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Roots and Wings: What's Wrong With Kids These Days?
19 January, 2008 | joanie-f

Posted on 01/18/2008 9:18:04 PM PST by joanie-f

roots-wings.gif

When our children were young, we had a plaque hanging on the wall of our bedroom that read:

There are two essential things you can provide your children. One is roots. The other is wings.

Roots, so that they might know from whence they came, and where they can always look for affirmation and love. And wings to provide a sense of independence, and the tools and the spirit to strive to be all that they can be.

A good friend, the contributor known as ‘First_Salute’ here on FR, recently forwarded me a Wall Street Journal article entitled, What’s Gotten into Kids These Days? In it, the author describes the growing trend among children, as young as pre-school, toward anti-social behavior, lack of self-control, irrational behaviors, anxiety and rage.

After describing such typical abnormal behaviors, and referring to several ‘expert’ opinions on the frightening nationwide trend, the author concludes with the following:

Experts' recommendations contain wisdom for parents:

I choked on her list (as I invariably choke on most self-proclaimed ‘expert’ lists).

First_Salute, in his own commentary to me, wrote:

Little minds are so vulnerable, because in their world, digesting is really most of what they do, as they attempt to learn each new ingredient necessary for their survival, and their brain is actually still growing, being wired.

To which I say ‘Amen!’ The five ‘recommendations’ at the conclusion of the article above provide little or no insight as to the cause of a young child’s self-destructive behaviors – they simply provide superficial ways in which we adults might deal with them, after the fact -- after the wiring of the little brains has been weakly and ineffectually accomplished. I suggest that the reason the genuine causes of the poor wiring are ignored is that looking them square in the eye might either (1) make us entirely too uncomfortable, or (2) cause us, as a society, to have to personally sacrifice entirely too much in order to turn things around.

We want to provide our children the ‘wings’ without the ‘roots’ foundation. We want our children to fly without ever having received proper lessons in how to get off the ground or where their wings should find their strength.

It’s in the providing of those lessons that we, as a society, have failed miserably.

In order to provide a child a sense of ‘roots’ we ourselves must appreciate and respect from whence we came. Yet today’s modern American has little appreciation for his ancestry (Old World, New World, familial, and moral).

The ‘experts’ believe that, in order to provide our children the focus necessary to reclaim who they are, we must expect less of them, adapt to their ‘it takes a village’ environment, and impose upon them a myriad of other escapist politically-correct strategies -- as evidenced by the advice in the above-referenced article, and countless others that attempt to impose their will upon us every day. They would have us put a tainted band-aid on our children’s wounds, and then send them back out to play in traffic.

Our children’s roots are shallow and weak.

One cannot climb a ladder at all if the bottom rung is rotten. The ladder we have provided our children is no longer worth climbing. They will either fail at the first feeble rung, or they will be horrified at what they find at the top. And we have no one to blame but ourselves.

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: children; culture; parenting; roots; society
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1 posted on 01/18/2008 9:18:08 PM PST by joanie-f
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To: joanie-f

Your best bet is to do the exact opposite ow what the liberal social engineers recommend.


2 posted on 01/18/2008 9:22:31 PM PST by Mad_Tom_Rackham (Elections have consequences.)
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To: Jeff Head; tet68; EternalVigilance; philman_36; B4Ranch; ken5050; The Spirit Of Allegiance; ...

Ping for your insight.


3 posted on 01/18/2008 9:23:29 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

Very well done! I agree with you completely!


4 posted on 01/18/2008 9:23:38 PM PST by VeniVidiVici (10mm. When 9 just ain't enough.)
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To: joanie-f

You post, I bump.

Thanks Joanie!


5 posted on 01/18/2008 9:25:11 PM PST by endthematrix (He was shouting 'Allah!' but I didn't hear that. It just sounded like a lot of crap to me.)
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To: joanie-f
BTTT! Good commentary.

Children need clear and well maintained boundaries in order to feel secure. That takes time, and time (yours) and attention are the coin in which they view their riches. Misbehaving is usually an attempt to get attention, to push the boundaries, or both.

6 posted on 01/18/2008 9:29:08 PM PST by Smokin' Joe (How often God must weep at humans' folly.)
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To: joanie-f

Beautiful post. Beautiful.


7 posted on 01/18/2008 9:31:40 PM PST by PeterFinn (A muslim in the White House would be an Obamination.)
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To: joanie-f
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.

