Posted on 02/14/2008 6:25:05 AM PST by reaganaut1
About six months after my son was born, he and I were sitting on a blanket at the park with a close friend and her daughter. It was a sunny summer weekend, and other parents and their kids picnicked nearby—mothers munching berries and lounging on the grass, fathers tossing balls with their giddy toddlers. My friend and I, who, in fits of self-empowerment, had conceived our babies with donor sperm because we hadn’t met Mr. Right yet, surveyed the idyllic scene.
“Ah, this is the dream,” I said, and we nodded in silence for a minute, then burst out laughing. In some ways, I meant it: we’d both dreamed of motherhood, and here we were, picnicking in the park with our children. But it was also decidedly not the dream. The dream, like that of our mothers and their mothers from time immemorial, was to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Of course, we’d be loath to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).
(Excerpt) Read more at theatlantic.com ...
Well, they do get it more often.
As a rule I try to read the articles,but four pages of that drivel,no thanks...
Or at least a lower rate of STD transmission.
The seldom talked about real issue here is that of “marrying up.” In our culture, for many centuries most women could marry up, to a man who was of higher social and economic status. This was because both the bottom and the top of the male ladder were higher than the female ladder.
Women demanded equality and got it. Now there are very few men available for the women at the top of the female status ladder. Meanwhile, many high status men are still quite happy “marrying down,” reducing the pickings for high-status females even more.
It seems most high-status females have reacted by getting POed at life in general and men in particular, rather than recognizing that they must reorder their priorities.
It would be best if these women hadn’t been taught in today’s educational system that
there is no objective standard (which there is)
so that they could not “settle” for “good enough”, but have a fixed yardstick by which to measure their potential mate.
If women were MORE choosy (about whom they marry, choose to have kids with, etc), men would have to have better character.
They want a trophy husband and will still not be satisfied by the marriage.
The baby was an accessory. Go to the store/sperm bank and pick one out. Now add an adult man to that equation.
This is a life?
Its not just that, but sex without love is vacant.
We have three children ranging from 16 to 9. We have spent the last three nights getting Valentine’s day candies and cards together to hand out at school and about 4 hours baking last night cupcakes and cookies for “boyfriends”.
We did it as a family - it is what the story misses - really what a family is by simply doing the little things that bond everyone together.
You don’t need to settle if you’re worth having. The secret is to live your life and value system to be worth having.
Too many times it’s thought of as the bride settling. Could be the groom is as well.
That said, halitosis is gross.
I’ve been married nearly 17 years so I’m a little out of the loop. However, via living vicariously thru friends I’ve seen that many of the folks who are single at this age for a reason. Some have horrendous personal habits, over inflated ego’s, or are unwilling to make any changes to their lives for the sake of a relationship.
How many men have settled for Miss “Oh my God I’ll never drink again”?
“If women were MORE choosy (about whom they marry, choose to have kids with, etc), men would have to have better character.’
IMO it should read “If women were more choosy about whom they sleep with”, men would have to have better character.
Women seem to have become the aggressors.
It degrades over time.
When we were first married, it was sex 3 or 4 times a day.
After a year it was sex 3 or 4 times a week.
After 5 years it was sex 3 or 4 times a month.
Now that we are 10 years along it's sex 3 or 4 times a year, and even then I need to make an appointment. - Anonymous
Yes, but as vacant experiences go, it's one of the best!
Another thing to consider:
I’m a VERY independent woman and have, and most likely always will, make my own living in this world. The idea of being less than an equal partner with my husband doesn’t appeal to me in the least. However, it occurred to me early on that I couldn’t have everything I wanted at the same time.
So, I had my career, then I married and gained an instant family (three young boys!) late, at age 35.
What women fail to realize is that we CAN have it all...just not ALL AT ONCE.
And I married “down” to a guy fresh out of college (he started late, too) with only a few years of work under his belt at the time. My military career would be ending when I was 37 and I had my twenty. Helping him in his career and taking care of the Home Front while HE succeeded was very satisfying, and he greatly appreciated it. It was a good balance. :)
You get what you pay for?
I got married, for the first time, very late in life. Best thing that ever happened to me.
I pity the woman in the story. She is still lonely, it seems.
Oh, for Ghu's sake, not another McCain thread....
For men: There is no such thing as bad sex.
the “etc” was to be interpreted as... well... what you said.
Yes, the “sexual revolution” certainly has “freed women” to have sex with men of however low of character that we allow, and that’s pretty low.
Good for you, women! Way to go! You’ve come a long way, baby!
Maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but when asked how our marriage has done so well (coming up on 25 years of marriage, 20 years of wedded bliss), I always say: Don’t marry the person you think you could spend the rest of your life with. Marry the person you could not spend the rest of your life WITHOUT. I did that. (And, of course, it goes without saying that babies ought to FOLLOW marriage, not precede it.— Just my opinion, but in this case, the correct one.)
"... Well, they do get it more often..."
I get married in 16 days, I'll get back to everyone with my results!
Reading the headline, I assumed this to be a pro-McCain piece.
I think the problem is not that women have expectations that are too high; I think their expectations are just all off. If you’re expecting a guy with a trust fund, looks like a movie star, and the romantic qualities of a fictional character, you’ll be disappointed.
Having a long list of qualities you’re looking for in a spouse and then not settling is good. I had a long list. It had lots of weird things on it (Christian, conservative, homeschool friendly, likes anime, geekier than me) but I found an awesome guy who met all my requirements and more.
I met him on FreeRepublic!
Waiting to long to marry and raise kids is an option, but it comes with more heartache than is necessary, IMO. Life's short...
Not much of a life for the poor child. These women should get pet lizards instead. What they are doing to their children is evil.
And yet they lack introspection and the ability to see themselves as others see them, so are thus locked into that negative pattern. The best case scenario for them is to grow old and cranky with their 20 cats in place of a man (or woman).
Partly, I blame our culture and society; partly I blame their parents who coasted by allowing their kids to be raised by the TV and the values it excretes.
Another thing Gottlieb is missing in its entirety is the War on Men. We’ve learned NOT to get married and NOT to make babies because of the utter ruin we’ve seen male friends go through when they marry, have kids, get cheated on or otherwise dumped, get divorced, get almost no custody rights, and get financially crippling alimony and support payments.
Sorry, but by and large, marriage in my generation is seen as a suckers’ game for men...
Gottlieb is typical of the kind of liberal feminist women who thought they knew it all but in reality didn’t. Femi-nazis thought they could rewrite human nature...in fact they didn’t believe in human nature. But when Gloria Steinum got married, I guess fish started riding bicycles.
A Woody Allen line - and one of his best.
I'll venture a guess and a response to the inevitable, "there's a whole industry dedicated just to weddings" mantra.
My guess, and it's a good guess, is that the industry dedicated to men's "expectations" is far, far more lucrative than the wedding industry. Why, you're surfing the Internet due more largely to men's "expectations" than any woman's fantasies of finding Mr. Right.
Girls should have standards, bargaining strategies, and fallback options, but should never, ever apologize for their fantasy of Mr. Right. It's every bit as valid as a guy's Playboy Centerfold Dream Girl.
Beat me to it.
I've been married 20 years, and I can't get an appointment! (j/k honey...thwap...CRASH...OWWWW!)
may I say, as a man who greatly enjoys sex, that your comment is very, very true......sex without love is masterbation...
If your fantasy Mr. Right is interfering with your chances of settling down with the guy who isn’t quite rich enough or handsome enough or sensitive enough, it’s a problem. If your “Mr. Right Template” is set up so you don’t settle for Mr. Wrong, then it’s a good thing.
Some of my friends used to tease me because my list of requirements was so stringent I wasn’t interested in people who met one or two, but not all, of them. They told me I’d never find the guy I was looking for. Ha!
I guess my philosophy is “settle down, don’t settle for”.
Most of my unmarried friends are that way as a result of living through the trauma of ugly, messy divorces in which both parents and the legal system put the needs of the child dead last. Go through that, and if you survive whole, you’ll swear never to risk inflicting on your own child what was inflicted upon you.
Well,
there is quanity and then there is quality....
Lots of bad is still...
well, bad.
Related article re: child support aka debtors’ prison for men: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1970170/posts
There sure is. I can give you names if you like. mostly it's not physical, but emotional. There are a lot of neurotic people in the world and 51% are women.
“Marry the person you could not spend the rest of your life WITHOUT.”
Great advice.
On Valentine’s Day, no less...
Very well said!
I suspect the ditz who wrote this drivel was too in love with herself to see a great guy right in front of her. Too bad for her.
Well,
I love you and think you’re special.
Keep waiting hun, it IS worth it.
My advise to single women who want to find a mate...don’t have bastard children.
No self respecting man wants to provide for the progeny of another. He won’t love the progeny of another the way that he loves his own. He won’t make the sacrifices for the progeny of another the way he will for his own.
You want stability...don’t marry a man who has children with another woman.
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