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YOU MIGHT BE A TALIBAN IF...'
Velvet Hammer ^ | 3-6-08 | self

Posted on 03/06/2008 10:05:44 PM PST by Nachum

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You’ve often uttered the phrase, ” I love what you’ve done with your cave.”

10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.

11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

12. You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: be; might; taliban; you
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1 posted on 03/06/2008 10:05:45 PM PST by Nachum
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To: Nachum
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.

Uh ohh. I'm in trouble now.

2 posted on 03/06/2008 10:07:32 PM PST by MaxMax (I need a life after politics)
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To: Nachum

13, You worship a rock and are determined to make the whole world worship your rock.


3 posted on 03/06/2008 10:13:58 PM PST by ARE SOLE (Agents Ramos and Campean are in prison at this very moment.. (A "Concerned Citizen".)
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To: Nachum
You'll kill anyone that says you’re not peaceful.
4 posted on 03/06/2008 10:15:12 PM PST by Taxbilly
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To: Nachum
C'mon Mr. Tal-i-ban,
5 posted on 03/06/2008 10:26:14 PM PST by BlueDragon (aah, the luxury of being just another poor, anonymous slob!)
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To: ARE SOLE
13, You worship a rock and are determined to make the whole world worship your rock.

There is something very frightening about a world in which millions of people will play stinkbug, with their buts in the air, several times a day, pointing towards a small meteorite that fell thousands of years ago -

It illustrates that millions of people can be duped into believing anything - and when that belief is without reason, you have millions of robots who will do whatever they are told.

6 posted on 03/06/2008 10:30:07 PM PST by maine-iac7 (",,,but you can't fool all of the people all the time" LINCOLN)
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To: Nachum

[xx]. You envy all male infidels because of their large penises. Especially Americans. Janet Reno included.


7 posted on 03/06/2008 10:36:23 PM PST by 50cal Smokepole (Illegetimi non carborundum.)
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To: ARE SOLE
A really shiny rock.

Apparently, this POS thing floats. Some pumice chipped from the remains of a Roman bathhouse perhaps?

^ Khaled Mashal, Hamass leader, after Madwoman Halfbright and Burr Hussein Crinton nixed the Israeli execution attempt. He likes the pretty rock.

8 posted on 03/06/2008 10:49:56 PM PST by M203M4 (True Universal Suffrage: Pets of dead illegal-immigrant felons voting Democrat (twice))
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To: Nachum; ARE SOLE

Thanks these are great! :)


9 posted on 03/06/2008 10:50:33 PM PST by Steve Van Doorn (*in my best Eric cartman voice* 'I love you guys')
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To: Nachum

Give the Taliban a break...

If all bars served no alcohol and all the women were covered from head to toe in a Burqa, you’d want to strap a bomb on yourself too.


10 posted on 03/06/2008 10:56:50 PM PST by Eric Blair 2084 (Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms shouldn't be a federal agency...it should be a convenience store.)
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To: Nachum
Hey, Mister Taliban, tally me banana...

Daylight come and me wan' go home.

11 posted on 03/06/2008 11:57:03 PM PST by 60Gunner (Please tell me the roads are clear so I can go home...)
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To: Nachum

14. You’d rather have your daughter raped than have an education.

15. You’d rather rape your daughter than let your brothers do it first.


12 posted on 03/07/2008 1:03:53 AM PST by kajingawd (Humans share 50.6% of their DNA with bananas...most my friends are bananas)
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To: Nachum
YOU MIGHT BE A TALIBAN IF...’

You think an assault with fifty men and machine guns against a US Stryker Brigade may be successful.

13 posted on 03/07/2008 1:17:21 AM PST by endthematrix (He was shouting 'Allah!' but I didn't hear that. It just sounded like a lot of crap to me.)
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To: M203M4

ok i ll bite. what is he looking at?


14 posted on 03/07/2008 1:26:43 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: MaxMax
12. You’ve ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

You 'n me both.

15 posted on 03/07/2008 1:41:49 AM PST by MARTIAL MONK (I'm waiting for the POP!)
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To: beebuster2000

he’s looking at what’s in Mecca — a black meteorite that the M’s worship


16 posted on 03/07/2008 2:15:31 AM PST by Cronos ("Islam isn't in America to be equal to any other faith, but to become dominant" - Omar Ahmed, CAIR)
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To: Cronos

meaning that little window is looking in at the metoerite in the black tent that they walk around? how big is it?


17 posted on 03/07/2008 2:26:31 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: kajingawd

And then stone her to death for being “unclean.”


18 posted on 03/07/2008 2:50:19 AM PST by beckysueb (Pray for our troops , America, and President Bush)
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To: beebuster2000

“...the meteorite in the black tent that they walk around? how big is it?”

It appears to be the size of a bar of soap. Can you imagine the game of “keep away” they could have with it? God forbid one of them should let it fall to the ground.


