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I'm Sorry for the Impotence Ads....
Special to FreeRepublic ^ | 19 May 2007 | John Armor (Congressman Billybob)

Posted on 05/19/2007 7:31:38 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob

There are certain categories of ads on TV which offend me, and no doubt you, whenever they appear. There are the impotence ads. (Known as “E.D.” to its friends.) Plus the constipation/diarrhea ads. Plus the mobility (scooter) ads. The implication is that older men can’t get it up, can’t get it out, or can’t get it moving. Throw in the Alzheimer ads, and we can’t remember whether we’ve done any of that.

I say “we” because all these annoying ads are my fault. Yes, mine, and I apologize.

Yes, I am falling apart. It was only a month ago that I found out that gout is not an ancient disease that was wiped out shortly after Ben Franklin died. It’s a modern disease, with about the pain level of dropping a one gallon can of paint on your toes. Repeatedly. On both feet.

Fortunately, gout is also highly treatable and disappears entirely. That’s good, because both of my regular doctors are fellow sufferers, and therefore highly sympathetic. But that’s not the reason these ads are my fault.

When you go into Burger King or whatever, do you pay attention to the canned music playing in the background? It’s all generic; they pour syrup on the music and the instruments, so the result is non-offensive. With a little work, you can figure out what classic tunes are being kicked while they are down.

No matter where you go, most generic music is stuck in the sixties, with touches of the late fifties and early seventies. And all that musical boredom is also my fault. Sorry about that.

Advertising goes where the money is – of course. And people who are on the slippery slope to high-stakes bingo and budget cruise ships, spend more money per head than anyone else, because we are coming apart at the seams. But most important, there are more of us than any other demographic group.

I’m at the leading edge of the Baby Boomers. Sometimes, the definition of us starts at the end of WW II. Other times it is more generous, and includes me by adding all who were born during that War.

Think back to kindergarten. The kids whose names started with “A” always got the cold milk and the unbroken cookies. Well, that’s the way it has been for Baby Boomers every year since we first started to have disposable income.

We are the rat in the demographic snake. From music, to movies, to all forms of communication, our tastes have dominated over your tastes, regardless of which generation you’re in, other than ours. And now that we are falling apart absent chemical or surgical enhancement, these ads are the result.

I didn’t do this on purpose. And I didn’t do it alone. But all this is my fault. Right after a spate of ads for nursing homes and prosthetic parts, plus maybe a touch of elaborate funeral homes, we’ll be out of here and y’all can get the popular culture back.

Personally, I’m stubborn. I intend to stick around and see what comes next. Give it your best shot. I promise to be patient, and tolerant. Starting in about ten years.

Of course, there is the little matter that our retirement will destroy Social Security and bankrupt the US government. But that’s an apology for another day.

- 30 -

About the Author: John Armor practiced in the US Supreme Court for 33 years. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu He lives in the 11th District of North Carolina.

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TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: alzheimer; bobdole; constipation; genx; impotence; tvads
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Thought y'all would enjoy this.

John / Billybob

1 posted on 05/19/2007 7:31:39 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob
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To: Congressman Billybob


Smilin' Bob likes your column.
2 posted on 05/19/2007 7:34:20 AM PDT by Xenalyte (You have to defile a mummy completely, or they come back to life. You know that.)
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To: Congressman Billybob
You forgot:

Thanks for giving me someone to blame for this guy.

L

3 posted on 05/19/2007 7:35:02 AM PDT by Lurker (Comparing 'moderate' islam to 'extremist' islam is like comparing small pox to plague.)
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To: Congressman Billybob

“The implication is that older men can’t get it up”

The Spanish do not have this problem... so uh, don’t bring us into to this .... um...... character trait?...


4 posted on 05/19/2007 7:36:01 AM PDT by Porterville (God is love and Dog is evol)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I had intended to post a swift rebuttal.......

But I can’t seem to remember it......


