Heh heh heh heh.. he said "blown it"!
Posted on 09/02/2007 4:54:22 AM PDT by Kaslin
As all of you know by now, Idaho Senator Larry Craig was busted several weeks ago for attempting to get his summer groove on with a Minnesota Serpico in a Minneapolis airport toilet. Yes, it appears that Larry tried to get a party started by playing footsie with an undercover cop who was trying to offload a chimichanga he just had for lunch.
I guess Justin Timberlake isn’t the only one trying to bring sexy back.
I have a question for the homosexual community: is this a normal gay thing…the…uh…toilet sex? Help me out, those in the know, are the urges that crazy and intense? Can’t they just wait until they get back to their Miata or a Motel 6 and resist the urge to do the funky monkey in a nasty public lavatory?
Hasn’t the gay community watched Seinfeld and (with the rest of us) become germaphobes? I thought that you guys were, on the whole, persnickety and would be too fastidious to seek fulfillment in a stinking john. However, I just remembered that one of your sources of inspiration is George Michael so…never mind.
You know, as much as this situation sucks for Craig, he had better thank God that he hit on a cop and not a redneck. If someone tried to rub my foot and give me elaborate Boy George hand signals while I’m bilging in the stall next door, I would:
A). crush his metatarsals like Queen Latifah on a live cockroach,
B). drain my bladder in the shoe housing his newly-crushed foot,
C). proceed to stuff his balding head in the toilet he was using, and…
D). call the cops to haul his near-drowned, lesson-learned, badly-beaten body to the nearest police department.
The thing that slays me is that after Craig said “I’m guilty” of harassing a cop with complex foot and hand signals like some nutty, gay third base coach trying to wave a runner in, he did a 180 and said “I’m not guilty” and “I’m not gay.” In addition, he stated during his freak-out press conference this week that Scarlett Johansson is not hot, Woody Allen has great hair, and that he was the real fifth Beatle.
Look, Larry, none of us are buying the not guilty and not gay claims. If you want the GP to believe your nonsense, what you need to do is invent some malady to blame for your behavior. Our dysfunctional and therapeutic community will buy that horse crap, and I guarantee that a drug company will create a pill for your fabricated pain.
Howzabout something like this: you’re a victim of RCS (Restless Crotch Syndrome). That’s it! Think about it. You have an illness that made you try to crawl into another guy’s stall. Are you smelling what I’m cooking? It’s not your fault; you never would have violated the cop’s space if you had had some Horndoginex. Whew! What a weight off your shoulders! You owe me money for that one, LC.
Seriously folks, why can’t anyone just say that they’re guilty and deserve whatever whipping comes their way when they’re caught red-handed doing stupid, stupid stuff? I know every sinful and dumb thing that I have done, regardless of the extenuating circumstances, has ultimately been my fault, except for the other day when a really slow driver was making me late for an appointment and caused me to blow through a red light onto the sidewalk and crush seven cats. That was grandma’s fault officer, not mine.
Whatever happened to good old-fashioned “I suck, please forgive me God” repentance? Listen to me Larry: don’t be an OJ; he’s a pariah who will live on in infamy. Be thou the penitent one and own whatever you have done, dude.
To heck with public opinion and what people will think. Focus rather on the inevitable mano-a-mano that you will one day have with God (and He can’t be buffaloed). Let that pending appointment guide thee to get real with yourself, your family, and the public. Sure you might lose face with some folks (you already have), and yes your career will, ironically, go down the toilet (it already has), but at least you will have a clean conscience before God and some public respect for owning it when you have blown it.
LOLOLOL!!!
(do not read Doug Giles while drinking coffee or you will caffeinate your keyboard for sure)
Extremely funny and spot on!
;^)
As somebody who travels our country weekly, I can tell you that it is an epidemic.
Finding a bathroom stall that does not have gay graffiti, providing instructions on when and how to "hook-up" is the exception and not the norm.
I once blew coke all over my keyboard—not powder, but the drink!
LOL! I don't care who you are, that's funny!
I once blew coke all over my keyboard—not powder, but the drink!
RCS - what a hoot.
I have about about as much respect for an article like this as I do for Larry Craig’s alleged behavior. I hope Doug Giles is under 30, otherwise this country is really in trouble.
