"You filled out the wrong form. You need to fill out the combined Environmental Impact Statement and Diversity/Inclusion Statement - it's blue."
Posted on 05/07/2008 11:22:47 AM PDT by Dawnsblood
An architect's wickedly sarcastic replies to pointless questions on a planning form have made him an unwitting champion for all those exasperated by bureaucracy. John Jessop earned a cult following among his colleagues after his withering comments were leaked in an e-mail which has been sent all round the country.
After being asked to fill in a “design access statement” for a storage shed on a small farm, he wrote: “The density is like on a farm, the social context is a farm in the country, the economic context is farming in the United Kingdom in 2008 (which is not very economic), the opportunities are to store equipment inside rather than the outside, the constraint is the planning system.”
And under a section headed Context Analysis, he said: “The use is compatible with a farm because it is a farm building."
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
For twenty years, while associated with the Air Force...I continually found that sarcastic comments routinely fixed issues and settled stoppages. People routinely take themselves serious and don’t look at themselves in a mirror. A sarcastic return forces them to think for a moment.
Ha, this guy doesn't know how petty bureaucrats feel about someone under their preview not taking their questions seriously...
Hilarious!.........
heh..kinda like the last time I went to the dentist, one of the questions was “Do you want to keep your teeth?”..my response was, “No, I want them all pulled so I can seriously gum an undercooked slice of bacon at the nearest waffle house”..
Stolen humor:
“Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Naval Air pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Problem: “Left side tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left side tire.”
Problem: “Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.”
Solution: “Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.”
Problem #1: “#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”
Solution #1: “#2 Propeller seepage normal.”
Problem #2: “#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.”
Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t.”
Signed off: “IT DOES NOW.”
Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”
Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.”
Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”
Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”
Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”
Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.”
Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”
Problem: “Aircraft handles funny.”
Solution: “Aircraft sternly warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious.”
Problem: “Target Radar hums.”
Solution: “Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics.”
Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”
Problem: “Mouse in cockpit.”
Solution: “Cat installed.”
I guess his comments are lost on me. I don’t find them witty or sarcastic.
Remember the damn beaver post, from Indiana I think.
Never laughed as hard, wish I had copied
Jessop? Cult?
“Mr Jessop said he launched his attack on planning red tape after the planning and amenities department of Mendip District Council in Somerset sent him a lengthy form with what he saw as a serious of “silly” questions.”
This is a hugh and series mistake in spelling!
You must not have a properly stiff British upper lip. :-)
You would if you were an MEP engineer...
LOL! Anal retentive types abound in aviation!
In my business - before the 04 hurricanes - I routinely poked fun at them all, especially the FAA types.
Pissed off the governement union employees to no end, and I enjoyed it all.
I love when code officials have their little forms and can’t figure out that the specific building being proposed doesn’t neatly fit in one of their checkboxes.
Dealing with cities is why I have grey hair.
it’s about as funny as most British humor - that is to say not really.
bump
I often use this method to point out the idiocy of some processes where I work.
That was hilarious!
"You filled out the wrong form. You need to fill out the combined Environmental Impact Statement and Diversity/Inclusion Statement - it's blue."
The real news here is that in GB you have to get permission from some planning bureaucracy to put a storage shed on your own property.
“Ha, this guy doesn’t know how petty bureaucrats feel about someone under their preview not taking their questions seriously...”
Amen! I’ve run in to the same thing with government and corporate bureaucrats. Some of them think you’re making light of them personally as they can’t seem to separate their lives from that of the organization which employs them.
Purview?, he asked meekly...
You beat me to it.
You’d think The Telegraph would be series about spell-checking.
Maybe they use the Free Republic add-on spell-checker with their softwear.
(yeah, that last word was intended)
I try to avoid sacasm as to not hurt other people's feelings. /S>
Of course, I have had over 8 cups of coffee today and my teeth are actually chattering.
I am typing at over 130 words per minute now, I tend to miss what my spell checker doesn't catch....
...or an r-q-tek
More more more more ... but then I repeat myself ...LOL
State your reason for having a colonoscopy:________________
Answer: I LOVE having these!
BUMP
Sorry, that’s all I’ve got. That list has been floating around Teh Interwebs for ages.
Idiots.
Not that old (b.1985) didn’t get into aviation until 2000, but thanks .....
When I’m asked those silly a/s/l things I always answer the s with , not lately
I never knew if my sarcastic answers to petty bureaucratic questions gave me an edge success-wise, or if it was blood minded stubbornness that got the results, but the sarcasm sure makes ME feel better.
> “Ha, this guy doesn’t know how petty bureaucrats feel about someone under their preview not taking their questions seriously...”
I thought about that when I saw that the application had not been acted on, yet. I think he would have been better to keep his mouth shut until AFTER it had been approved.
Low-level municipal royalty are not permitted to think. Their mission is solely to obstruct.
Dangerous! Had you lost consiousness, who knows what might have happened.
Gosh, I hope he does, since he is a petty bureaucrat. Though there ARE a lot of the pompous toad types. Those are the ones you are polite to, which gets you nowhere fast, and who's heads you therefore go over...to the people who don't care as long as you don't cuss and do answer all the questions. Some of them are actually capable of a little humor.
OMG! I haven’t laughed so hard in years! More! LOL!
Seriesly, Hugh was never very gud at spelling.
The problem is that “seriously” was spelled right; it was just the wrong word.
>> kinda like the last time I went to the dentist, one of the questions was “Do you want to keep your teeth?”
HA!
Reminds me of the dumb questions in the RNC fundraising “survey” they keep sending me. Stuff like “Are the democrats total losers who would ruin our country if elected?”
HAHA, nice group there.
Thank you - I only steal from the best.
Very funny. Thank you.
ping for later
Long making the rounds...
A New Orleans lawyer sought a loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to the parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter):
“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual Letter):
“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella.
The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.
Now the Pope, as I sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world.
Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA.
I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?”
He got the loan.
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