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Indy has nothing we'd want (Chicago Sportswriter Disses Indiana & Colts Big Time)
Chicago Sun-Times ^ | January 28, 2007 | GREG COUCH Sun-Times Columnist

Posted on 01/28/2007 5:36:34 AM PST by Chi-townChief

It has become one of the great American sports traditions, the political bet. A major game gets people all worked up and happy at the same time, not worrying about snow removal, potholes or taxes. And that makes it safe for a governor or mayor to get in on it. So rival politicians bet something that screams out the identity of their hometowns. Two weeks ago the Bears beat the Seattle Seahawks, and Mayor Daley took Seattle Mayor Greg Nickles for beer, coffee and salmon. (Too bad that when the stuff arrived, the beer bottles had broken and drenched the coffee-flavored chocolates.) Last week the Bears beat the New Orleans Saints, and Mayor Daley won beignets.

But with the Bears about to play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl, we have a problem:

What could Indiana possibly have to bet that we would want?

I mean, Chicago can offer Indiana pizza, ribs, beef sandwiches and dental work. But do we really need ballcaps with farm company names on them?

Rumor has it Indianapolis Gov. Mitch Daniels wants to offer up Gary.

I don't often admit this, but I have some friends in Indiana. I called them to ask what they could bet.

''How about corn?''

We have corn.

''Soy?''

Another Indiana friend said they love their pork-tenderloin sandwiches, and that did sound good.

''Pork tenderloin and a carton of cigarettes,'' he said.

Someone else suggested tickets to the Indy 500, but there are two problems with that: One, they just drive around in circles all day. Two, we have to go to Indiana to see it.

Indiana has a serious image problem in Chicago. To us, it seems like a big truck stop between cities.

A few years ago, my brother-in-law started dating a woman from Fort Wayne. Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.

Channeling Royko Indiana has Notre Dame, but that always seemed like a Chicago school filled with Chicago kids. They had a great movie, ''Hoosiers.'' But the story of Illinois' tiny Hebron was just as good. Their greatest sports hero is a guy who wore red sweaters, threw chairs across a basketball court and choked his own players. Eventually, they kicked him out.

''Eli Lilly is based in Indianapolis,'' a friend said.

Yes, but why would we need Prozac if the Bears win?

''They also make Cialis.''

Here's a thought: If the Bears win, then Indiana gives back Eric Gordon. He's the high school basketball phenom from Indianapolis who had committed to the Illini until new Indiana coach Kelvin Sampson got him to change his mind.

I do have a thing against Indiana. It is ingrained in all Chicagoans. And then confirmed through experience.

For Chicagoans, these feelings came to a head in 1982 with Mike Royko's columns in the Sun-Times. And part of the fun was watching Indiana people get so uppity about it.

''For most males in Indiana, a real good time consists of putting on bib overalls and a cap bearing the name of a farm equipment company and sauntering to a gas station to sit around and gossip about how Elmer couldn't get his pickup truck started that morning,'' he wrote.

And this: ''Its only large cities are Indianapolis and Gary, which give you the choice of dying of boredom or of multiple gunshot wounds.''

God, he would have loved this Bears-Colts week.

One time in Indianapolis, I went to grab some dinner just after 10 p.m., and everything was closed. I ended up having to go to a White Castle, where I stood in line for 20 minutes behind a hooker and a pimp. I wrote about that once, and several people from Indiana asked why I wanted to eat that late in the first place.

Once after a basketball game, I went to a nearby bar in downtown Indianapolis. The place was packed with everyone having fun, and they were playing retro music from the 1970s. It was a nice community thing, how everyone had bought into the whole theme and dressed in 1970s clothes and hair.

Turned out, that wasn't a theme.

Do they know what a Hoosier is? These people excitedly call themselves Hoosiers, without knowing what it means. There all sorts of theories. In the old days, Indiana people were so rough that they always would fight in bars. By the end of the night, someone would see a piece of something on the floor and ask, ''Whose ear?'' Eventually, that morphed into Hoosier.