~ Proverbs 22:6

"Today's" child has been trained....in the ways of the world....and it is wrecking havoc. As always, joanie, a well-written, thoughtful piece. It's a pity that it's all so true. Thank you for the ping.

8 posted on 01/18/2008 9:32:54 PM PST by nicmarlo (I hereby declare my support for Duncan Hunter. 1/10/08; late to the party, but I have arrived!)
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To: Smokin' Joe
My son is almost 5yrs old now, and the most blessings of all is to see him pray, thank his Mother for a wonderful meal, fess up to a spill (and clean it up!) and know that some words (like stupid, dummy or ugly) are not NICE words.
9 posted on 01/18/2008 9:33:51 PM PST by endthematrix (He was shouting 'Allah!' but I didn't hear that. It just sounded like a lot of crap to me.)
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To: joanie-f

“Prepare your child to control his or her own behavior, even when other children don’t.”

I’d put that at the top in hiarchy. Once you leave, that’s the first defense for the child.

“Find classrooms well-equipped to handle behavior problems.”

Or find classrooms least likely to promote behavior problems. By looking to “handle” the problem, you’ve already surrendered your control over the environment.

Just my 2 cents worth. Nice article.


10 posted on 01/18/2008 9:34:15 PM PST by jedward
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To: Mad_Tom_Rackham
Your best bet is to do the exact opposite of what the liberal social engineers recommend.

If only most Americans understood the wisdom of that advice.

11 posted on 01/18/2008 9:35:11 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

Stop the daycare.


12 posted on 01/18/2008 9:35:14 PM PST by donna (Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Will Never Hurt Me)
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To: VeniVidiVici; endthematrix

Thanks for the kind words, and I’m glad you are in agreement.


13 posted on 01/18/2008 9:35:58 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: Smokin' Joe
Children need clear and well maintained boundaries in order to feel secure. That takes time, and time (yours) and attention are the coin in which they view their riches. Misbehaving is usually an attempt to get attention, to push the boundaries, or both.

Bears repeating.

14 posted on 01/18/2008 9:36:46 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: nicmarlo

Thank you for the most appropriate scriptural reference, nic. As always, your additional commentary is well worth our attention and reflection.


15 posted on 01/18/2008 9:38:07 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: PeterFinn

Thank you for the kind words. :)


16 posted on 01/18/2008 9:38:35 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

May our children’s roots
Be grounded in God’s love
As we teach them daily
To always look above

Thanks for the beautiful thoughts at the end of a long day, Joanie!


17 posted on 01/18/2008 9:38:57 PM PST by EternalVigilance (Mitt Romney hates lobbyists...even though a whole crowd of them are running his campaign...)
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To: endthematrix

My son’s 4th grade teacher had a saying up in her classroom:

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can break my heart.

In the world of grade school bullys it was a good lesson.


18 posted on 01/18/2008 9:42:55 PM PST by originalbuckeye
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To: donna
Stop the daycare.

Amen!

Each time I attempt to discuss the wisdom of that statement, I am generally met with the argument that these days a one-income family is virtually impossible. Yet I believe that, if they are willing to pare down and focus on the basics of life -- rather than believing that three televisions, three cars, extravagent vacations, name-brand clothing, and the like are 'necessities' -- a full 80+% of two-income families could survive quite well without the second income. It generally boils down to the unpleasant fact that many parents value things more than they do the time and effort required to raise a child by consistent example and instruction.

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

19 posted on 01/18/2008 9:44:03 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

ty, joanie...and God bless you.


20 posted on 01/18/2008 9:44:03 PM PST by nicmarlo (I hereby declare my support for Duncan Hunter. 1/10/08; late to the party, but I have arrived!)
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To: EternalVigilance
Beautiful words to live by, EV.

I hope your 'long day' was productive and satisfying. I know the betrayals and corruption of the primaries must be especially trying for you.

~ joanie

21 posted on 01/18/2008 9:46:12 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

Looking back at my childrens early years, the most serious mistake that my wife and I made was owning a television and allowing the girls to watch it.


22 posted on 01/18/2008 9:55:22 PM PST by B4Ranch (( "Freedom is not free, but don't worry the U.S. Marine Corps will pay most of your share." ))
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To: donna

“Stop the daycare.”

Bump!


23 posted on 01/18/2008 9:55:53 PM PST by sageb1 (This is the Final Crusade. There are only 2 sides. Pick one.)
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To: B4Ranch
Looking back at my childrens early years, the most serious mistake that my wife and I made was owning a television and allowing the girls to watch it.

I understand your regret.

