A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day....03-22-07...A Finest Pet Humor Day

gizmo, rusty

[dutchess]

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day

Free Republic made its debut in September, 1996, and the forum was added in early 1997.   Over 100,000 people have registered for posting privileges on Free Republic, and the forum is read daily by tens of thousands of concerned citizens and patriots from all around the country and the world.

A Few of FR's Finest....Every Day was introduced on June 24, 2002. It's only a small room in JimRob's house where we can get to know one another a little better; salute and support our military and our leaders; pray for those in need; and congratulate those deserving. We strive to keep our threads entertaining, fun, and pleasing to look at, and often have guest writers contribute an essay, or a profile of another FReeper.

On Mondays please visit us to see photos of A FEW OF FR'S VETERANS AND ACTIVE MILITARY

If you have a suggestion, or an idea, or if there's a FReeper you would like to see featured, please drop one of us a note in FR mail.

We're having fun and hope you are!
~ Billie, Dutchess, DollyCali, GodBlessUSA , Aquamarine ~

Welcome Finest Friends. It's Thursday at the Finest and JohnHuang2 is taking a well deserved vacation so we've revived Freeper Pet Joke Day! Feel free to add your own pet humor (or a picture of your furry friends!) ENJOY!

A LITTLE PET HUMOR

Seeing eye dogs?

There were two buddies one with a German Shepherd and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the German Shepherd says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The buddy with the German Shepherd says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the German Shepherd puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, man, no pets allowed." The man with the German Shepherd says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog." The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua??? You mean to tell me, that they gave me a Chihuahua?!"

The Blonde & The K-9 Patrol Dispatch

The police department, famous for its superior K-9 unit, was somewhat taken aback by a recent incident. Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, clapped a hand to her head and moaned, "I come home from work to find all my possessions stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send a BLIND policeman!"

Have a great day...and keep smiling!!!!!

01-09-07 ~ Hall of Fame #18

THIS WEEK'S THREADS 03-19-07 Military Monday 03-20-07 Yay, It's Spring 03/21/07 Warm Fuzzy Wednesday

Opinions by our own 'King of Ping' Every Thursday at the Finest The guy's good, folks!

[dutchess]

[dutchess]

A Finest Day Pet humor Ping! Feel free to add your own "fuzzy jokes" OR the obligatory "show off your fuzzy friends" pictures!!!! ENJOY!

[Bob Buchholz]

Pet Diaries:

Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40am walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!

11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and myself are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.

I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... For now....

[CDHart]

If I knew how to post a picture I would post one of our "babies." We have a Lhaasa Apso and a rat terrior, both of whom were strays. We just love them, and I don't know what we'd do without them.

Carolyn

[dutchess]

Did an "oopsie" and re-did the thread. Would appreciate you reposting the devotional rus!

[dutchess]

I'll freepmail my email if you want to send the pictures. Will be computer impaired though until around 4:00 (hate when work interferes with freeping :o)

[afraidfortherepublic]

Nice idea for a post, and you said we could post pix of our fur friends, so here goes:

Introducing Magnificent Max (+ grandchild). Max was adopted through Golden Retriever Rescue of Wisconsin (G.R.R.O.W.) in 2002. He had been found running as an undisciplined stray, and this wonderful organization took him in, got his shots and a health exam, had him neutered, and placed him with me-- for a fee, of course. We took him to dog trainig (partof the contract) and now he is our office and all the time dog. He has traveled coast to coast and is a wonderful companion. Max has appeared in Bush parades, but he hasn't FReeped the White House. He figures there is no need with Barney in charge.

[dutchess]