19 posted on 03/07/2008 2:55:14 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: Nachum

17. Your mother would be happier if you blew up into a million pieces.


20 posted on 03/07/2008 2:55:55 AM PST by bmwcyle (I am the watchman on the tower sounding the alarm.)
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To: equaviator

i thought it was a lot bigger, its only as big as a bar of soap?

whats it called?


21 posted on 03/07/2008 3:07:45 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000

Muslims believe (without proof) that the revered “black stone” (Alhajar Al-Aswad) is a special divine meteorite, that pre-dates creation that fell at the foot of Adam and Eve. It is presently embedded in the southeastern corner of the Kaba. Muslims touch and kiss the black stone during Hajj but non-Muslims are strictly forbidden to even touch it.

The stone has been attacked many times and is now composed of several pieces and fragments, bound together by a silver ligature. It is semicircular and measures about ten inches horizontally and twelve inches vertically. Here a woman and her husband touch the stone.


22 posted on 03/07/2008 3:11:07 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000

Rock-on-a-rope?


23 posted on 03/07/2008 3:12:48 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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To: ovrtaxt

more intersting history of the stone:

“Before Muhammad appeared, the Kaaba was surrounded by 360 idols, and every Arab house had its god. Arabs also believed in jinn (subtle beings), and some vague divinity with many offspring. Among the major deities of the pre-Islamic era were al-Lat (”the Goddess”), worshiped in the shape of a square stone; al-Uzzah (”the Mighty”), a goddess identified with the morning star and worshiped as a thigh-bone-shaped slab of granite between al Talf and Mecca; Manat, the goddess of destiny, worshiped as a black stone on the road between Mecca and Medina; and the moon god, Hubal, whose worship was connected with the Black Stone of the Kaaba. The stones were said to have fallen from the sun, moon, stars, and planets and to represent cosmic forces. The so-called Black Stone (actually the color of burnt umber) that Muslims revere today is the same one that their forebears had worshiped well before Muhammad and that they believed had come from the moon. (No scientific investigation has ever been performed on the stone. In 930, the stone was removed and shattered by an Iraqi sect of Qarmatians, but the pieces were later returned. The pieces, sealed in pitch and held in place by silver wire, measure about 10 inches in diameter altogether and several feet high; they are venerated today in patched-together form.)” (The Joy of Sects, Peter Occhigrosso, 1996)


24 posted on 03/07/2008 3:13:52 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000

Interesting isn’t it? Allah is apparently just a common demon, nothing special, who made a successful power grab with Mohammed’s help.

You have to give allah credit for a nice effort. Still, his knee will bow to Jesus Christ.


25 posted on 03/07/2008 3:27:24 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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To: beebuster2000

...”In 930, the stone was removed and shattered by an Iraqi sect of Qarmatians,”...

I don’t think he really means “Iraqi” in that context.


26 posted on 03/07/2008 3:31:09 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: ovrtaxt

dont want to bust your balloon but all religions, including judaism and christianity have precursors in practice. islam isnt any different in that respect.

there are a bunch of “relics” in christianity that are sound similarly ridiculous to the meteor in mecca.

i was on a greek island last year and people were crawling on their bellies a couple miles to kiss the glass box that supposedly had some saints bone in it.

whats the diference?


27 posted on 03/07/2008 3:32:34 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000
The Joy of Sects, Peter Occhigrosso, 1996

LOL I love that title.

28 posted on 03/07/2008 3:33:13 AM PST by magslinger (cranky right-winger)
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To: beebuster2000

“Before Muhammad appeared, the Kaaba was surrounded by 360 idols, and every Arab house had its god. Arabs also believed in jinn (subtle beings), and some vague divinity with many offspring.”...

Even then it was all about “change”...very interesting.


29 posted on 03/07/2008 3:39:22 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: beebuster2000
There's a difference between religion and the Person of Jesus Christ.

It was religious people who insisted that He be nailed up. Remember? Religious people pursued Paul and tried on multiple occasions to murder him. Religious people killed scores of Jews and Christians during the Inquisition. Religious people killed scores of famous martyrs throughout history, in fact.

There's a vast difference between following some religion and being friends with Jesus on a personal level.

30 posted on 03/07/2008 3:40:09 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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To: magslinger

that is funny, hadnt noticed.

its also intersting how many religions sound when you describe the sacred worship part in clinical terms.

or is it just me?


31 posted on 03/07/2008 3:40:29 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000

A meteorite fell in the ar-Rub al-Hali desert & left some craters now called the “Wabar craters”. The place has always been known for having similar glass blocks & it was popular with caravan routes, so there were plenty of opportunities to pick up these rocks.

There’s a Middle Eastern legend of the city of Ubar, destroyed from the sky by G-d for its king’s disobedience of a prophet. The city was located in that area & the craters were actually re-discovered by Europeans when they were looking for Ubar. Ubar is our Atlantis of the Middle East.


32 posted on 03/07/2008 3:46:23 AM PST by forkinsocket
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To: beebuster2000
"One man's religion is another man's bellylaugh." -- Robert A. Heinlein

Although I believe he was thinking specifically about his friend L. Ron.

