Posted on 11/17/2007 4:53:59 PM PST by Mrs. Don-o
Last month, a boy asked my 16-year-old daughter to his school's homecoming dance. She agreed to go, bought a new dress and made a hairdresser appointment.
The boy never bought tickets to the dance. Neither did his friends. They decided that attending homecoming wouldn't be cool, and instead planned to just dress up that night, go out for dinner and then hang out with their dates at someone's house.
My daughter was disappointed, as were her girlfriends. They would have loved to have been taken to the dance, to show off their dresses, to see and be seen.
At 6 p.m. on the night of the boycotted dance, about a dozen of these girls and their dates gathered in one boy's backyard so a mob of parents could photograph them. I found it dispiriting. My heart went out to those girls -- all dressed up with no place to go. Couldn't we, as parents, have demanded that the boys take our daughters to the dance? Why did we stand there, clicking our digital cameras, saying nothing?
I live in suburban Detroit, but this phenomenon is playing out elsewhere in the country, too -- a telling example of the indifference with which young people today view dating, chivalry and romance.
Studies, of course, show more young people skipping romantic relationships in favor of "hooking up." As teens socialize in packs, forgo one-on-one dating and trade sex nonchalantly, it is no stretch to find that boys are asking girls to homecoming and not bothering to take them there. But with so many young people ignoring once-sacrosanct dating rites, how can we respond?
(Excerpt) Read more at online.wsj.com ...
Don't forget the infamous underwear checking that started a couple of years ago.
Why indeed?
Wasn't there even ONE father there, who could look a boy in the eye and simply say "you ARE taking my daughter to the dance, aren't you?"
If the boy didn't respect that coming from a father, he won't respect anyone.
Girls don't have to take that disrespect.
sw
My girlfriend (she is 50) can’t find a decent man. All they want is to “hook up” on the first date. None of them open doors, they drive up, wait in the car etc. All the things that an attentive father would have not allowed. You’d think at that age....but no....
I think he had a good time. He ended up going to someone's house afterwards with a group of kids, where they watched a movie ... and he made it home by his midnight curfew.
High school dances seem to be, as this man describes, mostly for girls to "see and be seen"; to show off for their friends. If a boy doesn't have, and doesn't want, a girlfriend, why should he volunteer to be "arm candy" for some girl who will barely give him the time of day on Monday morning? (Yes, I know, the boys supposedly asked the girls out. However, I know from my son's experience that a girl will sometimes pressure a boy to do that, and if he's not careful he'll get himself in a situation where it's impossible to turn her down without "losing face".)
Anyway, the solution for these girls is very simple: find other boys to date, and make their expectations clear.
I don't see much point in pushing high school kids to date anyway. It's not like they're really in the market for a spouse yet, so it can't lead to much good. If they want to date, that's different. But it really shouldn't be an expectation, IMO.
I heard that when reading Romeo and Juliet in school, kids find it funny that Juliet would kill herself over Romeo’s tragic demise.
I guess they see it the way we would if someone killed himself over the death of his golfing buddy.
Rule Eleven: Nod and smile at Papa. What he does not know will not hurt him.
I only hold doors open for real ladies.
The rest can kiss my behind.
Rule Twelve: No amount of smiling or nodding will fix a positive pregnancy test.
Take heart! My daughter is in graduate school. Among her friends, going back to HS, the women are looking for men who are MEN. They aren’t interested in delaying child bearing until their 30’s or later and they are looking for HUSBANDS, not studs. They are demanding respect and behaving in ways that will get it. These women are even able to cook, if you can imagine! LOL
It’s happening.
It is sad and true. My daughter wishes she lived in the 50s and 60s when parents taught their children how to treat the opposite sex well.
My daughters are well taught, but I am afraid that there are no opposite numbers for them. Virginity is not highly valued anymore. Even in beauties like my girls.
ping
This is what happens when you tell several generations of men that they are worthless, evil, patriarchal oppressors who make no meaningful contribution to society or culture.
They start acting like it.
How many of those young men have been snarled or scowled at by a feminist for holding a door open?
You cannot ship your children out the door at 6 weeks old or 6 years old, for 6-10 hours each day, 5 days a week for years on end, and then expect that child to grow up learning and adopting YOUR ideals. It isn’t going to happen. They are going to grow up learning the ideals taught to them by whomever is raising them, and if that whomever is your local daycare, nursery school, kindergarten, public school or highschool, that’s where they are going to learn how to handle life.
If you want your children to learn a different set of morals and ideals...like YOURS, then YOU are going to have to take the time, take the responsibility, and make the commitment to see to it that the majority of their time is spent with you, learning what YOU want them to learn.
Secondly, It’s up to us as parents to set the rules for our children. It’s not up to popular fads, or the laxness of other parents. If you want your sons to act with honesty and respect...then WE have to make sure (as women) to marry men with leadership qualities and good morals. To invite a person to a specific place at a specific time and date, and then not take that person there is neither honest, nor respectful.
If you want to start a “new fad”, then start it. Grassroots level works. Get together with parents of likemindedness and get started.
It won’t be long before the guys learn that if they want to date YOUR daughter, then they had better tow the mark. And vice versa.
If you don’t like the messages coming at your kids from the TV (ie. be lusty)then I guess you need to take responsibility for what your children do during their time..and shut the TV off.
UNFORTUNATELY, many of todays parents are as lazy about parenting as kids are about dating.
Hire a lawyer, and sue the boys for fraud; hurt feelings; expenses involved in the dresses, hairdressers, etc; legal expenses; breech of promise; and, anything else a real attorney could think of.
It is the American way!
Alternative: have big brothers beat the bejabbers out of the cads.
(And, yes, I could have gotten a "date" for the affair)
Years later, went to the first two or three "reunions", where the same cliques did the clique stuff all over again....pretty silly, in fact.
Then how to you explain the large number of Christian, conservative children that attend public high schools and go on to be responsible adults?
It isn’t going to happen
Did in my case - twice
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