But on indiana.edu, Jeffrey Graf of the reference department of the Indiana University Libraries says that Southerners used to use the term Hoosier ''to denote a rustic, a bumpkin, a countryman, a roughneck, a hick or an awkward, uncouth or unskilled fellow.''

He described the ''cousins'' of the word Hoosier to be ''cracker'' and ''redneck.''

So here's the deal: If the Colts win, Indiana promises to keep its stuff.

Letters to our sports columnists appear Sunday. Send e-mail to inbox@suntimes.com. Include your full name, hometown and a daytime phone number.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; News/Current Events; US: Indiana
KEYWORDS: bears; bearsgotspanked; colts; hoosiersrule; superbowl
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What's odd about this is that, on the next page, the Sun-Times sports section was admonishing Chicago fans for their unhospitable behavior towards New Orleans last week, saying how Chicago doesn't want or need those kind of fans, and now their "columnist" does the same with Indy.
1 posted on 01/28/2007 5:36:38 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Chi-townChief

Ummm...this is a humor column.....

If people in Indiana GENUINELY get upset about it it just proves Indiana is as clueless and backwoods as the jokes in the column indicate (I'm from neither Chicago or Indiana so I don't have a particular dog in this fight.)


2 posted on 01/28/2007 5:40:56 AM PST by Strategerist
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To: Chi-townChief
I don't really care. As far as I am concerned, the more Chicago people who think this is accurate, the better.

Then they won't move down here.

3 posted on 01/28/2007 5:41:08 AM PST by Miss Marple (Prayers for Jemian's son,: Lord, please keep him safe and bring him home .)
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To: Strategerist

Actually, he's probably hoping to get a lot of knuckle-dragging e-mails that he can post. I'm not participating.


4 posted on 01/28/2007 5:41:58 AM PST by Miss Marple (Prayers for Jemian's son,: Lord, please keep him safe and bring him home .)
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To: Chi-townChief

I have two words: Reggie Bush.


5 posted on 01/28/2007 5:43:19 AM PST by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: Chi-townChief
A few years ago, my brother-in-law started dating a woman from Fort Wayne. Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.
6 posted on 01/28/2007 5:45:52 AM PST by Mark was here (You are guilty of something when you do it, proving your guilt is something else.)
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To: Miss Marple
At least Indiana has the sense to offer CCW to responsible adults.

And one other thing can be said about Indianapolis. It isn't run by Daley.

That being said, GO BEARS!

L

7 posted on 01/28/2007 5:46:30 AM PST by Lurker (Europeans killed 6 million Jews. As a reward they got 40 million Moslems. Karma's a bitch.)
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To: Strategerist
Ummm...this is a humor column.....

According to the paper, the guy's a sports columnist. I don't have a dog in the hunt, either, but I think the guy should stick to his day job. Humor's clearly not his forte.

8 posted on 01/28/2007 5:47:01 AM PST by mewzilla (Property must be secured or liberty cannot exist. John Adams)
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To: Chi-townChief
Before meeting her, I had to keep reminding myself to talk slowly and not stare at her tooth.


9 posted on 01/28/2007 5:49:38 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Chi-townChief
Chicago downside?
socialists, high crime, drug problems, gangs, sprawling govt housing complexes, overpriced housing, high tax rates, brutal winters, permanent cloudy days, rush-hour traffic 24/7, midwest oil refinery pricing, political corruption ....

The arrogance of the writer is blazing ... humor or not.
10 posted on 01/28/2007 5:51:24 AM PST by mcg2000 (New Orleans: The city that declared Jihad on The Red Cross.)
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To: Chi-townChief

If the Colts win, Chicago has to post a Republican poll watcher at every precinct at the next election.


