Skip to comments.Marry young: matrimony is wasted on the old
Posted on 04/20/2007 9:05:58 AM PDT by qam1
If it is the received opinion that Prince William and Kate Middleton were too young to be wed, then I would suggest that the received opinion is in error. Indeed, if it is the young Princes own view that 24 is too young to be married, then I would suggest this may be a mistake.
The mid-twenties are a perfect time for a young couple to be married. Indeed, at 25, a woman is already past the peak of her biological fertility, which occurs at the age of 23.
It has become the custom among the middle classes not to enter into matrimony until they reach their late twenties or early to middle thirties. In working-class milieux, it has become the custom not to marry at all, but to cohabit without benefit of state or clergy, although this is usually because of the reluctance of the male to commit, rather than the females refusal of a stable contract. These social trends are among the reasons why marriage itself is decreasing.
Having failed to take the plunge in the salad days of their twenties, the thirtysomethings grow ever more picky and choosy, and the young women ever more concerned about their fertility choices receding: while the available pool of suitable males shrinks ever smaller.
Marriage is a relationship that requires the paradoxical virtues of both fortitude and flexibility, or courage and tolerance, and these characteristics are best found in the young. The young are brave; they have valour; they are ready to plunge into the whirlpool and take the risk. And surely the marriage of true minds and one flesh has its most radiant flowering in the full sunshine of youths idealism not of maturitys calculation?
True, mistakes can be made. Very young marriages may founder, but marriages in the mature years may fail as well. The Prince of Wales himself was 32 when he undertook wedlock, and that was no guarantee of success. Many individuals in their thirties are already, in the old phrase, set in their ways. Whereas in the freshness and pliability of youth, couples can grow together. And even should the youthful marriage not endure, much is learnt from the experience during those formative years.
I am sure it is wise that William should not feel pressurised to marry, but neither should he be pressurised out of marriage by vogueish ideas that later unions are always better. It is not necessarily so.
Of course, there may be many other private reasons why the near-betrothal of Kate Middleton and Prince William has not come to pass. The course of any love true or untrue never did run smooth, and quarrels, jealousies and other storms of the heart are par for the course. But let it not be because the couple are thought too young and green. Once past the early twenties, the sooner married the better, surely.
And to this I’d add have your children (in matrimony) while you’re young too. That way they will be financially able to take care of you when you can’t.
Hey if you start early you can get a few marriages in. ;-)
And to this Id add have your children (in matrimony) while youre young too. That way they will be financially able to take care of you when you cant.
Well that is a risk. I see too many parents dumped in some horrible old age home. Horrible conditions. Terrible. But you are right it could help to have children when you are younger as long as you can take care of them correctly. My wife and I had my first at 28 almost 29. I think personally that was perfect. My sister had her first at 25, but my brother and sister in law waited seven years after marriage to have theirs at 35. I think that as long as you have children your chances are pretty good that you will be looked after...fingers crossed. lol.
I never could get the your too young to get married spiel that people often say. Depending on the couple, their maturity, their ability to provide for themselves and their future offspring, and how much time they have invested in their relationship, there really is no such thing as being too young to be married (except for state laws of course).
In that case, I am so glad that we do have state laws. I can’t imagine my kid coming to me at 13 and say. We are in love and getting married....thank you for state law and that you don’t set the age. lol.
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My in-laws provide some anecdotal confirmation of this. They recently celebrated their 65th anniversary. They knew when they were both 15 years old that no matter what they faced in life, they wanted to face it together. They ran away and got married at age 17, had their first child 10 months later. Their example of commitment has been an inspiration to all of their family.
I'd say Middleton had a narrow escape.
My wife and I of over thirty three years got married to young,(her 16, me 19) but we’ve grown together as a result. Three sons and 3 grandchildren later, we’re as blessed as any two people could be.
I've said that you oughta start having kids about 30. Old enough to have some kind of established career and financial support, yet young enough to have the ENERGY it takes to raise them properly. I had my first kid at 40, and boy, does he make me feel 60...
Good article. A culture shift would be healthy for society.
I disagree. There are always exceptions, of course, but it always seems to me that parents in their thirties are better parents than parents in their twenties. Of course, there may be other reasons for this, such as the fact that more educated people wait longer to have kids, however, I believe maturity plays a role, too.
I didn't understand contracts when I was eight, but long story short, my mother, ever the radical feminist, with little real cause (much manufactured by her) defaulted on hers, divorced my dad, left my home and me, remarried and took care of her new husband and stepchildren.
Our family was a trainwreck, my early life total chaos. The whole divorce thing terrorized me. What I didn't understand is why she left, my dad was a good guy and I wasn't bad as sons went. But she had this view she was too good for us. I felt dishonored, cheated. What I learned was that marriage was a ticking time bomb, a disaster waiting to happen. I didn't decide to believe this, this was my world, I knew nothing else. I didn't think I'd ever marry.
I married at 35, finally, after deprogramming myself of the learning of my early years. The wife and I are happy. I have no fear of her doing the same thing. But fear was all I had up until I met her. Hint: she's foreign born and was never exposed to the feminist ideology. By the time she came here she was set in her way with traditional values.
If you want to promote marriage at any age, get rid of feminism and no-fault divorce--the marriage destroyers.
