No 8: "Were you abused sexually as a child?"
Posted on 03/08/2008 12:26:22 AM PST by flowerplough
...So what are 10 things should you NEVER say to your LGBT colleagues? Here's what GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network), Out & Equal Workplace Project, and Peel suggest:
No. 1: "I suspected you were gay."
Although it is a common response, it's insensitive and plays into stereotypes.
No. 2: "I'm sorry."
Why should you apologize for a colleague's orientation? This implies judgment and can make the situation more difficult. Would you apologize for a person's ethnicity or gender?
No. 3: "Why did you tell me that?"
(Et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum, and on to the seventh, which is probably the weirdest.)
No. 7: "What do you like to do in bed?"
Sexual questions and comments are always off-limits. Not only do you run the risk of offending a colleague, you are also teetering the line of sexual harassment. It's important not to be confused between trying to understand someone's personal life and inappropriate sexual harassment, warns Kevin Jennings, executive director of GLSEN.
(Excerpt) Read more at diversityinc.com ...
And "Peel" is PricewaterhouseCoopers executive Stephanie Peel, a corporate-America coming-out success-story. When she came out professionally nearly 10 years ago, she was welcomed by her colleagues.
It is never too late.
The Admin Moderator would oblige I am sure.
#8. We’re gong to need a bigger boat.
My husband had a co-worker of his tell him the other day she that she is a lesbian. They weren’t discussing that topic. She just came out with it and then asked if it offended him. I don’t know how he replied, but I think she was trying to set him up for some kind of complaint. I believe this woman is in a different area than the area that he works. I suggested that he stay away from her and if he does come into contact with her, be careful about what he says.
To a lesbian: which one of you takes out the trash?
To a gay: Catcher or pitcher?
8. You appear to have mistaken me for someone who cares.
#8 I voted Republican.
And I would like a co-worker to tell me his or her sexual orientation because...?
I work for a government agency so you don’t mess around with any type of PC stuff.
My standard response is “What you do on your time is your business.”
It’s been recieved in a pretty positive way by some of the, er, alternative lifestyle folks at work.
Good gosh, what would it be like if a straight person, asked a lesbian if their sexual orientation offended them?
Looks like ones sexual life could be kept to ones self...
#11 (For Lesbians): Your face or mine?
Let me respond by saying back when I worked for someone else if a young lady would come up to me and start telling about her sexual choices no matter if it was Gay straight or whatever, my response would be the same if a guy told me about his gay, straight, whatever relationships.
If they were just office acquaintances I would tell them Sorry I just don't know you well enough for you to share such things with me. How about we observe a little decorum and you keep your sexual choices to yourself!
Yet in this article it sets a tone that these are special people and the rules need to be different.
Sorry but if you want to be treated equal then you should expect equal responses and not some "special considerations" because you decided that the gay life is for you.
I wish folks would just figure out most people really don't need to know all the imtimate details of there coworker's lives.
If some LGBT worker comes out of the blue and admits such...then asks if you were offended...they are absolutely sitting you up for a complaint. They can walk into the bosses office and kill your pay-raise for this year as a minimum. They can cause your career to slide...just by making the talk known to the boss. Or they can walk into HR and just point the finger at you.
The best answer to any LGBT worker who wants to bring up this topic and ask about you being offended....is to admit you are a devil-worshiper and can easily accept LGBT folks. That will put them into a corner if they wanted to go to the boss or HR...because then that “freedom of religion” game plays into the next episode. It might startle them a bit that you aren’t “normal”...and they might have issues with you.
#12: Which one of you is the ‘man’?
Good point. The concept of don’t ask and don’t tell makes sense in the workplace. I don’t want to know what my co-workers do or with whom. Certain subjects shouldn’t be discussed at work, and this is one of them.
“Oh, really, how can possibly be turned on by that?”
“If some LGBT worker comes out of the blue and admits such...then asks if you were offended,” can two play the game? Should such a coworker be reported to the bosses as a possible entrapster?
No 8: "Were you abused sexually as a child?"
#11. “I knew a gay guy when I lived in Wyoming but he was on the fence about coming out.”
No, they were born that way. I admit I did apologize for someones stupidity. They were born that way, but they could have of learned like the rest of us.
Step back and take a serious look at yourselves and what you are saying.
Do you think it ends after this?
It is not about tolerance anymore - it now about power.
Anyone who feels the overwhelming need to "COME OUT" at by company kindly gets shown the door.