These days, on cable television especially, there is some excellent programming (for example, we saw an absolutely spellbinding program called ‘Absolute Zero and the Conquest of Cold’ on PBS this week) that would be both fascinating and educational for American children – much moreso than what passes for ‘public education’ anymore.

With that said, I’d estimate that 95% of programming today is either insipid, or downright dangerous, to young minds. So it comes down to a choice of monitoring one’s children’s viewing (and limiting it to perhaps 5% of the available programming) or doing completely without television.

Either one is preferable to allowing children free rein of what passes for ‘entertainment’.

An aside … In general, both the Mennonite children I know in our area, and the children who are home schooled, whose households are without television, are far more articulate, far better informed, and more capable of critical thought than those who attend our neighborhood public schools. There’s a lesson to be learned there.

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

24 posted on 01/18/2008 10:20:08 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

We have two boys at 4 and 6 years old.

We have never used daycare and no TV.

We edit our movies if we have to.

I will have to teach history to them myself, which I will enjoy.


25 posted on 01/18/2008 10:49:52 PM PST by Goldwater and Gingrich
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To: joanie-f; xzins
Joanie, thank you; in reply, two trains of thought. Two separate posts because they are so divergent.


We are allowing our children to believe that self-esteem is learned rather than earned

This is a dangerous premise, actually. Please allow me to elaborate.... Correct valuation of oneself is not earned but comes as a result of humility as regards our sinfulness --and a paradoxical, profound respect in the understanding that our worth as humans comes from being created equally among ourselves, in God's image regardless of our efforts after creation. After that, indeed it behooves our personal responsibility to maximize one's skills and other resources, as exemplified in the Parable of the Talents.
26 posted on 01/18/2008 10:50:13 PM PST by The Spirit Of Allegiance (Public Employees: Honor Your Oaths! Defend the Constitution from Enemies--Foreign and Domestic!)
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To: joanie-f

“Nearly all children nowadays were horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages, and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and everything connected with it… All their ferocity was turned outwards, against the enemies of the State, against foreigners, traitors, saboteurs, thought-criminals. It was almost normal for people over thirty to be frightened of their own children.”

— George Orwell, “1984”


27 posted on 01/18/2008 10:52:14 PM PST by The Spirit Of Allegiance (Public Employees: Honor Your Oaths! Defend the Constitution from Enemies--Foreign and Domestic!)
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To: joanie-f

BTTT to read tomorrow!

Thanks in advance...!


28 posted on 01/18/2008 11:14:37 PM PST by Bradís Gramma (Mother of the Bride AND a Groom!!!! *plop* Send $$. Fast. Soon. PLEASE! :))
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To: Goldwater and Gingrich
You obviously are not in need of the warnings I tried to convey in this essay. :)

God bless you as you bless your children with your love, attention, and example!

~ joanie

29 posted on 01/18/2008 11:17:30 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: The Spirit Of Allegiance
Thank you for the (entirely deserved) comeuppance. :)

What I was attempting to convey was that many public schools teach classes in ‘self esteem’ -- precisely the kind of secular humanist philosophy on which you chose to elaborate -- placing our personal worth on an equal plane with our works.

These classes also indoctrinate students into believing that, no matter their work ethic, motives, or effort expended, they should feel good about the results, regardless of the quality. This, along with other aspects of politically correct philosophy, results in dilution of the value of genuine achievement and work ethic.

‘Self worth’ or ‘self esteem’ was a bad choice of words. I should better have phrased that sentence: ‘We are allowing our children to believe that a sense of achievement is learned rather than earned’.

In keeping with your intent in mentioning the Parable of the Talents ... when I occasionally come across a gifted student who is not performing up to his or her ability, I will tell him/her, ‘Your gifts and talents are God’s gift to you. What you do with them is your gift to Him.’ Sometimes that reminder falls on deaf ears. Other times it strikes a resonant chord. :)

Again, thank you for the gentle reminder, but powerful, reminder.

~ joanie

30 posted on 01/18/2008 11:22:58 PM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

You epitomize graciousness!

And you have conveyed the truth well, may God open eyes through your words.

Hugs!


Hmmmm....another thought: God’s various “gifts” invested and entrusted to each of us also one day shall require a reckoning; to those whom much is given, much shall be required.


31 posted on 01/18/2008 11:49:52 PM PST by The Spirit Of Allegiance (Public Employees: Honor Your Oaths! Defend the Constitution from Enemies--Foreign and Domestic!)
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To: joanie-f

joanie,

Thanks for the article and the ping. You are truly a gem and one of the main reasons that I come to FR.


