I guess you have to define ‘can’t help it.’ Draw a difference between desires and actions. Kleptomaniacs can’t help it. Pedophiles can’t help it. Serial killers can’t help it. But people do not need to act on every desire or demand that others affirm their desires and action upon them.
The Kleptomaniac steals from someone who does not want them to steal from them. The Pedophile molests the innocent that do not want to be molested and I'm sure you agree that those killed by serial killers likely don't wish to die.
My observation of queer men is that they all want the same things with each other. Yuk!
Your last sentence is spot on.