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30 reasons why we [Brits] hate the French
London Telegraph ^ | 12/10/2007 | Alex Clarke and Jules Eden

Posted on 10/11/2007 6:11:25 PM PDT by Aristotelian

As Les Rosbifs and The Frogs scrum down for tomorrow's Rugby World Cup semi-final, Alex Clarke and Jules Eden remind us of the infuriating habits of our cousins across the Channel.

1. Because they're losers Rugby matches played by England against France since 1906: 89. We've won 47; they've won 35. Draws: 7.

2. Because they're aggressive Wars fought against France since 1066: 35. We've won 23; they've won 11. Mutual defeats: 1 (American War of Independence).

3. Because of Napoleon 200 French streets, monuments and institutions commemorate the era of Napoleon, the inventor of totalitarian dictatorship.

4. And because of the Napoleon Complex While Napoleon was actually 5ft 6.5in tall, his aggression may have stemmed from "strikingly small, infantile and undersized genitals", as revealed in his autopsy. The organ in question measured 1.25in.

5. Because they make love more than anyone else On average, that's 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times.

6. Because everyone believes they're great lovers But when asked about Napoleon's love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was "beaucoup le plus fort" [much the stronger]. Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits.

7. Because they love yappy dogs More than nine per cent of French dog owners have a poodle.

8. But they won't clean up after them French dog owners refuse to pick up the 5,840 tonnes of dog-doo dropped on their streets each year.

9. Because they're allergic to customer service In London eateries, it takes an average 3.4 minutes to get a glass of water once a waiter has been alerted; in Paris it takes 17.9 minutes.

10. Because they're rude The "Paris Syndrome" is a medically recognised type of depression which afflicts foreign visitors, caused by the sustained rudeness of French people to outsiders.

11. Because they can't wait Many French men still prefer the convenience of a trottoir [sidewalk] to the public WC [water closet/toilet].

12. Because they lack humour Before the Revolution, the French spoke of l'esprit (wit), or la farce (joke) but the word "humour" had no equivalent. Not until 1932 did the French Academy allow l'humour into the language.

13. Because we've been allowed to believe that French women don't get fat Current diet books claim that French women are thin because they eat only fresh produce, and slowly. However, French obesity rates are exploding and one in four French women is on some kind of mood-altering medication. Of course they're not hungry – they're stoned.

14. Because they do things the wrong way The French take more suppositories than the rest of Europe combined. In 2006, they shoved 235 tonnes of pharmaceuticals up themselves. That's equivalent to 1,850 Gérard Depardieus (approx.).

15. That goes for their wildlife, too In 1998 alone, 25 million geese and ducks were force-fed in battery farms to make foie gras: the €20 hors d'oeuvre.

16. Because they love Jerry In 1963, Jerry Lewis's The Nutty Professor was voted "Best Film" in France. Le Roi du Crazy, as Lewis is known over there, holds the Legion of Honour, traditionally awarded only to victorious French generals: pretty rare.

17. And they hate Gerry In 2005, national treasure Gérard Depardieu announced he was leaving France because: "Only the British understand me… They have a great sense of humour. It is the French who are cretins".

18. Because they think their cooking is the best in the world They boasted 26 three-starred restaurants in the 2005 Michelin Guide. However, the guide is a French institution. Could that be why the UK had only three? Coincidence, non?

19. Because of their incessant wining Does France still make the best wine? Not if you go by the infamous Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, when an English wine merchant organised a "blind" tasting before a jury of French experts. To their horror, they rated Californian wines as winners in both the red and white wine categories. The French press first denied any tasting had happened, then claimed the results were fixed.

20. You can't trust their wine labels either In one 2002 case, a Burgundian vintner got jailed for rebottling 4,000 hectolitres of Algerian plonk as a much more expensive Bordeaux.

21. Because they took the cow pat… and turned it into a hat Well, that's what the beret is, isn't it?

22. Because their legendary "Va Va Voom" is a lie They only spend an average 19.2 minutes on foreplay. The British take 22.5 minutes.

23. Because 50 per cent of them don't even associate sex with pleasure And 23 per cent say they would be "relieved" not to have sex for several months.

24. Because they patented the kiss In fact, there is no actual word for "French Kiss" in French. It is simply embrasser avec la langue (literally, to kiss with the tongue). Colloquially it is referred to as rouler une pelle (to roll the spade). Only in Quebec is it "frencher".

25. Because they're big bullies The French shoot, poison, trap, crush, stuff and then eat almost anything smaller than themselves. Box-nets are laid down across the Aquitaine countryside to trap skylarks, while Languedoc hunters blast turtledoves out of the sky.

