Posted on 12/10/2007 3:12:30 AM PST by pookie18
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This Thread Brought To You By The Letter "W":
Mike Huckabee got huge laughs at the GOP presidential debate Wednesday telling Jesus jokes and Hillary jokes. The candidate came out of nowhere. The best guess is he's just another striking comedy writer trying to get a job with health insurance.
Sudan jailed an English school teacher whose class named a teddy bear Muhammed Friday. Britain sent its first Muslim peer, Lord Ahmed, to Sudan to negotiate. Now evangelical Christians are angry at Great Britain for giving a Muslim the Lord's name.
Hillary Clinton's campaign office in New Hampshire was taken hostage Friday by a mentally disturbed local resident. He had what looked like a bomb taped to his chest. It's the last time Hillary Clinton ever names a teddy bear after Ronald Reagan.
President Bush met with Al Gore in the Oval Office Monday. The timing of their meeting was no accident. The Palestinians and Israelis were meeting in the White House the next day and Don King arranged the Bush-Gore meeting to be on the undercard.
Hugo Chavez's national referendum seeking to limit press freedom, end property rights and nationalize the banks lost in Venezuela Sunday. Fidel Castro has to be disappointed. Five years of mentoring the guy and he's still putting things to a vote.
Mike Huckabee pulled close to Rudy Giuliani in the national GOP presidential polls Sunday. He regales crowds with very funny Hillary jokes and Jesus jokes. Rudy has plenty of great material too, but Mafia jokes have a limited appeal in South Carolina.
Vladimir Putin's United Russia party won a parliamentary majority in elections held Sunday. The president controlled the media, giving the opposition no chance to win. An optimist is anybody in Russia who stays up late to see how the elections came out.
Mike Huckabee vaulted to the top in the Iowa polls Monday after his hilarious performance with his Jesus jokes and his Hillary jokes in last week's GOP debate. Mike Huckabee laughs with Jesus and at Hillary. Democrats do it the other way around.
Rudy Giuliani dropped like a rock in the national polls Monday as his scandals began to catch up with him. They involve adultery, cronyism and public payroll padding. As a result, he is running fifth among Republicans but he leads all Democrats.
Mike Huckabee got testy Tuesday when he was asked if he supports the teaching of creationism in public schools. He said he believes God created the earth but he wasn't there when it happened. Everybody in Arkansas believes you can only know what you witness personally, that's why the Clintons were never convicted of anything.
Bill Clinton hired a campaign press secretary Sunday to handle the press while he's out campaigning for his wife. It turned out to be unnecessary. He hired the spokesman when he still thought he would have to be both for and against the Iran War.
The Writers Guild stayed on strike this week, still thinking they can get revenue from movies on the Internet. The Internet gives everything to everybody absolutely free. For the first time, people are starting to believe it was invented by a Democrat.
Mitt Romney stood up for his Mormon faith in a speech Thursday but he insisted his religion would never affect his policies. He compared himself to Jack Kennedy. The difference between them is, Mitt Romney would never support the idea of polygamy.
The United Nations Global Warming Conference got underway last week on the island of Bali. It's located in the Indonesian archipelago. Who else but the United Nations would go to a tropical island in December and then complain about warm weather.
Bill Clinton told Barbara Walters Thursday he would sit in on Hillary's cabinet meetings only if asked. He said he would give his advice in private. However, he does want the doggie door restored to the third floor hallway so he can come and go at night.
-- Argus Hamilton
- - Leno
- - Letterman
It was a terrible nightmare, the most horrible one you could imagine. In the nightmare I found myself nude in bed, and I was looking at a mirror on the ceiling, and I discovered that I am a Negro, and I'm circumcised! Quickly I jumped up, found my pants and looked in the pockets to find my driver license photo - and it was that same color. Black. No, no, God no, it can't be!! I felt myself being very depressed, downcast, sitting in a chair. But it's a wheelchair!!
That means, of course, besides being black and Jewish, I'm also disabled!!! I said to myself, aloud "This is impossible. It's impossible that I should be black and Jewish and disabled. "It's the pure and holy truth", whispers someone from behind me. I turn around, and it's my Boyfriend. Just what I needed!!! I am a homosexual whore and on top of that with a Mexican boyfriend. Sonofabitch!!!! Oh, my God..... Black, Jewish, disabled, gay, with a Mexican boyfriend, drug addict, and HIV-positive!!!
Desperate, I begin to shout, cry, pull my hair, and OH, noooooo... I'm Bald!!!
The telephone rings. It's my brother. He is saying, "Since mom and dad died the only thing you do is hang out, take drugs, and laze around all day doing nothing. Get a job you worthless piece of crap.. Any job." Mom?... Dad?... Nooooooooo... Now I'm also an unemployed orphan!
I try to explain to my brother how hard it is to find a job when you are black, Jewish, disabled, gay with a Mexican boyfriend, are a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, and an orphan. But he doesn't get it. Frustrated, I hang up. It's then I realize I only have one hand!!! With tears in my eyes I go to the window to look out. I see I live in a shanty-town full of cardboard and tin houses! There is trash everywhere.
Suddenly I feel a sharp pain near my pacemaker....Pacemaker? Besides being black, Jewish, disabled, a fairy with a Mexican boyfriend, a drug addict, HIV-positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, an invalid with one hand, and having a bad heart, I live in a crappy neighborhood.
At that very moment my boyfriend approaches and says to me, "Sweetiepie, my love, my little black heartthrob, have you decided who are you going to vote for next November? Hillary or Obama?"
Sonofabitch! Say it isn't so!!! I can handle being a black disabled one armed drug addicted Jewish queer on a Pacemaker who is HIV positive, bald, orphaned, unemployed, lives in a slum, and has a Mexican boyfriend, but please don't tell me I'm a Democrat!!!!
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An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.
The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin geshissen."
Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have sh*t in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."
The Amish man says: "Use two hands. You'll get more."
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Political Cryptoquote:
LTBFTUQ FGVAW XGQR LUPXW:
QUSACW, WEUPF WFUPTAW,
NCGRW, BGXNGTOQ NPUXTWAW.
-- MGXAW V. LATKCAXGQ
SUPERSIZED
(Thank you, Richard Kimball)
(Thank you, No Blue States)
good morning pookie
Thank You again for your wonderful TOOOOONS!
Thanx Pookie!
Thats quite a ping today.
Pookie didn't spare the cyber ink this morn
Thanks, Pookie!!
ping
bttt
Go to the head of the class!!
Thanks pook.
Thanks, Pookie!
yes, right after his wife left him for Rush
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