Did you read some of the nonsense on that diversityinc web page?
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and yes this thread definitely needs a BARF alert.
It is never too late.
The Admin Moderator would oblige I am sure.
No, we don't want to hurt the feelings of the returning prodigal Rudi supporters if Jim grants them an amnesty.
One of benefits of growing older is that as I near retirement, I can be more upfront with my views regarding these sensitive pc issues. That’s not to say that I intentionally demean or insult others, but I feel less inclined to worry about what I say in the presence of my work peers. It’s quite liberating really. Fortunately, I do not depend on an employer pension for my retirement. That’s another one of the beauties of a 401K and Roth IRA.
Shouldn't the same perception be made if someone comes up to me and informs me that they are gay or straight?
I think in this situation I would file sexual harassment charges against the offending person.
And what are the 7 things you don’t say to a straight colleague?
This requires an “Oceans of Glistening Syrup of Ipecac Alert.”
“Barf alert” is far too tame.
Okay, “Things you don’t say...” because it’s politically incorrect? Political speech is specifically protected speech under the First Amendment to the Constitution. If I get called on the carpet for something I say politically, I’ll defend myself. If it’s detrimental to the business to have such an atmosphere, it’ll be of THEIR doing, not mine.
I’ll say anything I damn well please. I still celebrate that freedom up to my OWN comfort level, and within the decorum of a work environment. If someone defines themselves by their sexual business, in the work environment, they’re fair game, as far as I’m concerned. I’ve worked in office environments with gays, and we all joked about it together.
I hate the word “tolerance” and what it infers in our society. You tolerate things you don’t like and deal with it. They can then do whatever they want and shove it in your face and you are defenseless. If the social engineers really wanted us to coexist they would go back to teaching “respect” instead. However, RESPECT is something that is EARNED and it is something that has to work both ways. That would be much too hard and the one sided whinning wouldn’t work anymore.
Never say “your turn to make coffee”.
I don’t care WHAT people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms, but PLEASE STAY OUT OF MY FACE WITH IT.
Just give that intrusive co-worker the old raised eyebrow, Dr. Spock look and say "fascinating".
Your answer is very close to what most management training seminars recommend. The favored response is “what you do outside of the office, as long as you keep it outside the office, is your business.” This establishes your official position as ‘uninterested’ and reminds the employee that transgressions will be dealt with. It helps if there is a written policy, with stated remedies, in place.
Growing up in West Texas and then moving to the ‘big city’ was a culture shock in these type of situations. Out there, in a restaurant it is still common to hear:
-customer: “How ‘bout a coffee refill, darlin’”
-waitress: “Be there in a sec, sugar.”
A simple request; no offense or invitation intended, non taken. Everybody involved, including your wife who may be with you, understands this. Nobody gets PO’d and threatens to report you to Human Resources.
Yeah, it was a simpler, more tolerant time 50-60 years ago. And I also believe it was a far more productive period. But that is another rant.
"Really? Never woulda guessed"
I/we have had this exact situation and I went to HR immediately, claiming that the homo created a hostile work environment by divulging information that was not relevant to the job. When HR got done with him, he was was very unhappy.
As you pointed out, he was looking to set himself up as the victim, and when he had the tables turned on him for being the instigator...the homo quit several weeks later.
He shoots .... he scores! Very nice comment.
#12. Could you keep it in the closet?
WTF? Nancyboy or Butchgirl comes up to me and says “hey I am gay” and I am supposed to like that he/she tells me that they are gay? And when his pink shirt, dippity doo hair, exaggerated feminine voice, sea sick hip movement and eye shadow or her untucked flannel shirt, butch haircut, manly voice, lack of deodorant and baggy jeans aren’t enough to subtly let the world know that they are gay, but now have this urge to tell me too - and I ain’t allowed to say “DUH?”
But some of us, like myself, have never cared about politica correctness.
13) Please don’t interpret my lack of interest as a reason to inform me again and again and again ...
14) Maybe people don’t like you because you’re annoying?
“It’s important for people to bring their “whole selves” to work, and coming out of the closet is certainly a part of who one is.”
Indeed?
So my sexual practices are part of my “whole self” and must be disclosed at the office, no matter how divorced they are from the actual work at hand?
I truly feel sorry for people who are so intellectually and emotionally limited that they feel that their sexual practices make up such a large part of their “whole selves.” It seems to have crowded out discernment and common sense.
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