Women Predators: When Women Abuse Men

For some reason there seems to be a foregone conclusion in our society that women cannot and are not abusive in the same way men are. People believe women are incapable of sexually or physically abusing anyone, especially children or males. As such women who do molest boys or beat their spouses are least likely to get help for it. I can hear the laughter now at such a preposterous and absolutely ludicrous suggestion that females could be child molesters or "husband beaters". However, men are starting to come out and talk about their hidden shame. For far too long, males, especially young boys, have been made to feel that if a female had sex with them, then he did something right not that she did something wrong. He had become ‘a man.’ He was to be congratulated. They have also been told if a woman hits and you take it then you are not a man, however if he does raise his hand to her he liable to be hit with a domestic violence charge, even if it was purely self defense. This leaves a lot of men not knowing what to do.

I don’t pretend to be completely objective about sexual abuse particularly, as something that I have experienced, (of course in my case, it was the usual male perpetrators.) I have a kinship for anyone who has gone through this. So I readily identify with the victims and hold no allegiance to perpetrators, even female ones. A woman should not get a free pass because of her gender when it comes to victimizing a young boy. I see her role in sexual abuse no different that I do a male victimizer. Not to mention, the male victim’s pain is just as real as mine is. Probably even more so, since no one even believes he is in pain to begin with. As far as the physical abuse goes, more needs to be done to insure all parties; men and women both have resources available to them when in such a dangerous situation. No one should have to take abuse, man, woman, or child.

Statistics show that women abusers are not the rarity that many people believe it is. ‘Sexual assault of boys by females - whether they be mothers, sisters, grandmothers, or other women - is grossly underreported. In his book "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse," psychologist and therapist Mic Hunter stated that "women account for 20% of the [sexual] abuse of boys." http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/abusedboys.htm

Many reading this article may feel I am betraying my gender by bringing such things to light. However, it is the ones keeping it hidden and secret that are doing the real harm. To deny the violent streak in women does not make it go away. Not only does bringing the information out help men get on with their lives, it helps women by forcing them to deal with issues that may not want to. Violence in people is not gender-based as society would have you believe. Men are no more prone to violence than women are. In fact, most violent people tend to have a psychological disorder, the most prevalent being Borderline Personality Disorder. [Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) was first introduced in 1984, so it is a relatively new psychiatric disorder] In fact, women by and large suffer more from BPD than men do. According to most studies, seventy-five percent of people with BPD are women. This does not mean everyone with BPD is going to end up abusing their spouse or children. Only that it is contributable factor and one that must be considered when it does occur. (Note: Studies show men with BPD tend to have a proclivity for violence against women they are in a relationship with, but no studies have been done to confirm the BPD connection and violence in women even though women suffer from it more than men.)

Whether it is physical, emotional or sexual abuse more must be done to protect everyone. As a true feminist (ugh I hate that word), I believe in true equality for women, that means women must be held accountable for their actions. It does not mean we put women in a position of superiority as the chauvinists did in the past with male supremacy. That is only trading patriarchy for matriarchy and both devalue the opposite sex. As a real feminist, I believe we should live in a complementary society, where men and women work together to build a more solid future for future generations. Not a competitive or combative society.

I am ashamed to say when I saw a report on 20/20 about this very subject a few years back I actually laughed at them, I actually thought to myself, ‘Good for them it is about time women started abusing men after all the times we had to take it.’ If a male had laughed at female domestic violence victims and said good for them, I would’ve been livid but here I was laughing at them. And as ashamed as I am about admitting that, my reaction is pretty much the normal one among society. Men are laughed at when they have the courage to report domestic violence at the hands of women. They are not taken seriously. Not only that resources for them are non-existent, ever hear of a Battered Shelter for Men’ I don’t think so. Domestic violence and child molestation needs to stop being so gender biased, we need to start seeing the perpetrators for who they are and not assume the word perpetrator automatically means male. National Violence Against Women survey shows 37.5% of victims each year are men. Men are at real risk of serious physical injury.

Here are a few of the comments I got from a website called batteredmen.com. These are some of the injuries and mental anguish these men have endured;

"As I put away the shopping she stabbed me in the back with a 7" knife. I was put on life support. It was several days before my family knew whether I would survive."

‘She said "You realise I could kill you and get away with it". She slept with the knife under the pillow.’

"I am 80 years old come Christmas. I am blind. I obtained a protection order against her. She laughed at it and the beatings have increased."