True...the Gen Xers are going to be mad as hell when they figure out that their parents stole from them.
I believe the “get-married-later” thing was a liberally-based agenda. They knew that 17-24 year-old men and women have trouble controlling their sexual desires. By encouraging later marriage, they effectively encouraged sexual experimentation, abortion, homosexuality, etc. All of this also conflicted with religion...very convenient.
It's the same reason that the media is calling the murdered VT students "kids". Because it is now considered the norm in our society to not be mature enough to be an adult until you are well into your late 20s or later. A side effect of the nanny state and the pussification of our populace. I'd say it's just as well, because it's my experience that most people that young these days are too immature to take marriage seriously. I am glad that our young soldiers overseas seem to be bucking the immaturity trend.
The man should be past 40 and already settled in his career. The woman should be half plus seven years.
“Because it is now considered the norm in our society to not be mature enough to be an adult until you are well into your late 20s or later.”
Yes. This needs to change. I’m truly sick of 30 yr. olds who are still trying to find themselves.
“And to this Id add have your children (in matrimony) while youre young too. That way they will be financially able to take care of you when you cant.”
You are expecting your children to take care of you financially some day? Yikes! I sure hope my parents aren’t expecting that. :0
LOL. They’ll probably steal our biscuits and gruel from our whithered fingers.
William’s Dad Prnce Charles waited until his thirties to get married and then look who he chose- a fresh fertile 20 year old with the brain of a bee.
If Charles had married in his twenties he’d have chosen -Camilla- and saved everyone a lot of grief. Of course, Willam and Harry would then look like pit ponies!
Just tell the old folks to invest in long term care insurance instead of leaving you an inheritance. :-)
I am a pro-family, traditional values feminist, but was radical enough that I not only kept my surname when we married, but our daughters carry my name, and our sons my husband’s. Funny thing for a happy stay-at-home mother.
We married at 20, had our first child six years later and we’re coming up on 25 years of happy marriage.
I also went through a horrendous family situation as a child, broken marriage, broken everything, but my determination was to get it RIGHT and make myself whole as soon as I could.
It would make me happy to see my children marry young - if they married the right person for the right reasons. The attitude of many of their classmates is “Why would you want to get married without a good many years of screwing around and having fun first?” Thankfully, they don’t share it.
I always felt sad for our kids when their friends had youngish, vital grandparents in their 50's and 60's who wanted to have relationships with them. They missed so much.
Got married at 24 (same ages) after 8 years of dating and 6 years being engaged (which was basically marriage without the piece of paper to us). No regrets.
The Windsors are a menace.
Most women at 25 are narcisstic drama queens and as a male I would rather wait until my early thirties when my career is taking off and I already have a house, nice car and a boat.
“Long term care insurance” used to be called “family.”
“Family” used to be able to care for its own because the folks died 20 years earlier when they had strokes or heart attacks or cancer. They took to their beds and never got up again.
Now modern medicine gives many another 20-30 years of life but it takes specialized caretakers and equipment and techniques to sustain it at an attempted level of quality.
I would never remotely denigrate any caretaker of an alzheimers or aged stroke or emphysema patient, or the child of an 80 yr old parent with a broken hip, who opts for nursing care.
See DIVORCE COURT for the underlying reason why they refuse.
Camilla used to be attractive too. The aging process is poorly served in certain gene pools! Time will tell!
But kids from Camilla and Charles- two strikes!
I think age is irrelevant to the success of a long-term relationship between two imperfect people. Character, and their ability to develop more of it as the years pass, is what really counts.
You are partly right, but I am happily living in a very large multi-generation family. I do have a father-in-law on dialysis and a 40-something sister-in-law who recently had a massive stroke. She is temporarily in a nursing home until she can sit, then she’ll be brought home. Family members have really come together to help. I’m very thankful. I think younger generations have become disconnected and flippant about family responsibilities and that’s pretty sad.
“I am sure it is wise that William should not feel pressurised”
If figure 15 pounds per square inch should be about right. Anything less and he’ll wrinkle like Camilla, anything over and he’ll blow like Alec Baldwin.
I agree that 30 or so is a good time to start having kids. My husband and I, married for eight years, are expecting our first and I'm 32. We did get a hard time for waiting so long but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I suppose Viagra could skew these results north a little.. :)
Me too. I run into these types all the time in nearby Big Sky, MT. They're "ski bums" in the winter or live for fishing/mountain biking/rafting in the summer. They look at me in utter disbelief/confusion when they meet my college age boys. I've actually had some wonder why I "wasted" my prime years with raising a family instead of having fun.
They just don't get it.
Thanks for the photo of Camilla’s kids. Nice looking, but too bad the girl had that unfortunate weed whacker accident on her way to get her picture taken!
Well, yeah, if you think Madonna and Charlie McCarthy are good looking.
“I’ve actually had some wonder why I “wasted” my prime years with raising a family instead of having fun.”
I’m 39 and envy my similarly-aged friends who have families. Granted, they’re both separated or divorced and carrying back-breaking child-support loads, but still they have kids that love them, and they seem to get a lot from that. If I’d gotten married and had kids when I was 20 they’d be done, or almost done, high school by now and I could still be doing a lot of the “fun” things (motorcycles, skiing, RC planes) that I’m currently in to.