32 posted on 01/19/2008 5:07:58 AM PST by Harvey105
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To: The Spirit Of Allegiance
God’s various “gifts” invested and entrusted to each of us also one day shall require a reckoning; to those whom much is given, much shall be required.

A beautiful reminder. Thank you.

33 posted on 01/19/2008 6:40:56 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: Harvey105

Thank you for the very kind words. :)


34 posted on 01/19/2008 6:41:34 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f

Indeed, my friend. Indeed.


35 posted on 01/19/2008 6:50:46 AM PST by EternalVigilance (Mitt Romney hates lobbyists...even though a whole crowd of them are running his campaign...)
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To: joanie-f

I thought I was going to read a thread about the TV docu-drama and Paul McCartney’s band. It just goes to show you how the culture has warped my mind. (JUST KIDDING)

Thanks for your OUTSTANDING essay, observations joanie-f.


36 posted on 01/19/2008 6:58:09 AM PST by PGalt
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To: joanie-f

Excellent as always Joanie!

Thanks for taking the time to write it!

The ENTIRE problem can be traced to one thing IMHO and that is that the idea of family is crumbling in todays world. We have lost the sense of community that not so long ago prevailed in this country.

When I was growing up I not only had both of my parents around most of the time but I had brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and neighbors around as well. No child lacked for someone to look up to in those days. In my case it was my grandfather who REALLY shaped my thinking and, without doubt, I learned FAR more from him regarding life, and how to deal with it, than ever I did from 16 years of formal schooling. THAT is what we have lost, it is irreplaceable, and sadly, I don’t know that it can be regained short of some MAJOR upheaval.


37 posted on 01/19/2008 7:11:28 AM PST by Bigun (IRS sucks @getridof it.com)
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To: PGalt
I thought I was going to read a thread about the TV docu-drama and Paul McCartney’s band. It just goes to show you how the culture has warped my mind. (JUST KIDDING)

ROTFL!!!!

38 posted on 01/19/2008 7:31:48 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: Bigun; EternalVigilance
When I was growing up I not only had both of my parents around most of the time but I had brothers, sisters, grandfathers, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and neighbors around as well. No child lacked for someone to look up to in those days. In my case it was my grandfather who REALLY shaped my thinking and, without doubt, I learned FAR more from him regarding life, and how to deal with it, than ever I did from 16 years of formal schooling. THAT is what we have lost, it is irreplaceable, and sadly, I don’t know that it can be regained short of some MAJOR upheaval.

A beautiful illustration of exactly what I was trying to say in this essay. Thank you!

Back in 1996, when he was first running for president, my husband and I heard Alan Keyes speak at a local republican committee dinner. The theme of his speech revolved around the belief that every major ill that plagues America can eventually be traced back to the fact that the nuclear family is disintegrating.

There were perhaps three hundred people in the banquet hall, and, when he first began to speak, one could hear people chattering, shifting in their chairs, etc. But it didn't take long for the entire room to fall into a mesmerized silence, and all three hundred people remained that way until he had spoken his last word.

At the core of his message was a painful truth -- but one that people are willing to hear, if it is presented to them with honesty and genuine concern. It's a terrible shame that most of our countrymen do not have access to that message that cries out to be heard.

~joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

39 posted on 01/19/2008 7:39:38 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f
It's a terrible shame that most of our countrymen do not have access to that message that cries out to be heard.

I don't think it is really lack of access Joanie. I think they just don't WANT to hear it.

If I have learned ONE thing in my public life it is that when you hear someone shouting "TRUTH! TRUTH! Tell me the truth!" what they REALLY mean is tell me what I want to hear and CALL it the truth!

40 posted on 01/19/2008 7:48:01 AM PST by Bigun (IRS sucks @getridof it.com)
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To: joanie-f

Sadly, our “leaders” have given us over into the hands of the godless media.

They can’t handle the truth. It exposes them.


41 posted on 01/19/2008 7:48:48 AM PST by EternalVigilance (Mitt Romney hates lobbyists...even though a whole crowd of them are running his campaign...)
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To: Bigun

Or, even worse, they want to hear the truth, like some sweet melody they’re fond of, but then steadfastly refuse to make their actions correspond to that truth.

I’ve seen exactly that in this election cycle.


42 posted on 01/19/2008 7:51:46 AM PST by EternalVigilance (Mitt Romney hates lobbyists...even though a whole crowd of them are running his campaign...)
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To: Bigun

By the way, when it comes to Dr. Keyes, in this election, access has most definitely been denied. In a very thorough-going way.


