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YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..........
Nealz Nuze ^ | January 20, 2007 | Neal Boortz

Posted on 01/30/2008 10:33:35 AM PST by Turret Gunner A20

YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..........

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

It seems to me that a lot of these things apply to much more than the Taliban.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: cave; islam; taliban

1 posted on 01/30/2008 10:33:40 AM PST by Turret Gunner A20
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To: Turret Gunner A20
You Don’t Hate John McCain.
2 posted on 01/30/2008 10:35:21 AM PST by BallyBill (Serial Hit-N-Run poster)
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To: Turret Gunner A20; Owl_Eagle; Sam's Army; Lazamataz; Darksheare; pissant; najida; r-q-tek86; ...
LOL.....PING!!

Thanks for posting I needed a laugh.

3 posted on 01/30/2008 10:36:51 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20
“You’ve had real hot Camel Lovin”???
4 posted on 01/30/2008 10:37:50 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

LOL Those were funny


5 posted on 01/30/2008 10:40:51 AM PST by wastedyears (This is my BOOMSTICK)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

You’ve traded more than one wife for a newer AK47.


6 posted on 01/30/2008 10:42:12 AM PST by Pistolshot (Those with a lively sense of curiosity learn something new every day of their lives.)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

A well needed guffaw (after mcLame’s disgusting “win” last night.)


7 posted on 01/30/2008 10:44:20 AM PST by zerosix (native sunflower)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

13. You think Helen Thomas and Madeline Allbright are “hotties”...............


8 posted on 01/30/2008 10:44:35 AM PST by Red Badger ( We don't have science, but we do have consensus.......)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

14) You’re a well-traveled man. Parts of you are in Khandahar, parts of you are in Kabul, parts of you are in...


9 posted on 01/30/2008 10:46:32 AM PST by reagan_fanatic (If McCain wins, we lose)
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To: Red Badger
13. You think Helen Thomas and Madeline Allbright are “hotties”...............

Sheeeeeesh! Even the Taliban can't be that bad off, can they???

10 posted on 01/30/2008 10:51:29 AM PST by Turret Gunner A20
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To: Turret Gunner A20
"Sheeeeeesh! Even the Taliban can't be that bad off, can they???"

Maybe...Ever wonder why they cover the women from head to toe, with only their eyes showing???

11 posted on 01/30/2008 10:56:31 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

If you lived in a cave for five years and all you had to look at were dirty, smelly, bearded men and goats, what would YOU think?........


12 posted on 01/30/2008 11:00:55 AM PST by Red Badger ( We don't have science, but we do have consensus.......)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick
"“You’ve had real hot Camel Lovin”??? "

HEY!!!!;-)

13 posted on 01/30/2008 11:00:57 AM PST by camle (keep an open mind and someone will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

You get ‘modern’ and let your wife (wives) walk in front of you -— but neglect to tell anyone it is because of land mines....


14 posted on 01/30/2008 11:01:29 AM PST by xrmusn
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To: Turret Gunner A20

Let’s add another one:
13. You think that “bone loss” refers to a head condition.


15 posted on 01/30/2008 11:04:44 AM PST by alecqss
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To: camle
I said Camel not camle....

:o)

16 posted on 01/30/2008 11:06:52 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: camle
I said Camel not camle....

:o)

17 posted on 01/30/2008 11:06:56 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

If your cave collapses and you start frantically calling your wife’s name... because she was the closest to your guns...

you just might be a Taliban.


18 posted on 01/30/2008 11:06:57 AM PST by SlowBoat407 (Just how will wrecking the U.S. economy save the planet?)
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To: GAY
You may be muslim if...
You stone a woman for adultery,
while you rape a boy for muhammed.

19 posted on 01/30/2008 11:07:34 AM PST by evets (beer)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

WHEW!!

thanx fer the clarification;-)


20 posted on 01/30/2008 11:08:01 AM PST by camle (keep an open mind and someone will fill it full of something for you)
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To: camle

No problem!!


21 posted on 01/30/2008 11:08:48 AM PST by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (RIP Eric Medlen. You will be missed.../ Get well Soon John Force!!!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

You think fly are a normal condiment to your food...


22 posted on 01/30/2008 11:10:54 AM PST by llevrok (Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa!)
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To: Turret Gunner A20
You may be Taliban if you know that the American Democrats are on your side.......and you can't wait to take over the US so you can kill them.
23 posted on 01/30/2008 11:11:02 AM PST by vetvetdoug
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To: Red Badger

13. You think Helen Thomas and Madeline Allbright are “hotties”...............

_____________________________________

They are still virgins aren’t they?


24 posted on 01/30/2008 11:11:43 AM PST by JoshM99
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To: Turret Gunner A20
If you go up to Abdul and ask him "Is that a stick of dynomite in your pants or are you glad to see me?"

Thar's ur sign.....

25 posted on 01/30/2008 11:13:19 AM PST by llevrok (Drink your beer, damnit! There are sober people in Africa!)
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To: JoshM99

If they aren’t, somebody had a really bad jones.........


26 posted on 01/30/2008 11:13:56 AM PST by Red Badger ( We don't have science, but we do have consensus.......)
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To: Turret Gunner A20
You have at least two nominees running for Prez of the USA:

Hillary the witch Klinton &

Osama "I ain't a muzzie no mo" Obama

27 posted on 01/30/2008 11:14:56 AM PST by RetiredArmy (America wants socialism. It wants it all for free. It wants the government to provide all.)
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To: Turret Gunner A20
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

Mohammed has two vests. He has an AK-47, an RPG and a handgun. He has two pairs of explosive shoes. How many different combinations of accessories does he have altogether?

28 posted on 01/30/2008 11:43:27 AM PST by ModelBreaker
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To: Turret Gunner A20
If this is your idea of a CD...

You just might be a Taliban.

29 posted on 01/30/2008 1:33:18 PM PST by SlowBoat407 (Just how will wrecking the U.S. economy save the planet?)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

Good stuff riiiight there.


30 posted on 01/30/2008 1:36:29 PM PST by ▀udda▀udd (7 days - 7 ways Guero >>> with a floating, shifting, ever changing persona....)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF......... your name is Mohammed.


31 posted on 01/30/2008 3:26:55 PM PST by TexasRepublic (Islam is a mental disorder)
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To: Turret Gunner A20

You’re born and educated in Marin County.


32 posted on 01/30/2008 4:39:04 PM PST by purpleraine
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To: AdmSmith; Berosus; Convert from ECUSA; dervish; Ernest_at_the_Beach; Fred Nerks; george76; ...

The topic is from a year ago; I went looking for it because I rec’d a somewhat different version in a viral email. :’) Here’s something newer:

Old Jews Telling Jokes
Jewish World Review | May 27 2009 | Richard Z Chesnoff
Posted on 05/27/2009 7:00:52 AM PDT by Milhous
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/2259012/posts

and here’s the version I rec’d the other day:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/bloggers/2257627/posts?page=3#3


33 posted on 05/27/2009 2:02:56 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (https://secure.freerepublic.com/donate/____________________ Profile updated Monday, January 12, 2009)
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