5 posted on 05/19/2007 7:37:30 AM PDT by labette (Money may not buy happiness, but it will buy politicians)
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To: Congressman Billybob

6 posted on 05/19/2007 7:38:59 AM PDT by theFIRMbss
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To: theFIRMbss

I always thought Bob should run again... He has a perfect campaign slogan, “Bob Dole will stand up for you!”


7 posted on 05/19/2007 7:45:52 AM PDT by nctexan
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To: Congressman Billybob

I can’t decide between a Hoverround, a Jazzy, or a Harley!


8 posted on 05/19/2007 7:46:40 AM PDT by Mister Da (The mark of a wise man is not what he knows, but what he knows he doesn't know!)
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To: theFIRMbss

ROFLMAO!!

I don’t have any of those troubles. Well, maybe explosive diarrhea, but other than that I....oops. Be back in just a minu


9 posted on 05/19/2007 7:48:22 AM PDT by Past Your Eyes (Some people are too stupid to be ashamed.)
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To: Congressman Billybob

hah. :-)

I’m sure qam will get a kick out of this.


10 posted on 05/19/2007 7:48:26 AM PDT by kenth (I got tired of my last tagline...)
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To: Congressman Billybob

If Ron Paul had said the terrorists wanted to kill us because of these ads, then I’d be more sympathetic.


11 posted on 05/19/2007 7:48:45 AM PDT by Moonman62 (The issue of whether cheap labor makes America great should have been settled by the Civil War.)
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To: qam1

Guess it would help if I pinged him. :-P


12 posted on 05/19/2007 7:49:22 AM PDT by kenth (I got tired of my last tagline...)
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To: Congressman Billybob

bump for later read


13 posted on 05/19/2007 7:51:37 AM PDT by albee (The best thing you can do for the poor is.....not be one of them. - Eric Hoffer)
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To: Mister Da
"I can’t decide between a Hoverround, a Jazzy, or a Harley!"

Yesterday I saw a commercial with some boomers on bikes with "Steppenwolf" type music in the background.

Then the picture switches to a male incontinence "diaper" that offers the kind of protection you need for a long ride.

There is something about this that is just WRONG!

14 posted on 05/19/2007 7:53:45 AM PDT by nctexan
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To: Congressman Billybob
budget cruise ships

Don't blame me, I go first class.

15 posted on 05/19/2007 7:54:33 AM PDT by razorback-bert (Posted by Time's Man of the Year)
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To: kenth; ItsOurTimeNow; PresbyRev; Fraulein; StoneColdGOP; Clemenza; m18436572; InShanghai; xrp; ...

Xer Ping

Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.

Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.  

16 posted on 05/19/2007 7:55:17 AM PDT by qam1 (There's been a huge party. All plates and the bottles are empty, all that's left is the bill to pay)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I’m more offended by the communications company that decided to invent “connectile dysfunction”.


17 posted on 05/19/2007 7:56:37 AM PDT by Glenn (Someone in '08!)
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To: Congressman Billybob

LOL!

Good one John!


18 posted on 05/19/2007 7:58:17 AM PDT by 2111USMC
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To: nctexan

There is something about this that is just WRONG!

Yes, yes there is.

It should have shown astronuauts and the space shuttle,
then a crazed psyco biotch driving all night to florida.


19 posted on 05/19/2007 7:58:24 AM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: Congressman Billybob
I figure that when God closes down one non-essential function, it's to keep the essential parts of the machine running well.
20 posted on 05/19/2007 7:58:32 AM PDT by bannie
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To: Congressman Billybob
I find the GEICO caveman commercials offensive. It’s got a homosexual flavor about it.

I wouldn’t buy ANYTHING from GEICO. If that’s how they advertise themselves ... I don’t want anything to do with a company that has such a low, childish self image.

21 posted on 05/19/2007 8:02:03 AM PDT by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God) .)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I can identify with your gout. My daddy used to say it hurt for a shadow to fall across his foot when he had it. I have it sometimes but mine is not too bad.


