Posted on 05/16/2008 1:44:11 PM PDT by the_devils_advocate_666
Having a real distaste for all the potential candidates for president I have started a write-in campaign to elect my dog Rocky for president with his buddy Potato as his VP. I asked for their opinions on the issues and here is what they have told me:
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| Rocky (right) with his running mate Potato |
On the Issues
Climate Change
Rocky & Potato will demand that all their canine friends relentless chase and harass all bovine creatures until they cease all flatulence. In addition they will invest heavily in innovative technologies to create a national dog sledding network and require 50% of all transportation be achieved by dog sled by 2012.
Rocky & Potato Economic Plan
A Pro-Dog, Anti-Leash Strategy To Get Our Economy Back On Track. Rocky & Potato's strategy includes taking the near-term actions needed to provide immediate help to American families with a dog in every home policy. They will also take the longer-term steps necessary to remove the restraints on America's economic prosperity and leadership in the world.
Straight Talk on Health System Reform
Rocky & Potato are willing to address the fundamental problem: the rapidly rising cost of U.S. veterinary care. Bringing costs under control is the only way to stop the erosion of affordable pet ownership, protect animals from cruelty, and save those currently held in government and private pounds and shelters.
Border Security & Immigration Reform
Rocky & Potato have always believed that our border must be secure and that the federal government has utterly failed in its responsibility to ensure that it is secure. They will immediately send packs of ferocious canines to patrol our borders and immediately bite the hand of anyone trying to enter this country for free handouts.
Lobbying & Ethics Reform
Rocky & Potato believe that a government "of the dogs, by the dogs, and for the dogs" must become its noble charge. America needs leadership devoted to the canine interest, not the human interest, and a government that fulfills its duties with unfailing devotion, unrequited love, and a powerful sense of smell. Those that serve in positions of public trust have a patriotic duty to serve the national interests with integrity and accountability, to conduct their selves in a manner worthy of the masters they are privileged to serve, and to devote ourselves to America's agenda, not that of the cats.
Strategy for Victory in Iraq
Rocky & Potato believe it is strategically and morally essential for the United States to support the dogs of Iraq to become capable of living free and safeguarding its people. They strongly disagree with those who advocate withdrawing American dogs before that has occurred. The best way to secure long-term peace and security is to establish an environment where dogs are accepted as loving pets by all Iraqis and poses only a mild threat to their neighbors and contribute to the biting off of the heads of terrorists. When Iraqi dogs can serve their own country, American dogs can return home.
Canine Dignity & the Sanctity of Life
During their time as a pound puppy and stray in West Virginia, Rocky & Potato experienced the worst assaults on animal dignity imaginable. Yet each day they also saw in their fellow pound mates and strays the power of canine compassion and the will to prevail against unimaginable evil. It is this experience, and a life dedicated to human service, that has imbued in Rocky & Potato a fundamental commitment to the protection of canine dignity that will shape their presidency.
Strict Constructionist Philosophy
Rocky & Potato believe that one of the greatest threats to their liberty and the Constitutional framework that safeguards their freedoms are willful dog catchers who usurp the role of the canines and their masters and legislate from the dog pound. As President, Rocky & Potato will nominate dog catchers who understand that their role is to faithfully serve their canine friends, not impose their opinions on where they may or may not roam.
Commitment To America's Veterinarians: Past and Present
America owes its liberty, its prosperity, and its future to our veterinarians who have dedicated their lives to taking care of our domesticated animals. Rocky & Potato have barked to honor our national commitment to our veterinarians who have given their careers and livelihoods to ensuring pets are healthy. They believe we must provide for veterinarians and their families while they practice and we must honor and never forget the service of those who have practiced.
National Security
The most sacred responsibility vested in a president - the canine in chief - is to "love and protect" American citizens. Rocky & Potato have the necessary vision and unrivaled devotedness to command the United States dog forces and adapt them to the demands of a changing and dangerous world.
Stewards of Our Nation's Rich Natural Heritage
Rocky & Potato have a proud record of canine sense stewardship. Along with their commitment to clean air and water, and to conserving open space, they have been leaders in adapting to whatever the weather happens to be on any given day.
Protecting Second Amendment Rights
Rocky & Potato believe that the right of law abiding citizens to keep and bear arms is a fundamental, individual Constitutional right that they have a sacred duty to protect. They have a responsibility to ensure that criminals who violate the law are bitten to the fullest, rather than restricting the rights of law abiding citizens. Gun control is a proven failure in fighting cruelty to animals. Law abiding citizens should not be asked to give up their rights because of criminals - criminals who ignore gun control laws anyway.
America's Space Program
"Let us now embark upon this great journey into the stars to find whatever may await us." But let's leave all our dogs with their four paws safely on the earth.
Equally qualified candidates, I must admit.
What education? I want a “No Dog Left Behind” policy.
Swiper wants to know Rocky's stance on Kong subsidies & gay marriage.
LOL ~ My only question is: can you get them on the ballot in time?
Obviously there will be a Filet Mignon in every dog bowl. As for gay marriage, same sex sniffing is acceptable, put puppies must always be raised by a bitch and her male mate.
It’s a write-in campaign.
Looks like and excellent choice. By-the-way, any candidates to be 1st Bitch?
I have an ebony and ivory pair in mind.
Can’t happen, they both are from the same State.
While their policies are outstanding and cerebral, these two candidates are obviously over-qualified for the offices to which they aspire. How the hell can you have the top government jobs in America filled by candidates who are loving, loyal, open, friendly and have never told a lie? Can’t happen...much as we would like it.
Tell Rocky he’s got my vote; probably got a better chance than Ron Paul anyway...
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