26. Because the French health service is the best in the world However, during a 2003 heat wave, the French health services, rated as a "world best" by the WHO, failed to prevent the deaths of 16,300 elderly people.

27. Because their country doesn't work Employers have to pay social security taxes equal to 48 per cent of each employee's salary, so they take on fewer people, and France's unemployment rate has hovered around 10 per cent for a decade.

28. Because they get up our noses Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day (compared to 70 per cent of the British).

29. Because they invented Sadism France is not only the birthplace of the Marquis de Sade but also of Renault's flirty series of Ben and Sophie "Eiffel Tower v Blackpool Tower" TV ads. Talk about torture…

30. Because it's taken them a thousand years to admit we're better than them "The standard of life of the British is higher than that of the French," said M. le President Nicolas Sarkozy, in his 2006 autobiography. Finally.

50 Reasons To Hate The French by Alex Clarke and Jules Eden (Quetzal Publishing UK)


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: anglophiles; anglosphere; antifrenchhumor; mostfoulandforeign
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THE BEST: Forty per cent of French men, and 25 per cent of women, do not change their underwear daily – and only 47 per cent bathe every day.
1 posted on 10/11/2007 6:11:32 PM PDT by Aristotelian
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To: Aristotelian

It’s wrong to be French.


2 posted on 10/11/2007 6:15:03 PM PDT by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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To: Aristotelian

Maybe the 30 reasons are valid however at the moment the leader of France is more conservative then the leader of England or the United States for that fact,so they’re not entirely bad !!!


3 posted on 10/11/2007 6:16:51 PM PDT by Obie Wan
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To: Aristotelian
They are perfidious frog merde .
4 posted on 10/11/2007 6:18:50 PM PDT by kbennkc (For those who have fought for it , freedom has a flavor the protected will never know)
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To: Aristotelian

The French make good wine. ;-)


5 posted on 10/11/2007 6:19:31 PM PDT by rbosque ("To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." - Teddy Roosevelt)
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To: Aristotelian

bump


6 posted on 10/11/2007 6:19:57 PM PDT by VOA
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To: Aristotelian
31. They're not us!

"Hell is other people." -- Jean-Paul Sartre, a Frenchman.

7 posted on 10/11/2007 6:23:44 PM PDT by Revolting cat! (We all need someone we can bleed on...)
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To: Aristotelian

LOL! Thank you! I work with a Brit who has been an American Citizen for 10 years now. He LOATHES the French and whenever we have a difficult customer, insists that they must be French.

He’s gonna love this. :)


8 posted on 10/11/2007 6:24:29 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin (Save The Earth. It's The Only Planet With Chocolate.)
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To: Drango

I take it you’ve never had the pleasure of visiting a French beach - infinitely more entertaining than visiting a Brit beach...


9 posted on 10/11/2007 6:24:41 PM PDT by USMCVet
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To: Aristotelian
30 reasons why we [Brits] hate the French

  1. You're French
  2. You're French
  3. You're French
  4. You're French
  5. You're French
  6. You're French
  7. You're French
  8. You're French
  9. You're French
  10. You're French
  11. You're French
  12. You're French
  13. You're French
  14. You're French
  15. You're French
  16. You're French
  17. You're French
  18. You're French
  19. You're French
  20. You're French
  21. You're French
  22. You're French
  23. You're French
  24. You're French
  25. You're French
  26. You're French
  27. You're French
  28. You're French
  29. You're French
  30. You're French

There -- that about cover it? ;OD

10 posted on 10/11/2007 6:25:24 PM PDT by jdm
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To: USMCVet

You would have been having that pleasure on a German beach if not for the U.S and the Brits .


11 posted on 10/11/2007 6:28:32 PM PDT by kbennkc (For those who have fought for it , freedom has a flavor the protected will never know)
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To: Aristotelian

I love this thread.


12 posted on 10/11/2007 6:29:05 PM PDT by steveyp
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To: Aristotelian
It seems wrong to criticize the French now that they seem to be improving.

I would counsel patience

13 posted on 10/11/2007 6:29:36 PM PDT by muir_redwoods (Free Sirhan Sirhan, after all, the bastard who killed Mary Jo Kopechne is walking around free)
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To: muir_redwoods

You are so right . It won’t be long till they screw us again .


14 posted on 10/11/2007 6:31:12 PM PDT by kbennkc (For those who have fought for it , freedom has a flavor the protected will never know)
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To: Aristotelian
The organ in question measured 1.25in.

SHRINKAGE! SHRINKAGE!


15 posted on 10/11/2007 6:32:49 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (Jet noise. The Sound of Freedom. - Go Air Force!)
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To: Obie Wan

“Maybe the 30 reasons are valid however at the moment the leader of France is more conservative then the leader of England or the United States for that fact,so they’re not entirely bad !!!”

