A Very Harry Ending

New York Post ^ | February 20, 2007 | ANGELA MONTEFINISE

[CholeraJoe]

February 18, 2007 -- HARRY Potter is not going to die.

But Professor Snape will.

Harry Potter will not hook up with Hermione. But his best friend will.

And Harry Potter will never see Dumbledore alive again. But Dumbledore will still manage to help him.

How do I know these things about the recently completed seventh and final book in the beloved Harry Potter series?

I don’t.

Like millions of other Potter-loving muggles, I’m just guessing. That’s half the fun.

[AppyPappy]

Interracial dating????????

[GreenLanternCorps]

IIRC correctly it was either on www.fanfiction.net under TV crossovers, Buffy the Vampire slayer crossovers. Or at Twisting the Hellmouth www.tthfanfic.com.

I'm a Stagate SG1 fan fiction fan and found it by accident.

Warning, with Fan Fiction, Sturgeon's Law (90% of everything is crap) applies. But the remaing 10% has some very well written amateur fiction.

By the way, there are about 285,649 Harry Potter stories in the Harry Potter section of fanfiction.net...

[CholeraJoe]

I didn't list all the murders on purpose. I also omitted Dumbledore and Igor Karkoroff among others.

[RadioAstronomer]

Where did you get the impression that I don't like them? I've read every book at least 3 times and watched the movies repeatedly. I was baiting the Potter haters

Sorry.

Note to self: Read the whole thread before commenting. Sigh.

[mikeus_maximus]

Dude- have you even acrually read the book? That kind of ignorant, foaming-at-the-mouth rant gives us fundemental Christians a bad name. Try to find the facts before you pop off on your minister's favorite soapbox, will ya?

[Calpernia]

Oh pardon. I'm not usually on the Harry Potter threads and didn't know your take. You fooled me though. I took the bait. I actually thought you were upset with the snake being killed :)

[CholeraJoe]

So have I, RA. I was baiting the Potter haters.

[gondramB]

1. HARRY Potter is not going to die.

2. But Professor Snape will.

3. Harry Potter will not hook up with Hermione. But his best friend will.

4. And Harry Potter will never see Dumbledore alive again. But Dumbledore will still manage to help him.
(number added)

---

1,3 and 4 are almost obvious.

1. The central message of Harry Potter is that talent (Harry), loyalty (Ron) and hard work (Hermiuone) are not enough to defeat evil - in the end it takes love. To make that point Harry must eventually defeat Voldemort with the help of love.

3. They have been setting up Ron and Hermionefrom the beginning.

4. All the lesser former heads of Hogwarts live on and help their successors. Dumbledore as the greatest wizard ever will, of course, live on.

As for Snape, if he betrayed Dumbledore then he will likely die. If he worked with Dumbledore to the end, then as the only Deatheater to renounce evil he will likely live to make a point.

[AppyPappy]

Hmmm...it sounds like they have lost interest

[Calpernia]

You CHEATED ON ME!!! After you ate my steamed fish!

Oh the humanity!


::gasps::

[woofie]

I personally dated a woman with a hairy mole

[mikeus_maximus]

OK- I see the joke now. The phrase "too clever by half" comes to mind. Unfortunately, there are folks who think the whole thing is Satanic, without ever understanding what phrases like "expecto patronis" means or understanding the religious allegory tradition on which JK's stories are based (like C.S. Lewis' were).

[js1138]

I was baiting the Potter haters

I've watched the posts here for quite a while. Your parody is indistinguishable from business as usual.

[gondramB]

>>interracial dating

Who's going out with a muggle? Did I miss something?<<

One of the Griffendore's is half muggle - he mentions that his dad was very surprised to find out his wife was a witch.

Haggrad is half giant.

Ron's brother is marrying Fleur Delacour who is one fourth Veela.

But throwing in inter-racial dating had to be a joke unless the poster was trying to make Freep look bad - unlikely since he's been here since '99.

[Billthedrill]

Man, I dunno. What's left for Rowling after this summer? Will she have to go back to work as a secretary in order to support her kids?

(For certain inhabitants of this thread - this is a joke. A J-O-K-E. If you have to ask, you didn't get it.)

[Larry Lucido]

LOL!!!!

[CholeraJoe]

One of the Griffendore's is half muggle -

That was Seamus Finnegan. Both of Hermione's and Dean Thomas' parents are muggles.

[Larry Lucido]

murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty

Are you talking about this?

[AppyPappy]

A lot of them are half. Hermoine's parents are muggles (dentists)

[Larry Lucido]

"His father was a muggle, his mother was a muggle.....

His mother was a muggle?"

