Posted on 12/16/2007 3:51:04 AM PST by 60Gunner
I was recently shadowed by a high school senior during a couple of shifts. She was considering becoming a nurse and had an interest in Emergency Nursing. She followed me as I provided care for patients with a broad spectrum of problems- from a known narcotic seeker who demanded (read: screamed) that we address his pain, to a homeless patient with a peritonsilar abscess and no access to continuity of care, to a nonogenarian woman who suffered cardiac arrest and whose family had kept her on "full code" (all measures to maintain life) status because they could not let her go. My young shadow saw everything from the mundane to the life-shattering. She didn't understand sometimes why we try so hard. She didn't understand sometimes why we gave up so quickly. She asked alot of questions. Sometimes the only answer she got was "I don't know." But she certainly left with a stronger awareness of emergency nursing than when she came in. And in the end, she expressed a stronger desire to pursue nursing than when her two long nights with me began.
It was a good experience for me because it served to reaffirm the reasons I became an emergency nurse in the first place. While those initial guiding altruisms have been purified through the crucible of hard experience, the fact that they remain essentially unchanged reinforces my conviction that I have followed this calling for all the right reasons. It is good to "touch base" once in awhile- to step back and look at the big picture as it applies to this craft and my place in it.
And it really is a craft: it is more than mere science, more than mere art, and more than mere aesthetics. It is a dynamic entity comprised of all of these things and more; it is fluid, malleable, and flexible. The careful practice of the craft enables the experienced nurse to bring the fullness of his or her skill and expertise to bear in a manner that is custom-tailored to the unique needs of each and every patient. The craft thrives in an environment of constant purposeful increase of knowledge and experience; The diligent nurse carefully nurtures and grows his or her craft as if it was the rarest of flowers in a garden. The nurse who neglects this ultimately does so to the great peril of the patient.
There is a Great Abyss that nurses talk about but seldom recognize in themselves. I have known nurses from many disciplines who perhaps should have stepped away but continued to work. It is a danger faced by anyone who suffers daily exposure to the darker, meaner side of humanity, or to the pressures that often accompany the routine. And it is a soul-wrenching thing indeed to watch a nurse walk blindly, as most who go there do, into that abyss. Psychiatrists call it "Caregiver Role Strain." We nurses call it "Burnout."
There have been times in my own comparatively brief career when I have had to pull myself up short, step back, and coldly correct myself when I was too quick to judge or when a case rattled me- or if I got too emotionally enmeshed in an intense case. It happens to every nurse from time to time- more often in the high-stress specialties, but no nurse is immune. I don't think a nurse can avoid burnout by simply avoiding the situation; rather, he or she must develop the ability to maintain clinical objectivity. And sometimes, my friends, that is a hell of a hard thing to do. Because while a nurse may be simply maintaining objectivity, it can be misconstrued by the patient or family as being "cold," "uncaring," "rude," or "judgmental," even when a nurse has also expressed genuine concern for the patient.
So then, we nurses must not only carefully practice clinical objectivity; we must also show that we genuinely care. This is a tricky business. It's damned hard to do sometimes. Yet both are equally necessary all the time. It is a devil of a thing, a delicate balance. If one loses sight of the guiding altruism of nursing, certain disaster awaits- if not for the nurse on a personal level, then for the patient. For we practice upon living human beings, for whose benefit we live by the principle of First, Do No Harm. Thus, if altruism is sacrificed for the sake of pure objectivity, we also lose the ability to empathize. Yet at the same time, if we become too emotionally enmeshed in our patients' situations, we lose clinical objectivity and thus cannot see the thing that, while hard for them, will ultimately do the greatest good.
As an Emergency nurse, I perform some noxious- and sometimes brutally harsh- interventions in order to save a patient's life. Many times, the patient is fully awake when I perform them because they must be. It bothers me to do painful things to another human being who trusts me to do the right thing for him or her because I know that it hurts. I often find myself apologizing during the process because I know how much pain I am causing- and yet for the greater good of the patient, I continue. I do not apologize about having to do it; I apologize for the pain it causes. And not all procedures can be preceded by local anesthetics.