What don’t you like about the article?
My last visit to SF turned my stomach to public toilets. How in the world does one go #2 and miss the toilet entirely, leaving one’s #2 BEHIND the seat?
I still can’t figure that one out.
I mean, so close and yet so far away. Pity the sanitation workers.
It’s juvenile.
you gotta be kidding me, sageb1? I think Giles words point out how ridiculous Craig’s BS is. No one takes responsibility for anything any more. At least the NJ gov stood up and took a bow for his antics. Craig tweets at the microphone like a male impersonator. He is also impersonating the truth.
Yes, just another benefit of the joyful alternative life style. Just talk to a security guard at a mall, airport, etc.
Heh heh heh heh.. he said "blown it"!
It’s over the top
LOL! During my last deployment on the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower (CVN-69) we had a "Mystery S**tter" using our berthing head. He liked to make his, um, deposits late at night on the deck of the shower stalls and on the deck in front of the toilets. he was finally caught red-handed when a 1st Class stumbled into the head late at night and heard him grunting and pushing in one of the shower stalls. He claimed it was an accident. I believe he was sent for a mental health evaluation.
This has been going on for quite some time. When I was in the army, way back in 1960 in Germany, the service club on my post was a well known hangout for queers(they weren't called gays then, stupid use of the word anyway)but I liked going there on Sunday mornings because they had a great library. I tried to avoid the toilet, but once I had to actually use the toilet,and while sitting there minding my own business I was "signaled" by a guy in the next booth.
He didn't use hand gestures or foot movements, he just plain stated what he wanted to do. After me telling him that I was going to break his face as soon as I could stand up and pull my pants up, he departed in haste. It was the last time I ever used the toilet in the service club.
Man, this is funny stuff...
People do seem to think that this wasn’t known before now ... recall the stink raised by that radical homosexual activist, back during the whole Mark whats-his-name thing? Craig was named, then. Was Foley pro-illegal, too? Does this explain Lindsay Graham? Guess he’s too fastidious, to get caught in a “wide stance,” lol.
Translation: "Hey Sailor, are you new in town?"
No I’m not kidding you. Mark Levin’s piece is right on.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1890101/posts
And smoothsailing made an astute comment here:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1890101/reply?c=17
I wonder how all this is going over in nearby Palm Springs...home of what seems to be monthly “pride parades”, where they go all-out drag and then shriek hysterically for the perception of normalcy.
He only did that to divert attention - and it worked! - from the corruption issues that should have gotten him indicted.
“My last visit to SF turned my stomach to public toilets. How in the world does one go #2 and miss the toilet entirely, leaving one’s #2 BEHIND the seat?” ........... I’ve seen worse on Exit 60(?)on the LIE at an EXXON gas station restroom. It went beyound the seat and the floors, it was even in the sink. They turned it into an outhouse. They would have had to bring in a fire truck to water presure hose it clean. That was 20 yrs. ago, hopefully by now its been done.
I quite agree with you. It reads like it was written by a high school sophomore who is trying to follow his English teacher’s advice to write more descriptively yet whose world view is limited to Beavis and Butthead.
This article is spot-on to the truth & hilarious too. What is happening to the republican party????????????????? I cannot believe there are Freepers among us who are defending Larry Craig’s behaviour on the grounds that it hurts the party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PEOPLE!!! Just because the dims have creeps in their party, does not mean that it’s OK to have creeps in our party! If we do not have a major housecleaning & get rid of these crooks & creeps (and we all know that Hillary has a huge file of dirt on them & they will continue to release these little goodies from now until election) - then we SO deserve to lose!
I can truthfully say that today, I am ashamed to say that I’m a republican.
Try working in ANY facility where illegal immigrants work. You will never not be amazed at the filth and misuse of restrooms.
Thank you for not helping ruin a perfectly good word - gay -when the correct words are queer (as opposed to normal) and homosexual.
is this a normal gay thing…the…uh…toilet sex? Yes, has been since at least 1970. When I was coppin’, if you screwed up, you got assigned ‘ Lollipop Park’ duty on the Interstate rest areas. Try looking for The Mansfield Tape. Required viewing for all Police Cadets once.