22 posted on 05/19/2007 8:02:19 AM PDT by jch10
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To: bannie

I guess that that would depend on your personal view of what’s “essential”.

:)


23 posted on 05/19/2007 8:04:27 AM PDT by 2111USMC
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To: 2111USMC

snicker....I mean ESSENTIAL in keeping the machine running.
I guess I mean the heart and brain!

The NORTHERN brain!

:-p


24 posted on 05/19/2007 8:39:53 AM PDT by bannie
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To: theFIRMbss
"Down, Boy!"
25 posted on 05/19/2007 8:40:42 AM PDT by TXnMA ("Allah": Satan's current alias...)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I’m still looking for the return of “commercial free cable TV”.


26 posted on 05/19/2007 8:41:57 AM PDT by wizr (Freedom ain't free.)
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To: Congressman Billybob
I intend to stick around and see what comes next.

Oh, my!. ED meds and what "comes next" all in one smutty article.

I am impressed.

Just pullin' your leg, John. ;^)

27 posted on 05/19/2007 8:52:04 AM PDT by DumpsterDiver
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To: wizr
I’m still looking for the return of “commercial free cable TV”.

Used to find it right next to the 24/7 Rev. Gene Scott station.

28 posted on 05/19/2007 8:54:55 AM PDT by KosmicKitty (WARNING: Hormonally crazed woman ahead!!)
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To: Congressman Billybob

My 34 year old husband said your description of how gout feels was an understatement


29 posted on 05/19/2007 8:59:02 AM PDT by HungarianGypsy
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To: nmh

Well one of those GEICO cavemen is getting back together with Tina.


30 posted on 05/19/2007 9:00:55 AM PDT by battlegearboat
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To: Congressman Billybob

I’m personally sick of those Herpes medication ads with the chick doing all romantic stuff with her lame boyfriend who can’t score with a non-VD sufferer.


31 posted on 05/19/2007 9:02:14 AM PDT by jmc813 (The 2nd Amendment is NOT a "social conservative" issue.)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I am baffled by the adds that always end in a pair of bathtubs. On a cliff, on a beach, in a vineyard. And the people in the ads are IN the tubs, presumably nekkid, no pile of clothes nearby. Oh, yeah, and it two separate tubs. One would think the idea would be to get......together.

Just can’t figure that one out.


32 posted on 05/19/2007 9:04:05 AM PDT by trimom
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To: Congressman Billybob

Just wait until you start getting phone calls about burial “plans”. LOL


33 posted on 05/19/2007 9:11:34 AM PDT by Carolinamom (God is pleased to get knee-mails.)
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To: Congressman Billybob

I hate the ED ads and wish they would be banned or atleast come on after family hours.


34 posted on 05/19/2007 9:13:29 AM PDT by FreeAtlanta (Search for Folding Project - Join FR Team 36120)
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To: nctexan

“Then the picture switches to a male incontinence “diaper” that offers the kind of protection you need for a long ride.”

Rebel With a Load On...


35 posted on 05/19/2007 9:17:18 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: nmh

The lizard is pretty funny.

“I was hit in the rear...
A lizard licks his eyeball”


36 posted on 05/19/2007 9:23:18 AM PDT by TN4Liberty (Conservatives want to destroy terrorism. Liberals want to destroy conservatives.)
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To: Congressman Billybob; TheMom

I have gout which has migrated into arthritis.

Fortunately it only attacks my toes, feet, ankles, knees, elbows and fingers.

When it is bad it hurts worse when the neighbors run their shower. A shadow is devastating!

It is not that treatable either.

However, I may not be able to walk very well or swing a golf club but I don’t need a diaper. Always a silver lining!