[Tanniker Smith]

Repeated from a prior thread speculating on which 2 characters would die in the final book:

The one who gets the reprieve will be either Snape, Malfoy or Dumbledore. (Don't argue -- that's a different thread.)

The people that will die?
If Snape's really evil, he's dead.
If Voldemort finds out that Snape isn't a double agent, but a super secret reverse triple whammy, he's dead.
If he didn't actually kill Dumbledore after making an Unbreakable Vow, well, he's dead....
Looks like Snape's a goner. That should mean that he lives.

Fred and/or George. One's definitely going to buy the farm. The other will avenge his death.

Neville lives. He has a major score to settle and it'd be a real downer if A) he doesn't get to, or B) he dies shortly afterward. I think more people will be p*ssed if Neville dies than if Harry dies. (Some folks may not like the idea of Harry dying, but they're prepared for it and possibly expecting it.)

Hermione lives. Rowling committing suicide in her final book? Nah. She needs Hermione if she ever wants to do another book in the same realm or setting. Besides, Hermione took the big hit in Book 2.

Ron lives, unless he tells Hermione that he loves her and can't live without her and wants to marry her. In that case, he's a goner. And he might get killed, too.

Ginny. There's an untold(so far) story concerning Ginny. Will she die at the end of it?

Mr or Mrs Weasley: possibly, but I don't think so. Don't know why, but I don't think so.

Percy: dead. Should be dead. Whether it's a wimpy death or a heroic death or a redemptive death, who knows.

One of the "B" characters will go. They're expandable. They may be interesting and are fleshed out, but they're still glorified Red Shirts and not really "major characters". Easy come, easy go.

The Dursleys. They aren't important, so even if they all die, they don't count toward the two.

Nearly Headless Nick: AHH!! Gotcha on that one.

McGonnagal: she's old and uses a cane. Maybe it's her time. On the other hand, she turns into a cat, so maybe she has 9 lives.

Hagrid: could she kill off the big lug? Would he step in and take one for Harry? (Actually, that might be how one of them dies -- defending Harry who has to make it to The Final Battle.)

Those are my opinions (which I probably expressed on the last Potter thread.)

TS

Repeated from a prior thread speculating on which 2 characters would die in the final book:

The one who gets the reprieve will be either Snape, Malfoy or Dumbledore. (Don't argue -- that's a different thread.)

The people that will die?
If Snape's really evil, he's dead.
If Voldemort finds out that Snape isn't a double agent, but a super secret reverse triple whammy, he's dead.
If he didn't actually kill Dumbledore after making an Unbreakable Vow, well, he's dead....
Looks like Snape's a goner. That should mean that he lives.

Fred and/or George. One's definitely going to buy the farm. The other will avenge his death.

Neville lives. He has a major score to settle and it'd be a real downer if A) he doesn't get to, or B) he dies shortly afterward. I think more people will be p*ssed if Neville dies than if Harry dies. (Some folks may not like the idea of Harry dying, but they're prepared for it and possibly expecting it.)

Hermione lives. Rowling committing suicide in her final book? Nah. She needs Hermione if she ever wants to do another book in the same realm or setting. Besides, Hermione took the big hit in Book 2.

Ron lives, unless he tells Hermione that he loves her and can't live without her and wants to marry her. In that case, he's a goner. And he might get killed, too.

Ginny. There's an untold(so far) story concerning Ginny. Will she die at the end of it?

Mr or Mrs Weasley: possibly, but I don't think so. Don't know why, but I don't think so.

Percy: dead. Should be dead. Whether it's a wimpy death or a heroic death or a redemptive death, who knows.

One of the "B" characters will go. They're expandable. They may be interesting and are fleshed out, but they're still glorified Red Shirts and not really "major characters". Easy come, easy go.

The Dursleys. They aren't important, so even if they all die, they don't count toward the two.

Nearly Headless Nick: AHH!! Gotcha on that one.

McGonnagal: she's old and uses a cane. Maybe it's her time. On the other hand, she turns into a cat, so maybe she has 9 lives.

Hagrid: could she kill off the big lug? Would he step in and take one for Harry? (Actually, that might be how one of them dies -- defending Harry who has to make it to The Final Battle.)

Those are my opinions (which I probably expressed on the last Potter thread.)

TS

[altura]

Harry undress and bathe in Goblet of Fire.>>>

That had to hurt!

[flushed with pride]

When you eat a woman's steamed fish, you are considered legally married in 26 states.

[gondramB]

>>Harry undress and bathe in Goblet of Fire.>>>

That had to hurt!<<

Now that the actor is doing full nude in a play that scene is kind of a moot point. The producers are unhappy.

