just have heard *about* it and what various people do: breastfeeding until self-weaned, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, every cry gets a response (ie, no let him cry it out)...
= = =
Within some ‘extreme’ limits and balance,
I STRONGLY SUPPORT SUCH THINGS.
I used to disagree. I was reared by a mother who believed that if a kid had been fed, diapered and held for 10 minutes—then they should be left to wail for hours.
Mother could not breast feed, BTW.
My adopted sister (1 week old when I was 10) had a very shrill voice. She would be left alone in her crib wailing shrill-ly for very long periods of time. Sometimes mother would even whack her diaper to try and get her to stop.
I now consider that abusive neglect to allow such wailing.
The research is VERY CLEAR. Carrying the child around next to you produces children MUCH MORE confident; much more willing and able to explore their environments; try new things; relate confidently to people more boldly etc. They feel safer in the world. They act more assertively in the world. They do not cringe in fear and insecurity.
I’m certainly strongly in favor of breast feeding. The medical and psychological benefits of that are clear. The data is VERY CLEAR.
On the other hand, I knew a mother with a son who was 6 or 7 years old and who in the middle of a mall or dept store would virtually yell:
“MOM, I’M HUNGRY, GIVE ME A BREAST! NOW!”
That kid NEEDED a good whack or two. And weaned some time before that. But not necessarily weaned from being held warmly—his mom was divorced and dad was not around.
I think ALMOST every cry needs a warm, affectionate response. As kids get older, they will naturally handle more frustrations and challenges because they have been made to feel safe and protected and supported.
Certainly kids need some frustration tolerance training as they get older.
Co-sleeping . . . certainly as infants if there’s no danger of rolling over and smothering the kid . . . could be healthy. As kids get older—gets problematic fast especially if the parents are not super healthy.
On the other hand, many cultures have essentially the whole family in one bed for an extended time . . . in MANY cases but certainly far from all . . . successfully and healthily. In think in our culture . . . it’s a problematic issue that needs very careful application. But mostly, in terms of infants, I support it. Some toddlers depending. After that, it’s probably too risky in most cases to support across the board.
Mothers with 10 year old sons; fathers with 10 year old daughters is nonsense, imho—especially on a routine basis.
Me, too. My life's journey has led me to re-examine certain things I used to take as gospel truth. The material you've posted and linked is good food for thought.