These are real men who have had to endure a life of hell because feminists want to claim domestic violence and sexual abuse as solely their own. However, we know this is not the case. In fact, ‘when the perpetrator is female, boys are 10 times more likely to be abused than girls. Some studies even go so far as to report 1 in 3 incidents of sexual abuse against boys are done by female abusers.’ http://ct.essortment.com/sexualabusebo_rhpm.htm. On the other hand, male perpetrators don’t seem to be too picky, they seem to abuse both boys and girls in equal numbers. Before I go further I want to say one thing, I am not here to disparage my gender, to vilify them and make them out to be monsters. But I am here to hold up a light and say, ‘Stop putting us on a pedestal. Take us down, we don’t want to be up there. Start looking at us, really looking at us. See who we are and not what you want us to be. Not what you are comfortable with. See the darkness in us, it exist and it doesn’t simply vanish because you wish it so. Help us overcome our sins, our real sins, not your perceived ones. Not the ones you are comfortable helping us with. But the sins that wreck our lives and yours.’ In the 70's it was I am woman, hear me roar. Today it is I am woman, hear me scream. Women who abuse are screaming for help while the men’s screams are being silenced. We must hear their screams.

For some reason there seems to be a foregone conclusion in our society that women cannot and are not abusive in the same way men are. People believe women are incapable of sexually or physically abusing anyone, especially children or males. As such women who do molest boys or beat their spouses are least likely to get help for it. I can hear the laughter now at such a preposterous and absolutely ludicrous suggestion that females could be child molesters or "husband beaters". However, men are starting to come out and talk about their hidden shame. For far too long, males, especially young boys, have been made to feel that if a female had sex with them, then he did something right not that she did something wrong. He had become a man. He was to be congratulated. They have also been told if a woman hits and you take it then you are not a man, however if he does raise his hand to her he liable to be hit with a domestic violence charge, even if it was purely self defense. This leaves a lot of men not knowing what to do.

I don't pretend to be completely objective about sexual abuse particularly, as something that I have experienced, (of course in my case, it was the usual male perpetrators.) I have a kinship for anyone who has gone through this. So I readily identify with the victims and hold no allegiance to perpetrators, even female ones. A woman should not get a free pass because of her gender when it comes to victimizing a young boy. I see her role in sexual abuse no different that I do a male victimizer. Not to mention, the male victims pain is just as real as mine is. Probably even more so, since no one even believes he is in pain to begin with. As far as the physical abuse goes, more needs to be done to insure all parties; men and women both have resources available to them when in such a dangerous situation. No one should have to take abuse, man, woman, or child.

Statistics show that women abusers are not the rarity that many people believe it is. Sexual assault of boys by females - whether they be mothers, sisters, grandmothers, or other women - is grossly underreported. In his book "Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse," psychologist and therapist Mic Hunter stated that "women account for 20% of the [sexual] abuse of boys." http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/abusedboys.htm

I am ashamed to say when I saw a report on 20/20 about this very subject a few years back I actually laughed at them, I actually thought to myself, Good for them it is about time women started abusing men after all the times we had to take it. If a male had laughed at female domestic violence victims and said good for them, I would’ve been livid but here I was laughing at them. And as ashamed as I am about admitting that, my reaction is pretty much the normal one among society. Men are laughed at when they have the courage to report domestic violence at the hands of women. They are not taken seriously. Not only that resources for them are non-existent, ever hear of a Battered Shelter for Men I don’t think so. Domestic violence and child molestation needs to stop being so gender biased, we need to start seeing the perpetrators for who they are and not assume the word perpetrator automatically means male. National Violence Against Women survey shows 37.5% of victims each year are men. Men are at real risk of serious physical injury.

Here are a few of the comments I got from a website called batteredmen.com. These are some of the injuries and mental anguish these men have endured;

"As I put away the shopping she stabbed me in the back with a 7" knife. I was put on life support. It was several days before my family knew whether I would survive."

She said "You realise I could kill you and get away with it". She slept with the knife under the pillow.

"I am 80 years old come Christmas. I am blind. I obtained a protection order against her. She laughed at it and the beatings have increased."

