Posted on 07/13/2007 7:40:11 AM PDT by qam1
Imagine a television show that revolves around a group of married men and women. They run their own advertising agencies, raise kids in suburban homes, argue about who should do the dishes and obsess about whether to have affairs.
They are also just past their 30th birthdays.
When the show Thirtysomething made its debut 20 years ago, in September, 1987, the hour-long drama was praised for its realistic portrayal of angst among then-30-year-old members of the baby boom generation, with characters who bemoaned the impact of always having "too much."
If a show with the same title were made today, it is a fairly good bet that excess would not be an issue. Few of the characters would be married, many would work as Web designers or graphic artists, they would all be renting condos, and at least one would be considering freezing her eggs for future in vitro fertilization.
In the course of 20 years, Thirtysomething has been reduced to Thirtynothing, as the members of the generation currently approaching their fourth decade of life realize they have achieved few of the trappings associated with adulthood.
"We live in this era of a delayed adolescence, but it should be over at 30," said Oonagh Duncan, whose play Talk Thirty To Me is currently showing at the Toronto Fringe Festival.
"Everyone's coming to grips with the fact that they're an adult, but it's not what they thought being an adult would feel like."
Ms. Duncan decided to write the play while struggling to deal with her own 30th birthday, a milestone that sent her into a tailspin of reflection and self-doubt.
Hoping to discover that she was not alone, she interviewed an array of Canadian 29-year-olds.
All of them admitted they were having trouble reconciling where they were in life with where they thought they should be.
"I thought that I would know what I was doing," one man told her. "That the experimentation would be over."
"I just changed careers, went back to school," another said. "Got no house, no wife, no kids, no car and 71 cents in my bank account. Not where I thought I'd be at 30 if you asked me when I was 20."
During the play, Ms. Duncan intersperses these confessionals with figures from Statistics Canada, which flash on a screen on stage: "The average 30-year-old has had 7.5 jobs," "has an average income of $29,013," and carries "between $1,500 and $19,200 of debt."
These numbers help to give context to her own fears, she said, but also to show her generation - and their parents - that age-related disappointment is not unusual.
"Everyone talked about how they were broke and don't have a family yet and their parents think they're a screw-up," she said of her subjects. "The expectations of 30 have not really changed. Everyone says, 'Where's my picket fence and RRSP?' but they all just got out of school."
Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, explored the root of this conflict in her new book, Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled - and More Miserable Than Ever Before.
In it, she uses three decades of psychological surveys to compare the assets, personalities and priorities of the baby boom generation when they were in their late 20s with those of a group she calls "Generation Me," men and women born in the 1970s and early 1980s.
The latter group, she found, have higher self-esteem, assertiveness and narcissistic tendencies, but also report higher anxiety levels and are more likely to suffer depression.
Ms. Twenge, who is 35 and considers herself part of Generation Me, understands this profile, saying people her age were encouraged to be individuals without thinking about where it may lead them.
"We grew up in a world where we could take it for granted that the self came first," she said. "The downside is that a lot of people spend their 20s doing things they think will make them happy, but end up lonely and depressed."
Part of the problem, she believes, is the chasm between where her generation finds itself today and the lifestyle their parents had achieved by 30.
"Most parents bought their house in 1968 for $65,000, but it would go for $800,000 today, so they don't really get how hard it is to get by," Ms. Twenge said. "At the same time, they are very rightly pointing out, 'Look, you're not putting down roots, you're not making any commitments, what are you going to do when you hit 30 and you haven't held a job for longer than a year?' "
But the priorities of today's thirtysomethings have little to do with those of their parents.
A Pew Research Center poll released in January showed that 81 per cent of 25-year-olds in the United States said getting rich is their generation's most important life goal. Fifty-one per cent said the same thing about getting famous.
While researching her play, Ms. Duncan was told by several straight-faced subjects that they had expected to be a movie star or millionaire by age 30. Others seemed genuinely upset they had not become legends by their late 20s.
"I always thought I would die at 27," one woman named Kendra said. "I never pictured myself older than 27, so on my 28th birthday, I was like, 'Wow, here I am. I didn't really make plans for this.' "
Mike Gayle, the British author of the angst-filled novel Turning Thirty, admits on his website that he actually expected to marry Madonna by the time he hit the big 3-0.