33 posted on 03/07/2008 3:47:12 AM PST by magslinger (cranky right-winger)
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To: ARE SOLE
If you revere an illiterate, murderous, misogynistic, pedophile, yet will murder anyone who insults same.

If you claim to belong to the Religion of Peace, yet continually want to turn other in "pieces."

34 posted on 03/07/2008 3:52:12 AM PST by Conservative Vermont Vet (One of ONLY 37 Conservatives in the People's Republic of Vermont. Socialists and Progressives All)
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To: beebuster2000

Is that thing supposed to look like a vagina?


35 posted on 03/07/2008 3:54:23 AM PST by Fresh Wind (Vaclav Klaus on global warming skeptics: "a whip of political correctness strangles their voice")
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To: beebuster2000

I commend you on your grasp of Islam, sir (or madame). Very impressive, very impressive indeed.


36 posted on 03/07/2008 3:54:59 AM PST by yankeedame ("Oh, I can take it but I'd much rather dish it out.")
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To: equaviator
Arabs also believed in jinn (subtle beings), and some vague divinity with many offspring.”

They still do. As it goes, jinn are a race that are generally invisible to humans & have magical powers. Shaytan was a jinn named Iblis who was thrown out of paradise for refusing to bow to Adam. The Arabs believe the jinn to have free will just like humans, as opposed to angels. They also are born, get married, die, & all the normal human things except that they live longer & can shapeshift.

37 posted on 03/07/2008 4:00:24 AM PST by forkinsocket
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To: ARE SOLE

14. You can’t take a joke!


38 posted on 03/07/2008 4:05:26 AM PST by Recon Dad (Marine Spec Ops Dad)
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To: ovrtaxt

“Religious people killed scores of famous martyrs throughout history, in fact.”

So, they were all famous martyrs before they were killed? Had they been killed by non-religious people, would they still have been “martyred”? I’m trying to get 4 out of what should be a matter of simply putting two and two together but there’something about that statement that doesn’t want to add up. No offense but...


39 posted on 03/07/2008 4:05:32 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: equaviator

No, they’re famous now, largely because of John Foxe.

And you’re a martyr if you die for refusing to deny your faith. Doesn’t matter what the murderer’s motivation is, but it’s usually religious in nature.


40 posted on 03/07/2008 4:09:03 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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To: forkinsocket

Thanks for that. I am now more sure than ever that they’re out of their freakin’ minds.


41 posted on 03/07/2008 4:09:32 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: ovrtaxt

“And you’re a martyr if you die for refusing to deny your faith. Doesn’t matter what the murderer’s motivation is, but it’s usually religious in nature.”

Yeah right...and Bob Marley was a martyr too (cough).


42 posted on 03/07/2008 4:14:50 AM PST by equaviator ("There's a plane on the horizon coming in...see it?")
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To: yankeedame

my command of Islam is wholly a function of google. lol.


43 posted on 03/07/2008 4:19:20 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: forkinsocket

Patrick McNee as Count Iblis in the old Battlestar Galactica.

44 posted on 03/07/2008 4:20:55 AM PST by 50sDad (Liberals: Never Happy, Never Grateful, Never Right.)
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To: Fresh Wind
Is that thing supposed to look like a vagina?

I wouldnt know and google wasnt any help. Will defer to you on this one.

45 posted on 03/07/2008 4:21:40 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: equaviator

Bob Marley wasn’t murdered for his faith, as illegitimate as it is. What are you talking about?


46 posted on 03/07/2008 4:29:16 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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To: beebuster2000
there are a bunch of “relics” in christianity that are sound similarly ridiculous to the meteor in mecca

And not all christians 'honor' relics. Some would say no christians 'honor' relics...

Would it be 'neat' to find Noah's ark, the ark of the covenant, a splinter from Jesus' cross, etc - I suppose. Many let these things become distractions from our relationship with the one we worship.

I may have a pocket knife from my grandfather, but it is no more than a reminder of the relationship that I had with him, and it doesn't replace him. If it were gone, I would still remember him...Since my God is alive again and with me constantly, having a 'relic' to remember Him by almost seems silly...

47 posted on 03/07/2008 4:42:58 AM PST by LearnsFromMistakes (Member VRWC - Volvo-owning right-wing conspiracy.)
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To: LearnsFromMistakes

i hear ya, but you shoulda seen these pilgrims crawling for miles on this greek island to the “relic”. some were quite old and sick. creepy to say the least.


48 posted on 03/07/2008 4:44:32 AM PST by beebuster2000 (choice is not not peace or war, but small war now, or big war later masquerading as peace now.)
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To: beebuster2000

Well, maybe I just have a dirty mind, but that thing really creeps me out.


49 posted on 03/07/2008 4:49:47 AM PST by Fresh Wind (Vaclav Klaus on global warming skeptics: "a whip of political correctness strangles their voice")
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To: Fresh Wind
Is that thing supposed to look like a vagina?

It reminds of lesbian icon Georgia O'Keefe's paintings.


50 posted on 03/07/2008 4:52:50 AM PST by ovrtaxt (Member of the irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men.)
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