11 posted on 01/28/2007 5:52:48 AM PST by jiggyboy (Ten per cent of poll respondents are either lying or insane)
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To: Lurker

Best tagline EVER!!!!
(Go Colts :))


12 posted on 01/28/2007 5:53:27 AM PST by karatemom (Jesus saves.)
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To: Chi-townChief
Remind me, what is it that goeth before a fall?
13 posted on 01/28/2007 5:55:42 AM PST by muir_redwoods (Free Sirhan Sirhan, after all, the bastard who killed Mary Jo Kopechne is walking around free)
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FWIW I've never been closer to IL (or IN) than Cincinnati.

ff

14 posted on 01/28/2007 5:58:04 AM PST by foreverfree
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To: Mark was here

I loved that!

I live 7 miles west of Indiana near US 30. My in-laws live 20 minutes away on the Indiana side. I've always remarked to my father-in-law about how when you cross the boarder you see a lot more pick-ups with gun racks and "Back-Off" Yosemite Sam mud flaps. No joke, really you do.


15 posted on 01/28/2007 6:01:42 AM PST by uptoolate (If it sounds absurd, 51% chance it was sarcasm.)
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To: Chi-townChief

"Indy has nothing we'd want"

Not yet.


16 posted on 01/28/2007 6:02:24 AM PST by John W
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To: Miss Marple
Matthew Tuller of the IndyStar in today's paper (a rebuttal to the week of Indy bashing from Chicago):

"Say if the Bears win, Peterson can teach Daley how to keep his City Hall cronies out of jail. Or he could show Daley how to guard the cemeteries on Election Day. Or he could hire a tutor to teach Chicagoans how to pronounce the word "the."

In the end, perhaps it's best to stop all this betting talk and just repeat what I said earlier: Hey, Chicago, our team is gonna beat your team."
17 posted on 01/28/2007 6:03:11 AM PST by mcg2000 (New Orleans: The city that declared Jihad on The Red Cross.)
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To: Chi-townChief
Indianapolis Gov. Mitch Daniels

I haven't read the Sun-Times for such a long time, I almost forgot why. Then I see this article. Wonder what the Mayor of Indiana has to say about this?

The Colts are a much better team than the Bears. That said, final score: Bears 37, Colts 24.

18 posted on 01/28/2007 6:07:57 AM PST by Bernard (Immigration should be rare, safe and legal.)
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To: Bernard

Boy, how many Devin Hester TD returns ya' got in that 37?


19 posted on 01/28/2007 6:10:06 AM PST by John W
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To: twin1

Indy insult ping


20 posted on 01/28/2007 6:15:46 AM PST by twin2
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To: John W
That's not a factor. My prediction goes back to something Mike Ditka talked about the last time the Bears were in this situation - The Grabowskis vs. The Jones.

You could see it in the conference championships - the Bears were in the snow, getting muddy and snowed on, playing Bears football. While the AFC game was picturesque - bright green field, bright white yard marker stripes, pretty blue uniforms on both teams.

And the Bears want it more, for their entire team, while all the Colts noise is about how important this is for Peyton Manning.

Now, I might be wrong about this; I thought I was wrong once before, but I was mistaken.

21 posted on 01/28/2007 6:18:22 AM PST by Bernard (Immigration should be rare, safe and legal.)
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To: Chi-townChief

Indiana has the BEST watermelons, from around Evansville. I have no idea why.
Indiana has three NCAA championships. Chicago has one.


22 posted on 01/28/2007 6:19:40 AM PST by steve8714 (Isn't Israel a sovereign nation? Why do they do what we tell them to do?)
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To: Strategerist

In St. Louis we still use "Hoosier the way he states, but we are quick to separate that from residents of Indiana, about whom we have few preconceptions.


