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You Might Be an Illegal Alien if . . .

Posted on 06/13/2007 2:46:00 PM PDT by Do Be

Humor folks. I know emotions run hot on this issue(mine do), but spew your anger elsewhere. This is for fun.

I was talking with one of my customers today and the subject of Jeff Foxworthy and his "You might be a redneck if .. . " humor came up and I said, what if there was humor about you might be an illegal alien if . . and he said,

You might be an illegal alien if you go to the DMV and there is a long line and you get moved to the front of the line."

And I laughed and said yeah or, "You might be an illegal alien if you crash a party and then decide to never leave and just live there, rent free, for occasionally taking out the trash and other things the members of the family don't want to do."

And driving later in the car I thought, "You might be an illegal alien if Bush is concerned about the quality of your life."

So, have at it.

You might be an illegal alien if . .


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: alien; aliens; amnesty; humor; illegal; illegals; immigrantlist; redneck
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This is meant to be humorous, not hatefull. I thought to maybe add a little levity to what is a very unfunny topic.

Wit is often insiteful and can cut deeply to the quick, while at the same time making people smile.

Use your wit to make us laugh and smile while exposing the reality of being invaded.

1 posted on 06/13/2007 2:46:07 PM PDT by Do Be
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To: Do Be

You might be an illegal alien if you get caught stealing a $1 pair of pants at a church rummage sale.


2 posted on 06/13/2007 2:48:36 PM PDT by ElkGroveDan (When toilet paper is a luxury, you have achieved communism.)
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To: Do Be

If the #2 on your touch-tone phone is worn out.


3 posted on 06/13/2007 2:50:17 PM PDT by Ozokerite Boryslaw
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To: Do Be

You proudly wear your “I voted for Loretta Sanchez” button.


4 posted on 06/13/2007 2:51:31 PM PDT by Michael.SF. ("The military Mission has long since been accomplished" -- Harry Reid, April 23, 2007)
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To: Do Be

Illegal Alien’s Poem

I visit US, get treated regal,
So I stay, who care I illegal?
I cross ocean, poor and broke,
Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, “You come no more,
We send cash right to your door.”

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,
Medicaid, it keep you healthy!
I go to college, for me it’s free,
and now I have a Ph.D.

By and by, I got plenty money,
Thanks to you, American dummy.
Write to friends in motherland,
Tell them come as fast as you can.

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
I buy big house with welfare bucks.
They come here, we live together,
More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families they moving in,
But neighbor’s patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away,
Now I buy his house, and then I say,

“Find more aliens for house to rent.”
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family (they just trash),
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighborhood.
We have hobby— it’s called breeding,
Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
American crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.


5 posted on 06/13/2007 2:51:34 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (Global Warming is Leftist Theology - Why is it Being Taught in School?)
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw

Good one.


6 posted on 06/13/2007 2:51:39 PM PDT by VRWCmember
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To: Do Be
Humor folks. This is for fun.

I see nothing funny about this ever escalating issue, one that is certain to change the course and direction of this country, leading to it's eventual demise.

7 posted on 06/13/2007 2:52:25 PM PDT by dragnet2
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if . .
Bush sends Scooter Libby to vouch for your identity
8 posted on 06/13/2007 2:52:40 PM PDT by Robe (Rome did not create a great empire by talking, they did it by killing all those who opposed them)
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To: Do Be

. . . your extended family can throw a reunion party without anyone having to leave their own house.


9 posted on 06/13/2007 2:52:55 PM PDT by Texas Federalist (Fred!)
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To: Do Be

...You come to the United States so you can get a job at a Mexican restaurant.


10 posted on 06/13/2007 2:53:06 PM PDT by Joe 6-pack (Que me amat, amet et canem meum.)
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To: Do Be

You might be an illegal alien if your Green Card name is “Fred Smith” when your real name is Pablo Garcia...


11 posted on 06/13/2007 2:53:07 PM PDT by UCFRoadWarrior (Illegal Alien Amnesty Is Anti-American)
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To: Do Be
"You might be an illegal alien if your 67 Chevy pickup truck doubles as an overloaded school bus"

"You might be an illegal alien if You get medical care in the first 30 minutes, instead of the first 30 hours"

"You might be an illegal alien if you get a sudden urge to work in the garden center of Home Depot or Lowes"

"You might be an illegal alien if you're on your 7th DUI and haven't even been to court yet"

"You might be an illegal alien if 30 people are helping out with the rent on a 2 bedroom house"

...