Yet if I explain the procedure beforehand to the patient according to his or her ability to understand, then he or she is generally better-equipped to endure these things. They understand that I am doing what must be done, that it may cause quite a bit of discomfort, and that while their discomfort may not necessarily be lessened, their active participation in the process is likely to shorten the duration of their discomfort. And I try every trick in the book to make things as easy for the patient as possible. Clinical objectivity is thus married with the altruism of compassion.
It's great when time permits gentleness. Sometimes, it does not. When a patient came in after a Tylenol and Benadryl overdose and I had to unceremoniously slam a nasogastric tube into her without fanfare or time-consuming preparation, it had to be done right frigging now. I am fine with that. But I talked to her while I was doing it- sometimes barking a command to swallow, and then at the end, just putting a hand on her forehead and telling her, "You did a great job, kiddo. I know that hurt, and you were wonderful." It's funny: she looked me right in the eye, gave me a nod, and smiled at me. In spite of the hundred Benadryl that raised black hell on her nervous system, I connected with her.
And that is the marriage of clinical objectivity and compassion: As horrible as a procedure may be, there is always time enough for a little gentleness afterward.
Yeah, I cry sometimes for my patients. It's heartbreaking to see some of the cases that come through the door. But God is my healer, and so I am not afraid to care. I can be clinically objective and I can genuinely care about my patients. I am convinced that if it was not for God, I would have fallen apart long ago. But by His grace, I do not merely endure; I thrive.
These are the things I told the young lady who shadowed me throughout two long and often brutal nights.
And that wide-eyed young lady who shadowed me and plied me with questions (which begat more questions) had in her own way served to reignite my own passion for this craft. In reflecting on my experiences with her I came to realize that, if such is possible, I am more passionate about the craft now than when I first felt the call to become a nurse and to focus on emergency nursing. I found, to my delight, that it had never gone away- had not even paled from its original blush. And that, I think, is a most gratifying thing.
ER Nursing Stories after a Long Dry Spell Ping!
Bump.
Both of my older kids have done it both years. They turn in a “preferred” list and the school matches them up with the available shadow jobs the best they can.
Two of the four jobs have been in the local hospital. To most high school students the inside workings of a hospital can be a bit eye opening.
Good post on Nursing, thanks, Merry Christmas & HNY!
Had my mother been such, I doubt that I would have been able to easily give up either, but I had no such choice.
She came close, but passed horribly at 86.
Thank you for your work and your erudite post.
Reading your post brings back the memories of my early life. I was married to a nurse who took it all too seriously. I waited endless nights in the car while she worked two hours over (in the age before cell phones). She brought her first patient home, a young boy from 50 miles out in rural WV, who had no kidney function. We dialyzed him at home for the four years he lived with us. I thought it was noble at the time.
She became a practitioner and became even more consumed. We eventually divorced because there were only the patients in her life.
She befriended one patient who was a man of color and eventually wound up in a hospital jail for a few years for cocaine distribution. She made the 400 mile roundtrip every other weekend to visit him, much to the astonishment of her new hubby, also a nurse.
He moved from the prison to her home. New hubby put up with it for a short while then divorced her just before she donated her own kidney to this man. The man died of a heart attack polishing the rims on his “hoopty” a couple of years later.
Her patients love her, but everyone she is related to is just not so sure.
Thank you for this installment. It is fascinating reading.
Yeah, I cry sometimes for my patients. It's heartbreaking to see some of the cases that come through the door. But God is my healer, and so I am not afraid to care.
Absolutely beautiful!
“nonogenarian ... I wonder how many of your esteemed readers know that word right off the bat.”
My mother is one.
I sincerely admire you. You are a gifted soul.
Thanks for a great post
Merry Christmas to you and your family
Regards
alfa6 ;.}
All I can say is, "There must be some lucky patients out there."
It is a great joy when you have a student who is genuinely interested in what you are teaching.
I hope you expressed some gentle condemnation of the ANA and the state surrogates who demand government control of medicime
Merry Christmas.
The medical profession is a funny thing. It attracts the very best and the worst of humanity. The most altruistic and the money grubbers. Those that hate pain, but dive in every day, and those that revel in the pain and suffering of others.