These are real men who have had to endure a life of hell because feminists want to claim domestic violence and sexual abuse as solely their own. However, we know this is not the case. In fact, when the perpetrator is female, boys are 10 times more likely to be abused than girls. Some studies even go so far as to report 1 in 3 incidents of sexual abuse against boys are done by female abusers. http://ct.essortment.com/sexualabusebo_rhpm.htm. On the other hand, male perpetrators don’t seem to be too picky, they seem to abuse both boys and girls in equal numbers. Before I go further I want to say one thing, I am not here to disparage my gender, to vilify them and make them out to be monsters. But I am here to hold up a light and say, Stop putting us on a pedestal. Take us down, we don’t want to be up there. Start looking at us, really looking at us. See who we are and not what you want us to be. Not what you are comfortable with. See the darkness in us, it exist and it doesn’t simply vanish because you wish it so. Help us overcome our sins, our real sins, not your perceived ones. Not the ones you are comfortable helping us with. But the sins that wreck our lives and yours. In the 70's it was I am woman, hear me roar. Today it is I am woman, hear me scream. Women who abuse are screaming for help while the men’s screams are being silenced. We must hear their screams.

Most of this article deals with physical violence against men and some sexual abuse of boys, so let’s get a profile of who we are talking about here. What kind of female has sex with young boys

My research showed the female offender committed their first deviant sexual crimes during their mid teens. However, most of the other studies I have seen, has shown the female offender committing her first crime between the ages of 18 and 27. http://www.breakingthesilence.com/female.html. According to this same site most female perpetrators don’t actively seek out their victims in the same predatory way that men do. She tends to take fewer risks overall and tends to have fewer victims as well in comparison to males who abuse. The report goes on to say most of the females had some type of relationship with the victim whether it was babysitting, parenting, sibling, teacher, etc it was far more common for the female perpetrator to wait for the victim to come to her than to go out and find one. The motivation for the abuse is also different than the males. For instance, a woman will deny it was sexual and say she did it as a form of punishment, whereas males will say they were only showing their love or the child came onto them. The article further describes the female abuser but I don’t have enough space to list everything, but it is something you check out and read for yourself.

The time has come to break down the barriers surrounding domestic violence and sexual abuse. The time has come for men to make their voices heard. The good news is more and more websites and support groups are popping up in order to give men a voice. If we are to become a truly equal society then we should not censor the pain of these courageous men because we are uncomfortable with the concept of women being violators. It will be a glorious day indeed when men have the same resources availed to them that women have. It will be a jubilant day when men are no longer ridiculed or faced with scorn for being abused by their significant other. For when such a day comes, it will truly be a day of equality for all.

From batteredmen.com

A Seattle therapist who convicted of assault and required to pay a $500 fine, perform 100 hours of community service and have absolutely no contact with the woman says:

I was dumbfounded from the very start of the incident," the man says. "I was getting struck by this woman while I was holding my daughter and I was the one who called the police.

In Kelso, a man had been out drinking and came home to fall asleep on the couch. His wife took an iron skillet and beat him. He was taken to the emergency room of the hospital and stitched up. He was taken there by police, but no charges were filed against his wife.

My wife—in one of her drunken rages—took our daughter’s baseball bat and used it to smash the locked door to my study, where I was trying desperately to meet a deadline. And since I’m over 6 feet tall and muscular, I wouldn’t get much sympathy posing as a “battered man!”: I had thought of calling the police that night. When I recalled this incident to my divorce lawyer some time later, his response was: “It’s a good thing you didn’t, because the police probably would have arrested you.”

My son was married to a violent young woman for a few months before he left her. He is much larger than her and is a one time amateur boxing champion. She never used weapons, so she never came close to hurting him physically. But she hit him whenever she got the notion to, she cut up his clothes and threw them in the yard, she destroyed the trophies he had accumulated in various sports competitions since childhood, and she destroyed a wedding album my wife had made for them. Neither party was blameless, but the physical violence was all hers. If my son had ever hitten her, there would have been evidence for weeks.

I was in a hellish marriage with a woman who had difficulty controlling her rage, which would frequently erupt with her hitting, verbal abuse, and screaming. If fighting with her did occur, it was self-defense; if she threw a punch or kicked, I defended myself. In one particular case, after she initiated a fight by kicking and throwing punches, she called the police to report me as the violent abuser! When they responded, I was seen as the bad guy, she was the victim!

