VANITY: Help Obama Write His Next Speech! (Fun Satire challenge)

self | 2/16/2008 | self

[Yaelle]

What if all of Obama's speechwriters suddenly got the flu, and the Senator needed a speech for a whistle stop in an hour?? Could you swiftly compose something suitably swoonable??

Try your hand. It might be fun. Surely you will amuse your fellow FReepers.

[Yaelle]

Thank you, thank you. It has been a long year of campaigning, a difficult year for me, my family and all of those who have taken on the burden of struggling with me up this long hill. But we are nearly at the mountaintop! We don't have far to go before we will be able to see down into the valley of the future! A future that we will have created for our children, and our children's children!

I have met so many of you along this dusty road. White, black, Asian, Hispanic, Gay, Transgender, Bi, Confused, Tired, Beaten Down. And I have seen in all of your faces the Need for Change! Over and over, I hear it again: We are struggling! We are tired! We are overworked and underpaid! Life is hard, and I know it's hard. You are ready for change, and I am the only candidate who can BRING that CHANGE.

I see soldiers putting on their boots to be sent to Iraq! And I tell you that soldier should not have NEEDED to put on his boots! When I am President, we will not NEED army boots. We will not lose our precious men and women to war because I will always choose diplomacy. Words do not kill. We need to sit down with world leaders and show them that Americans never want war, that Americans don't believe in war, that we want rich economies all over the world and a friend in every corner! And WE WILL BE THAT FRIEND!

But we can only be that friend if our people work together to make this country what it could be. The dawn will rise in the morning only if we COME TOGETHER. We need to cast our eyes forward! We need to become one! We need to make sure that while the rich man drives his fancy car to work, it does not mean that the poor man has no car! We need to make sure that when the rich woman gets her hair done at a fancy salon, it does not also mean that a poor woman needs to go without a meal! Yes, only by working together and helping one another can we make it to the top of the mountain, where we will be beloved by all other countries again! We can rise to Most Popular Nation and out of every gun barrel a bouquet can sprout! Yes!

For this to happen, we need a population that is well-educated! We need to pay our teachers more! If we just removed the costs of the war in Iraq, even if we left some of the Pentagon in place, we would be able to spend over 12 trillion on our children's education! We could afford to rebuild Harvard in every major city in this great land! We need to invest in the future, and our children are our future! Educating for tomorrow is the only way we can get ahead, be the people we always dreamed of being. Be the people we really are inside, begging to get out, if only we had the opportunity to have a free education from age 1 through graduate school! And that is part of my educational package.

But children who are sick cannot study. No, children must have health care. But under my plan, no child will ever miss a moment of study due to illness! Right now, there are 153,456, 230 sick children, uncovered by health insurance, getting no care at all. Mothers are crying by those bedsides right now. This need not happen in this great land. My plan will cover every child from cradle to grave with only a pay-as-you-can amount of $25.99 plus postage! With the military-industrial complex scaled down, we can then afford to protect even the sickest...

Oh, whoa, speaking of sickness... Did she faint? Is she OK? Please, please make room for the EMT guys coming through. Water? Of course, here is a bottle right here [throw overhand with your right hand]... There, there, everyone, she is going to be OK. She just fainted, it's perfectly normal...

Anyway, all of these issues are the issues that burn inside your hearts and mine! These are the days when weary souls look upward, toward heaven, for help to make it through. And I say that I can bring that help! I know the pain of each father as he tries to find a job to put food on his family's table. I can hear the anguish in each mother's eye, see the desperation in the soldier being sent to war against his will.

It is time for a movement to come, a movement in which hope brightens those sad faces! Hope from the mountaintop! We are nearly there, people! Can we, together, make it to the top of this steep mountain? Yes, we can! Si, se puede!! Thank you and may our movement bless America!

[Always Right]

Change upon faces
Changing hands
Change in my father
And my fathers land

Change, change
Change, change, change, change, change

Change in the weather
And it flies through a flag
Change in the places
I knew as a lad

Change, change
Change, change, change, change, change

Change on the mountain
Where green was turned black
Change on the valleys
That take it all back
Change in a worker
With sweat on his hands
Condemned by a future
To the no mans land

Change in the rivers
Once clean, flowing fast
Made sad and dirty
By the tears of man
Change at my ankles
Holding me back
Change like an icon
Beckoning fast

Change, change
Change, change, change, change, change

[Yaelle]

creative writing ping

[Old Sarge]

I will not post. I would get banned.

