Posted on 01/07/2008 3:20:40 AM PST by pookie18
Click below for Hil's plan B:
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This Thread Brought To
You By The Letter W:
The Iowa Caucuses are held tomorrow after a hard-fought campaign. Hollywood is watching very closely. When the Los Angeles Times headlined Monday that Hillary was in a three-way with Obama and Edwards, everyone here figured that turnabout is fair play.
Hillary Clinton apologized Monday to Rwandan women maimed in tribal violence ten years ago. She said she urged her husband to do something about it but he backed away. When she confronted him about Rwanda, all he'd say is that he never touched her.
Chelsea Clinton refused to answer questions from a nine-year-old girl reporter in Iowa. The little reporter just shook her head. Chelsea will never get her own sitcom on Nickelodeon until she learns to talk to the press about family sex scandals.
Ralph Nader endorsed John Edwards for president Monday, citing the candidate's labor backing. He became famous as a crusader for auto safety. Ralph Nader was the only one to blame Benazir Bhutto's death on the fact that she was not wearing a helmet.
Mike Huckabee flew to Hollywood from Iowa Wednesday to make a guest appearance on the Tonight Show starring Jay Leno. No one in the crowd will know who he is. At least half of Los Angeles thinks the Iowa caucus is some form of strep throat.
The Iowa caucuses will be held tonight after a year of nonstop campaigning by the presidential candidates. Many Iowans are sad to see this circus end. After the candidates leave, the farmers will have to go back to fertilizing the crops themselves.
Iranian scientists announced on Tuesday that their nation's first cloned sheep is now fifteen months old and doing well. The sheep is just a test project of the Iranian government. The big research money is going into making Iraq a clone of Iran.
The Iowa caucuses began choosing the next president Thursday amid grumbling that Iowa has too much power. It's hugely white and has the nation's highest literacy and graduation rates. They will never pick a president who represents the American people.
Hillary Clinton handed out bagels to her volunteers on the day before the Iowa caucuses. She had a difficult last week. Hillary Clinton wants to be seen as a great female leader but the Secret Service won't let her stick her head out of the sunroof.
Mitt Romney spent seven million dollars on ads in Iowa and still lost to Mike Huckabee. He did get the last laugh. Mike Huckabee got a congratulatory call from Jesus Christ after the vote was counted and the call came collect from Salt Lake City.
Barack Obama outpolled Hillary Clinton and John Edwards to win the Iowa caucuses Thursday. His win had a profound effect. Barack Obama got so many votes that the next day all the Republican candidates dropped Jesus and admitted to past cocaine use.
Hillary Clinton got twenty-nine percent of the vote in Iowa Thursday. She must be proud. It's the best a woman's done in one of these things since Gennifer Flowers got three hundred thousand dollars from the Enquirer during the New Hampshire primary.
Elizabeth Edwards saluted her husband onstage after he finished second in Iowa Thursday. They have prepared for Iowa since they got married. On their honeymoon night thirty years ago, Elizabeth Edwards came to bed dressed as a corn subsidy.
-- Argus Hamilton
Tomorrow of course, is the Iowa caucus. As you may know, caucus is a Greek word which means, "the only day anyone pays any attention to Iowa."
It’s freezing in Iowa. It’s like 20 degrees in Iowa. In fact, it is so cold, Hillary Clinton can actually see Barack Obama’s breath breathing down her neck.
Tonight is the big night in Iowa. it's easy to remember because it's the only big night in Iowa.
It's always great to see the candidates holding up ears of corn. Why don't they do that here? You never see a candidate with his arm around a hooker, holding a bottle of crack.
They always try to do something gimmicky like spend the night in a farmhouse, with the family. Clinton did that in '92. The farmer was out of town, but the farmer's daughter was home.
- - Leno
So cold, the Nobel Prize committee took back Al Gore's medal.
Here's good news: They're caucusing today in Iowa. Isn't that what got Bill Clinton impeached?
- - Letterman
Today is the Iowa caucus. It's very important for me because I still haven't got my citizenship. So I need to know whose ass I'm going to kiss.
- - Craig Ferguson
The Iowa caucus went on today. Whoever wins gets to be president of Iowa, I guess.
For the republicans, Mike Huckabee won tonight. He used to be very fat. He's like the Ricky Lake of politicians.
Barack Obama beat Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, which is amazing. I mean, this is Iowa. There are more black people in the Beatles.
I would not want to sleep next to Hillary Clinton tonight . . . or any night.
- - Jimmy Kimmel
The San Diego Zoo sent out announcements earlier saying that they were looking for new monkeys for their exhibits to replace the ones lost in the fires. They said if any zoos had surplus animals they would gladly accept them. One caller from Iran, however, made an offer to which the Zoo’s reply was, “I’m sorry sir, but I’m afraid we cannot accept your President.”
Last November scientists in Iceland stated they think they have found the world’s oldest clam in their country. Upon hearing this, an American scientist made a call to Reykjavik and said “I think you may be mistaken, guys. Helen Thomas is American.”
The southern US recently experienced a major heat spike and droughts. Authorites warned people not to go outside, and to be sure to have lots of food with them and eat frequently, because the crankiness associated with low blood sugar from chronic fasting combined with the risk of going mad from the heat can produce some ugly results. One civilian commented, “Well, that explains the Middle East.”
A few months ago, Saudi Prince Waleed bin Talal bin Abdul Aziz al-Saud purchased the world’s first “flying palace,” a $475-million Airbus jumbo jet. This guy is the richest Arab in the world, and the largest shareholder in Citibank. The Democrats are just frothing at the mouth to tax him.
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Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to Heaven and the Pope gets sent to Hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the Hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch.
The next day, the Pope is called in and the Hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for Heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat.
Pope: Sorry about the mix up.
Clinton: No problem.
Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to Heaven.
Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.
Clinton: You're a day late!
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Political Cryptoquote:
SALHFOT GU JSDSAJ O RGCSHSESOA
HIF VFQL HG HIF ESHQ, SH XSJIH
YF YFHHFB HG EIOAJF HIF CGEVL.
- - TGPJ COBLGA
SUPERSIZED
(Thank you, Dan Lacey [faithmouse.com])
(Thank you, BJungNan [GoGov.com] & No Blue States)
Morning pookie, looks good.
Top 5!
good morning pookie
Morning, Pookie, and thanks for the start and the ping!
Instead of giving a politician
the keys to the city, it might
be better to change the locks.
-- Doug Larson
Good ones, Pookie
That one was a little easier than most having two “the”s.
Good to be back, Pookie18.
Thanks, pookie!
During a December 2007 break from the Iowa Gang Obaming of Hill, Big Brown delivered the Sad Hill in her big brown and ugly pant suit to light up a meeting for her in Gilford, NH!
Then the Hill lights up the Gilford, NH Meeting with her charm and energy!
![](http://i272.photobucket.com/albums/jj168/xanthos_2000/Obama08.jpg?t=1199235560")
Thanx pookie18.
There's a reason they used to name hurricanes exclusively after women.
Thanks, Pookie.
Election year is one week young, & already I’m depressed.
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