Skip to comments.Dr. Laura: Women Share Blame for Cheating Men
Posted on 03/11/2008 5:30:41 PM PDT by Cecily
Dr. Laura Schlessinger has never been one to shrink from controversy, and she leaped headlong into one on Monday when she said that if a husband cheats, his wife may share some of the blame.
When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, hes very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs, the popular psychologist and radio personality said.
More commonly known as just Dr. Laura, Schlessinger made the remarks while participating in one of several panel discussions on TODAY dealing with the breaking news that New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer had been connected to a high-priced prostitution ring.
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
Funny how she never blames men for much of anything. If a woman cheats, does hubby share the blame? I doubt Dr. Laura would say so.
Dr. Laura is harder on guys that look at porn than who use prostitutes.
I think she tries to over compensate for a world that blames men for everything. Although she seems to have jumped the shark here.
I told my daughters that men who have slobby, short hair, un womanly women, have girlfriends who are sharp, womanly and sexy...because it's a fact.
She probably just doesn’t want them finding her nude pictures on the Web. :)
Its quite simple. Men are horny. If they don’t have self-control, they get in trouble. She is not a man, so she wouldn’t understand.
She is very annoying.
No excuse for adultery, but as a practical matter, she’s right. If you are a poor excuse for a husband or a wife, you will pay the price sooner or later. Seems like lately I can meet a couple, see how they treat each other, and know pretty quickly where things are headed.
A couple of years later my wife will say, “Did you hear ..(fill in adultery/divorce story here)”, and I’ll smugly say, “See, I told you.”
My wife may leave me one day for smugness.
Maybe not. But in the big picture, men are blamed more than women. Just watch an Oprah show. Men are routinely booed and hissed on that show if they are the cheater. The women are much less so if they are. It's amazing so many metro's are willing to go on there for a lashing they know they will surely receive.
After seeing her in her youth, I always think of her name as Dr. Laura Slutinger.
It has long been established that if you keep your man in the doghouse too long you shouldn’t be surprised to find him in the cat house.
I think Dr. Laura is right on on this one. A lot of women fail to satisfy their man at his sexual peak only to be lonely when theirs kicks in later.
Ditto on that!!
Why do you think men cheat?
Dr Laura shouldn’t say JACK what her naked photos were sold on the internet HELLOOOO
she has a point.
We hear about it constantly, who wants to go home to a nag and a schrew? nobody.
Do the same people who condemn adultery also condemn the person who get a divorce to get away from the above stated smelly schrew? yes. can’t have both.
I agree with some things she says, but I’ve disagreed a lot. I heard her once tell a gal to get over it and don’t be upset her hubby was looking at porn on the internet secretly. I was surprised.
She seems to be harder on the women than she is men, but that is just my opinion.
The woman knows about what she’s saying. Women can drive a man to drink, they can drive a man to look for idolization elsewhere and there are plenty of women who will feed a man’s ego, marriage notwithstanding.
“It’s Hillary’s fault! There I said it. You know what happens when a guy don’t get his medicine.” Chris Rock - He said it several years before Laura.
And you know what, he’s probably right there too.
sorry if I disagree there. My hubby is always willing and ready when I want it.
I agree with you. While one does the act, the other can look at themselves and say, “What did I do to drive him/her to that point?”
Shoot, in business, whenever someone quits their job I ask the same question. I see a resignation as a mark on me, and ask what I could have done differently to save it.
It’s really the only way to grow in any relationship - look for ways to improve, rather than be content with complacency.
Often, she is a “nag and a shrew” in the man’s eyes because she has become unchallenging to him sexually, and men are horny.
Simple as that.
If you can’t control your urges, adultery happens.
For one thing, if she isn't hungry, she would still make him dinner.
For another, while watching him eat dinner, she might get hungry herself.
(Ya never know.)
Why do you say that? Saying that women share some of the blame for husband who stray isn’t absolving the husbands of wrong doing, any more than saying abusive parents contribute to delinquency doesn’t absolve the delinquents from their wrong doings.
All she’s saying here is that wives are not helpless when it comes to adultery, that often they have the power and the ability to affect their husband’s actions, instead of being helpless victims, they can take certain actions that can help prevent their husbands from straying.
Lack of character and self-control.
Here’s a tip for the men
Men Who Do Housework May Get More Sex
NEW YORK (AP) - American men still don’t pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they’re not the slackers they used to be. The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.
Yep, if Mrs. Spitzer had stood up at that podium with Eliot’s package hanging from her hand, she’d be on the road to correcting the problem. That she “stood by her [cheating] man” was enabling and goes to Dr. Laura’s point. (Unless Silda was biding her time to really ream him to the core. You go, girl!)