23 posted on 01/28/2007 6:22:39 AM PST by steve8714 (Isn't Israel a sovereign nation? Why do they do what we tell them to do?)
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To: John W
"Indy has nothing we'd want"

After the game we will, it's called the Vince Lombardi Trophy
24 posted on 01/28/2007 6:26:51 AM PST by smug (Tanstaafl)
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To: Bernard

Well, we'll see.But, the SB should resemble the AFC game in field appearance.And, I like Ditka,but, his 1985 "Grabowskis" played on artificial turf at Soldier Field before it went to grass, if thats what you call it.


25 posted on 01/28/2007 6:28:48 AM PST by John W
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To: steve8714
Indiana has three NCAA championships. Chicago has one.

Actually they have five. 1940, 1953, 1976, 1981, 1987.
26 posted on 01/28/2007 6:31:03 AM PST by smug (Tanstaafl)
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To: Chi-townChief; Republic; Teacher317; IN Farm Girl; defconw; Conservatish; WomanBiologist; ...
CHICAGO (AP) -- Chicago Bears football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice while police and federal investigators were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again...


GO COLTS !!

27 posted on 01/28/2007 6:31:32 AM PST by Earthdweller (All reality is based on faith in something.)
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To: Chi-townChief

Now Now. Can't we just all get along?


28 posted on 01/28/2007 6:31:48 AM PST by dforest (Liberals love crisis, create crisis and then dwell on them.)
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To: Condor51

Before meeting her? This is not funny...and have you seen the welfare recipients in Chicago?

Enough said ...


29 posted on 01/28/2007 6:43:55 AM PST by Paige
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To: indylindy
Nah. It's kind of funny, though, to see a b*tch fight between Chicago and Indianapolis over which city is cooler. It's like watching Rosie and John Goodman fight over who has lower cholesterol.
30 posted on 01/28/2007 6:46:05 AM PST by Richard Kimball
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To: Chi-townChief
Of course Chicago 'thumbs its collective (pun intended) noses' at Indiana.
Why wouldn't it?

After all, what self-respecting, hard-core liberal, solid-blue city, in the bluest of blue states WOULDN'T look down on a red state like Indiana that has voted Republican in every single Presidential election in last 40 years!!!! (For you Colts fans--that's the last TEN elections).

31 posted on 01/28/2007 6:50:42 AM PST by stockstrader ("Where government advances--and it advances relentlessly--freedom is imperiled"-Janice Rogers Brown)
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To: Richard Kimball

At least our citizens don't have to drive out of city limits to get a job at Wal mart. Hey....I thought Richard Kimball was dead. He is alive and typing.


32 posted on 01/28/2007 6:58:45 AM PST by dforest (Liberals love crisis, create crisis and then dwell on them.)
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To: indylindy
"I thought Richard Kimball was dead. He is alive and typing."

I'm sure he and all his liberal fans will have a lot to say after the game.


Fill'er up boys!

33 posted on 01/28/2007 7:04:35 AM PST by Earthdweller (All reality is based on faith in something.)
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To: Earthdweller

He will know what being a Fugitive is all about!


34 posted on 01/28/2007 7:06:42 AM PST by dforest (Liberals love crisis, create crisis and then dwell on them.)
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To: Earthdweller

Let 'em have their trash talking. Colts will do their talking on the field next sunday when they beat the Bears like a red haired step-child. Peyton will feast on this defense. How he does it depends on whether Lovie dares to try the two deep wide coverage on evey down like the Ravens and Pats did to their regret. I do, hoever, appreciate the dilemma - pick your poison.


35 posted on 01/28/2007 7:16:48 AM PST by joebuck
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To: Earthdweller

Tom Brady, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around.

They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots' flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Tom," said God. "This is very special house; not everyone gets a home in this neighborhood."

Tom felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Colts' logo flag, and in every window, an Indianapolis Colts towel.

Tom looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what's your point Tom?"

"Well, why does Peyton Manning get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said:

"Tom, that's not Peyton 's house, it's mine."

GO COLTS!!!