I couldn’t agree more! Could it be that the French will show the way to us?


16 posted on 10/11/2007 6:33:37 PM PDT by mozarky2 (Ya never stand so tall as when ya stoop to stomp a statist!)
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To: Aristotelian
Do forgive me for urinating in the corn flakes here but as time goes by I am seeing more and more similarities between the French and our English cousins. Indeed it is sad commentary when the new French administration is more hawkish on subjects like Iran while the English are pulling out of Southern Iraq IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT!!!
17 posted on 10/11/2007 6:34:08 PM PDT by Live free or die
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To: steveyp

Attended a class several years ago made up of 6 or 7 Brits and an equal number of French (with a smattering Americans). The instructor spent most of his time keeping the two international groups apart. Didn’t learn much, but was fun to watch. LOL at the memory.


18 posted on 10/11/2007 6:34:37 PM PDT by doc1019 (Fred Thompson '08)
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To: Aristotelian
The organ in question measured 1.25in.

Is that length, width, or radius? Possibly circumference?

19 posted on 10/11/2007 6:36:04 PM PDT by ladyjane
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To: Aristotelian

As late as the 40’s the Brits commonly referred to syphilis as “French gout.”


20 posted on 10/11/2007 6:46:49 PM PDT by VR-21
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To: VR-21

Ebay has french war surplus rifles , never been fired only dropped twice .


21 posted on 10/11/2007 6:49:17 PM PDT by kbennkc (For those who have fought for it , freedom has a flavor the protected will never know)
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To: Aristotelian
5. Because they make love more than anyone else On average, that's 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times.

6. Because everyone believes they're great lovers But when asked about Napoleon's love-making, French good-time girl Marguerite Josephine Weimer remarked that the Duke of Wellington was "beaucoup le plus fort" [much the stronger]. Today, just 23 per cent of French people are happy with their sex lives compared to 25 per cent of Brits.

Yet the Brits enjoy it more. Some might comment about quality v. quantity!

22 posted on 10/11/2007 6:55:03 PM PDT by Tamar1973 (Riding the Korean Wave, one BYJ movie at a time! (http://www.byj.co.kr))
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To: VR-21
22. Because their legendary "Va Va Voom" is a lie They only spend an average 19.2 minutes on foreplay. The British take 22.5 minutes.

Remind me to be grateful my hubby is NOT French!

23 posted on 10/11/2007 7:00:10 PM PDT by Tamar1973 (Riding the Korean Wave, one BYJ movie at a time! (http://www.byj.co.kr))
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To: kbennkc
"You are so right . It won’t be long till they screw us again ."

And in that regard they are unlike which country?

24 posted on 10/11/2007 7:01:49 PM PDT by muir_redwoods (Free Sirhan Sirhan, after all, the bastard who killed Mary Jo Kopechne is walking around free)
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To: VR-21
Going to the bathroom is called "dropping a Frenchie".....at least it is at my house.

:-D

25 posted on 10/11/2007 7:02:19 PM PDT by Thumper1960 (Unleash the Dogs of War as a Minority, or perish as a party.)
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To: ladyjane
Poor Napoleon had that as a length!
26 posted on 10/11/2007 7:03:35 PM PDT by Thumper1960 (Unleash the Dogs of War as a Minority, or perish as a party.)
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To: Aristotelian

Naa the Best is #18: I’ve been both places and there is 10 reason that there are 25 ***** resturants vs 5 *****!!
I’ll start the list -—
1. Gwad terrible over done beef.
2. Wurst that tasted like it was made with sawdust.
3. Warm Beer.
4. Cold rolls served with the over done beef meal.
Etc etal.


27 posted on 10/11/2007 7:05:26 PM PDT by TaMoDee
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To: Aristotelian

You Brits better save your hatred for a more insidious group living among you. With all their faults, the French will never try to destroy you.


28 posted on 10/11/2007 7:06:18 PM PDT by 353FMG (Government is the opiate of the people.)
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To: Thumper1960

Poor Josephine!


29 posted on 10/11/2007 7:13:04 PM PDT by sarasmom
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To: Tamar1973

NINETEEN MINUTES! What takes them so long?


30 posted on 10/11/2007 7:13:40 PM PDT by ladyjane
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To: Aristotelian

I feel cheated. The last line says “50 reasons”. Where are the other 20?


31 posted on 10/11/2007 7:20:03 PM PDT by Rocky
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To: TaMoDee

Some English beers actually do taste better warm(ish). Still, I’d rather have a cold one.


32 posted on 10/11/2007 7:20:31 PM PDT by USFRIENDINVICTORIA
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To: ladyjane

What? You don’t like to play?


