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Britain To Repossess the USA!!!
03/05/08 | RedFred In A Blue State

Posted on 03/05/2008 1:41:52 PM PST by RedFred In A Blue State

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Holden Monaro's are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen…


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: gordonbrown
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1 posted on 03/05/2008 1:41:53 PM PST by RedFred In A Blue State
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Right.

Two words: Prince Charles.


2 posted on 03/05/2008 1:43:13 PM PST by Politicalmom (Better a leftist Dem with energized GOP opposition, than a leftist "Republican" with no opposition.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Sod off, you bloody git.


3 posted on 03/05/2008 1:43:50 PM PST by Constitution Day
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Already on top of that, guvnah.

4 posted on 03/05/2008 1:44:20 PM PST by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus (Men fight well when they know that no prisoners will be taken.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

(Of course I meant that in the nicest way possible...LMAO)


5 posted on 03/05/2008 1:44:26 PM PST by Constitution Day
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Thank the queen for excepting KS from her proclamation. I refuse to drive on the wrong side of the road.
6 posted on 03/05/2008 1:45:19 PM PST by ozzymandus
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

18. All this rubbish about Britney Spears must stop immediately and be replaced with rubbish about the Spice Girls.


7 posted on 03/05/2008 1:46:06 PM PST by weegee (Those who surrender personal liberty to lower global temperatures will receive neither.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer.....wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)

Pot, meet kettle.

8 posted on 03/05/2008 1:46:47 PM PST by Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus (Men fight well when they know that no prisoners will be taken.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Britain, lost once, Be careful we might need to take it over to help our own economics. LOL


9 posted on 03/05/2008 1:48:03 PM PST by OPS4 (Ops4 God Bless America!)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Does this mean we’ll have to stop brushing our teeth and going to the Dentist?


10 posted on 03/05/2008 1:49:12 PM PST by reagan_fanatic (Brush your hair and comb your teeth, honey - Obama's comin' to town!!!)
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To: ozzymandus
Some time back in the 60s, Sweden moved from the wrong side to the right side. I guess we could move left, for that matter.
I would like an explanation of what happened to Pounds, shillings and pence and wtf is a guinea ?
11 posted on 03/05/2008 1:50:15 PM PST by Eric in the Ozarks (ENERGY CRISIS made in Washington D. C.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

London Blues...Jerry Jeff Walker.


12 posted on 03/05/2008 1:50:28 PM PST by Deaf Smith
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Naw, but I’ll tradeja Hillary for Maggie. You get Sean Penn and we’ll take Harry. I figger between the two trades we’ll have to throw in a trainload of testosterone to make it even, but hey, a deal’s a deal...


13 posted on 03/05/2008 1:52:43 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

It’s a fair cop.


14 posted on 03/05/2008 1:53:56 PM PST by Hacklehead (Crush the liberals, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the hippies.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
I've got a better idea


15 posted on 03/05/2008 1:55:26 PM PST by GunnyHartman (Proud Infidel)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

So, we’ll start the next revolution right here in Kansas.


16 posted on 03/05/2008 1:56:10 PM PST by G-Bear (Religiously, five times a day, I turn my back on Mecca and fart!)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Where the new parts about adopting Sharia law?


17 posted on 03/05/2008 1:56:13 PM PST by Last Dakotan
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

You’re really Jeremy Clarkson right?


18 posted on 03/05/2008 1:57:16 PM PST by Hacklehead (Crush the liberals, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the hippies.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

.30-06


19 posted on 03/05/2008 1:57:32 PM PST by Dead Dog (B' Slap America: Hillary '08)
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To: GunnyHartman

Might not be a bad idea except for two reasons that come to mind: 1) Britain is more under the control of the leftist mongrel hoards then we are and 2) thanks to “1”, they’ll soon be under sharia law.


20 posted on 03/05/2008 1:58:08 PM PST by Da Coyote
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To: reagan_fanatic

Am I the only one who loves the Brits and would welcome this?


21 posted on 03/05/2008 1:58:11 PM PST by cajungirl
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To: GunnyHartman

ROFLMAO!


