Skip to comments.This Valentine's Day: Punch a Hippie (Belated)
Posted on 02/19/2008 12:07:26 PM PST by mnehring
One day when I was but a young boy, I was walking down the street with my dad to the hardware store. He suddenly stopped, crossed the street and punched a man. When he returned, I ask, "Father, why did you punch that man?"
He turned to me and said, "That's a stupid question." Then he punched me. "After punching a hippie, do you take the time to explain to those around you why you punched the hippie?"
It was a stupid question, because who my dad punched was a hippie. Back then, everyone knew that you punched hippies, but I've noticed that this knowledge may not be being passed on to the next generation. If there's one thing I've realized over the past few years is that hippies are not being punched quite enough, and I think the recent incident with Berkeley and the Marines shows the problem of not enough hippie punching. If hippies aren't punched on a consistent basis, they get cocky and will try all sorts of crazy thing. I mean, really, hippies insulting Marines and not expecting a punching? That's a major breakdown in our societal structure.
So what has led to this dearth in hippie punching? Breakdown in family structure? Loss of prayer in school? Increasing childhood obesity? Prevalence of non-violent videogames? Whatever the reason, I think we need to spend more time telling the next generation the importance of striking hippies in the face with a fist. No functional society has survived hippies running around unpunched, and America will be similarly doomed if we don't change our ways.
You may say, "Well I punch hippies; I'm doing my part." But after punching a hippie, do you take the time to explain to those around you why you punched the hippie? This may seem like a lot to do for someone who has a job and personal responsibilities -- which you have since you're not a hippie -- but if even just one man hears your words of inspiration and then punches some filthy hippie, wasn't it time well spent?
We have a war right now. Our military is overseas killing terrorists -- the violent form of the hippie -- so they can't be here punching hippies for us. We have to do that ourselves. To keep this a country safe for soldiers to kill evil foreigners without hearing whiny protests, we have to make it unsafe for hippies.
Well said Punches Hippes.
Quick question: Other than the title, what does punching hippies have to do with Valentines Day? Can’t we punch hippies all year long?
Best post ever. I hate hippies and punched a bunch back in the 70’s. Now as a rich conservative I have to keep punching to a minimum.
See, this is what I was trying to tell you people last summer but all you could talk about was Gucci loafers, golf carts, and “fire in the belly”.
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I might have to start linking to Frank J’s “In My World” posts. They’re even funnier.
I’d like to amend this story to insert ‘Congressional DemoCreep’ in place of each instance of ‘Hippie’ ;o)
All those hippies are now in congress and have made hippie-punching a hate crime.
Wouldn’t it be better to punch a Code Pinkie? Most hippies I’ve ever seen are just inconsequential bums. How about punching a RAT? Alan Colmes, Bob Beckel, Keith Olberman, Ellis Hennican, who could resist?
What do you think neohippies are?
I was thinking of Forest Gump when I read this, he gave a hippie a pretty good wallop.
If it were not a prosecutable crime I’d love to punch Keith Olbermann all day, and all of the night.
Note, I do not advocate violence of any sort. But man, I’d sure love to punch Keith Olbermann all day, and all of the night.
A call to arms if I ever heard one!
Spot on. The commie-leftist mantra of the ‘60s was “Work within the system,” meaning get elected to office, infiltrate schools and churches, etc. And so they did. We see the ultimate result of the mantra in the candidacies of Barak Hussein Obama and Billary Clinton.
There is something called the communist manifesto, and they follow it relentlessly.
Only if it’s got a pointy end...;o)
Better wear protective clothing. I’m not sure I want someone with extensive experience in alternative sexual practices and the use of illegal drugs bleeding on me.
Considering the cost of routine disposal of the protective clothing, hippie-punching might turn out to be a rather expensive sport.
That picture reminds me of a rabidly feminist hippie chick who used to work in the lab next to mine. She came in one day asking if a certain procedure was difficult. I told her that it was “so easy I could train a monkee, and even some women to do it”. She didn’t react well. Later in retaliation I dumped a bucket of crushed ice over her head. I think she dug me after that.
Before they multiply
Given the late notice and all... can we extend this through St. Patrick’s Day?
on my way into work this morning, a bumper sticker on the back of an old pickup:
SHUT UP, HIPPIE.
We need “National Punch-A-Hippie Day.”
I used to be a hippy. Don’t worry, life punched me enough. The other day I ran into someone whom I knew years ago. She told her friend that the best thing about me? I used to be a hippy and they both had big and accepting grins towards hippyness. So I said, yes, and now I’ve recovered and I’m a conservative Republican. Smiles faded and they made some excuse to move on.
