Posted on 05/19/2007 7:31:38 AM PDT by Congressman Billybob
There are certain categories of ads on TV which offend me, and no doubt you, whenever they appear. There are the impotence ads. (Known as “E.D.” to its friends.) Plus the constipation/diarrhea ads. Plus the mobility (scooter) ads. The implication is that older men can’t get it up, can’t get it out, or can’t get it moving. Throw in the Alzheimer ads, and we can’t remember whether we’ve done any of that.
I say “we” because all these annoying ads are my fault. Yes, mine, and I apologize.
Yes, I am falling apart. It was only a month ago that I found out that gout is not an ancient disease that was wiped out shortly after Ben Franklin died. It’s a modern disease, with about the pain level of dropping a one gallon can of paint on your toes. Repeatedly. On both feet.
Fortunately, gout is also highly treatable and disappears entirely. That’s good, because both of my regular doctors are fellow sufferers, and therefore highly sympathetic. But that’s not the reason these ads are my fault.
When you go into Burger King or whatever, do you pay attention to the canned music playing in the background? It’s all generic; they pour syrup on the music and the instruments, so the result is non-offensive. With a little work, you can figure out what classic tunes are being kicked while they are down.
No matter where you go, most generic music is stuck in the sixties, with touches of the late fifties and early seventies. And all that musical boredom is also my fault. Sorry about that.
Advertising goes where the money is – of course. And people who are on the slippery slope to high-stakes bingo and budget cruise ships, spend more money per head than anyone else, because we are coming apart at the seams. But most important, there are more of us than any other demographic group.
I’m at the leading edge of the Baby Boomers. Sometimes, the definition of us starts at the end of WW II. Other times it is more generous, and includes me by adding all who were born during that War.
Think back to kindergarten. The kids whose names started with “A” always got the cold milk and the unbroken cookies. Well, that’s the way it has been for Baby Boomers every year since we first started to have disposable income.
We are the rat in the demographic snake. From music, to movies, to all forms of communication, our tastes have dominated over your tastes, regardless of which generation you’re in, other than ours. And now that we are falling apart absent chemical or surgical enhancement, these ads are the result.
I didn’t do this on purpose. And I didn’t do it alone. But all this is my fault. Right after a spate of ads for nursing homes and prosthetic parts, plus maybe a touch of elaborate funeral homes, we’ll be out of here and y’all can get the popular culture back.
Personally, I’m stubborn. I intend to stick around and see what comes next. Give it your best shot. I promise to be patient, and tolerant. Starting in about ten years.
Of course, there is the little matter that our retirement will destroy Social Security and bankrupt the US government. But that’s an apology for another day.
- 30 -
About the Author: John Armor practiced in the US Supreme Court for 33 years. John_Armor@aya.yale.edu He lives in the 11th District of North Carolina.
- 30 -
I wouldn’t buy ANYTHING from GEICO. If that’s how they advertise themselves ... I don’t want anything to do with a company that has such a low, childish self image.
I can identify with your gout. My daddy used to say it hurt for a shadow to fall across his foot when he had it. I have it sometimes but mine is not too bad.
I guess that that would depend on your personal view of what’s “essential”.
:)
snicker....I mean ESSENTIAL in keeping the machine running.
I guess I mean the heart and brain!
The NORTHERN brain!
:-p
I’m still looking for the return of “commercial free cable TV”.
Oh, my!. ED meds and what "comes next" all in one smutty article.
I am impressed.
Just pullin' your leg, John. ;^)
Used to find it right next to the 24/7 Rev. Gene Scott station.
My 34 year old husband said your description of how gout feels was an understatement
Well one of those GEICO cavemen is getting back together with Tina.
I’m personally sick of those Herpes medication ads with the chick doing all romantic stuff with her lame boyfriend who can’t score with a non-VD sufferer.
I am baffled by the adds that always end in a pair of bathtubs. On a cliff, on a beach, in a vineyard. And the people in the ads are IN the tubs, presumably nekkid, no pile of clothes nearby. Oh, yeah, and it two separate tubs. One would think the idea would be to get......together.
Just can’t figure that one out.
Just wait until you start getting phone calls about burial “plans”. LOL
I hate the ED ads and wish they would be banned or atleast come on after family hours.
“Then the picture switches to a male incontinence “diaper” that offers the kind of protection you need for a long ride.”
Rebel With a Load On...
The lizard is pretty funny.
“I was hit in the rear...
A lizard licks his eyeball”
I have gout which has migrated into arthritis.
Fortunately it only attacks my toes, feet, ankles, knees, elbows and fingers.
When it is bad it hurts worse when the neighbors run their shower. A shadow is devastating!
It is not that treatable either.
However, I may not be able to walk very well or swing a golf club but I don’t need a diaper. Always a silver lining!
As a long time gout sufferer how about this one:
Stand next to a wood fire. Have someone smash you on the foot with a sledge hammer. When the pain reaches maximum a few seconds later, shove your foot into the fire. - Tom
no prob on the ED ads, a couple of them have had some smokin’ hot babes. (the one where the guy decides to record the ballgame for one)
Stand in the middle of a room and have your worse enemy drive a rusty railroad spike through your foot into the broken glass covered floor and then run in circles.
This activity will take your mind off of the gout for a few minutes.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.