36 posted on 01/28/2007 7:35:41 AM PST by Samwise (The root word in "environmentalist" is "mental.")
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To: smug

mo' better.


37 posted on 01/28/2007 7:37:27 AM PST by steve8714 (Isn't Israel a sovereign nation? Why do they do what we tell them to do?)
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To: mewzilla

It's typical football trash-talking.

Sad to see that this guy could't find anything else that was worthwhile.


38 posted on 01/28/2007 7:40:04 AM PST by Loud Mime ("She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon." - Groucho Marx)
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To: Earthdweller

ROFLMAO! Tooooooooo much!


39 posted on 01/28/2007 7:40:18 AM PST by Republic (Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity & Mark Levin have a genuine passion for our nation!)
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To: Paige
**** Before meeting her? This is not funny...and have you seen the welfare recipients in Chicago? Enough said ...****

I'm sorry but the way he put it, it is funny.

And I LIKE Indiana and I love the Indiana Dunes Sate Park. Been going camping there off and on since 1957. Why I know those woods like Daniel Boone. Heck, there's still 'trails' (not official ones) in the back woods I marked with my trusty hatchet (3 slashes, 2 slashes, etc). Even saved a lost Boy Scout once back in '58 (that was funny). And there's this little greasy spoon restaurant / cafe in Chesterton next to the train tracks that serves some of the best food (at least it was still there a few years back).

The only problem is, to get there I have to go through Gary.

40 posted on 01/28/2007 7:47:33 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Condor51

Gary should be named Little Chicago. Run down, infested with gangs, poverty, and another welfare area.


41 posted on 01/28/2007 7:52:37 AM PST by Paige
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To: Miss Marple
As far as I am concerned, the more Chicago people who think this is accurate, the better.

Heh, this was my first thought as well!

42 posted on 01/28/2007 7:54:42 AM PST by ReagansShinyHair
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To: Strategerist

I'm from Indiana, and I think it was hilarious!


43 posted on 01/28/2007 7:57:49 AM PST by cicero's_son
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To: Strategerist

Ummm ... the Bears fans' signs about the Saints were humor also.


44 posted on 01/28/2007 7:59:00 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Chi-townChief

This is all good clean fun people. I remember when Philly trashed the city of Green Bay, calling us a bunch of yokels too. No skin off my back. I'd rather live here than Philadelphia anyway.


45 posted on 01/28/2007 8:02:00 AM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist (Forgot your tagline? Click here to have it resent!)
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To: Extremely Extreme Extremist

I agree although his bigotry is a bit exposed. What gets me is the Sun-Times jumping all over Bears' fans about New Orleans.


46 posted on 01/28/2007 8:05:49 AM PST by Chi-townChief
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To: Lurker

"And one other thing can be said about Indianapolis. It isn't run by Daley."

No but Bart Peterson is just as bad.


47 posted on 01/28/2007 8:10:02 AM PST by Sir Hailstone (Your freedom. Brought to you by the 2nd Amendment and the United States Armed Forces.)
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To: Earthdweller

Indy PING!

Got a new podcast online - you know where to find it


48 posted on 01/28/2007 8:15:17 AM PST by Sir Hailstone (http://digitalfarmers.blogspot.com - PROUD RIGHT WING NUTTERBALL FREEPER!!)
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To: Paige
****Gary should be named Little Chicago. Run down, infested with gangs, poverty, and another welfare area.****

Nah, Gary doesn't have enough Illegal Mexicans to qualify. If they hit 55% and blacks became the 2nd minority - THEN the name change would be applicable.

And actually Gary has always been 'seedy'. If anything Chicago should be called Big Gary. Gary's decline has been on a slower curve - Chicago's has been at Light Speed.

49 posted on 01/28/2007 8:25:18 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Chi-townChief

The one thing to be said about Indiana is that we don't have Chicago.


50 posted on 01/28/2007 8:34:02 AM PST by caver (Yes, I did crawl out of a hole in the ground.)
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