22 posted on 03/05/2008 1:59:04 PM PST by TADSLOS ( McCain-Feingold: "Good for thee but not for me"- John McCain)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

God shave the Queen!


23 posted on 03/05/2008 1:59:13 PM PST by Mancolicani
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
" July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday."

So I guess Independence Day is right out?

24 posted on 03/05/2008 1:59:26 PM PST by Designer (We are SO scrood!)
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To: Dead Dog

Interesting, I wonder if my family gets Maine back?


25 posted on 03/05/2008 1:59:28 PM PST by massgopguy (I owe everything to George Bailey)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

LOL!!


26 posted on 03/05/2008 2:00:09 PM PST by McKayopectate
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
God rot all royals!
Give us the wisdom of America!


Madness of King George
27 posted on 03/05/2008 2:01:09 PM PST by Kozak (Anti Shahada: There is no god named Allah, and Muhammed is a false prophet)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

LOL


28 posted on 03/05/2008 2:03:08 PM PST by Continental Soldier
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To: Politicalmom

Pshaw. I’m FAR less afraid of your Government, than mine.
Come and Get it !


29 posted on 03/05/2008 2:05:04 PM PST by stompk
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Uh, what makes her majesty any more competent than the losers we have to select from? At least we only have to put up with them for two four year terms at most, and even then they don’t personally own a significant part of the Nation’s wealth, as do the royals.

But I would have been more than willing to swap you McCain, Hillary AND Obama for Diana Spencer if she hadn;t been killed under mysterious circumstances after being persecuted for so many years by the world’s most dysfunctional family.

I think you Brits should kick out the Windsors and bring back the Stuarts. After all the only reason you got rid of them was over religion and since more Brits today are Catholic than Anglican, the reason no longer exists for keeping the Windsors a.k.a Saxe-Coeburg-Gotha, a.k.a
House of Hanover bunch in power.

30 posted on 03/05/2008 2:05:24 PM PST by ZULU (Non nobis, non nobis Domine, sed nomini tuo da gloriam. God, guts and guns made America great.)
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To: OPS4

Britian lost twice, don’t forget 1812! That is one reason why I don’t put the “great” in front of Britian.


31 posted on 03/05/2008 2:06:24 PM PST by SFC Chromey (We are at war with Islamofascists inside and outside our borders, now ACT LIKE IT!)
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To: Da Coyote
"1) Britain is more under the control of the leftist mongrel hoards then we are and 2) thanks to “1”, they’ll soon be under sharia law."

True. But I figure we could use those two mini-carriers of the Brits to ship them back to France. That way they could be reunited with those disaffected "youths" that keep burning those Citroens, Renaults, and Peugeots.
32 posted on 03/05/2008 2:07:04 PM PST by GunnyHartman (Proud Infidel)
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To: Hacklehead
If so, can we get more of the good British TV shows to replace most of the junk that is on network?
33 posted on 03/05/2008 2:07:24 PM PST by wally_bert (Tactical Is Still Missing A Chair!)
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To: Eric in the Ozarks
I would like an explanation of what happened to Pounds, shillings and pence and wtf is a guinea ? Hey, it is fun trying to remember..

It think it was 21 Shillings. Expensive stuff was advertised in Guineaus because the price sounded better than in twenty Shilling Pounds.

Right, Limeys? Been a while..

34 posted on 03/05/2008 2:07:34 PM PST by Gorzaloon
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America.

When Toronto won the World Series, some of the games were played in the Dominion of Canada. The best players from Latin America, Korea, Japan, and every place else where baseball is played come here, where they generally are regarded as good, but not great players. Since the best players play in the MLB, the World Series is legit, despite the abominations of Bud Selig, Interleague Play, wildcards and the designated hitter.
35 posted on 03/05/2008 2:08:47 PM PST by Dr. Sivana (Not a newbie, I just wanted a new screen name.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Only if we get a do-over on 1917 and 1942-45 first...