12 posted on 06/13/2007 2:53:09 PM PDT by xcamel ("It's Thompson Time!")
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To: Do Be

If you are still donating to the RNC.


13 posted on 06/13/2007 2:54:06 PM PDT by DancesWithBolsheviks (Demands, marches and media sob stories diminish my compassion.)
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To: Do Be

You really did vote for Pedro.


14 posted on 06/13/2007 2:54:21 PM PDT by Melpomene
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To: Responsibility2nd
Cute.

Still makes me mad though.

15 posted on 06/13/2007 2:54:39 PM PDT by Do Be (The heart is smarter than the head.)
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To: Do Be

You’re getting tired of pulling yourself out of the bushes everytime someone yells that the ICE cream man is coming!


16 posted on 06/13/2007 2:54:55 PM PDT by CheyennePress
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To: Do Be

.....the Genesis song “Illegal Alien” really offends you


17 posted on 06/13/2007 2:55:04 PM PDT by UCFRoadWarrior (Illegal Alien Amnesty Is Anti-American)
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To: ElkGroveDan

That is good—I had to laugh at the one because I know that’s happened.


18 posted on 06/13/2007 2:55:29 PM PDT by beaversmom
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To: DancesWithBolsheviks
You might be an illegal alien if If you are still donating to the RNC.

Sir or madam,
that is priceless!

19 posted on 06/13/2007 2:56:20 PM PDT by Principled
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To: ElkGroveDan

...if the US government is listening to you.


20 posted on 06/13/2007 2:57:12 PM PDT by Vision ("Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him." Jeremiah 17:7)
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To: Do Be

You might be an illegal alien,

If you can Vote but can’t rent from Blockbuster...


21 posted on 06/13/2007 2:57:34 PM PDT by Kozak (Anti Shahada: " There is no God named Allah, and Muhammed is his False Prophet")
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To: beaversmom

...you spend two hours a day in 7/11 or Home Depot parking lots.


22 posted on 06/13/2007 2:57:51 PM PDT by Pharmboy ([She turned me into a] Newt! in '08)
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To: Do Be

Hateful is for schoolchildren and liberals, illegal aliens are the salt of the earth (under the deepest wound you ever saw).


23 posted on 06/13/2007 2:57:56 PM PDT by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw; xsmommy; xcamel

... if you’re paid in cash, pay no taxes and no social security, and have no withholding, can pay all your monthly bills for you and your extended family, enjoy a new truck and free schooling

...

and still send home more money a week than somebody making twice the minimum wage.


24 posted on 06/13/2007 2:58:07 PM PDT by Robert A. Cook, PE (I can only donate monthly, but Hillary's ABBCNNBCBS continue to lie every day!)
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To: Do Be

...You qualify for the President’s “No Illegal Left Behind” program...


25 posted on 06/13/2007 2:58:08 PM PDT by SierraWasp (I'm not just "in contempt of CONgress," now I'm in contempt of all 3 branches of our governments!!!)
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To: Do Be

If you know exactly how many adults can fit in the trunk of a ‘87 Impala, you might be an illegal alien.

If you’ve ever given The Home Depot’s parking lot as your home address, you might be an illegal alien.

If you think that driving 20 MPH in the fast lane is being inconspicuous, you might be an illegal alien.


26 posted on 06/13/2007 2:58:48 PM PDT by Redcloak (The 2nd Amendment isn't about sporting goods.)
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To: dragnet2

Geography is durable; demography is elastic.


27 posted on 06/13/2007 2:58:56 PM PDT by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: dragnet2

dragnet2

How right UR. I too am unable to celebrate the destruction of the only home I have ever known.


28 posted on 06/13/2007 2:59:08 PM PDT by 353FMG (Some say it's a melting pot, others liken it to a pressure cooker.)
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To: Kozak
re: If you can Vote but can’t rent from Blockbuster...)))

so far, I'm voting yours the best. And I can even rent from Blockbuster.

29 posted on 06/13/2007 2:59:14 PM PDT by Mamzelle ("Mr. Elite Pro-Amnesty Republican--has your family ever employed illegal labor?")
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To: beaversmom
That is good—I had to laugh at the one because I know that’s happened.

It happened to me first-hand. I offered to go back in and get him all the clothes he needed and pay for them myself. He just and (through his translator friend) said he didn't need the pants, just stole them for the fun of it.

30 posted on 06/13/2007 2:59:21 PM PDT by ElkGroveDan (When toilet paper is a luxury, you have achieved communism.)
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To: Joe 6-pack

WINNER!


