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This Thread Brought To
You By The Letter W:
Posted on 09/10/2007 1:06:56 AM PDT by pookie18
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This Thread Brought To
You By The Letter W:
John Edwards' campaign got a boost Friday when the Democrat was endorsed by the United Brotherhood of Carpenters. It was important to get their endorsement before the next big debate. If the carpenters don't like you, the trap door is under your podium.
President Bush flew to Australia Tuesday to attend the Asian Pacific Economic Conference. He must leave the conference a little early. The White House physician doesn't allow him within a thousand miles of Chinese toy factories for over three days.
Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards revealed Monday his health care plan would require women to get regular breast exams. It's almost impossible to believe. There are two Democrats in the race who are running on Bill Clinton's record.
Bill Clinton joined his wife at a New Hampshire fair Sunday and was cheered by the crowd. He's trying hard not to embarrass her. The only time he taps his foot in the men's room is when there is a Hong Kong donor in the next stall and the check is late.
GOP candidate Ron Paul finished a strong third in a Texas straw poll Saturday thanks to his online supporters. He's wildly popular on the Internet. He was the only candidate shrewd enough to put gambling and pornography on his campaign web site.
Larry Craig said Tuesday he will fight the charges of sex solicitation by foot-tapping in a men's room stall. He could survive. By claiming restless leg syndrome he thinks he can keep his job in the Senate under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
President Bush told his fellow coalition member Australian Prime Minister John Howard that the surge is working in Iraq. It wasn't necessary. Any nation that gave the world Russell Crowe and Errol Flynn doesn't have to be persuaded to stay in any fight.
Hillary Clinton spoke to the American Association of Retired Persons lobbyists meeting in Washington Tuesday. She promised as president she'd leave Social Security exactly as it is. This will give seniors with paid-off homes the thrill of bankruptcy.
Former White House volunteer Kathleen Willey just wrote a book. It alleges that the Clintons tried to destroy her after she accused Bill Clinton of fondling her breasts in the Oval Office. That's two presidents in a row that have attacked a rack.
-- Argus Hamilton
Republicans had a big debate in New Hampshire. The big winner? Fred Thompson. He’s on the show tonight and he says he has something major to announce. Now in America, that can mean only one of three things: He’s either pregnant, gay, or running for president. Actually, have you seen Fred’s wife? She’s beautiful . . . I think we can rule out the gay part.
- - Leno
The Ant & The Grasshopper
OLD VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
America is stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome."
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Nancy Pelosi & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.
Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.
The ant loses the case.
The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE STORY: Be VERY careful how you vote!!
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A dedicated Teamsters union worker was attending a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"
"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20," she answered.
Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house.
We observe all union rules."
The man asked, "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the union man said.
He handed the Madam $100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her," he said.
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."
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The other day, I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Air Force fatigues and stuck a patch that I had downloaded off the internet onto the front of my shirt.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.
Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.
*
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It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat...
SUPERSIZED
(Thank you, Prime Choice)
(Thank you, DarthDilbert)
Thanx Pookie!
:-)
Thanks Pookie, always love your toons!
top 10??
Made it! And thanks for the toons, Pookie!
Thanks, pookie!
Ah, I should have known... ;-)
Thanks again!
SWEET!
Good morning, and thanks for the ping, Pookie! Hope you have a great week!
Thanx, pookie18. Appreciate the funny video too!
bttt
Thanks pook, great ones today.
bttt
BUMPIN the TOOOOOOOONS!!!
Good job, Pook.
Click "me" below...
Thanks pookie. Never miss your toons.
My pleasure, Jen's Mom! Click "me" below...
;-)
Thanks, Pookie!
Thanks Pookie!
Hey Pookie!
I liked the Uncle Sam tune! I agree wholeheartedly. That is the same recording I hear when I called the Welfare office. “Press 1 for English”. Made me so mad.
v
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