Posted on 09/04/2007 11:18:26 AM PDT by FreeManDC
Last month my column highlighted the often-neglected voices of fathers in the abortion debate. [www.ifeminists.net/e107_plugins/content/content.php?content.207] Afterwards, several men contacted me to recount their painful memories.
Wayne Auman of North Carolina was one of those courageous men. His memories are so vivid and his pain so poignant, I invited him to share the story in his own words:
It all began in 1981, I was dating an incredible girl, and we planned to eventually marry. We had been together over a year, and we were crazy in love. Then one September day she approached me with tears in her eyes and told me she was pregnant. You could have knocked me over with a feather.
After the shock wore off, I suggested we get married and start our family. I was stunned when she refused. I tried to tell her she would love our baby so much, and most of all, that abortion is murder. She cried at me to stop, saying that she had made up her mind, it was her body, and this was the "easy" solution to her problem.
She also told me I was making a difficult decision harder by "preaching" to her. In retrospect, I didn't preach nearly enough. If I had tried harder, she may not have gone through with it. I will always regret not fighting harder to save the life of our son.
When the day came to do the procedure, I was depressed, scared, and worried about my girlfriend. Upon entering the non-descript waiting room, I felt a dozen pairs of female eyes suspiciously evaluate me. The atmosphere was dark, dreadful, and depressing. The feeling of shame was palpable. Muted whispers and muffled sobs were heard in a far corner.
As I tried to comfort my girlfriend, I told her it wasn't too late to change her mind. I'll never forget the look in her eyes when she refused my offer. The look was a pleading, agonizing glimpse into her soul.
During the time my girlfriend was gone, the stillness of room was shattered by a piercing wail of pain from the procedure room. I will never forget the desperation and agony of that scream.
I feared that it was my girlfriend so I got up to ask a staff member. I was instructed that I was to sit down and wait quietly. When I insisted that someone check on my girlfriend, my request was met with a contemptuous glare. Eventually, someone did check on her and informed me it was not my girlfriend who had cried out.
An hour later she emerged. Hunched over, clutching her purse and prescription, she shuffled slowly into the waiting area, and stifled a painful moan. My heart broke into a thousand pieces, never to be whole again. I mourned for her, her wounded soul, but most of all, for our dead child. We had knowingly, deliberately, murdered a child.
And for what? So she could be a college student and have a career, unencumbered by the responsibilities of raising a child?
The effects of the procedure were traumatic. My girlfriend experienced heavy bleeding, severe abdominal pain, and anemia. She was physically affected for months afterward, and is spiritually affected to this day. She refused all attempts to talk about our ordeal. I realized that she experienced something profoundly more horrible than she had expected.
That meant that I would have to deal with my tortured emotions alone, as we agreed not to tell anyone of the deed. This proved to be too much for me to bear, and our relationship would never be the same. One murderous act succeeded in killing not only our child, but the incredible love we had for one another.
Now I am blessed beyond my dreams with a wife and three incredible sons, 11, 8, and 4. I am grateful to God that I have found forgiveness and restoration. I will never forget, however, the life that God intended to be born, I allowed to be murdered.
Don't let anyone tell you that abortion is a quick, easy solution to an unwanted pregnancy. What appears to be an easy solution has life-long consequences. Twenty-five years later, I am still haunted by the memories of that day, and the lost life of my beloved son. Every day of my life, I know that I'll wonder.
So on the 25th year anniversary of the abortion, I composed a ballad called "I Wonder: A Love Song to the Son I Never Knew," which can be seen on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QP44BEGnXec .
Here are the lyrics:
"I Wonder: A Love Song to the Son I Never Knew"
Wayne Auman & Jamie Dickmann © 2007 Performed by Jamie Dickmann
You never had a birthday, But I remember you my unborn son. 25 years since you passed away, Was there anything more I could have done?
We were so in love, That's what we were, Not a care in this great big world. I must admit you were not thought of, Until God's plan for us unfurled.
I wonder what you would have become, If choice had not got in the way, Of hearing you laugh and watching you run. In my heart your life has begun, Who had the right to deprive us Of all of the things we'd have done?
I Wonder...
Precious gift, that's what you were, God built his work within her womb, But a hardened heart and a selfish wish, Turned that place into your tomb.
I wonder what you would have become, If choice had not got in the way, Of hearing you laugh and watching you run. But in my heart your life has begun, Who had the right to deprive us Of all of the things we'd have done?
I Wonder...
My only peace is knowing That He is at your side. That He holds you close, And tucks you in at night.
I'll bear this empty hole, Without you in my life, Knowing that someday, You'll run to me — eternally.
I wonder what you would have become, If choice had not got in the way, Of hearing you laugh and watching you run. In my heart your life has begun, Who had the right to deprive us Of all of the things we'd have done.