"I've lost count of the number of times I've read interviews where some twentysomething celebrity begins a sentence with the words: 'By the time I'm 30 ...' then reels off a long list of things they hope to achieve," he wrote on his blog. "I think we've all done that at some point."
Ms. Twenge said the tendency to dream big is not new, but lasts longer with today's young adults. "Kids in the 1930s dreamed of being baseball players, but reality intruded a lot sooner," she said. "Now we grow up thinking we're going to be rich and famous, and when we hit 30 and that hasn't happened yet, we wonder what's going on."
That reality can send many people into what has been dubbed a "quarter-life crisis," something New York journalist Doree Lewak is trying to avoid while researching her book, The Panic Years: A Survival Guide to Getting Through Them and Getting on Your Married Way, to be released next year.
"Thirty is the first birthday in our lives when we really start to take stock of where we are and where we should be," the 27-year-old said recently.
For her, the panic is related to the personal aspects of her life, not the professional.
A successful journalist and published author, Ms. Lewak said that she had concentrated so fiercely on success in her work that she delayed settling down and having kids, the ultimate measure of success in her parents' eyes.
On her past birthday, she received a gift certificate for a dating service.
"All these subtle hints from your loved ones really help," she said. "There's a tremendous pressure from family, I call it panic by proxy."
But while Ms. Lewak believes there are ways to remain calm in the face of 30, she says the anxiety is really just a part of being raised with sky-high expectations.
"It just comes down to wanting it all."
grow up!
Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.
Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.
I’m 32. I guess whenever I start to question the accomplishments in my life, I can at least look at the people in this article and feel a whole lot better.
Rosann Barr’s show was nicknamed -’two-thirty something’
Check, check, check, check, check.
It's not that hard.
I turn 40 this November. My kids are ages 21, 14, 12, 10. People my age are, for the most part, do not have kids the same age as mine. I typically find that my friends parents are 5 to 10 years older than me.
Much of this supposed generational conflict is just the juxtaposition of one artificial media-created image of one period with the artificial media created image from another period.
People change less in fundamentals over time than the mass media superficials would suggest.
They were also paying for that $65,000 house on one $10 per hour paycheck.
I’m thirty-something, and right where I imagined I’d be. Married, kids, secure job.
This sounds a lot like my younger brother, though.
Cheers,
CSG
Guess what? You are a screw-up.
That's because the responsible ones who are working and raising kids don't stand out as much.
mature, yes. but, not grow up. grown ups are boring.
No, probably not. The formula used then was that you bought a house that was worth twice your annual income. So the family that bought a $65K house to be comfortable had to have an income of $32K per year.
My parents bought a beautiful little house in 1963 for $37,500. Dad was making about $25000 a year then, so making a $200 mortgage payment was a breeze. The same house is going for around a million dollars today. With that traditional formula the family would have to be making four or five hundred thousand dollars a year to afford it. And this is no mansion, just a charming four-bedroom cottage. Not many thirty-somethings have an income sufficient to buy a house like that near the place they grew up.
I’m 51. I’m *still* looking around with enormous, big eyes saying, “When did I become a grown up? I don’t remember that happening!” :-D
Uh.. So the price of a starter house is 12 times as much since 68, but wages have what? Doubled?
It takes about fifty years for a human being to fully grow up. Our society's refusal to recognize that fact leads to a lot of dysfunctional behavior. That's why in many other cultures, children are shaped and guided (if not actually raised) by their grandparents.
It really does take a village...just not the Board of Commissars that Hillary has in mind. ;)
I thought by 35 I'd have the entire planet cowering under my Iron Fist of Justice....so I'm a little behind on that.
Other than that, I'm right on track with what I want. Life is good.
I am sick though, of listening to perpetual whiners who have a better standard of living than 90% of all the people in human history, prattle on and on and on about how terrible their life is.
It should be legal to smack those people. I can't stand being in the same room with them.
ping
Minimum wage has quadrupled; I'm making about 20 times what I was making in my first job out of college in 1974.
“Most parents bought their house in 1968 for $65,000, but it would go for $800,000 today...”
Who in the world was paying $65,000 for a house in 1968? It would have had to been the upper 1% of wage earners back then.
Wow, what a bunch of losers. I’m 33, my wife and I have great careers and investments. Not all of us are like that.
“I am sick though, of listening to perpetual whiners who have a better standard of living than 90% of all the people in human history, prattle on and on and on about how terrible their life is.”
