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Chuck Norris Turns 68 Today
boston.com ^
| 3/10/08
Posted on 03/10/2008 8:05:42 PM PDT by South40
Behold Chuck Norris! Our nation's greatest hero turns 68 today but we're celebrating his birthweek - not a single birthday like an ordinary human.
In honor of this enormous event, we've decided to pay homage to the many legends about Norris on the Web. There are entire sites dedicated to his legend, and here's a sampling of some of the best of the best from those sites.
Legend #1
(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...
TOPICS: Miscellaneous
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To: Perdogg
To: South40
Chuck Norris was making love to a super model on a tractor. A drop of his semen landed on the tractor. The result was Optimus Prime.
22
posted on
03/10/2008 8:34:21 PM PDT
by
Sergio
(If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound?)
To: South40
The only reason you’re conscious is that Chuck Norris doesn’t feel like carrying you.
23
posted on
03/10/2008 8:35:17 PM PDT
by
John Jorsett
(scam never sleeps)
To: proudCArepublican
24
posted on
03/10/2008 8:36:02 PM PDT
by
Patrick1
To: FormerACLUmember
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Itunes pays chuck Norris 99 cents to listen to music.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.
Chuck Norris can kill two birds with one stone.
Chuck Norris' right hand beats a royal flush.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris HAS beaten all the odds, and the evens too.
Chuck Norris got into a knife fight and the knife lost.
You know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors, because Chuck Norris doesn't like fudge ripple.
There is no such thing as "Global Warming", Chuck Norris was just cold so he turned the Sun up.
25
posted on
03/10/2008 8:37:06 PM PDT
by
txroadkill
(Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
To: Xenophon450
Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
26
posted on
03/10/2008 8:37:39 PM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
(If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
To: South40
68 is the new 48.
With Chuck Norris —— make that 38!
27
posted on
03/10/2008 8:37:50 PM PDT
by
Exit148
(Founder of the Loose Change Club. Every nickle and dime counts!!)
To: BookmanTheJanitor
Chuck Norris' toilet paper
28
posted on
03/10/2008 8:39:15 PM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
(If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
To: South40
Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
To: South40
Norris is pre-clinical-demential. Poor guy. He really screwed the pooch on the schmuckabee thing. Hate to see a hero evaporate into a drooling vegetable.
To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget
Chuck Norris couldn’t shine Charles Bronson’s shoes.
To: txroadkill
Chuck Norris can kill two birds with one stone.
Only when he is drowsy. The rest of the time, he kills two stones with a bird.
32
posted on
03/10/2008 8:50:02 PM PDT
by
Army Air Corps
(Four fried chickens and a coke)
To: Charles Bronson Forever
Chuck Norris is Dick Cheney’s backup.
33
posted on
03/10/2008 8:50:19 PM PDT
by
Bosco
(Remember how you felt on September 11?)
To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget
You know... the Mods tried to ZOT Chuck for his support of Huckabee...
There is now a “Mods Wanted” sign in JimRob’s window
34
posted on
03/10/2008 8:51:23 PM PDT
by
r-q-tek86
(If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
To: South40
To: South40
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
If you google the words “Chuck Norris sucks”, the only result you will get are the words, “Run while you still can”.
36
posted on
03/10/2008 9:19:11 PM PDT
by
lowbridge
("I can't wait to see what he stands for." - Susan Sarandon on her support of Barack Obama)
To: Extremely Extreme Extremist
37
posted on
03/10/2008 9:23:53 PM PDT
by
lowbridge
("I can't wait to see what he stands for." - Susan Sarandon on her support of Barack Obama)
To: South40
Chuck Norris has been dead for years. Death is too scared sh*tless to come and make his claim.
38
posted on
03/10/2008 9:25:08 PM PDT
by
FormerACLUmember
(When the past no longer illuminates the future, the spirit walks in darkness.)
To: South40
When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, it alters your DNA if you even survive.
Generations from now, your progeny will yell out:” “Ouch, what the f**k was THAT?”
39
posted on
03/10/2008 9:28:11 PM PDT
by
FormerACLUmember
(When the past no longer illuminates the future, the spirit walks in darkness.)
To: lowbridge; Extremely Extreme Extremist
On the Dragon DVD special features, you can see James Coburn, Kareem, and Chuck talk about working out with Bruce and Steve McQueen. IIRC, they talk about Bruce’s amazing punch. Pretty cool.
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