Those that see the ravages of drugs and alcohol, and learn, and those that are consumed in their pursuit.
We may all be Argonauts that must be strapped to the mast to pass the Sirens who tempt us. And there are more Sirens than we can know.
Non? (actually in this crowd, most)
Fantastic post as always. Thanks!
When will your book be published?
I wish more nurses were like you.
Cheers!
As you I work in a hospital. Working in one gives you a completely different perspective on life and death and what is life. When there is a chance at quality life we pull out all the stops and go for broke. The really sad cases are those when the family will not “let go.” The heart may still be beating but the life, essence and soul is gone. At a certain point you must let go.
cpdiii the pharmacist
Yikes! The kid was within the realm of reason, especially since it sounds like you were supportive of the plan at the time (innocent little kid’s gonna die otherwise, husband’s okay with bringing him home to save him; okay, fine, a sane person could do this). But the coke dealer? Donating a kidney to him?! Honestly, she should have been hauled off to a psych hospital at that point.
As long as we're improving our vocabularies, it's actually "nonAgenarian" :-)
Wonderful read! Thank you for these posts.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours, 60Gunner!
Thanks for the post. As is normal, it is great.
I am glad there are men and women like you out there. I have found through mothering my kids and caring for elderly parents that I am pretty much the opposite of you. I don’t nurse well... don’t want to, don’t like it, get me outta there! But I have been the recipient of fine nursing care when I needed it, and I am grateful.
On behalf of all your patients, thank you.
60Gunner, another well written story.
You not only helped to inspire an aspiring student nurse, but she helped to re-ignite your passion for what you do.
The older I get the more I realize that it is a great gift to be able to love what you do and to do what you love.
I know nothing about your subject, but your writing teaches me something new every time.
I am a very fast reader—just to keep up here on FreeRepublic you have to be-—but I cannot, and I do not, rush when I read one of your stories.
Rather, I stop and read it slowly, savoring your excellent ability to communicate with your readers. I reread sections when I see a particular passage that stops me cold and demands that it receive extra attention.
It is a rare quality in a writer—the true ability to tell a story, and to bring the reader inside the story.
Please allow me to join the chorus in asking you to carefully compile your stories—and to publish them someday.
They will inspire medical and non medical people alike—that’s just how good they are.
I wish you and yours a Merry Christmas and I thank you for the early Christmas present of this story.
Thanks, 60Gunner. I just finished med-surge clinicals and it left me full of doubts, for a lot of reasons.
It’s good to know there’s a place in nursing for those who want to use their hearts and minds to the fullest, not just get through another day.
Sorry, you two. Post 28 was intended for 60Gunner.
Excellent post, as usual, 60G!
Mirrors my thoughts. I was thinking, "This is either the forward, or the fitting summary chapter to the collection of your writings.
Interesting that you mention that.
We did, in fact, discuss the issue of government-controlled (that is, "universal") healthcare. We looked at the issue objectively, weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately concluded that it is a bad idea. Not because I think the current system is perfect- it is far from it. But it is a lot better than having the government tell me where, when and how I maintain my own health.
*Bump*
So well written. Thank you for enriching FR!
However, I have *one* nit to pick here, which any decent editor should point out to you: "A lot" is still two words. It is *not* correct to write "alot." It also is not the same word as "allot."
I know this is common slang now, especially on the internet, but if you publish your stories, it should be corrected. Just my 2 cents.
Thanks for the correction. It is welcomed and appreciated.
Gunner
Good article.
I love to have students for the same reasons.
Reminds me how much I love doing this and why I love it even when it doesn’t feel like love.
Pax.
Wow! I loved this thread - I worry about burnout all the time - I see it all around me and it's like a revolving door of nurses leaving.
I printed this to reread when I need it!
God Bless you and hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family!
I'm working Christmas but I'll make the best of it! :)
ping
I'm working through Christmas, and on the night shift to boot. (I love the night shift. It's my gig.)
But I figure, if I have to be anywhere other than home for Christmas, at work in the ER would be my favorite choice, considering what I do.
This is the Lord's work, after all, isn't it?
God bless you this Christmas!
Gunner
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