>>Warner Bros Won’t Sack Naked Harry Potter

February 19th, 2007 at 11:30 by Stuart Heritage

Harry Potter naked Equus Warner Bros sack Daniel Radcliffe horsesDaniel Radcliffe can't do right for doing wrong - and by that we mean that the Harry Potter film studio is angry about Daniel Radcliffe taking all his clothes off and stabbing some horses in the eye in worship of a mental horse-god in front of everyone.<<

[altura]

Guess he was desperate not to be stereotyped.

But it was a poor choice for him to make if the people who made him famous were hurt by it.

Also, that has to be one of the creepiest, most unpleasant plays ever written ...

Can't figure out it's (sort of ) popularity.

[SuziQ]

WooHoo this summer is a two-fer; a book AND a movie!

[gondramB]

>>Guess he was desperate not to be stereotyped.

But it was a poor choice for him to make if the people who made him famous were hurt by it.

Also, that has to be one of the creepiest, most unpleasant plays ever written ...

Can't figure out it's (sort of ) popularity.<<

I haven't seen Equis. Agreed he must be very desperate to break stereotype.

I didn't link because I didn't enjoy the accompanying picture and figured others here would not either.

Not to mention he's 17, in the U.S it would be illegal to pay him to perform nude.

[Mr. Jeeves]

Child Abuse - The Dursley's treatment of Harry (beatings, starvation, isolation.)

Hey, that's just fine, traditional, Puritan child-rearing technique!. ;)

I'm really looking forward to this last book - it's about the only fantasy I still like, aside from George R. R. Martin.

[Politicalmom]

The thing that bothered me most in all the books, besides Wormtail's arm being sacrificed, was Professor Umbridge torturing Harry. Those scenes just went on and on and on....

[hoosierham]

How many beloved actors/actresses have disgusted their loyal fans by "breaking out of a sterotype" AND lost the career and money ?

[Leto]

Interracial dating - Fred Weasley and Angelina Johnson, Cho Chang and Cedric Diggory, Harry and Parvati Patil, Ron and Padma Patil, Harry and Cho Chang, Ginny Weasley and Michael Corner, Ginny Weasley and Dean Thomas.

And your issue with interracial dating is???

I can't wait to hear.

[voltaires_zit]

> How many beloved actors/actresses have disgusted their
> loyal fans by "breaking out of a sterotype" AND lost the
> career and money ?

None spring immediately to mind...

[mgstarr]

Why is "interracial dating" on your list?

Somewhat curious isn't it?

[MikeD]

Dumbledore is dead. As a doornail. Like Buckwheat. His picture is in the headmaster's office, so he is out of here.

Why wouldn't he be dead? He certainly did not fear death, especially if it helped Snape keep his cover as a spy.

[hoosierham]

Perhaps they are so obscure now that no one remembers ?

Or maybe more people will pay to watch nudity and pointless vulgarity than good triumpks stories ?

I think the code Hollywood once endorsed at least resticted the substitution of flesh for talent.

[DTogo]

JimRob's favorite curse: Zotus Trollus!

[Calpernia]

See that R.A.! You did cheat on me!

:)

[gondramB]

>>How many beloved actors/actresses have disgusted their loyal fans by "breaking out of a sterotype" AND lost the career and money ?<<

Hmmm.

I can think of some females with good girl images that took a hit - Britney Spears maybe but in general, I guess you are right - "good" doesn't sell as well as "dirty."

[RadioAstronomer]

Ummm - that was before the fish! :-)

[RadioAstronomer]

See that R.A.! You did cheat on me!

Noooooo.... - that was 20 years ago. LOL!

[gondramB]

Doing more research,I've decided you are right..

this article helped convince me
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Typecasting_(acting)#Attempts_to_move_beyond_typecasting

[RadioAstronomer]

LOL! :-)

[retrokitten]

Potter Ping!

[ccmay]

More murder, torture, kidnapping, theft, voyeurism, child abuse, animal cruelty, and interracial dating from J.K. Rowling.

Sounds much like the Bible.

-ccm

[DelphiUser]

>>I personally dated a black woman. Do you have a problem with that?

That depends, would I think she was cute?

Ow! Ow! Honey It was a joke! (Wife beating me over the head with a rolling pin)

[r9etb]

I personally dated a black woman. Do you have a problem with that?

Wouldn't it be rather difficult to date her impersonally....?

(Hm. OTOH, that sounds like a great bidness opportunity for Japan....)

[RedCell]

Ah... my bad then.

Thanks and cheers!

[null and void]

Interracial dating- And Bill's marrying that Frenchy!

Hey, she's half Vela...

[null and void]

The thing that bothered me most in all the books, besides Wormtail's arm being sacrificed, was Professor Umbridge torturing Harry. Those scenes just went on and on and on....

Umbridge is a surrogate for the Hildabeast.