I'll get her for this.
Posted on 03/03/2008 6:11:06 PM PST by blam
Men Have A Harder Time Forgiving Than Women Do
ScienceDaily (Mar. 3, 2008) — Forgiveness can be a powerful means to healing, but it does not come naturally for both sexes. Men have a harder time forgiving than women do, according to Case Western Reserve University psychologist Julie Juola Exline. But that can change if men develop empathy toward an offender by seeing they may also be capable of similar actions. Then the gender gap closes, and men become less vengeful.
In seven forgiveness-related studies Exline conducted between 1998 through 2005 with more than 1,400 college students, gender differences between men and women consistently emerged. When asked to recall offenses they had committed personally, men became less vengeful toward people who had offended them. Women reflecting on personal offenses, and beginning at a lower baseline for vengeance, exhibited no differences in levels of unforgiving. When women had to recall a similar offense in relation to the other's offense, women felt guilty and tended to magnify the other's offense.
"The gender difference is not anything that we predicted. We actually got aggravated, because we kept getting it over and over again in our studies," said Exline. "We kept trying to explain it away, but it kept repeating in the experiments."
The John Templeton Foundation-supported studies used hypothetical situations, actual recalled offenses, individual and group situations and surveys to study the ability to forgive.
Exline said prior studies have shown that at baseline (without any interventions), men tend to be more vengeful than women, who have been taught from childhood to put themselves "in the shoes of others" and empathize with them.
In Exline's study, women who recalled similar offenses of their own did not show much difference in their levels of vengeance, in contrast to men. Women, having been taught from an early age to be more empathetic, lean toward relationship building and do not emphasize the vengeful side of justice to the degree that men do.
The researchers found that people of both genders are more forgiving when they see themselves as capable of committing a similar action to the offender's; it tends to make the offense seem smaller. Seeing capability also increases empathic understanding of the offense and causes people to feel more similar to the offenders. Each of these factors, in turn, predicts more forgiving attitudes.
"Offenses are easier to forgive to the extent that they seem small and understandable and when we see ourselves as similar or close to the offender," she said.
Exline found this ability to identify with the offender and forgive also happens in intergroup conflicts in a study that she related to forgiveness of the 9/11 terrorists.
"When people could envision their own government committing acts similar to those of the terrorists, they were less vengeful," she stressed. "For example, they were less likely to believe that perpetrators should be killed on the spot or given the death penalty, and they were more supportive of negotiations and economic aid."
Exline is the lead author on the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology's article, "Not so Innocent: Does Seeing One's Own Capability for Wrongdoing Predict Forgiveness?" She collaborated with researchers Roy Baumeister and Anne Zell from Florida State University; Amy Kraft from Arizona State; and Charlotte Witvliet from Hope College.
Adapted from materials provided by Case Western Reserve University, via EurekAlert!, a service of AAAS.
or women forgive too easily.
I'll get her for this.
Depends on each person....I’ve seen grudges held by both males and females to the nth degree.
Nah, in my experience it’s that women extract a seriously high price for their forgiveness. They get theirs eventually :-)
Whereas a lot of men simply write you off when you piss them off, and you don’t get a chance to “buy” your way back into good graces, no matter how long you are willing to grovel.
Been divorced for a decade, move half way across the country, and the ex-wife is still looking for ways to be a pain in the @ss.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who perceives herself to be scorned (perception is reality).
It is a lot easier to be forgiving when you are talking half of your ex’s income.
Somebody has never met any of my ex girlfriends.
I have trouble believing this research......
Women may forgive more easily but then they never let you forget it.
Just forget a birthday or anniversary and see who is more forgiving.
Men forgive, they just never forget.
This is not my experience in life. But there’s an exception to every rule.
Women just remember it at a much later time when you’ve long forgotten. Like, as Sam Kinison said, when they’re packing your bag for that business trip and slip your revolver into the suitcase you’re going to take through security.
Forget or not, they do seem to be able to let it go more than women. At least you don’t hear about it every third time you talk to them, like you do with the ladies.
I’m calling BS on this one!
Really?... Ever seen women in the workplace? I’ve seen blood feuds last for years. Men usually have it out, and get on with business.
thanks, bfl
According to my experiemces, I strongly disagree.
great line.
Just because women forgive easier, doesn’t mean they forget!
Or even that they won’t guilt you into submission!
I’ve forgiven my ex for her emotional abuses against my kids. I’m simply ambivalent about her existence as a human being.
Never argue with a woman.
Trust between men who are workmates/friends/relatives can be harder to repair than between a man and a woman. I know men were it took decades to even talk to each other on the phone once trust was broken. And its not about just being stubborn. Trust is a huge issue with men.
Come on married man, what say you?
btt
I’ve forgiven far more many things than I care to recount. That’s not always a good thing.
Forget? Hell, I have an ex-wife with such a good memory she remembers things that never even happened.
and I always get even. No matter how long it takes.
I wonder what the sex is of the Liberal(s) who keyed my friend’s car.
You’re right,,put a 0 in front of that nth , can do it to this day , just ain’t worth it.
I guess it depends on what you mean by forgive. I think if they define it biblically, men and women would come out about the same.
Bull Crap!!!!!!!
Forgiving is easy...it’s the payback that takes a while....
"Betrayal, as a form of deception or dismissal of prior presumptions, is the breaking or violation of a presumptive social contract (trust, or confidence) that produces moral and psychological conflict within a relationship amongst individuals, between organizations or between individuals and organizations. Often betrayal is the act of supporting a rival group, or it is a complete break from previously decided upon or presumed norms by one party from the others."
ROFL!
I find that people who SEEM to forgive easily are actually forgiving you for things that aren’t your fault in the first place. Very magnanimous.
I don’t know if women forgive more easily or just say they do because it sounds more compassionate...... I sure do know women who can bring up the most minor items from 10 or 20 years ago as though they just happened yesterday, and I’m not talking about any big-ticket items like infidelity.
This thread is hysterical, and quite frankly, a great slice of the pie that represents the men that post here. This piece was about forgiveness in general yet more than three-quarters of the posts here are from ‘slighted’ men. You all need to get a grip. You call liberal men whiney and sissy but have you ever stepped back and really listened to yourselves? How about you do what needs to be done and get on with your lives? Jesus, you’re making my young daughters look masculine in comparison.
How are men inferior to women? Let us count the ways...
Love these humor posts.
I have!
They thanked me for helping them forget your short comings!
Hmmm...you may be overanalyzing this, you should really try to forgive them, should come naturally.
BUNK!
ell that to my x-wife
“I have trouble believing this research......”
Me, too. This has not been my experience or observation at all.
Can’t be. . . my ex hasn’t remarried anyone. I thought she was the only one to remember things that didn’t happen.
I wish mine would get re-married. A new victim would take my place. But she can’t even keep a boyfriend long enough to get me any real break. Yes, as a matter of fact, I AM (or at least WAS) a dumbass.
I’m a woman and I forgive readily, but in my experience it’s men who forgive more easily, by far. Women tend to hold grudges. Often you don’t even know you’ve offended, for a good long time! Men let you know, they deal with offense and get past it.
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