[JoJo Gunn]

I am leaving yesterday behind and heading towards tomorrow because that’s where our hope for a new future lies!

A sack of flour makes a helluva biscuit!

I have a dog!

Get that girl a bottle of water!

Thank you!!!!!

[ronnie raygun]

“Hope is what we need and with change hope will be right behind, ya see hope is the change we need and without hope change cannot be accomplished. Change is in the air and with a little hope we can change the air. America was built on hope and with the change we bring to hope change will be realized”! I hope! Hurry my lovely wife fetch me a pencil so I can jot down these uplifting words that I will deliver to my faithful lemmings who will follow me over the cliff with America in tow!

[Mr. K]

[blah] Change [blah] Future [blah] Hope
repeat.

[LegendHasIt]

Change Change Hope Change Hope Change Hope Hope Change Change Hope Hope Change Change Hope AND Change.

Elect ME and you will be Hoping for (Spare) Change.

A parrot with a three word vocabulary could do it if it could type into the teleprompter.

In fact, I believe that is pretty much what has been going on previously.

[Yaelle]

Your first and fourth sentences are imperative in every Obama speech! Bravo!!!

[donna]

Algore’s contribution:

“Everything that ought to be up is down. Everything that ought to be open is closed.”

[joshhiggins]

...I’m bringing you all more change...Oh my, my audience just swooned again, can we bring them some water, and paramedics, and can ya move ‘em over a little bit for the cameras...

[bad company]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mNDHTfdn1A

Here’s Obamas mentor.

[almcbean]

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I’ve never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I’m much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t want to be a richer man
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Just gonna have to be a different man
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Don’t tell t hem to grow up and out of it
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Where’s your shame
You’ve left us up to our necks in it
Time may change me
But you can’t trace time

Strange fascination, fascinating me
Changes are taking the pace I’m going through

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Oh, look out you rock ‘n rollers
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
(Turn and face the strain)
Ch-ch-Changes
Pretty soon you’re gonna get a little older
Time may change me
But I can’t trace time
I said that time may change me
But I can’t trace time

[Sender]

Today, as I stand before you, my brothers and sisters, black and white, latino and asian, rich and poor, gay and straight, young and old, smart and dumb, gullible and delusional, I know that we are about to cross that great divide.

Gone will be the days of war and poverty, lies and corruption, death and taxes. Well, death.

Together we will march across that bridge like my brother Martin Luther King Jr, we will sit in the front of that bus like Rosa Parks, we will grab that donut like Homer Simpson.

Together we will heal this bunion, repair this toaster, end the squeaking in the floorboards and finally catch that damn rat in the ceiling.

Yes we can!

[farmer18th]

“It is great to be here in ___________. I love _____________. When I was a small boy, my parents took me on a trip to ____________. I will never forget how kind and supportive and genuinely American the people of _______________ were to me. Now I stand before you in _________________, and I am here to promise you that _______________ will not be forgotten, that ______________ will not be ignored, that the rights of the people of _______________ will be respected. Because, deep down, tonight, we are all citizens of ____________. Aren’t we?
______________, I love you.”

[ozzymandus]

“Ask not what your country can do; My little dog Checkers; Fourscore and seven years; Blabbity-blah-blah, blabbity blah...” Etc., etc.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

Shakespearean Insult Generator
http://www.mainstrike.com/mstservices/handy/insult.html

Outrage Generator
http://www.i-am-outraged.com/

[humblegunner]

I heard some kids telling me
How theyve lost all the faith in the way
Theyve been talking world peace
And the wars in the streets

The lines on their faces so deep
A revolution, or reach out
And touch the day
Were overdue, child

Change
Now its time for change
Nothing stays the same
Now its time for change

I feel the the future in the hands
Of our youth will be safe
No more lies
Old, tired fools tell our future
With tarot cards, and lie of crime

Ill change
Ill change
Not tomorrow but today.

~Motley Crue

[Red_Devil 232]

He has had a couple of other “girls” do the “Obama Faint”. Of course they are always right up close to the stage! He should bring in Benny Hinn to cure them of their idiocy!LOL

[Jagman]

I’ve been to the mountaintop, which is one small step for man, one giant leap to the shining city on the hill, where a man is judged not by the color of his skin, but by the content of his fear itself. Some people see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were, and say the time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining. And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do to make violent revolution inevitable.