31 posted on 06/13/2007 2:59:25 PM PDT by Old Professer (The critic writes with rapier pen, dips it twice, and writes again.)
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To: dragnet2
I see nothing funny about this ever escalating issue, one that is certain to change the course and direction of this country, leading to it's eventual demise.

That's too bad. I've laughed several times at the few responses already. I bet you $5.00 you can't read through this topic by the end of next week and not smile at least once.

32 posted on 06/13/2007 3:00:24 PM PDT by Do Be (The heart is smarter than the head.)
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if you drive by the DMV and they throw a valid drivers license in your window.
33 posted on 06/13/2007 3:00:26 PM PDT by Boiling point (The Indians had a bad immigration policy and look what happened to them!)
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if this is on your summer reading list... Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
34 posted on 06/13/2007 3:00:45 PM PDT by DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")
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To: Do Be

Someone asks you for your Social Security number, and you have to look it up.


35 posted on 06/13/2007 3:00:51 PM PDT by colorcountry ( We need to move away from the Kennedy Wing of the Republican Party. (Duncan Hunter))
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw
"If the #2 on your touch-tone phone is worn out."

Awlrite, I'll bite... Please explain cause I just can't git it!(cringe)

36 posted on 06/13/2007 3:01:31 PM PDT by SierraWasp (I'm not just "in contempt of CONgress," now I'm in contempt of all 3 branches of our governments!!!)
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To: Do Be

If you drive an 80’s honda accord drunk.


37 posted on 06/13/2007 3:01:58 PM PDT by CJ Wolf
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if:

You're not required to pay back taxes. ;P

38 posted on 06/13/2007 3:02:00 PM PDT by fight_truth_decay
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To: SierraWasp

English? press one.....Espanol? numero dos


39 posted on 06/13/2007 3:03:22 PM PDT by Ozokerite Boryslaw
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if you use this mode of transportation to get to work in Los Angeles (or any other large metropolitan sanctuary city...) Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
40 posted on 06/13/2007 3:04:38 PM PDT by DogByte6RER ("Loose lips sink ships")
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if . . your driver's license, SSN, utility bill, and passport all have different names on them - none of which is yours.

You might be an illegal alien if . . you are burning an upside-down American flag while protesting to gain legal status and sympathy.

You might be an illegal alien if . . you think George W. Bush is the greatest president in the history of the USA.

You might be an illegal alien if . . you have no criminal record, except for the one 200 pages long that corresponds to some guy 6 feet under who died in 1941.

You might be an illegal alien if . . you don't pay any tax and never report to the IRS, but never have the authorities come and stomp your *** into oblivion.

You might be an illegal alien if . . driving while drunk out of your mind is the only way you know how.
41 posted on 06/13/2007 3:04:57 PM PDT by M203M4 (Vote Fruity Giuliani or the terrists will win! Abortion & gun control = price for freedumb!)
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw; DancesWithBolsheviks
If the #2 on your touch-tone phone is worn out.
If you are still donating to the RNC.

I can't decide which is better. LOL. Tied for #1, in my book.

42 posted on 06/13/2007 3:05:19 PM PDT by batter ("Always take the offensive...Never Dig in." - Gen Patton)
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To: Do Be

...........you’re living in Southern California.


43 posted on 06/13/2007 3:05:48 PM PDT by herMANroberts
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To: Do Be

http://www.illegalaliens.us/merchandise/

44 posted on 06/13/2007 3:05:59 PM PDT by fight_truth_decay
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To: Do Be
You might be an illegal alien if . .

No habla Inglese.

45 posted on 06/13/2007 3:06:08 PM PDT by Non-Sequitur (Save Fredericksburg. Support CVBT.)
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To: Responsibility2nd
That is

excellent!


46 posted on 06/13/2007 3:06:35 PM PDT by wearearepublic
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw
Oh! For cripesake!! Yer right!!!

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ha Ha Ha!!!

47 posted on 06/13/2007 3:06:57 PM PDT by SierraWasp (I'm not just "in contempt of CONgress," now I'm in contempt of all 3 branches of our governments!!!)
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To: Do Be

You Might Be an Illegal Alien if you get love letters from Bank of America.


48 posted on 06/13/2007 3:07:08 PM PDT by elizabetty (Perpetual Candidate using campaign donations for your salary - Its a good gig if you can get it.)
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To: Ozokerite Boryslaw

ROFL


49 posted on 06/13/2007 3:07:09 PM PDT by glasseye
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To: Do Be

You might be an illegal alien if you think anything in a grocery store is yours to sample for free.


50 posted on 06/13/2007 3:08:54 PM PDT by beaversmom
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