I wonder what you would have become, If choice had not got in the way, Of hearing you laugh and watching you run. We'll always be father and son, Who had the right to deprive us Of all of the things we'd have done.
I Wonder...
bttt
God Bless the author. I am left completely without words after reading such a heart wrenching tale of woe and a loving tribute to a child that never was.
Godspeed sir.
Jolting. Absolutely, jolting!
It’s a sad thing. It is something you would will never forget as a man. Women, supposedly the more intuitive beings, don’t seem to have any clue what the men go through in these instances.
If you care about them, you try to be supportive. If you are that supportive, you accompany them. You take responsibility. You want to be there for the good and bad. And when you do show up, you’re the guy. You’re the one who did this to her. You should have known better. Now sit over there and shut up you ass.
If you express your reservations, you’re an uncaring person. You couldn’t possibly understand. You can only tell them how you feel, then back off and allow them to do what they think they must. What choice do you have?
The male in our society is judged to be responsible for most things. Along with that responsibility, comes very few rights in return.
This is a sad tale. It’s one that plays out all too often.
I should have a 15 year old child today. The beyotch who had him/her aborted told me a few months after we had split up what she had decided to do go ahead and do. I was 23 at the time and while I am so glad we didn’t wind up together back then it just felt terrible and empty. She said it was easier not to have told me before she did it.
Heart-breaking for all involved, and they still bare the scars.
Mom was forced into an abortion by her family...and dad begged her not to go through with it...trying to remind her that it was his baby, too.
Very sad.
That’s one heck of a post!
It is frightening how few people decisions based on what is right or wrong, but on their perceptions. There are pro-life people who are real experts in this. I.e., those who dissuade young women from abortions (with great success) know that the fact that abortion is murder is NOT persuasive. Other approaches are. It’s really frightening to me that so many people are walking around who WILL kill another person if 1) there appears to be some advantage in doing so, and 2) the “law” says it’s okay.
It is coming up on 22 years since an old girl-friend of mine did the same thing. I was just out of the Navy. We had dated through high school, so I thought I knew her better than that. I was wrong. She never did tell me that I was the father, but I can count, so it wasn’t hard to figure out.
I have never forgiven myself for not being able to talk her out of it. I wasn’t there when she had the abortion. She didn’t tell me about the baby until after. I have not spoken to her since. I started drinking to kill the pain and kept it up for 10 years.
I stopped drinking when I met my wife. We have been married for over twelve years and have two great boys, 10 and 8. I love my wife and kids more than life, itself. And I’m sure that I would have loved that baby just as much.
I still wonder if it was a boy or girl and what would the baby have grown up to be.
I sure would have enjoyed hanging out with what now would be nieces or nephews aged around 31, 29, and 10. But that’s not the case.
Oh, hell! I’m just too old, too emotional and too looking forward to grandchildren to read this sort of thing on a Tuesday afternoon, but I did.
Dear quikdrw,
I have been given Peace from God that you and I will both meet our unborn children in Heaven one day. I hope this gives you some comfort.
Love,
poobear
Killing the innocent in utero is so easy and speaks volumes about the cold-blooded killer nature of those allowed free reign to kill as they see fit. Without laws to prevent it, the murder rate would likely be a 1000% greater than today.
Your ability to overcome that adversity, pick up the pieces, and start a family are a true tribute to you.
Thanks for sharing your story, I learn a great deal from you and others with similar life stories on this thread.
My heart breaks and my stomach tightens when I think of all the “surviving” victims of these procedures.
First, thank you for your service to our country, grateful Americans truly appreciate it.
God bless you and your family sir. Strong people like yourself are the backbone of our FReeper community.
If marketed appropriately by the old media morons, any behavior would be acceptable to various segments of society—just name it and let the evil bastards in the media do the marketing and you would find it socially acceptable, to rape, kill, steal, cheat, etc. Sadly, civilization has progressed no more than an inch beyond ancient Rome.
Yeah, I’m going to go pick up my daughters after school and hug them until they start fussing about it.
I sat in such a room as this man did, but under different circumstances - my son died of natural causes in his mother's womb, and his body needed to be removed.
I have to admit that I was filled with rage as I sat in that room, looking at the other "fathers" - some of whom were undoubtedly there to help kill their healthy unborn sons while I was there mourning my little guy whose heart had given out.
Unlike the author of this piece I did have the consolation of naming him and giving him a proper Mass, and a Christian burial in sacred ground with a marked grave that shows the world he lived once and was loved.
For what it is worth:
“I’ve got a son that never came”
Mark Thouin
I’ve got a son that never came.
One that flew kites and arrow-planes.
One that danced in the springtime rains.
Don’t know why or who’s to blame.
But I’ve got a son that never came.
