Middle school issues ban on intentional flatulence

VillageSoup/Knox County Times ^ | 2/1/08 | Holly S. Anderson

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CAMDEN (Feb 1): The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition for flatulence is brief: "flatus expelled through the anus." And while it's a natural bodily function, it seems some Camden-Rockport Middle School eighth-grade boys are taking it to new heights and making a game of seeing who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus. Advertisement

According to this week's Fire Cracker school newsletter though, the joke's on the boys as the penalty for "intentional farting" is now a detention.

"Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS," the newsletter said. "It started out as a funny joke and eventually turned into a game. This is the first rule at CRMS that prevents the use of natural bodily functions. The penalty for intentional farting is a detention, so keep it to yourself!"

According to a group of seventh-grade students milling around downtown following Friday's storm-related early release, the eighth-graders' escapades are well known in the school.

"They would do it in science class and other places," said Jordan Tyler. "It's a natural occurrence and we all do it 16 times a day."

When questioned where he learned that information, Tyler and the other students all said it was true, though they couldn't remember where they heard it.

One of the other students, Kyle Ruger, said the act by the boys was funny, but he had mixed feelings about whether it was appropriate.

Jordan Knowlton minced no words when she expressed how she felt, saying, "It's gross."

Remy LeVine said he was in the class when CRMS science teacher Brad LaRoche talked to all the eighth-grade boys about the issue, as well as the consequences.

Attempts to reach CRMS Principal Maria Libby Friday afternoon were unsuccessful and school Superintendent Patricia Hopkins said she had not heard anything about the issue or the alleged suspected result, though she did get a good chuckle out of the news.

VillageSoup/Knox County Times Senior Reporter Holly S. Anderson can be reached at 207-236-2496 or by e-mail at holly@villagesoup.com.

[null and void]

If they can't fart, can they fly?

[Rb ver. 2.0]

King, the school mascot agrees with the ban.

[Michael.SF.]

But, mine don't stink. Do I get an exception?

What if it is a silent but deadly one does the "smelt-her, dealt-her rule apply?

[Disambiguator]

Well, at least they weren’t lighting them on fire.

[austinaero]

You have got to be kidding me.....this is insane.

[Will88]

Well, they just banned about 50% of eighth grade boy humor.

[Excuse_My_Bellicosity]

Sounds like a clear invitation to eat beans & franks everyday for lunch.

[null and void]

*sigh* Ya THINK?!?!?

[null and void]

I’d say maybe more. (My son is in 8th grade)...

[Drago]

Al Gore would be proud...contributes to Global Warming doncha know!?!

[Califreak]

Maybe it will just be a fart in the wind....

[traditional1]

“I fart in your general direction”.....(Monty Python)

[wazoo1031]

PING!!

[NDpapajoe]

If they hold them in, they might spontaneously combust. This is dangerous. On the other hand, think of the implications for the globalist warmening hoax.

Announcer: ‘...and Mrs Clinton’s a&s keeps getting bigger and bigger...”

All the answers can be found in old South Park epsiodes.

Also, these kids could use “Under-Ease” activated carbon underpants.

[Martins kid]

I know of a 7th grader who used to clear out a quarter of the classroom every day with noisy and very smelly gas. He would sit there and strain and all the kids would yell “Somebody stop him. He’s doing it again!” He was offered a bathroom pass, which he declined - That is when the detention was writen and he was kicked out of class for a week ...It is now legend at the school.

[OB1kNOb]

"Good thing my grandma don't go to school. With her walkin' farts problem she'd be in detention the rest of her life."

[knarf]

It's natural, right?

Go 'head ... prove it's intentional !

HaH !!

My 14 yo son and his buddy roll around, laughing their asses off when they get into farting contests.

I miss being that free ... God bless boys that can let go a fart and laugh like hell about it ... and burp ... and pick their noses and fling their boogers ... these guys grow up to be warriors.

God bless 'em, I say.

[Incorrigible]

Pull my finger...

[null and void]

I did consider putting this in wind-Breaking News...

[MrsEmmaPeel]

I’m so glad our young are receiving a quality education.

[Califreak]

Alternative fuel ping! snicker snicker

[hometoroost]

Banning intentional flatulence in schools eh? Well then, no more Democratic debates at educational facilities going forward.

[traditional1]

[M203M4]

LOL! Detention makes it even more tempting (I couldn't imagine my father being angry when hearing that I had broken a school rule by "intentionally farting").

And what is a teacher to do when his/her back is turned to the board and the characteristic toot is heard?

I'm farticus

[Go Gordon]

Well, at least they weren’t lighting them on fire.

But if they had, the school newspaper would have been all over it. [According to this week's Fire Cracker school newsletter though...]

[Post Toasties]

This will only escalate the gas warfare to the SBD (Silent But Deadly) stage. “He who dealt it smelt it.”

[I'm ALL Right!]

[kinoxi]

This will only escalate the gas warfare to the SBD (Silent But Deadly) stage. “He who dealt it smelt it.”

Yeah, they'll walk by someone else. Let go. Turn to the teacher and try to bust them. This rule wont get very far.

[elcid1970]

They’re going to ban something boys have been doing since the days of Leonidas in ancient Sparta?

Anyway, this activity normally ceases when boys discover girls.

[I'm ALL Right!]

That must be the town Mensa member.

[lightman]

Sounds like a clear invitation to eat beans & franks everyday for lunch.

More beans, Mr. Taggart!

[Rb ver. 2.0]

[Centurion2000]

I wonder if some parents will assist by feeding their children (on request) the following: Beans, cabbage, crab cakes, and broccolli. (seems to be a conspiracy against the B and C foods)

Brought to you by the letter R

[visualops]

Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are!

[Outland]

[Centurion2000]

I should say you've had enough !!!

[Pablo64]

Ban farting? Well, that stinks.

Oh....wait....

[visualops]

“I ping in your general direction”

[Sacajaweau]

I'm a grandma. It's a gift!! Evokes pity. "Can we do something for you grandma?"

If you eat a lot of oatmeal, you turn into a train!!

[Will88]

“I am not sure, but I think this one is for real”

I’ve never done that and once thought it was just BS. But a good friend proved me wrong around age 15.

[dbacks]

[My 14 yo son and his buddy roll around, laughing their asses off when they get into farting contests.]

The eight kinds of farts-

The Fizz
The Fuzz
The Fizzy-Fuzz
The Fuzzy-Fizz
The Rip
The S4it
The Tear Ass
And the Pletchhhhhh

My recollections from a 1950’s risque record!

In another there was a “blow by blow” account of a farting contest. One participant was disqualified because he S4IT!

eeeeuuuuuuwwwwwwwwww