Hillary looks completed baked in that picture!
OMG, you’re funny! Got me falling off my chair!
Hippie Punching FAQ
Posted by Frank J. at 12:36 PM | View blog reactions | Comments (11)
Unfortunately, American society has gotten lax on hippie punching to the point I thought I should write an FAQ to better explain the issue to those who don’t currently engage in the punching of hippies. Hopefully one day this will all become so natural again that a hippie punching FAQ will be about as necessary as a flipping people off in traffic FAQ.
HIPPIE PUNCHING FAQ
Q. Where is best to punch a hippie?
A. About the face. That’s where the hippie is most annoying.
Q. What is a hippie?
A. Generally, a hippie is an annoying, useless. Actually, less than useless, as they are not happy until they prevent other people from being useful as well. In fact, Scientists have determined that the only evolutionary purpose of a hippie is for punching as a stress release for productive members of society.
Q. Are there any other uses for hippies than punching them?
A. No, there are no other uses.
Q. Couldn’t they be ground up and used as chum?
A. They’re too gummy.
Q. Where do hippies come from?
A. There’s basically waste products of a productive society, as they only come from middle class to upper middle class families. Thus its important for parents to make sure they tell children the importance of not being a hippie while also making them cut the lawn and do other non-hippie, productive activities.
Q. Where can hippies be found?
A. Their main habitat is the college campus and can be found in the vicinity thereof. Occasionally they have mass migrations to city areas to work as a large group (a group of hippies is known as a “protest”) to make loud noises and annoy people. In this way, they are like geese, except with more excrement. Also, they have large puppets.
Q. What are the benefits of punching hippies?
A. What aren’t? It gives you exercise, increases your intelligence and sexual prowess, helps the economy, defeats terrorism, and helps orphans find families. Also, scientists say that each time you punch a hippie, they get one step closer to curing cancer.
Q. Hippies smell. Do I have to worry about getting that smell on my fist?
A. Always carry around hand sanitizer in case you punch a hippie. Make sure to put it on your knuckles.
Q. Is it okay to punch a hippie on a Sunday?
A. Check local laws. Some counties have blue laws preventing striking hippies on a Sunday. Other think that’s the best day for punching hippies.
Q. Just to be clear, are you talking about physically striking hippies or are you talking metaphorically about “punching” hippies through rhetorical means or through your actions against narcissistic hippie ideals?
A. Can’t it be both?
Q. Well, one of those is a valid point and the other I’m pretty sure is assault.
A. Maybe you’re a hippie.
Q. Since you’re writing both sides of this FAQ, you’re actually accusing yourself of being hippie.
A. Shut up. I really hate you.
Q. Now this is getting a little weird.
A. You’re the reason dad never loved me!
A. Why won’t you die!
Q. Okay... let’s dial this down a little. It’s not me you’re angry at. It’s them. They’re the ones at fault. Remember?
A. Are you going to have me hurt people again?
Q. That is not your concern. You do what I tell you, or I will make your life miserable. Do you understand?
A. I understand.
Q. Where does the term “hippie” come from?
A. It’s derived from the word hipster.
OMG, that is just toooooo funny. Thanks for causing me to scare everybody else in my office by falling out of my chair....
The commie-leftist mantra of the 60s was Work within the system, meaning get elected to office, infiltrate schools and churches, etc. And so they did.
LOL. Was that before or after they ‘turned on tuned in and dropped out’?
I think you are confusing hippies and communists. I’ve known my share of both, and if there is one thing communists AND conservatives don’t like, and that is hippies.
I disagree, but don’t have time to explain this to you. However, I refer to post #14 this thread, and the many many threads re code pink, including the most recent Berzerkly debacle.
A. Maybe youre a hippie.
ROTFLMAO. This thread is great.
Punch a hippie-save a whale ping.
What about all the more conservative kids who dressed like hippies back then so they could meet guys/girls? I guess you could spot them because they washed their hair and their bell bottoms were ironed and in good shape?
“I said, yes, and now Ive recovered and Im a conservative Republican. Smiles faded and they made some excuse to move on.”
When my oldest son is in town his little brother and I enjoy going over to the college hippie coffee shop at the local University and engage each other in boisterous politically conservative conversations. The patron’s sneers and contemptuous looks are our pleasure.
Have you punched a hippie today?
Top 10 all-time episode right there.
Didn't inhale my *ss. I bet you couldn't unwrap his fingers from the bong.