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Posted on 09/05/2007 5:50:54 PM PDT by AZamericonnie
The USS NAUTILUS (SSN-571) USS Nautilus is arguably the most famous submarine in the world. She was first in many respects, including being the first nuclear submarine, first submarine to navigate under the North Pole, as well as setting many endurance records for submerged operations. She also participated in many exercises that helped to rewrite Anti-Submarine Warfare doctrine.
USS NAUTILUS was laid down 14 June 1952, President Harry S. Truman officiating, at the Electric Boat Co., Division of General Dynamics Corp., Groton, Connecticut; launched 21 January 1954; sponsored by Mrs. Dwight D. Eisenhower, wife of President Eisenhower, and commissioned 30 September 1954, Comdr. E. P. Wilkinson in command.
Following commissioning NAUTILUS remained at dockside for further construction and testing until 17 January 1955. Then, at 1100, her lines were cast off and she was "underway on nuclear power." Trials followed and on 10 May NAUTILUS headed south for shakedown. She remained submerged while enroute to Puerto Rico, covering 1,381 miles in 89.8 hours, the longest submerged cruise, to that date, by a submarine, and at the highest sustained submerged speed ever recorded for a period of over one hour's duration. Throughout 1955, and into 1957, she investigated the effects of the radically increased submerged speed and endurance, such changes in submerged mobility having virtually wiped out progress in anti-submarine warfare techniques. The airplane and radar, which helped defeat submarines in the Atlantie during World War II, proved ineffective against a vessel which did not need to surface, could clear an area in record time, and swiftly change depth simultaneously.
On 4 February 1957, NAUTILUS logged her 60,000th nautical mile to bring to reality the achievements of her fictitious namesake in Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. In May she departed for the Pacific Coast to participate in coastal exercises and the fleet exercise, operation "Home run," which acquainted units of the Pacific Fleet with the capabilities of nuclear submarines.
NAUTILUS returned to New London 21 July and departed again 19 August for her first voyage, of 1,383 miles, under polar pack ice. Thence, she headed for the Eastern Atlantic to participate in NATO exercises and conduct a tour of various British and French ports where she was inspected by defense personnel of those countries. She arrived back at New London 28 October, underwent upkeep, and then conducted coastal operations until the spring.
On 25 April 1958 she was underway again for the West Coast. Stopping at San Diego, San Francisco, and Seattle she began her history making Polar transit, operation "Sunshine," as she departed the latter port 9 June. On 19 June she entered the Chukchi Sea, but was turned back by deep draft ice in those shallow waters. On the 28th she arrived at Pearl Harbor to await better ice conditions. By 23 July her wait was over and she set a course northward. She submerged in the Barrow Sea Valley 1 August and on 3 August, at 2315 (EDST) she became the first ship to reach the geographic North Pole. From the North Pole, she continued on and after 96 hours and 1830 miles under the ice, she surfaced northeast of Greenland, having completed the first successful voyage across the North Pole.
Proceeding from Greenland to Portland, England, she received the Presidential Unit Citation, the first ever issued in peace time, from American Ambassador J. H. Whitney, and then set a westerly course which put her into the Thames River estuary at New London 29 October. For the remainder of the year she operated from her homeport, New London, Connecticut.
Following fleet exercises in early 1959, NAUTILUS entered the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard, for her first complete overhaul (28 May 1959 - 15 August 1960). Overhaul was followed by refresher training and on 24 October she departed New London for her first deployment with the 6th Fleet in the Mediterranean, returning to her homeport 16 December.
NAUTILUS operated in the Atlantic, conducting evaluation tests for ASW improvements, participating in NATO exercises and, during the fall of 1962, in the naval quarantine of Cuba, until she headed east again for a two month Mediterranean tour in August 1963. On her return she joined in fleet exercises until entering the Portsmouth Naval Shipyard for her second overhaul 17 January 1964. On 2 May 1966, NAUTILUS returned to her homeport to resume operations with the Atlantic Fleet. For the next year and a quarter she conducted special operations for ComSubLant and then in August 1967, returned to Portsmouth, for another year's stay, following which she conducted exercises off the southeastern seaboard. She returned to New London in December 1968, and into 1970 she continued to participate in operations as a unit of the 2nd Fleet.
General Characteristics: Awarded: August 2, 1951
Keel laid: June 14, 1952
Launched: January 21, 1954
Commissioned: September 30, 1954
Decommissioned: March 3, 1980
Builder: Electric Boat Division of General Dynamics Corporation, Groton, CT.
Propulsion system: one nuclear reactor
Propellers: two
Length: 324 feet (98.75 meters)
Beam: 27.8 feet (8.47 meters)
Draft: 22 feet (6.7 meters)
Displacement: Surfaced: approx. 3,530 tons Submerged: approx. 4,090 tons
Speed: Surfaced: approx. 22 knots Submerged: approx. +20 knots
Armament: six 533 mm torpedo tubes
Crew: 13 Officers, 92 Enlisted
In the spring of 1979, NAUTILUS set out from Groton, Connecticut on her final voyage. She reached Mare Island Naval Shipyard, Vallejo, California on May 26, 1979 - her last day underway. She was decommissioned on March 3, 1980 after a career spanning 25 years and over half a million miles steamed.
