Global Warming Will Cause Giant Snakes to Take Over America

Newsbusters ^

[Sub-Driver]

Global Warming Will Cause Giant Snakes to Take Over America Photo of Noel Sheppard. By Noel Sheppard | February 24, 2008 - 10:52 ET

NewsBusters has on numerous occasions reported how media are trying to frighten Americans into radically altering their lives or else suffer irreparable harm at the hands of the liberal bogeyman global warming.

At times in the past couple of years, the scare tactics have been akin to a 1950s horror movie, including somewhat hysterically a film being released wherein oil workers in Alaska were actually killed by Mother Nature supposedly rising up to defend herself from climate change.

On Wednesday, USA Today added giant snakes to the equation, using the frightening imagery of Burmese pythons -- which can grow in size to 20 feet and 250 pounds -- roaming America if citizens don't immediately change their wicked carbon dioxide emitting ways (emphasis added, h/t NBer Brau):

As climate change warms the nation, giant Burmese pythons could colonize one-third of the USA, from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast, according to U.S. Geological Survey maps released Wednesday.

[...]

Two federal agencies - the USGS and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service - are investigating the range of nine invasive snakes in Florida, concerned about the danger they now pose to endangered species. The agencies are collecting data to aid in the control of these populations.

They examined Burmese pythons first and, based on where they live in Asia, estimated where they might live here. One map shows where the pythons could live today, an area that expands when scientists use global warming models for 2100.

"We were surprised by the map. It was bigger than we thought it was going to be," says Gordon Rodda, zoologist and lead project researcher. "They are moving northward, there's no question."

Of course, late in the article we find that the problem isn't actually global warming. It's that people are buying these snakes as pets, and then abandoning them:

If federal officials had to worry only about Florida, it would be "decades" before the pythons move into other states, Rodda says. But people keep dumping pythons they don't want into the wild. "We just learned about some that had been released in Arkansas," he says.

Hmmm. So, maybe officials ought to do more to prevent these snakes from being brought into the country, and stop using them as a political tool to advance climate alarmism:

In Florida, they eat bobcats, deer, alligators, raccoons, cats, rats, rabbits, muskrats, possum, mice, ducks, egrets, herons and song birds. They grab with their mouth to anchor the prey, then coil around the animal and crush it to death before eating it whole.

If you see one, don't attempt to engage it. Leave the area, note the location and notify the authorities.

Anyone question why so many people feel those that advance the global warming myth should be called climate alarmists?

Somewhat comically, within hours of this article being published, as Rush Limbaugh discussed the New York Times hit piece on John McCain, he referred to people in the drive-by media as snakes.

As such, Americans indeed should be very afraid, not of pythons roaming the planet, but of irresponsible journalists that know absolutely nothing about science advancing this myth by using such disgraceful scare tactis.

—Noel Sheppard is an economist, business owner, and Associate Editor of NewsBusters.

[Sub-Driver]

We're doomed..........only Algore and Sheryl Crow can save us..

[BigCinBigD]

I’m getting sick of these ——— -——— snakes at this ——— -——— drive through!

[L98Fiero]

LOL! That was good.

[Redmen4ever]

Fortunately, because of global cooling, polar bears will be invading us from the north, and will eat the giant snakes. You see, God really does have whole world in his hands.

[Piquaboy]

We already have a black snake that slithered out from under a rock to run for president.

[BroJoeK]

“he referred to people in the drive-by media as snakes.”

Sounds to me like giant media snakes have already taken over the country, and we’re about half eaten...

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

Do they taste like chicken? Snakaburgers!

[Jackknife]

[Pharmer]

What’s next? Giant spiders?

[Blue Highway]

Someone cue Samuel L Jackson for this spin-off. “There’s mother F’ing snakes roaming the mother F’ing plains”.

[Dr. Bogus Pachysandra]

Giant spiders?
I hear that if you boil ‘em, they taste like lobster.

[jsh3180]

[SouthTexas]

Alright, new boots!

[Citizen Tom Paine]

With respect to snakes. Why not get your 12 gauge shotgun, loaded with Number 4 shot, and shoot it two or three times in the head? Then skin it, and process the hide

[Fresh Wind]

[truemiester]

Two words - Snake Steak!

[JasonC]

Big snake vs. man with a machete. Who wins?

Sigh...

[Maceman]

We already have a black snake that slithered out from under a rock to run for president.

And a white one too:

[JasonC]

lol

[DouglasKC]

Fortunately, because of global cooling, polar bears will be invading us from the north, and will eat the giant snakes. You see, God really does have whole world in his hands.

lol....God truly does have a great plan...

[Jagman]

All I know is that snakes on a plane was the best movie ever!

[LiberConservative]

It wasn’t in the documentary “The Day After Tomorrow” so I don’t believe this. What a crock.

[MacDorcha]

AWWWWWFUL!!!!

10 points!

[Domandred]

Snakes...why did it have to be snakes...

[Grizzled Bear]

Good one!