36 posted on 03/05/2008 2:11:19 PM PST by EternalVigilance ("What fellowship has light with darkness?")
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

heh ... pack a lunch ... thanks for the laugh though


37 posted on 03/05/2008 2:11:26 PM PST by Centurion2000 (su - | echo "All your " | chown -740 us ./base | kill -9 | cd / | rm -r | echo "belong to us")
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To: Gorzaloon

I think lawyers always charged in guineas, which I think amounted to 1 pound and one shilling (or 21 shillings using the old money method.) How can guineas continue to be used if there are no shillings ?


38 posted on 03/05/2008 2:11:29 PM PST by Eric in the Ozarks (ENERGY CRISIS made in Washington D. C.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

I’ve seen this before, but it was Utah that Her Majesty did not fancy.


39 posted on 03/05/2008 2:11:44 PM PST by RonF
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

D@mn, that’s funny!!!


40 posted on 03/05/2008 2:12:18 PM PST by gogeo (Democrats want to support the troops by accusing them of war crimes.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
The solution for everybody that doesn’t want Obama, doesn’t want Hillary, and doesn’t want McCain.
41 posted on 03/05/2008 2:13:40 PM PST by Cheburashka (Liberalism: a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Rhat German woman?

42 posted on 03/05/2008 2:14:18 PM PST by Paleo Conservative
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

That German woman?

43 posted on 03/05/2008 2:14:28 PM PST by Paleo Conservative
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To: cajungirl
Pretty much. Although I have a certain fondness for my ancestors, I’d just as soon keep to short visits, exchanges of pleasantries and group hugs. Otherwise, we can keep it to pen-pals and mutual admiration from afar.
44 posted on 03/05/2008 2:15:31 PM PST by Constitutions Grandchild
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
1. Learn some basic metallurgy. Aluminium is the base element. Aluminum is the alloy and the first name given to it by its discoverer in 1812.

We don't go around calling stuff Platinium, Molybdenium, or Tantalium.

Get over it...

45 posted on 03/05/2008 2:16:03 PM PST by Dead Corpse (What would a free man do?)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Perhaps this would explain Mrs. Lucky’s comment that she wouldn’t mind being “taken” by Prince Harry.


46 posted on 03/05/2008 2:17:14 PM PST by Mr. Lucky
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To: cajungirl

“Am I the only one who loves the Brits and would welcome this?”

Yeah, what the hell — I’m in. It’s either them or the Mexicans. Hey, the Mexicans have much better food though. Now that I think of it, their language is easier to learn, too!


47 posted on 03/05/2008 2:17:40 PM PST by guppas (Kick their ass -- Take their gas!)
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To: Eric in the Ozarks
How can guineas continue to be used if there are no shillings ?

Was, past tense. (From the only person in History to bother picking up a 20p off the floor at Harrod's. No Class.)

48 posted on 03/05/2008 2:19:49 PM PST by Gorzaloon
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Can Her Majesty not impose Britain’s lousy ability at dentistry on us. Here our dentists are dedicated to the craft full time. They don’t double as sheep farmers. The last thing we want to do is actually look British.

And your country’s propensity to appease Muslim’s and tolerate forms of Sharia, should probably be left a British thang. Our spines aren’t as crooked as your teeth.

As for Football..the not soccer kind, unless you want to create a new terrorist group: the NFFA(National Football Fan Army). I’d leave that alone. The last thing you want to do is upset people who paint themselves in their team’s colors, then hang out in their under ware in below 0 temps.

Baseball is just Cricket on Steroids, so why mess with that either.

And don’t lecture us on the use of the English vernacular. If anything you should adopt the improvements we’ve made to your bloody language. We speak better English then you do.

I do agree with the Beer thing though. Finally we can stop calling Coor’s Light beer...God Save the Queen!!!

49 posted on 03/05/2008 2:25:56 PM PST by skully (Conservatives...carrying the GOP since 1980)
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To: cajungirl

No, I’m right there with you except for point 14. I’m not giving up my Yankees.


50 posted on 03/05/2008 2:26:01 PM PST by stanz (Those who don't believe in evolution should go jump off the flat edge of the Earth.)
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