33 posted on 10/11/2007 7:23:53 PM PDT by Tamar1973 (Riding the Korean Wave, one BYJ movie at a time! (http://www.byj.co.kr))
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts
The organ in question measured 1.25in.

Perhaps that is why he could concentrate on being a military genius.

34 posted on 10/11/2007 7:27:48 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Are there any men left in Washington? Or are there only cowards? Ahmad Shah Massoud)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts
The organ in question measured 1.25in.

Perhaps that is why he could concentrate on being a military genius.

35 posted on 10/11/2007 7:28:07 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (Are there any men left in Washington? Or are there only cowards? Ahmad Shah Massoud)
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To: Tamar1973
Oh dear. Playing is okay but not if it goes on forever and forever and forever...Let's get with the program!(oops, drinking wine before posting is a no-no)
36 posted on 10/11/2007 7:32:20 PM PDT by ladyjane
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To: ladyjane
(oops, drinking wine before posting is a no-no)

How about a glass of soju (Korean vodka) instead?

37 posted on 10/11/2007 7:42:20 PM PDT by Tamar1973 (Riding the Korean Wave, one BYJ movie at a time! (http://www.byj.co.kr))
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To: Aristotelian

...there used to be an apocryphal sign at Calais saying “the wogs start here”. Besides, they talk funny.


38 posted on 10/11/2007 7:53:51 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Democrat Happens!)
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To: Mike Darancette
Your reference to Calais reminded me of the time I took a hovercraft from Dover to Calais. What an experience! You couldn't see much because the sea spray covered the windows. But watching a hovercraft come up on the beach and approach the waiting room windows was quite a thrill. Sadly, I see the service has been terminated because of no more duty-free. See http://www.dover-kent.co.uk/transport/hovercraft.htm


39 posted on 10/11/2007 8:12:16 PM PDT by Aristotelian
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To: Aristotelian

But at least the French have teeth.


40 posted on 10/11/2007 8:40:35 PM PDT by BlazingArizona
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To: Aristotelian
That’s the short list. lol
41 posted on 10/11/2007 8:41:38 PM PDT by Phlap (REDNECK@LIBARTS.EDU)
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To: kbennkc

“You would have been having that pleasure on a German beach if not for the U.S and the Brits .”

The beach on the German North Sea must be frigid compared to the beach on the Cote d’Azur - it’s not very warm either.


42 posted on 10/11/2007 8:52:11 PM PDT by Rembrandt (We would have won Viet Nam w/o Dim interference.)
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To: Aristotelian

“The organ in question measured 1.25in”....

This is easy to explain...Napoleon was Italian while the Iron Duke was Irish


43 posted on 10/11/2007 8:54:12 PM PDT by Paddyboy
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To: Drango
5. Because they make love more than anyone else On average, that's 137 times a year; we only manage 119 times.

Ok fellas, I think I'm gonna go and cry now =(

Man.. and that's just average .

This means I would have to double that once I get married; just to get around that ballpark. Jezz; these people.
44 posted on 10/11/2007 9:21:32 PM PDT by a_chronic_whiner
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To: Aristotelian

The greatest French/British exchange ever:

 Image and video hosting by TinyPic

"I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

 Image and video hosting by TinyPic

(laughing)

 Image and video hosting by TinyPic

"Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

"No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time."

45 posted on 10/11/2007 9:45:34 PM PDT by txroadkill ( http://iraqstar.org)
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To: Aristotelian

Because the French are starting to do something (Deport) about their problem involving “Youths” (Islamic Thugs) and the Brits, and the rest of Europe) lack the back bone to do the same?


46 posted on 10/11/2007 9:55:46 PM PDT by Grizzled Bear ("Does not play well with others.")
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To: Aristotelian

This crap sounds like it came from some of those British gentlemen who astonish the world by their amazingly sportsman-like behavior at soccer matches - as throwing bottles at the players and instigating murderous riots.

We can be thankful that they are not representative of a good and beautiful nation and its people.


47 posted on 10/12/2007 5:55:35 AM PDT by mtntop3
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To: ladyjane
NINETEEN MINUTES! What takes them so long?

A time? I was thinking that was nineteen minutes a year....

48 posted on 10/12/2007 6:03:30 AM PDT by NeoCaveman (Cleveland Indians 2007, Fred Thompson 2008)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

We can call him Napolean Pinkyparte! LOL


49 posted on 10/12/2007 6:07:53 AM PDT by dforest (Duncan Hunter is the best hope we have on both fronts.)
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To: sarasmom

Poor women throughout the world who have a partner with a significant shortcoming.


50 posted on 10/12/2007 3:28:32 PM PDT by Thumper1960 (Unleash the Dogs of War as a Minority, or perish as a party.)
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