“Larry Craig is not Gay—He Has Restless Crotch Syndrome”
Bill Clinton is the poster boy for the Hetero variation of the the disease.
I have no use for Craig, but I don’t get it. A senator can get all the tail he wants, and no one need be the wiser. Why go the bathroom stall route?
It's clear the man has a mental illness. I believe our party is infested with politicians that are either liars, crooks, creeps or genuinely sick in the head. It's getting worse and it's truly sick.
Somehow we have become exactly like the damn Democrats when it comes to deception, venality, and perversion.
And by the way, anybody that hangs out in the toilet to have some disgusting version of sex ranks with some of the worst deviants our human race can produce. That's not just an "alternate life style" - it's an illness, plain and simple.
Yep. I don't care if you are heterosexual, or homosexual - but hanging out in public bathroom stalls to "hook-up" is disgusting and vile. Let's call it what it is - EVIL.
When this kind of behaviour can be tolerated from our leaders - then we have become EXACTLY like the democrat party. If something doesn't change soon - I'm out of the party. I've worked hard for over 30 years to convince people that the republican party is the party that represents people that have conservative values. Boy, have I been used!
Please, don’t remind this S.C. voter that I helped elect Flimsey Grahamnesty Little Lord Tinkerbelle back in 2002.
Well it WAS San FranSicko. Years of putting things in an exit-only orifice has a deleterious effect on the functioning of the lower digestive tract.
Doug Giles is still a much better writer than Maureen Dowd.
I definitely agree with you. Can’t we get some NORMAL PEOPLE who are mentally healthy to represent us for a change?
Knock Three Times
Hey guy whatcha doin in there
Sittin’ alone on this day while I sit right next to you
I can hear your toes a tappin’
I can see your fingers slidin’
One door beside me you don't even know me I want you
chorus
Oh my darlin’
Knock three times on the toilet if you want me
Twice on the door if the answer is no
Oh my sweetmeat
Means you'll meet me at the half way
Twice on the door means you ain't gonna go
If you look under your stall tonite
Tappin’ the foot with the code thats attached to my heart
See how many times I’m a tappin’
How in my code I’m a trollin’
And only in my dreams did that wall between us come down
chorus
Oh my darlin
Knock three times on the toilet if you want me
Twice on the sink if the answer is no
Oh my sweetmeat
Means you'll meet me at the half way
Twice on the door means you ain't gonna go
Oh i can hear your feet a tappin’
I can see your fingers slidin’
One door beside me you don't even know me
I want you
chorus
Oh my darlin
Knock three times on the toilet if you want me
Twice on the door if the answer is no
Oh my sweetmeat
Means you'll meet me at the half way
Twice on the door means you ain't gonna go
For the most part, Republicans take out their trash.
DemoRats re-elect it.
Guess he didn't talk to Senator Vitter.
He may well be but we are not talking about Maureen Dowd.
Exactly. In the 1930s, it was "geycat"...but was "gay" by the 1950s. Before that, back in the 19th century, "gay" referred to immoral women--prostitutes.
It has had many meanings, but one can trace the "merry" use back to the 14th century, if I'm not mistaken.
"Queer" has too many other meanings. I prefer "homosexual" as the term to use.
Hey, just a coule of months ago, someone left a turd in the sink of the men’s bathroom at the K-mart in San Mateo (just south of SF). I didn’t spot it until I went to wash my hands after doing my business. Another guy came into the john, saw it and we both speculated as to how it arrived there. ;-)
OK - but you did apparently :)
Don’t be hard on yourself. ONce upon a time I thought he was a decent conservative. We can all be fooled, you know. They seem to out themselves eventually.
Yep, that would be a conversation starter.
character is what one demonstrates when no one is looking
It is one of the fears many have when discussing gay marriage. Allowing homosexual unions to be equated to marriage brings the promiscuity of the homosexual community with it.
Not all homosexuals believe in monogomy. In fact, such a large number believe in multiple partners that if their unions are equated with heterosexual unions, it would open the floodgates to "open" relationships where two people live together for the financial gain of marriage, but engage multiple partners, thereby devaluing the concept of being married.
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