In recognition of her pioneering role in the practical use of nuclear power, NAUTILUS was designated a National Historic Landmark by the Secretary of the Interior on May 20, 1982. Following an extensive historic ship conversion at Mare Island Naval Shipyard, NAUTILUS was towed to Groton, Connecticut arriving on July 6, 1985.
On April 11, 1986, eighty-six years to the day after the birth of the Submarine Force, Historic Ship NAUTILUS, joined by the Submarine Force Museum, opened to the public as the first and finest exhibit of its kind in the world, providing an exciting, visible link between yesterday's Submarine Force and the Submarine Force of tomorrow.
A blond guy with two badly burned ears went to the emergency room for medical treatment.
“What happened” asked the doctor.
“Well, my wife was ironing while I was watching the ballgame on TV,” began the man.
“She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answered the iron.”
The doctor nodded, “But what happened to the other ear?”
“Well, no sooner had I hung up,” said the man, “when the same guy called again.”
A guy is walking from the elevator to his room in a Las Vegas hotel. He sees a blonde at the Coke machine. She is repeatedly putting in coins and pressing a button on the machine. Each time, as a bottle of Coke comes down the chute, she jumps up & down, squealing with excitement.
The guy stops her and asks, “Excuse me, can you tell me what you are doing?”
The blonde replies, “Like, duhhh...I’m WINNING.”
Back woods of Arkansas
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, “Here, you hold this high so I can see what I’m doing.” Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
“Whoa there Scotty!” said the doctor. “Don’t be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there’s yet another wee one to come.” Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
“No, no, don’t be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there’s yet another one besides!” cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. “Do ye think it’s the light that’s attractin’ them?”
!!!!!!!!
Redneck’s Chickin’s
Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, “chickens.”
“Chickens, eh?” says one guy. “Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?”
“Heck, “ says the guy with the bag, “iffin you guess right, I’ll give you both of ‘em.”
The other scratches his head and guesses, “Um... five?”
mine!!!!
mine!!!!
mine!!!!
mine!!!!
mine!!!!
mine!!!!
Arkansas State trooper
An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, “Got any ID?” The driver says, “’Bout what?”
Redneck crash
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the Canadian auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in pick-up trucks.
This was done in an effort to determine, when accidents occurred, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 9 of the 10 provinces the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of crashes were, “Oh, Shit!”
Only Newfoundland was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were...
“Hold my beer and watch this!”
Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.” The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?” After a long pause, Bubba said, “How ‘bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”
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One day, two rednecks named Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of Buds. The passenger, Bubba, said, “Lookey thar up ahead Earl, it’s a po-leece roadblock! We’re gonna get busted fer drinkin’ these here beers!”
“Don’t worry Bubba,” Earl said. “We’ll just pull over and finish drinkin’ these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat.”
“What fer?” asked Bubba.
“Just let me do the talkin’, okay?” said Earl.
They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, “Have you boys been drinking?”
“No sir,” said Earl, “We’re on the patch.”
Good morning, Meg
That’s a pretty picture of the birdies.
I about choked when I saw the calories and fat content on the first one. That’s definitely a once-a-year meal. LOL
Winders ‘98
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Alabama edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver.
Also note:
the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol’ Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as 4 Wheel Drive
floppies are them little ol’ plactic disc thangs.
Other features:
Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
* OK ats aww-right
* cancel hail no
* reset awa shoot
* yes shore
* no Naaaa
* find hunt-fer it
* go to over yonder
* back back yonder
* help hep me out here
* stop ternit off
* start crank it up
* settings sittins
* programs stuff at does stuff
* documents stuff I done done
Also note that Winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98:
* tiperiter A word processor
* colering book a graphics program
* addin mershene calculator
* outhouse paper notepad
* jupe-box CD Player
* iner-net Microsoft Explorer
* pichers A graphics viewer
* IRS M/S accounting software
* IRS2 M/S accounting software with hidden files
* coon dog American kennel club records
* fishin Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records
* NRA National Rifle Association
* shot gun Remington Arms price list
* riffel Winchester price list
* pisstel Smith and Wesson price list
* truck Ford and Chevrolet dealers in AL by zip code
* house Nearest Mobile home repair service by zip code
* car same as truck just need two, list in Alabama
* cuzzins family history (usually a 3 meg file)
* tax records usually an empty file
* shells ammunition inventory (another 3 meg file)
* bud list of Budwiser dealers by zip code
* rasin NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race
* car ‘n truck parts nearest junk yard by zip code
* doc veterinarians by zip code
We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Alabama edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement copy.
Driving Etiquette for Rednecks
# Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
# When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
# Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.
# When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
# Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
# Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.
# Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Counterfeiting in Dixie
A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Texas town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went.
He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. “Can you change this for me, please?” he said.
The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, “Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?”
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