I don’t think it’s fair for her to generalize like that. I’ve personally known women who were loving and faithful wives, good mothers and their husbands were cheating pigs.
“It’s difficult to overstate how important sex is to men.” This was one of the key points I learned in Birds&Bees 101.
It has served me well.
“When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, hes very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs,”
May I say, Dr. Laura, you’ve full of it.
I think it is far more complex.
I think the political class are now being exposed as having medival style political weddings. The clintons are married but have their respective girlfriends in order to keep power. Mcgreevy, and Spitzer seem to be in the same path.
a challenge? are we talking about video games or a wife? Do not forget how many older women were complaining about viagra because their husbands wanted sex from their wives. (oh the horror)
I love Dr. Laura.
I think she’s spot on.
About marital sexual relations:
I Corinthians 7
1Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry.[a] 2But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
People don’t like this line of discussion because they don’t want to take responsibility for how much they control the happiness of their spouse.
She likes adventure with security
And more than one man can provide
She planned adventure feeling sure that he
Would not be home ‘till after five
He turned on the lights and turned them off again
And said the one thing he could say
All these years
Where have I been
Well I’ve been down the rode to work and home again
And I’m still here
Untill I’m gone
Don’t you rub it in too hard that I’ve been wrong
All these years
She said, “You’re not the man you used to be”
He said, “Neither is this guy”
She said, “There’s some things you refuse to see
But I guess sometimes so do I”
She made no excuse why she was lying there
She said the one thing she could say
All these years
What have I done
I made your supper and your daughter and your son
Still I’m here
And still confused
But I can finally see how much I stand to lose
All these years
I’m still here
And so confused
But I can finally see how much I stand to lose
All these years
I don’t think we can blame this all on say Mrs. Spitzer. We don’t know if she is a cold fish.
Is Cold-Fish problem so prevalent? My personal experience makes that hard for me to believe.
I don’t believe the issue here is that “Dinner” wasn’t available at home. I believe the issue is WHAT he wanted to have for “Dinner”.
Nobody goes to eat at same place everyday, not even to their most favorite place.
Today every man is bomarded with hot and kinky Sexual imagery and you don’t have to watch porn for that.
That leads to certain kind of hunger, which men are too shy to to tell to their wives. You know, certain things she might consider “unsafe” dot dot dot.
Dr. Laura and Dr. Oprah should teach women to make the MENU more exciting.
Watching a few episodes of COPS tends to support Dr. Laura’s theory.
I think wifes should not use their husbands sexual need as leverage to control him.
I think wifes should just meet their husbands needs without trying to make him into her gigolo.
Wow... It’s one thing to stand up for the virtue of forgiveness it’s another completely to blame the women for the failings of their husband. (I too wonder how she feels about wives who cheat — if it’s the husband’s fault?)
In any marriage there are two sides to a problem, and the breakdown of a marriage can certainly have aspects that both partners share responsibility for. However, to blame another person for their spouse cheating, ridiculous!
The cheating spouse MADE A DECISION, a BAD decision, but it was THEIR DECISION ALONE!!! This gives the cheating spouse an “out”, a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own failures! Her ideas of who is at fault take away from the cheating spouse the necessary guilt and shame that leads them (sometimes) to true understanding of their mistake, truthfully and humbly seeking forgiveness for cheating despite what problems may be in the marriage — a necessary step if the marriage is to be saved at all! It’s about understanding the commitment to working the problems out, and not straying from the marriage in an attempt to avoid facing the problems in the first place! Without acknowledgement by the cheating spouse that their actions were their responsibility there is no hope that their behavior will change!
This is the kind of thinking that keeps women (and men) in abusive relationships! Thinking that the abuse is somehow their fault. And cheating is a form of emotional abuse, IMO.
How irresponsible for her to push this idea forth. As I said it’s one thing to acknowledge that when a spouse is cheating there are probably problems on both sides that need to be dealt with, another thing completely to blame the non-cheating spouse! UGH!
As usual, Dr. Laura is right; no one would bat an eyelash if she reversed the sexes. There is no excuse for adultery, and there’s also no excuse for being a bad spouse.
I guess abused women should just stop pissing off their husbands. Who knew that the solutions to life’s complicated problems could be so easy?!
Not wanting to pry, but how often IS that? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
Funny how Dr. Laura knows more than God. If both were to blame for adultry, there would be no provision for divorce IMO.
Key word here is MAY. That's quite a gamble.
She was on Hannity’s radio show today. She didn’t say anything I disagreed with.
sorry, thought I did read it all, but guess I misunderstood when I read it.