Bullfrogs and butterflies he’ll never see.
He’ll stroll through an open field, but not with me.
There was a time his heart beat strong.
It beat with rhythm as in a song.
And to me his love belonged.
Don’t know why or what went wrong.
But there was a time his heart beat strong.
It’s left in my mind and my heart will tease.
There’s no love in my life for my son and me.
Before I had a chance to fight.
They took my son up a flight.
To a room to take his life.
Don’t know why I had no rights.
Before I had a chance to fight.
Then five months early they stole him from his womb.
Laid him in a corner and watched him die in his tomb.
But for one split second I thought I heard him cry...
“I’m gonna have to leave you now. I love you Dad. Goodbye.”
Source:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/638293/posts
That is just horrible. I miscarried my youngest one’s twin. The doctor told me to let “Mother Nature” take her course as I already had three kids, and two jobs. I chose to stay in bed for 6 weeks with my legs propped up. I could have lost her, but it’s all up to Him.
No one seems to care about the fathers of these unfortunate babies, and that’s just WRONG.
Everyone in the nation should read this....
I’ve always thought if a father wanted his child, and would make legal commitments to raise and support the child, then the mother should be required to carry the child, give birth, but then be freed from all responsibilities or rights as a parent.
Seems reasonable, the woman is spared the ‘inconvenience’ she wanted to avoid by choosing abortion in the first place. She has the responsibility to carry the child until birth, then the father has all responsibility to support and care for the child until age eighteen.
I can hear the feminists’ wailing and gnashing of teeth already, but it seems much more fair to the child whose mother did not want him or her.
Just damn...
I blocked out my miscarrige, until I walked out of that court house in 2005. I was walking our dog with my kids at night in 1993. I used to sell Avon back then, and we went to a house that basically had a junkyard for a front yard. The dog saw a jackrabbit and went after it, dragged me through broken bikes, tires, etc. I didn’t even know I was pregnant.
To make a decision to abort one’s child, is something I just don’t understand. When I went to my last appointment, they gleefully told me that I was “done”. Can’t have any more babies. I really don’t see anything funny about that. I met a man who is a first class Daddy. He’s the guy who will teach his kid to build a better mud pie, how to kick everyone’s ass on the playground, sit and endure endless games of Scrabble. He took my 19 yr old son(first fishing trip), and his 12 yr old camping and fishing up in the Sierra’s.
I am so sorry for your loss. We need to work harder to make abortion illegal.
Of the two bodies involved, only one was hers. The other one belongs to the baby.
27 years ago...
...I might have been a grandpa today.
By His grace, we will meet our children one day.
Forgiveness is available to those who seek Him.
But sin has consequences, and though He heals, the scars remain in the silent background.
But He gives peace through that storm too.
Peace to those who seek Him.
I hope you know His peace today.
SDG
I was sent this URL this afternoon.
Filled with lots of statisitcs, but one stood out among all the others...
http://www.peterrussell.dreamhosters.com/Odds/WorldClock.php
...the number of unborn children killed in their mother’s wombs.
...sad
To others who think that this is just a "personal choice between a woman/girl and her doctor" hopefully, this opens your eyes.....just a tiny bit.
For each "choice" there is still another who never, ever gets to be heard, except by the Lord in Heaven, God Bless them all 40 Million and counting!
Thank you, it does help.
I believe my getting on with life has to do with my up-bringing. My family never knew what happened, but they finally got it through my thick skull to stop drinking so much and start living. I sobered up and met my wife two weeks later.
When I read it, and then went to the video, I just cried.
I have a niece or nephew whose life was snuffed out in utero for convenience sake. The young lady who had the abortion was a vegetarian, because she didn’t think it was right to kill animals for our eating pleasure. Go figure.
Thank you. I don’t normally think about it. My wife is the only person, before today, that knew about it. When I started writing about, it just flowed out.
pro-life ping
My son/daughter would have been 36 this month. This story is so close to mine, the main difference being he did eventually get to have a family, that I had trouble reading it.
The mistakes that young scared couples make can be heart-rendering. This point is driven home every time I am with my friends and they are talking about their kids and often times grandkids. It makes me feel like an observer in my own life.
A lot of pro-abortion activist, out of necessity, still cling to the outmoded idea that the baby is just undifferentiated fetal tissue though modern medical science proves more each day just how facetious that argument is. They march across the country proudly wearing their pink ribbons, demanding more money for breast cancer research, while willfully ignoring the reams of evidence connecting early abortions and breast cancer later in life. And they hold fast to the idea that there are no real long-term mental, spiritual or emotional affects resulting from abortion while millions suffer in silence. There will never be an ultrasound or magnetic scanner sensitive enough to see into the hearts and souls of those affected by abortion and capture the images of the lasting damage done, but that damage is there just the same.
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