[Pharmer]

When I was in college, I spent my summers working at a pet dealer where we sold everything but dogs and cat. My boss had a 25’ Burmese python in a crate down in his basement. we would feed it guinea pigs once evry other week and would clean its crate with a hose, never letting it out. it could never stretch out and at time had great difficulty especially when it shed its skin. My boss would never say how he got ahold of the creature but he considered it a pet.

As I was a biology major, my adviser was a well known herpetologist. Although he was more of an expert in turtles, he knew well about this snake. He had captured several in his trips to Southeast Asia. I told him about my boss and about the snake in the basement. He warned me never to go near this creature because they are not pets. If one has one in their possession its not a manner of if it will kill you but when.

[mtbopfuyn]

The last time the cat brought in such a prize to show off, it (the snake, not the cat.... although I’m still not sure if I made the wisest decision) met it’s end with my old iron skillet.

[Disambiguator]

So this means that midwesterners will have to worry about (wait for it...)

Snakes on a plain??!

[isrul]

You know, I bet the environmental nuts will try to stop folks from killing the snakes.

[Jeff Chandler]

All I know is that snakes on a plane was the best movie ever!

You've obviously never watched Fireball 500.

[Lancey Howard]

Well, on the bright side, America could have been taken over by the polar bears back in the ‘70s when we had “global cooling”.

[Missouri gal]

I don’t believe global warming for a second, but the snakes are a real problem. My aunt just sent me a photo of a dead Burmese python wrapped up in a car engine. The plates on the car were Missouri plates!

[CholeraJoe]

Yee-Haaaaw. New boots!! Come to papa!

[vetvetdoug]

Giant snakes to take over America
They just indicted the owner and business of Enzyte and the supplement will no longer be available...I think the crisis has abated.

[purpleraine]

Wouldn’t the snakes move to Canada with the hot weather melting the ice there?

[Old Retired Army Guy]

Giant Snakes? Are they talking about our Congress?

[Thombo2]

Thanx for post.Excellent commentary debunking a truly bogus/misleading article.”Late in the article we find the problem isn’t exactly global warming.....”Very considerate of the author to throw that factoid in(and cover his posterior at the same time).We’ve had exotic/non-indigenous species in the Everglades for years now.Global warming has absolutely nothing to do with it.Take an airboat ride and you’ll likely see pythons,buffo toads,giant iguanas,pirahnahs(!),exotic birds from SAmerica...

[meyer]

We're doomed..........only Algore and Sheryl Crow can save us..

I thought those were the snakes....

[atomic conspiracy]

Not to worry.
They are easily killed with firearms or heavy sticks and taste something like chicken.

[Doc91678]

I certainly have to agree that snakes will soon be taking over America.
Haven’t we all seen the belly crawlers dressed in tailored suits on the stump telling Americans the tales of death and destruction that awaits us if we listen to the Republican Party.
Did the Dem’s try to instill fear into Americansby claiming that Social Security changes, Medicare and Medicaid changes, the Iraqi War would sound death knells for the American system. Just how many more issues that they have touted have proved to be false.
This is just another ploy in their play-book.
Just a point. If we’re into a global warming era, why are we have such peaks in Global cooling? Have the Global warming theorists taken into consideration the changes in the sun’s radiation, or the sun’s reduction in ‘sun spots?’

[Doc91678]

I certainly have to agree that snakes will soon be taking over America.
Haven’t we all seen the belly crawlers dressed in tailored suits on the stump telling Americans the tales of death and destruction that awaits us if we listen to the Republican Party.
Did the Dem’s try to instill fear into Americansby claiming that Social Security changes, Medicare and Medicaid changes, the Iraqi War would sound death knells for the American system. Just how many more issues that they have touted have proved to be false.
This is just another ploy in their play-book.
Just a point. If we’re into a global warming era, why are we have such peaks in Global cooling? Have the Global warming theorists taken into consideration the changes in the sun’s radiation, or the sun’s reduction in ‘sun spots?’

[ContraryMary]

Global Warming Will Cause Giant Snakes to Take Over America

Sounds like an episode of The Twilight Zone or The Outer Limits.

[NativeSon]

I like how 'Globull Warming' would just cause giant snakes to spontaneously generate here... it isn't like they're sneaking through the border to eat the endanged species that American snakes won't eat.

And aren't these snakes endangered anyhow? See, we're protecting them now and if that doesn't help, well we've wiped out other species I'm sure we could clear up any giant snake issue right quick.

[Jagman]

Okay, second best!

[Allegra]

What’s next? Giant spiders?

Global warming will cause T-Rex and the Brontosaurus to come back.

And raptors. A wide variety of raptors will roam the cities.

[cripplecreek]

[Allegra]

We have lots of giant snakes here.

We call them "State Department People."

[Continental Soldier]

According to those same environment alarmists, we have endangered many species through our careless and thoughtless behaviors. It would seem that we could pretty much get rid of the Burmese python if we put our mind to it. :)

[onedoug]

They’ve already taken over. They’re in the House and particularly in the Senate

[gitmo]

Yet another reason to support the second amendment.