43 posted on 01/19/2008 7:53:25 AM PST by EternalVigilance (Mitt Romney hates lobbyists...even though a whole crowd of them are running his campaign...)
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To: EternalVigilance
Or, even worse, they want to hear the truth, like some sweet melody they’re fond of, but then steadfastly refuse to make their actions correspond to that truth.

By the way, when it comes to Dr. Keyes, in this election, access has most definitely been denied. In a very thorough-going way.

I know that you are right on both counts EV but we must deal with reality as it exists not as we wish it were.

Dr. Keyes is a BRILLIANT man whom most people regard a preacher. They don't want to hear his message because it is painful to them and sadly, the TRUTH is he has NO chance of ever being elected to anything.

44 posted on 01/19/2008 8:04:54 AM PST by Bigun (IRS sucks @getridof it.com)
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To: joanie-f
Great piece, joanie-f.

Provide them with a strong conservative Christian block on which to stand backed up by what our forefathers had to sacrifice when building this great country and they will be armed to withstand the onslaught of leftist liberal traitors nestled within our government and country. Then pray.

45 posted on 01/19/2008 8:08:44 AM PST by processing please hold (Duncan Hunter '08) (ROP and Open Borders-a terrorist marriage and hell's coming with them)
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To: Bigun; EternalVigilance
If I have learned ONE thing in my public life it is that when you hear someone shouting "TRUTH! TRUTH! Tell me the truth!" what they REALLY mean is tell me what I want to hear and CALL it the truth!

An excellent point.

I have also noticed that, when talking with a generally uninformed friend or acquaintance about what is happening to America, quite often they are enrapt and astounded at the truth that the 'powers that be' are hiding. Yet, although they walk away upset about the ruse that is being perpetrated on the American people, they don't follow up.

If we are willing to spoon-feed the average American the truth, he is often willing to comprehend it, and often disgusted that much of it is being covered up. But he is not willing to continue to do the research himself, even when provided avenues of research.

The desire to be spoon-fed is the reason the mainstream media, the entertainment industry, and leftist-controlled academia possess so much power. Most Americans do not have access to individual conservatives who have done their homework and are willing to consitentely share the results. Thus the value of conservative blogs, and forums like this one.

~ joanie

46 posted on 01/19/2008 8:15:18 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: processing please hold
Provide them with a strong conservative Christian block on which to stand backed up by what our forefathers had to sacrifice when building this great country and they will be armed to withstand the onslaught of leftist liberal traitors nestled within our government and country. Then pray.

Bears repeating.

47 posted on 01/19/2008 8:16:31 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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To: joanie-f
Most Americans do not have access to individual conservatives who have done their homework and are willing to consitentely share the results. Thus the value of conservative blogs, and forums like this one.

Which is why I promote this place EVERY chance I get!

I'm not sure that even Jim Robinson realizes the REAL value of this place.

48 posted on 01/19/2008 8:19:38 AM PST by Bigun (IRS sucks @getridof it.com)
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To: joanie-f
THANK YOU

My kids have been homeschooled most of their lives. The past couple years they've been 'public schooled'. There has NOT been a day where they have not BEGGED me to homeschool again. NOT because they dislike the idea of getting up, bussing, going out to a building......but BECAUSE they can't stand the disgusting behaviors and scholastic laziness of the other kids.Every day they come home and tell me what wrong which kid did.

HMMPH...maybe I actually taught them something right. Something that the NEA won't allow them to be taught in school.(you know their mantra,'there is no right',there is no wrong,there are no moral absolutes.)

Thank you again,joanie

49 posted on 01/19/2008 8:44:41 AM PST by mommadooo3 (Old concept in justice. If the law won't take care of it, it's just us.)
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To: mommadooo3
It sounds as though you did indeed 'teach them something right'. :)

While it's sad that your children have to be subjected to the 'disgusting behaviors' so prevalent in public schools (and I'm afraid those behaviors are the norm rather than the exception these days), it's gratifying to know that they see those behaviors from the right perspective ... and always will.

Your children may even turn out to be 'reformers' as they mature. But, even if not, they will serve as an example for others whose parents were not willing to commit the time to provide their children a sound moral basis from which to deal with the world around them

God bless you!

~ joanie
Allegiance and Duty Betrayed

50 posted on 01/19/2008 9:06:01 AM PST by joanie-f (If you believe that God is your co-pilot, it might be time to switch seats ...)
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