You got that right. The whole nation has become a bunch of whiners. They don’t know how well they have it. It is sickening.
take the hint
ping
We’re the exact same age. From the sounds of this article it seems that 30 is the new 16.
I agree, they were mostly whiny stereotypical liberals with stereotypical liberal friends. They lived in Philadelphia, not the suburbs as I recall. Hope and Michael’s house was dilapidated as I recall, and they were fixing it up in one of those “gentrification” schemes so popular in that day. In reality, one brush with crime, and sometimes real human concern for their children, sent the Hopes and Michaels of the world out to the suburbs.
My parents bought the house my mother still lives in in 1962 for about $20,000.
I bought my first house in 1979 for $38,000.
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
Doncha know! A vote for Hillarhea!! will cure what ails you!!Or just pay for an EcoGreen indulgence...buy carbon offsets and feel REALLY good!!
Everyone says, ‘Where’s my picket fence and RRSP?’
From Acronymfinder.com
http://www.acronymfinder.com/
RRSP Registered Retirement Savings Plan
RRSP Risk and Revenue Sharing Partner
Another 38 year old here. Do either of you have the pleasure of supervising “kids” between about 23 and 30? I fear for the human race sometimes.
OK, I'll fess up. This was exactly where I was on the cusp of my 30th birthday. Now at 38, things have improved quite a bit but I did finally come to the realization that I'll never be a rock star. I still may churn out that best-selling novel, though! :-)
Did undergrad and grad school on schedule. Squeezed in military service. Married at 20. Homeowner at 24. It's just not that hard.
Finish school and go to work.
*sigh* My dad bought our house in 1984 for $56,000. Less than five years ago my first house was listed as being bought for $75,000. Suddenly, three years ago we can finally afford a house and the $75,000 house cost us $109,000. You can't find one that cheap anymore. Argh!
The majority wanted to be movie stars and millionaires by age 30? Sounds like they need a good dose of reality to slap ‘em upside their silly little heads if they think that’s what happiness is.
No wonder they’re all miserable.
By the time you are 35, you should have accumulated some savings. Many people live above their means, and prefer to spend $4 on a cup of coffee at Starbucks when the coffee at McDonalds is better (per taste test). Also, I know people that don’t save, but eat out every evening, buy new cars every couple of years, etc.
Oh, maaann! I knew it was gonna be something hard like that.
heh don’t ping me...I’m not that old yet! It’s the old hubby who turned 30 this week! :P He’s settled into old age nicely...he didn’t go to see the Transformers movie! Granted, if the baby turns out to be a boy...I suspect sweetiepie will use that as an excuse to buy the DVD!
I bought my first house in 1977 for $19,000
Exactly what I said (in my head). I don't remember what my parents paid for our first starter home in 1967, but I do remember our "big" house in 1973, and they paid $42,000 for it. It was a three-level, 4 BR, 3 BA house that was only a year old. To us, it was a mansion. ;^)
I had the honor and pleasure of raising and supervising the best "kid" in the world, who came to the clearing at the end of his path just yesterday.
My daughter?
32 years old, married, owns a home, two sons, nursing degree, good cars, never asks for $$$ from dad.
The “subjects” are a bunch of narcissists.
Oh, dear. What a sad story and what a beautiful animal. I’m sorry for your loss and glad you had such a wonderful kid.
When I turned 30 I was in the Army. I had a major motorcycle accident, left for Germany two days after I got the final cast off, and my wife left me while I was gone. Pretty much everything I owned would fit into 2 duffle bags. I wasn’t issued any kids. Overall, I was having a pretty good time though. :^)
“”I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve read interviews where some twentysomething celebrity begins a sentence with the words: ‘By the time I’m 30 ...’ then reels off a long list of things they hope to achieve,” he wrote on his blog. “I think we’ve all done that at some point.””
Ummmm....no - “we” haven’t “all done that”.
How about everyone quit wishing for this and wishing for that and look at what you DO have and be thankful for it.
No matter how bad you think you have it - it always could be much much worse.
Grow up, be realistic about what you CAN do, and face up to what you cannot do.
“I turn 40 this November. My kids are ages 21, 14, 12, 10. People my age are, for the most part, do not have kids the same age as mine. I typically find that my friends parents are 5 to 10 years older than me.”
Same here.
My oldest just graduated high school (I’ll turn 40 next year).
By the time I was 30 I had 3 kids. Now we are raising 6.
Although, when my youngest graduates I will be pretty durn old.
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