37 posted on 05/19/2007 9:25:18 AM PDT by Eaker (Free The Texas 3 - Ramos, Compean and Hernandez)
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To: HungarianGypsy
My 34 year old husband said your description of how gout feels was an understatement

As a long time gout sufferer how about this one:
Stand next to a wood fire. Have someone smash you on the foot with a sledge hammer. When the pain reaches maximum a few seconds later, shove your foot into the fire. - Tom

38 posted on 05/19/2007 9:25:29 AM PDT by Capt. Tom (Don't confuse the Bushies with the dumb Republicans - Capt. Tom)
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To: Congressman Billybob

no prob on the ED ads, a couple of them have had some smokin’ hot babes. (the one where the guy decides to record the ballgame for one)


39 posted on 05/19/2007 9:30:03 AM PDT by isom35
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To: Capt. Tom; HungarianGypsy

Stand in the middle of a room and have your worse enemy drive a rusty railroad spike through your foot into the broken glass covered floor and then run in circles.

This activity will take your mind off of the gout for a few minutes.


40 posted on 05/19/2007 9:35:42 AM PDT by Eaker (Free The Texas 3 - Ramos, Compean and Hernandez)
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To: nctexan
Yesterday I saw a commercial with some boomers on bikes with "Steppenwolf" type music in the background.

Then the picture switches to a male incontinence "diaper" that offers the kind of protection you need for a long ride.

There is something about this that is just WRONG!

LOL. My husband just saw this ad for the first time last night and was horrified! LMAO!

41 posted on 05/19/2007 9:39:32 AM PDT by Marie (Unintended consequences.)
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To: Congressman Billybob
Known as “E.D.” to its friends.

E.D. Hill from Fox News must be really enthusiastic about this abbreviation coming into regular use. /sarc

42 posted on 05/19/2007 9:41:52 AM PDT by Mr. Silverback (A pacifist sees no distinction between the arsonist and the fireman--Freeper ccmay)
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To: Congressman Billybob

A little cherry juice and gout goes bye-bye..


43 posted on 05/19/2007 9:47:11 AM PDT by hosepipe (CAUTION: This propaganda is laced with hyperbole....)
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To: Congressman Billybob

The ads rot, but the jokes work for me.


44 posted on 05/19/2007 9:52:32 AM PDT by Lady Jag (A positive attitude will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.)
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To: TN4Liberty

Those Geico ads are crazy. I envy the guys who get paid to sit around and think that stuff up. My favorite radio spots are the Budweiser “Real Men of Genius” series.


45 posted on 05/19/2007 9:54:34 AM PDT by Yardstick
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To: Congressman Billybob

I thought you were talking about all the people who threaten to bolt to a third party.


46 posted on 05/19/2007 9:55:50 AM PDT by AmishDude (It doesn't matter whom you vote for. It matters who takes office.)
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To: nmh
I find the GEICO caveman commercials offensive. It’s got a homosexual flavor about it.

It's all in how you pronounce 'GEICO'.

47 posted on 05/19/2007 9:57:00 AM PDT by uglybiker (relaxing in a cloud of quality, aromatic, pre-owned tobacco essence)
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To: Eaker
YOU WIN! My husband says your description is about right. When he hears about women saying nothing is worse than child birth, he says gout is much worse. Having gone through child birth and seeing how he has reacted to gout I have to agree with him.

The first time he had it the cure was worse than the problem. He now relies on tea tree oil and cherries. Hasn't had a complete flare up in years.

48 posted on 05/19/2007 10:08:13 AM PDT by HungarianGypsy
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To: nmh

I wouldn’t buy anything from Geico just because the people I have known who had it said they were expensive.


49 posted on 05/19/2007 10:09:29 AM PDT by HungarianGypsy
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To: uglybiker

After my first gout attack in 1986, I figured out that gout was God’s way of evening the playing field between men and women: I don’t think childbirth can be any more painful than gout. Thank God for indomecithin.


50 posted on 05/19/2007 10:09:56 AM PDT by Ax (Be a hero, save a whale. Save a baby, go to jail.)
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