God Bless Our Military
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Below are names of some of our FReepers' loved ones who are serving our country. If you have someone you would like to add, please address a post to Billie; Aquamarine; Dutchess, The Mayor, DollyCali or GodBlessUSA and we will add their name to this list. As we pray for them, we pray also for all our nation’s leaders, and military personnel, and their families and friends. May God hold them close to His heart.

~~~~~~~~~~   ~~~~~~~~~~

We ask Lord, that You guide the leaders of our great country in their hour of decision. The burden that has been placed on their shoulders is overwhelming. We ask that with Your infinite wisdom You guide them gently to the right decisions.

Please give us the strength, Lord, to get through each difficult and devastating day that faces each of us and our country. Protect and guide our Military that are now being called to duty, strengthen them in their trials and temptations; give them courage to face the perils which beset them; and grant them a sense of your abiding presence wherever they may be; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

gator girl........................husband severa............husband, brother Maigrey.........................cousin mystery-ak...........son, husband Inspectorette.......................son Blessed American..........nephew Slip18..........................nephew Diver Dave........niece, nephew ConspiracyGuy........2 nephews AnnaofDC......niece's husband sneakers..........................son weldgophardline.................son weldgophardline.....brotherinlaw jamaly.................brotherinlaw Future Snake Eater.......cousin WaterDragon............grandson WaterDragon...........son-in-law kimmie7......................brother LadyX (RIP)..............grandson fawn796......................nephew ValerieUSA..................2 sons Lakeside......................2 sons LakeLady....................nephew Spruce......................daughter Bykrbayb..........................son Leofl.................................son chena...............................son Hope and Glory..................son DebWisconsin.............nephews TheMayor...............friends'son Doug from Upland.......soninlaw homeschoolmama........nephew ariamne...................2 cousins mhking.........................cousin 911angelady.................2 sons Consort.................2 daughters Consort...................son-in-law gonzo...................friend's son cookcounty......................son JFC............................nephew visualops......................cousin auboy..........................cousin painter........................nephew jrushing.............................son LoneRedRanger...brother-in-law Ladysmith.nephew, friend's son tina07......soninlaw & his friend MontanaCowgirlCop......brother nelibeli........................nephew Misty4jc.....................husband Colorado Slim..............nephew Tapatio....................2 nephews ProudAFDad......................son Alouette.............................son Katydidnt...........................son Zechariah_8_13....brother-in-law Zechariah_8_13.............cousin PreviouslyA-Lurker........brother sheeza.......................husband kemathen7..................husband Q6-God..................twin brother Q6-God....................active duty Warrior Nurse...........active duty SK1 Thurman...........active duty David Osborne..........active duty fc2tomschermuly......active duty bkwells....................active duty LongCut...................active duty cjk...........................active duty Trish........................active duty ODC-GIRL................active duty AF_Blue...................active duty thumperusn..............active duty Veloxherc.................active duty Don Simmons...........active duty wingnutx...................active duty CGblue.....................active duty bigghurtt...................active duty frankiep....................active duty veeceeque................active duty JRios1968................active duty NoLongerFreeState...active duty CMS........................active duty AlaskaErik...............active duty JemiansTerror...........active duty tongue-tied ..............active duty txradioguy................active duty Hoosiersailor.........active duty

OhioWfan................................son ladtx..................................2 sons Its_me_K.E.T.........................son Hostel............................cousin MozartLover...........son, nephew ak_daddoo........................nephew Dubya............................nephew LBGA (RIP)..........................son katykelly..............................son Armymarinemom................3 sons american_ranger.....................son Himyar....................................son SpookBrat........................nephew SpookBrat........................cousin boxerblues........................2 sons the piper..............................son Tiffee4Bob......................boyfriend TexKat.......................son, step-son StarCMC.............................brother Darheel...............................niece Donaeus...........................nephew BeAllYouCanBe........................son Repubmommy........................brother AgThorn................................2 sons kneezles.................................son RoseinRoseBear.....cousin's hubby Atomic Conspiracy......half-brother Atomic Conspiracy...........nephew Atomic Conspiracy..............niece Sunflowergal....................grandson mrstank..............................husband MrsMike31........................husband spotbust1............................husband campfollower............................fiance LUV W........................................son SilentServiceCPOWife........husband DirtyHarryY2K......................daughter DirtyHarryY2K................son-in-law Skimask.....................................son Palladin...............................grandson MississippyMuddy...................sister MississippyMuddy........2 nephews Kramster...............................stepson Socratic.............................nephew freema.......................nephew, son Azbushgal..............................son kimmykay.................................son NavySEAL F-16........................son repubmom...............................son wolfcreek..........................daughter JesseJane ...........................cousin Roses0508..............................son pmmd81..................................son GodBlessUSA......................cousin SoldiersPrayingMom.................son WakeUpandVote..................brother