A man from Washington state---
I am 6'2" and about 200 lbs. I have a solid background in wrestling and have dabbled in TKD and Judo. I am also a DV survivor. I am NOT a "victim"! ... I was awakened by her screaming as she came through the bedroom door swinging a baseball bat. She brought it down across my legs. I managed to avoid most of the blow and took the bat away from her by twisting it out of her hands. She went to the kitchen and got a marble rolling pin.
We've tried to find help for him but all of the shelters just answer in silence. It's a shame how he was treated by the police and that there are no shelters or groups to help men, they need it every bit as much as women. It's time to stop offering help to someone just because they are a women. Abuse is abuse, it does matter how the abuser is or how the abused is.
I know the terror that comes from domestic violence, in this case perpetrated by my mother.
-- a Seattle man
I have been verbally and psychologically battered and abused, I've been threatened with bodily harm, I've been threatened to be shot right between the eyes, I've been kicked in the groin, I've had to watch while my ex sexually molested my daughter and not dare interfere for fear of retaliation. Then 1 day she called 911 so fast and had me arrested, my head was literally spinning with disbelief. When trying to tell the officer that I was provoked and that she was hurting my daughter and that I was protecting my daughter, he told me that I had better keep quiet, I'd charge you with a felony if I could, he said. .. So now what do i do?
She slapped the walls in the hall way. ... She hit me in the arm a few times, goading me to hit back. ... As you can see the above picture doesn?t? show any gross domestic violence.
Wife became very angry and she attacked me with a set of Porsche Keys - maybe three inches long. she stabbed me thirteen times. As I was trying to leave, she took our daughter and tried to throw her down the steps
Although she had been physically aggressive in the past, she turned downright violent toward me. It started by hitting me with the phone, throwing objects at me, kicking and clawing. She drew blood a number of times. Under advice from my attorney, I was warned that even taking a defensive position could be seen as an act of violence toward her. The ONLY physical action I took toward her was to restrain her from hitting or biting or kicking me. She was an expert at falling down and screaming -- "see kids, look at what your dad is doing to me."
Here's the kicker. I am a mental health professional, social worker and marriage and family therapist. I had blinders on like most guys. I interpreted her behavior as emotional disturbance, and would often sit up all night trying to comfort her after one of these episodes.
my lawyer looked at me like I was crazy when I told him ...
Why did I take it? I had a daughter that was small that was also screamed at and hit,and scared by stories of the bugger man getting her.I finally had to leave or get killed.
Grandmother was active in early women's rights, now urges men to speak out and act ...
My wife of almost 9 years was a woman of an incredibly short temper and possessed the ability to swing from mood to mood faster than you could shake a stick at. Over the years, she had thrown things at me, including knives, slapped me, punched me, and shoved me on numerous occasions. I had always felt a sympathy towards her because of the fact that she had no one in her life that truly seemed to care for her. I was going to be her protector.
I believe if this got around, their would be a stigma. Some embarassment toward ex wives and present lovers. I don't want my kids to hear these stories, or to have others in their world, discussing me regarding this issue.
I still don't understand why I stayed in that relationship as long as I did. I quess it was because she was such a great girl in every other way and I hoped she would change. I'm never going to go back into that kind of insanity again.
Funny, at the time I told myself I deserved it.
I was awarded temporary sole custody of my three children and possession of the marital home. My ex-wife was in shock and refused to leave ... Her attempts to provoke an incident increased. Finally one morning she cornered me alone in the kitchen and again began to punch me out after a nasty verbal exchange. Unfortunately, my 10 year old son witnessed this episode through a window while he headed for his school bus. I did not strike back. My ex then left and went to the police.
I was abused too many times and decided to end the relationship many times but I was unable to do so. Because she followed my each and every move and I was reluctant to file stalking charges against her because I did not want to hurt her feelings. The abuse intensified, she did not hesitate to hit me ... She also clawed me numerous time and even cut me with a knife. I was again failed to report the incidents to the authority. Many times she had threatened me that if I bring any charges against her, she would not hesitate to bring false charges against me ...
Her definition of the proper way to conduct an argument was to slap me around until I stopped disagreeing with her. ... However, I was willing to put up with it for the sake of her kids...at least until she started endangering them.

She screamed:

"I have never forgiven you for the way you looked at me the first time I hit you."

"How did I look?" I asked.

"You looked hurt and shocked and angry and disgusted."

"How should I have looked after you hit me?" I asked.

"I needed for you to understand how I was feeling at that time. I needed your support, not your anger," she said.

I understood then why she had never apologised for that act of violence or for any of her many other violent assaults.

She was brassy, outspoken and told me she liked "big guys". I'm 6' and weigh in at 230. She held a knife to my throat and told me to get out of the apartment. I would not dare move because I thought she would kill me....she would tell friends very publicly why sex with me was difficult. She would later say it was meant to be a compliment...kidding about the size of my genitalia. I wasn't laughing. Every success I had was met with derision. Daily my shirts were ripped....my face was slapped...I was kicked....I was locked out. There was nothing I could do to make a difference. [After I left] she has told me repeatedly, "You're the only person who really understood me." The face I see as she speaks is still the one who held the knife.

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