelons, from around Evansville. I have no idea why.
Indiana has three NCAA championships. Chicago has one.
In St. Louis we still use "Hoosier the way he states, but we are quick to separate that from residents of Indiana, about whom we have few preconceptions.
Well, we'll see.But, the SB should resemble the AFC game in field appearance.And, I like Ditka,but, his 1985 "Grabowskis" played on artificial turf at Soldier Field before it went to grass, if thats what you call it.
Now Now. Can't we just all get along?
Before meeting her? This is not funny...and have you seen the welfare recipients in Chicago?
Enough said ...
After all, what self-respecting, hard-core liberal, solid-blue city, in the bluest of blue states WOULDN'T look down on a red state like Indiana that has voted Republican in every single Presidential election in last 40 years!!!! (For you Colts fans--that's the last TEN elections).
At least our citizens don't have to drive out of city limits to get a job at Wal mart. Hey....I thought Richard Kimball was dead. He is alive and typing.
I'm sure he and all his liberal fans will have a lot to say after the game.
He will know what being a Fugitive is all about!
Let 'em have their trash talking. Colts will do their talking on the field next sunday when they beat the Bears like a red haired step-child. Peyton will feast on this defense. How he does it depends on whether Lovie dares to try the two deep wide coverage on evey down like the Ravens and Pats did to their regret. I do, hoever, appreciate the dilemma - pick your poison.
Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots' flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Tom," said God. "This is very special house; not everyone gets a home in this neighborhood."
Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Colts' logo flag, and in every window, an Indianapolis Colts towel.
Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."
God said "So what's your point Tom?"
"Well, why does Peyton Manning get a better house than me?"
God chuckled, and said:
"Tom, that's not Peyton 's house, it's mine."
It's typical football trash-talking.
Sad to see that this guy could't find anything else that was worthwhile.
ROFLMAO! Tooooooooo much!
I'm sorry but the way he put it, it is funny.
And I LIKE Indiana and I love the Indiana Dunes Sate Park. Been going camping there off and on since 1957. Why I know those woods like Daniel Boone. Heck, there's still 'trails' (not official ones) in the back woods I marked with my trusty hatchet (3 slashes, 2 slashes, etc). Even saved a lost Boy Scout once back in '58 (that was funny). And there's this little greasy spoon restaurant / cafe in Chesterton next to the train tracks that serves some of the best food (at least it was still there a few years back).
The only problem is, to get there I have to go through Gary.
Gary should be named Little Chicago. Run down, infested with gangs, poverty, and another welfare area.
Heh, this was my first thought as well!
I'm from Indiana, and I think it was hilarious!
Ummm ... the Bears fans' signs about the Saints were humor also.
This is all good clean fun people. I remember when Philly trashed the city of Green Bay, calling us a bunch of yokels too. No skin off my back. I'd rather live here than Philadelphia anyway.
I agree although his bigotry is a bit exposed. What gets me is the Sun-Times jumping all over Bears' fans about New Orleans.
"And one other thing can be said about Indianapolis. It isn't run by Daley."
No but Bart Peterson is just as bad.
Got a new podcast online - you know where to find it
Nah, Gary doesn't have enough Illegal Mexicans to qualify. If they hit 55% and blacks became the 2nd minority - THEN the name change would be applicable.
And actually Gary has always been 'seedy'. If anything Chicago should be called Big Gary. Gary's decline has been on a slower curve - Chicago's has been at Light Speed.
The one thing to be said about Indiana is that we don't have Chicago.