Authors: Rev King, JFK, RFK, FDR, President Reagan

[exit82]

Rarery!

That’s what Hussein Johnson would say.

[reflecting]

It is morning in America.

[mdittmar]

...Hope in the face of difficulty,
Hope in the face of uncertainty,
The audacity of hope.

In the end,that is God's greatest gift to us,the bedrock of this nation,a belief in things not seen,a belief that there are better days ahead.

Thank you very much, everybody.
God bless you.
Thank you.

;)

[Herakles]

“You f@%ked up, you trusted me!”

Please note; the above quote applies to ALL politicians, past, present , and future.

[JoJo Gunn]

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!  :)

What, you don't think the other lines will make 'em swoon and keel over?

[JoJo Gunn]

Isn’t the count up to 7 at the moment?

[spectre]

And so now, my brothers and sisters..let us join hands and sing a verse from the late, great Sam Cook's song he so bravely sang...

"There been times that I thought I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will...oh yes it will"..

sw

[Red_Devil 232]

Probably goes up after every speech!

[mikrofon]

Looking forward to the future, yes we CAN hope to reach out for change, as we come together in unity!

[pabianice]

"Who in America can resist the clarion call of youth? Never has it been so brazenly sounded. Experience? It has brought you nothing. Max Frost has told you that. Down with experience!"

-- 'Wild in the Streets,' (1968)

[JoJo Gunn]

I found the thread. Talk is of seven “fainters”.

So far.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1971411/posts

[Berlin_Freeper]

I am not Muslim.

Turn the page.

Change we can believe in.

Thank you and God bless me.

[x]

Some day soon somebody's going to invent an "Obama Speech Generator" and make it available on line.

Sort of like this Oscar Acceptance Speech Generator.

[andyandval]

Obama for CHEnge!

[SE Mom]

Whatever the questions you have in your hearts today- I bring the answer:

CHANGE.

YOU know what I mean when I say that- we won’t let others define it for us, we know we need:

CHANGE

For you who may doubt our intentions for America, remember this - we all want

CHANGE.

So, knowing we are who we’re looking for, let me ask you- Can we CHANGE America?

YES

WE

CAN!!!

(cue screaming crowds reminiscent of The Beatles days, one or two fainting women and throngs chanting YES WE CAN..wait 24 hours for polls to rise another 10 points)

[moodyskeptic]

the outrage generator is amazing!

[Soliton]

Put change directly on your forhead! Put change directly on your forehead! Put change directly on your forehead!

[shibumi]

I quit smoking.

Some of my best friends are Jews.

I did not have sex with that man.

[The Spirit Of Allegiance]

Autorantic Virtual Moonbat live chat
http://sean.gleeson.us/2004/11/21/avm_0_2

[maine-iac7]

changehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehopechangehope

Oh, and did I mention changehope?

[Yaelle]

Very nice speech — just one problem - you need to take out the name of the Almighty. That could offend someone! ;)

[mdittmar]

Very nice speech — just one problem - you need to take out the name of the Almighty. That could offend someone! ;)

Ah,ya caught me.

July 27, 2004,Candidate for U.S. Senate in Illinois, Barack Obama, delivered the keynote address at the Democratic National Convention in Boston Tuesday night. Here is a transcript of his remarks.

OBAMA: Hope in the face of difficulty, hope in the face of uncertainty, the audacity of hope: In the end, that is God's greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation, a belief in things not seen, a belief that there are better days ahead.

[Yaelle]

Then we have Obama’s perfect running mate. The bass guitarist Huckabee. Obama needs that backbeat. Huckabee would have to move a little to the left and definitely change his views on both abortion and dog / squirrel killing (just switch them), but it could work.

[Rennes Templar]

My fellow Americans,

Some say we can hope for change in the future. Others say we can change our future with hope. But I say that hope will will change the future. Thus I hope you see the stark differences between me and my rivals in hoping for future change.

Therefore I hope you change and vote for me in the future, based on my hope of the future of change that I hope you hope for in the future, and as you change your vote to one of change for the future, remember you are voting for future hope for a change.

Thank you!