Skyraider.................................son CyberAnt...........................nephew mrs tiggywinkle...................cousin Jen's Mom........................daughter Meg33.............................grandson Nadine...............................nephew U S Army EOD.................daughter thehumanlynx...........brother-in-law Earthdweller......................nephew Scubachick.......................husband ChairmanDec19thSociety ..brotherinlaw Anthem............................2 cousins meanie monster .........family friend PragmaticWarrior..........2 nephews Sageb1...........................3 cousins JulieRNR21.........friend's grandson SuzyQue...mom,2 sons,3 brothers weeder1...........................nephew GulfWar1Vet.......two cousins IndyPendance..daughter,soninlaw fatima.....................granddaughter Lori from Long Island....soninlaw monkeyface...................grandson redhead...................grandnephew gonzo............................soninlaw varina davis...................grandson Rivendell.......................daughter W.W.Smith...........................son vigilante2.....son, adopted soldier NavySEAL F-16....................son Jaxter...........................son-in-law USMCWife6869..............husband jackv...............................son TINA KIRBY....................son

[dutchess]

Very cute!!! LOL! Thanks for sharing!

[Gabz]

Our cat Gateway (she reminds me of the black and white boxes Gateway comes are packaged in) is a math whiz.......she is excellent at multiplication.

Now if we could only get her to teach her offspring the basics of highway safety, our daughter would not keep getting new lessons in subtraction.

[MEG33]

Mine said the religion moderator had it pulled it or was I misreading?..I sent an inquiry..knowing that cxould not be true..LOL..I will be back!

[Gabz]

APPLAUSE!!!!!

When I took my daughter to school this morning, I made the mistake of leaving my bedroom door ajar. The dog didn't even BOTHER to greet me on my return, she still remains ensconced on the bed - at least she has enough sense to use my husband's pillow :)

[dutchess]

Magnificent Max is beautiful and what a heartwarming story (grandbaby is prettycute too :o) ) Both rusty and giz were strays also and are the joys of our life. Thanks for sharing!

[dutchess]

I asked that it be pulled. One of the jokes was a little offensive to a freeper via freepmail. (I had second thought before I posted...and should have trusted my original thoughts) Think this is better :o)

[dutchess]

Hey. Great to see you. Would love to see a picture of "Gateway". What a great name :o)

[Kewlhand`tek]

Sawsha

[MEG33]

 How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb."

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?
Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"
ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF!

[Gabz]

Gateway is a really weird cat, she is totally antisocial, I don't think I have any pictures of her at all.. Her bother, Possum, OTOH is a piece of work..........he follows my husband around like a puppy dog. Knows exactly when my husband is pulling into the driveway and is waiting at the car door before he gets out - no matter what hubby is driving.

[CDHart]

Thanks, but I'm at work too and don't have a scanner!

carolyn

[Gabz]

What magnificent coloring! A real beauty.

[LUV W]

Pirouetting Rhinos...

[MEG33]

What a beautiful grandchild and dog!

[afraidfortherepublic]

Thank you very much. Both of them are pistols! I mean that in a fun way.

[afraidfortherepublic]

Because Max was found as a stray, he was not eligible to be placed with a family with small children (no history). You can see how much he loves kids and is so tolerant of them. That picture was taken when we first got him, and there has never been a problem with him.

Our small grandaughter was hysterical the first time she saw Max. She literally climbed up on her father's head to escape this "giant" animal. By the time she left our home, she was rising early every morning and demanding of any adult she could wake, "Where's my Max?" She still remembers Max in her prayers every night at home in South Carolina.

[Lady Jag]

Hi, dutchess!

[MEG33]

Silky and Sassy

Silky, my once starving stray, playing surrogate mom to
abandoned Sassy when he was a kitten..
Sassy and his 4 sisters and brothers live with my daughter and SIL.
I now have Silky with me and she is loving being Queen Bee.
When I go to visit my daughter Silky is all involved with the other
kitties and almost ignores me, however!

[Kewlhand`tek]

looks like my tom Cooter

[Lady Jag]

Beautiful job, Meg!

[MEG33]

LOL!
Thank you! have posted it once before ..It took so long to get the pictures copied for posting here that I will use it again. I used a picture of Scoots, daughter of my beloved departed Purty, for the cat. My daughter in law sent this to me in an email.

[MEG33]

Lovely kitty and the tiger kitty looks like Sassy's brother
TRubble..He was the largest of the abandoned kittens
and became my best buddy when I was staying at my daughter's.

[MEG33]

[Lady Jag]

I don't know about you, but that'd be a lot of work for me! Glad you saved it. LOL!

[Lady Jag]

[MEG33]

It was a lot of work for me..I could use a lot of the Email HTML but none of the pictures could be used in their format..so I inserted the usual format and copied pictures..

Some of my framing is a lot of work for me ..and even if I save one..I am usually tweaking it when I use it again. I would never do this if I did not enjoy it!

[MEG33]

Another example of how dangerous online romance can be!

LOL

[Slings and Arrows]

Ping!

[MotleyGirl70]

How to Give A Cat A Pill

1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from yard.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for Humane Society to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

 

How to Give a DOG a pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

[MotleyGirl70]

Lol! I love the expression on the cat's face.

[MEG33]

I love your post!..I was just looking for it!

[MotleyGirl70]

It's a kitty classic and so very true :)

[MEG33]

I agree!

[Bean Counter]

Operation Sleepy Weasel...

[Fawn]

A DOGS WORST NIGHTMARE:

[MEG33]

LOL!

[Slings and Arrows]

[Slings and Arrows]

[Lady Jag]

Can't you find some simple little shareware html program to use to view your efforts?

Eleven years ago there was a little beauty around for about $40 but it's available anymore. The new ones I've tried are too complicated.

[Lady Jag]

Another example of how dangerous online romance can be!

Ain't that the truth!

[Lady Jag]

[dutchess]

Ah...Shawsha is beautiful and definately displays a "tude"! Am I right????